TAKE A LEAP

OPERATION KEEP GOING

LAST WEEK'S WEIGHT: 112.5kg

THIS WEEK'S WEIGHT: 109.6kg

WEIGHT LOST THIS WEEK: 2.9kg

FIRST GOAL: 110kg
NEW GOAL: 108kg

THURSDAY...PHOOEY

Today just...sucked.

But when I went to Dr. Melfi, four baby deers came up to the bird feeder right outside the big floor to ceiling window to have a snack.

Four baby deers.

And the snow was softly falling and the baby deers were so close that I could almost reach out and pet them.

Baby deers.

And Dr. Melfi and I just sat there in lovely silence watching them, until it occurred to me that BabyDear was what I called Stewey and that he and I would watch the baby deers feed at our bird feeder at the house and I busted out into the ugly cry, hiccuped all over my old lady big top, and just let it...go.

Damn dog.

So now he's a baby deer.

As God is my witness, Dearies, I swear I am going to survive this.  I might survive it with a headache and a rash on my face (did you know that stress can cause a rash on your face and pain on your scalp?), but survive it I will.

(And no....for all of you diligent and lovely medical pros who will write to tell me that it might be shingles...I did go to the urgent care and it is not, thank God, the shingles.)

(Just me being me.)

(But the while rash and sore scalp thing is new, so I have THAT going for me, which is nice.)

Enough.

Tomorrow is a new day.

ASH WEDNESDAY

My view from the d-chair is beautiful today, Dearies, so I have nothing to complain about. We have about three inches of snow so far and are expecting a few more, I think, but it is, after all, February.

Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. My grump is still here in full force, and I'm starting to feel like the lady in the antidepressant commercial that holds the smiley face sign up in public. As far as anybody else knows, I'm delightful. Only you (and Dr. Melfi) know the real truth.

Today is Ash Wednesday, so that means I will attempt Mass this afternoon, and I spent the better part of yesterday contemplating what I am going to do with myself for the next 40 days. My initial plan was "40 salads in 40 days". The I thought about 40 minutes of exercise 4 days a week for 40 days. And then 40 stitchy projects in 40 days.

I think, though, that what I want to do is just be accountable.

What this means exactly has yet to reveal itself fully, but I think it means that I want to pay attention to what I eat, what I think, what I do, and what I spend. I'm not exactly tearing it up in any of those areas of my life, so I feel like if attention is paid I might come out of this feeling pretty good about things.

I have a very small life. It's small but filled with some big hard things, and I have not been very good at managing those things. And, because I'm me, this makes me resentful and angry with myself that I have allowed a lane switch and I'm messing about with things that are not in my purview.

Enough of that.

The big hard things need attention and all of the other stupid crap that has me spinning needs to be jettisoned. And if I can't do that, I need to come up with a plan as to how I will tame the other stupid crap once and for all and just be done with it.

So that's the plan for this particular spinster's Lenten observance, Dearies. Accountability.

If you participate, I hope your next 40 days are exactly what you want them to be.

Back to enjoying the view for now!

TUESDAY...OEY

I don't have one darn clue what's wrong with me, Dearies, but something is decidedly "off" and has been for quite some time. I am just not my normal happy-go-stupid-lucky little self, and the resulting black cloud is starting to wear on me.

It's not the Black Dog, exactly, but rather a feeling of unwell and frustration and gloom and doom that is very foreign. I'm mad and short-tempered and nasty-thinking, and that is most definitely NOT like me. 

In other words...I have a very healthy case of the mean reds instead of my normal blues.

But enough of that nonsense.  We have places to go and things to do today, and the world has enough problems without me feeling grumpy, right? I need to belt myself across the chops and utter a good old "Snap out of it!" a la Miss Cher Her Very Self in the Moonstruck and be done with it.

I came home from treatment (which...let's face it...is probably at least 74% of the problem), ate enough lasagna to sink a battleship, and then went to bed at 7:15. I tossed and turned for a few hours and got up at midnight to sit in the Happy Chair to stitch and read:

The funny thing is that I'm not even sure I like the stitchy piece, but I am more than halfway finished with it and am just pulling thread through fabric at this point. Before I knew it last night, I had completed the bottom alphabet and was thinking about moving on to the left side of the design, but I picked up the newly acquired library book instead and got a few pages into it.

So far, I think it will be a good story. I think I am probably in a bit of an Erin Morgenstern hangover since I just read the Starless Sea and The Night Circus (for the second time) back to back, and those are novels that...linger.

Maybe that's my problem? The fact that I am stuck in some magical place with gorgeous writing and fantastic characters and something unexpected around every corner in my brain, but my body is hauling itself through an endless loop of damn good, treatment, sleep, and too much food.

Oey...the way my head works drives me nuts sometimes.

In a few minutes I am going to get myself presentable to head to the salon to get a complimentary bang trim. If that doesn't make me feel better, nothing will. And, for extra good measure, I might hit the Starbucks drive-through for a little treat, even though it's not Friday and I haven't exactly earned it with my positively rotten attitude these last several days.

Hmmmm. Decisions, decisions.

I know that this is all going to pass, and that I need to take a breath and concentrate on all of the positives in my happy little life, but maybe a good old fashioned grump is what I need at the moment.

OK...fifteen minutes.  I'm going to go have a good grump for fifteen minutes and then we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. Thank you for indulging me, Dearies. I hope your corner of the world is bright and cheerful today! Come tell me all about it!

MONDAY...

OK...THAT WAS DEFINITELY WORTH IT

My JB decided to switch things up a bit and announced that we would be going to 5:00 Mass, followed by dinner out at my choice of restaurants, so away we went.

It has been a while since I've attended Saturday Mass at the Basilica, and it has been even longer since I've heard the Notre Dame Women's Choir sing. They were quite good, and selected a pretty difficult selection of pieces to perform from Benjamin Britten's Missa Brevis...all very very beautiful and well done.

For dinner, I selected the Carrabba's because I knew my JB would like Italian, and I was hankering for a steak. They also have a special today, so as an added bonus we came away from the table with a nice big piece of lasagne for tomorrow!

Who could possibly be happier than I am at this moment?

I've started my new project...Erica Michaels Good Every Day and made decent progress while watching Ford vs. Ferrari:

As soon as I get my face washed, my pajamas on, and myself situated back in the Happy Chair, I'm going to get back to it.

Happy Saturday, Dearies! I might not blog tomorrow since I am going to try to have an iPad/phone free Sunday. (I read somewhere that it's supposed to be good for me.)

SATURDAY...

Would it be so wrong to just stay here until Monday morning?

NEXT UP...

WOOOOOHOOOOO!!

Shepherd's Bush

Heart Of My Heart

28ct Colour & Cotton jobelan in Cucumber

WDW and C&C threads

Oh, Dearies...this is just what the doctor ordered! I attached the buttons moments ago and then sat here and delighted in the feeling of having a finish....the first in a very long long time!

I'm going to call it a night now and think about something new. I seem to do well keeping Plum Pudding in my d-chair tote and working on a separate project here at home, so that is what I am going to continue to do.

Happy Thursday again! 

DAMN, DRAT, AND PHOOEY...

OK.

That's it.

I'm going back to bed and staying there until it's over.

My treatment yesterday was positively awful, and I came home wanting a hot bath, my Stewey, and my Mommie...in that order. Buzzy is just so very very sore and painful, and yesterday's added bonus were full body cramps that just about knocked me out. I lasted the full four hours, but really wish I just would have played hooky instead.

I did manage to make a nice dinner...Martin's crabcakes, rice, and a salad, but there's not much of the evening that I remember after that, unfortunately.

Oh well.

We'll just chalk that all up to an off day and move on, right, Dearies? I am living the mantra of "This too shall pass."

(It'll pass like a flaming kidney stone the size of a basketball, but it'll pass nonetheless.)

Today has dawned bright and sunny, but cold, so methinks I will just stay right here in the Happy Chair and stitch my little eyeballs out. I'm making slow progress on Plum Pudding at dialysis and the Shepherd's Bush piece here at home, so I have absolutely nothing to complain about.  I started watching the CNN documentary on The Windsors, so perhaps that will take me away from all of my spinster drama and make for a nice afternoon.

I hope your very own Thursday is wonderful and swell and utterly fantastic. Do something fun and come tell me all about it!

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN...ALMOST

I woke up at 4:00 again and finally hauled myself out of the big girl sleigh bed at 4:45. I read for a bit, but instead of picking up stitching for a few hours I closed my eyes and snoozed a bit more in the Happy Chair.

Stitching progress from last night:

I did manage to get all of the laundry done, folded, and put away yesterday, so it was a definite win! A few other little chores also were crossed off the list, so I was very happy, indeed.

Time to get ready for the d-chair, Dearies! Happy Futzingday to one and all! Do something Futzy and come tell me all about it!

ONE JOB

Chello, Dearies!

I have one job today.

Just one.

And when it's done, I get to call the day a win and retire to the big girl sleigh bed victorious.

Today is laundry day here at CS2, and I intend to wash, dry, fluff, fold, and stash every piece of clothing I own back into the proper cubbie or onto the proper hanger.

I was grumbling over the amount of laundry that I have as I sorted and organized it this morning, but it dawned on me that I basically have three outfits per day...a dialysis getup of leggings and a big top, clothes for home, which is usually sweats, and then sleeping clothes, which are usually a hundred and a half years old.

So not bad, I guess, considering.

There is something about a nicely done laundry, though, and I'm ever so grateful to my mom and grandma for teaching me the basics. I still sort and fold the way they taught me forever ago, and I'm pretty sure I still use the same laundry soaps and such that they did.

Comforting, actually.

No stitching or coloring to report from last night. I was completely wiped out after treatment and came home to lounge, eat grilled chicken salad, and watch my Irish beat North Carolina at the last second in the basketball.

Today, though, will be different, I promise. Once I get this here blog updated and the paper read, I fully intend to sit on my heiney in between sploshings and stitch my eyeballs right out.

Happy Tuesday to one and all! I hope you have a lovely day and do whatever makes your heart sing! Come tell me all about it!

SO THAT'S WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT...

My sleeping pattern has been all over the place lately. I'm either in the big girl sleigh bed snoring away for twelve hours or I'm wide awake and staring at the ceiling fan.

Today I woke up at 4:30 and tried to count sheep for a bit, but finally gave up and decided to start the day at 5:00.

I started by reading a bit...picking up one of my very favorite books ever and getting a few more pages into a second go 'round:

I like to read Erin's stuff in small slow bites and savor each and every word. She is very place-driven, so it's quite easy to get lost in the atmosphere and wander a bit...looking around and taking it all in. I think she's a gorgeous writer...just gorgeous...so this was a really lovely way to start the day.

Then I decided to pick up my stitching, and before I knew it my project went from this:

to this:

I have to say...sitting in the early morning hours stitching away and then watching the sun come up was simply wonderful. I let my tiny little brain wander at will and I pondered and thought and thought and pondered my way through all of the stuff that has been rattling around in there. I don't know if I solved any of the issues, but it sure was nice to be able to hear myself think and breathe in and out while pulling thread through this perfect 28ct Jobelan.

Now it's time to caffeinate and then get into the shower and head out to dialysis. I'm going to take Plum Pudding with me to see if I can keep the stitchy momentum going, but if I end up snoozing the tine away, that's OK too.

So Happy Monday, Dearies! I hope that the week ahead is good for all of us. Come tell me all about your little corner of the world!

SUNDAY SPINSTER BLISS

BEST. DECISION. EVER.

I have been hankering to play in my stash, so today seemed like the perfect time to do it. I found this lovely Shepherd's Bush kit called "Heart of my Heart" and spent a few minutes switching out linen and gathering extra threads. The kit came with a very pretty 32ct Ivory linen, but my eyes have not been co-operating enough to be able to see it adequately. Lo and behold, I found a gorgeous piece of 28ct Cucumber in my Colour & Cotton fabric stash that works perfectly!

The kit provides very limited thread, but all are Weeks Dye Werks, so I was able to pull back-up skeins from stash. If I didn't have the color in Weeks, I pulled a comparable color from my supply of Colour & Cotton threads!

Then, just because I was feeling extra fat and sassy, I assembled my MAGIC TWELVE  items of matchy matchy stitchy things that makes the project complete:

My MAGIC TWELVE: chart, linen, threads, needles, scissors, q-snaps, needleminders, grime guard, accessory pouch, project bag, ort container and BitsyBob Basic.

I normally assemble a MAGIC THIRTEEN and include a highlighter, but I don't tend to mark Shepherd's Bush charts, and my printer/copier is out of ink and I can't make a working copy.

So there you have it...my best way to re-motivate myself to stitch again...a new project kitted up with everything I need.

What's in your stitchy kit, Dearie?  Come tell me all about it!

FUGGEDDABBOWDIT FRIDAY

THINK IT ALL OUT THURSDAY

Buzzy and I have just returned from the Access Center. He had his six-month maintenance roto-rooter procedure, and I had a turkey sandwich and juice box as a reward for being a trooper. He is OK, but was 80% blocked in two places up near and under my collarbone, and his little stent is looking pretty ragged. Dr. B was able to fix it up and send me home with instructions to rest and ice my arm as needed and take Tylenol for pain.

As for what else ails me...it is all mental, Dearies, and will soon be better when I sit down with pen and paper and have a good sort out. I've allowed life to get in the way of my normally clear-headed and optimistic thinking, so I just need to turn the wheel a bit and get back into my lane.

All will be well, I promise. Every now and then I just need to go quiet to re-focus my energies in a better direction.

I finished The Starless Sea last night and have to say to I was enchanted. The reviews for this book were positively terrible, but I loved it from beginning to end because it took me away from myself and reminded me why I love reading. Erin Morgenstern is, in my humble opinion, a gorgeous writer, and The Night Circus remains one of my favorite books, and her second did not disappoint me at all.

Coloring has been my activity of choice, and I started another Angie Grace book with impunity. Instead of getting upset that I'm not stitching, I'm enjoying playing with paper and pens and markers and colors, and I know that when I do get back to needle and thread I will be all the more appreciative of it.

The anesthesia is making me woozy, Friends, so I think it's time to find my pillow. Happy Thursday! Please come tell me all about your corner of the world!

WHY DID I GET OUT OF THE BED WEDNESDAY

STAY IN BED AND FORGET ABOUT IT ALL TUESDAY...

GET IT TOGETHER MONDAY

Today is the day that I get my proverbial head out of my proverbial heiney and get it together. It might be together with duct tape and a prayer, but together it will be.

Last week was just a series of unfortunate events, and rather than adult my way through them, I kinda flaked and hoped it would all go away while I colored my way through an entire Angie Grace coloring book and ate cheese and crackers.

Today, though, is the beginning of a new week full of opportunities to do better.  Buzzy and I are in the d-chair doing our thing, and we are especially well-behaved for the state inspectors who showed up to re-certify this clinic.

If my body allows, I am stopping at the Martins on the way home for salad fixins and coffee creamer, and then it will be home for a little nap, some tidying, and then a nice sensible salad with JB and stitching for company.

That's the plan, anyway.

The candle soot issue has become less urgent since I discovered that I will be staying at CS2 for another year. I do, however, have a chemical sponge arriving from the amazon today, and if it isn't too difficult, I will set about cleaning one wall at a time until they are back to brand spanking new. The sectional will be handled by a professional company as soon as I can save up the $300 to schedule them, and when completed, I will stop fretting over this.

(JB is still clueless as to why this sent me spinning, and my weeping and wringing my hands and moaning that I just can't have anything nice didn't make sense to him.)

(But you all understood, Dearies. Thank you for that.)

OK...back to business. I have a ton of Flosstube to view. I hope your Monday is off to a good start and that your very own week will be as together as you want it! Come tell me all about it!

MEMORY LANE...

SATURDAY SPINSTER BLISS

What is it about this Saturday Spinster Coffee Abed that makes the world such a better place? I swear, on days during the week when I am convinced that I simply cannot take one minute more, I think about this silly little ritual and get through whatever is biting me on the rumpus.

Do you suppose that it's because it's so self-indulgent? Or maybe it's because it's quiet and includes so many things that I love...damn good, a morning paper, a nice view, and Stewey in his little box supervising from the nightstand.

If I start to stitch or color on Saturday mornings here I just might never leave the big girl sleigh bed at all!

Absolutely nothing at all to report, Dearies. My weight was up slightly yesterday when I came off treatment, so we decided to just chalk it up to wearing heavy boots and more layers than usual and move on. Not a setback at all....just a little diversion.

But we're back on track and looking forward to eating well, resting, and enjoying the weekend. JB will do his thing with all the sports and I will sit with needle and thread and remember that I just don't have one damn thing to complain about and that I am so very very blessed.

I hope you have a splendid weekend with someone or something you love! Come tell me all about it!

TGIFF

Remember how I told you Dearies that I have never been one to say TGIF?

Well, after the week we've had here in Hoosierville, I have not only said it....I'm seriously thinking about writing it across my forehead with one of my new coloring markers.

Suffice it to say, Dearies, your portly spinster is just about as wrung out as a portly spinster can be. It's been a week of high highs and low lows and I have had to find my big girl britches and put them on and they are too small for me and they are pinching my heiney in places I didn't even know I had and I just want to get a fuzzy blanket and a cup of damn good and crawl into my Happy Chair with my entire stash of needlework and coloring books and stay there until April.

Oey.

But in the spirit of "this too shall pass, even if it passes like a kidney stone", I promise you that I will survive with my cockeyed optimism and humor in tact.

(I got a lovely comment that said this here blog is refreshing because it's not all about me living a perfect life with perfect pictures, etc. All I have to say to that is...well, thank you. If you ever do see a perfect life with perfect pictures on this here blog, please contact somebody, because it means I have been captured by aliens and they are sending you subliminal messages.)

(My perfect life, by the way, is actually the one I'm living, minus dust bunnies and poor dietary choices.)

(Oh, and if I could be Ina Garten, that would be pretty swell too.)

Buzzy and I are here doing our thing and then it's home to a quiet weekend, I sincerely hope and pray. I am determined to stitch today, since I did so yesterday and remembered how much it smooths out the edges.

Happy Friday, Dearies! I hope your week has been trouble free and that you are headed into the weekend with plans of fun and frolic.  Come tell me all about it!

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN...AT LEAST NOT BY THIS PARTICULAR SPINSTER

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO FUTZINGDAY?

Well, Dearies, here we are on a Futzingday, but I'm just not feeling very Futzy. Buzzy and I are in the chair doing our thing and I am trying to get my wits about me, but I sure do miss my Futzingday silliness and crazy shenanagins.

I wish I had lots of stitchy progress to report, but alas, the last few days have been very non-stitchyish. I will try to remedy that (mostly for my mental health), but in the meantime, please feel free to tell me everything that has been blowing your chin hair back.

That's it for today. I'm off to the land of Flosstube to catch up on what everybody there has been up to. I've got a big sippy cup full of damn good and a BelVita breakfast biscuit for company, so all is right with the world.

Happy Futzingday to you and yours! I hope you get to have some fun and that you'll come tell me all about it!

I HATE IT WHEN MY BANGS GROW OUT IN A WEEK

MONDAY

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!

SATURDAY SPINSTER BLISS