Jun 30, 2009


We begin our story in a lonely little spinster's house somewhere in the Midwestern United States. A little dog enters the room and immediately notices a ball hiding under the chair.Meanwhile, the Spinster gazes at the computer, sighing at all of the lovely work her fellow stitchy bloggy buddies have accomplished. The dialogue begins:

DOG: Mommie! I want to play ball! Right now, Mommie!
SPINSTER: No, Stewey. Mommie is reading her stitchy blogs.
DOG: Ball, Mommie, ball!
SPINSTER: Stewey! I told you! I am reading all of these stitchy blogs. Don't you know how surly I get if I don't get a chance to see everything that's going on in the stitchy bloggy universe?
DOG: You're always surly anyway, Mommie. Ball!
SPINSTER: I resent that accusation, Stewey. I think I'm perfectly pleasant and very easy to be around and if you don't get out from under that chair this very instant, I'm going to send you to your room.
DOG: There are so many things wrong with your statement that I don't even know where to begin. 1) You are NOT pleasant. As a matter of fact, I would say that you are decidedly one of the most UNpleasant people I've ever met. 2) As far as being around you....please realize that I am contractually obligated to do so and that if I had my druthers I'd move in with my Aunt Chrissy and that little snot, Bosco. 3) Finally, Mommie, you have never sent me to my room in all the time I have lived here because you know as well as I do that you are completely incapable of adhering to any type of consistent discipline. This, of course, would account for my total lack of respect for your silly "house rules" and my utter disdain for that idle threat of sending me to obedience school.
SPINSTER: Oh yeah? Well I'm bigger than you are.
DOG: What are you, seven years old? Are you THAT incapable of formulating a decent response to my allegation of sheer incompetency in the Mommie department? Are you THAT unable to come up with a retort that would NOT be used on an elementary school playground?
SPINSTER: (a long silence ensues)
DOG: I see that you have no witty comeback for that one, so may I just say BALL MOMMIE! RIGHT NOW! BALL!

The Spinster finds her shoes and walks slowly to the back door, head hanging in humiliation. She mentally calculates the amount of her grocery budget that would be need to be re-allocated to cover the cost of day care and decides that eating macaroni and cheese from the box six times a week might actually be preferable to putting up with this little s***.

The sun shines brightly and the breeze gently ruffles the tree leaves and the Spinster and her little dog play ball in the back yard. All is well in Hoosierville once again.


Jun 29, 2009


I've developed a new Monday morning habit. Rather than getting down in the dumps because I accomplished/did/created/stitched absolutely nothing over the weekend, I decided that I would log on to all of your stitchy blogs and then.....pretend that I had your weekend!

So let's see what I did, shall we?

Well, I did a LOT of housecleaning and re-arranging of furniture. I scrubbed floors, made lovely curtains, and re-upholstered a sofa or two. My windows are washed, my closets are all organized, and each and every houseplant has been lovingly watered and fed.

I weeded, watered and fed all of the outside gardens, planted a few new trees, built some lovely new raised flower beds and cut bundles of lovely blooms for inside arrangements.

I shopped at tag sales, garage sales, Michael's, Borders, the Farmers' Market, and the local pet refuge center. I also went to the grocery, bank, post office, dry cleaners, and the Goodwill donation drop-off center.

I made banana bread, strawberry jam, a wonderful grilled chicken dish, and a vegetable taitan.

I made and sent about sixty-three stitchy gifts, each perfectly coordinated, lovingly wrapped, and perfectly packed for safe transport to the stitchy friend recipient. I cleaned and organized my studio, re-arranged and better situated my Happy Chair and sharpened all of my scissors. I finished three painted canvases, four counted canvas pieces, and seven cross-stitched projects that had been languishing in my WIP bin. I also taught myself how to make a Temari.

I worked out, ate well, and played fetch with Stewey until the fireflies came out.

I visited my local libraries, museums, festivals, and concerts in the park, and I swam in a lovely local pool.

I learned French.

I read eight novels, two biographies, and six non-fiction books, as well as bought and loaded my new Kindle.

I wrote letters to everybody I know and sent cards and little mementos to everybody in my book that has an upcoming birthday, graduation, special day, or new house and/or job.


OK, it would seem that we're totally off the rails here, but you get the idea of what I'm trying to do. Let me just say this: Y'all are a bunch of very busy and productive individuals! I am exhausted just reading about all of your wonderful adventures and accomplishments. Maybe you should slow it down a little and give a spinster a break, eh?

Here's what I did do this weekend while watching The Dark Knight, Run FatBoy Run, The Nanny Diaries, and Cat People:

Jun 26, 2009


It's a good thing I'm not responsible for the overall maintenance of Chez Spinster, because I've spent the better part of a week in the Happy Chair doing absolutely nothing. Each morning I woke up with a very comprehensive list of the tasks that were on hand for the day, but somehow I ended up in the big girl bike shorts and seventeen year old t-shirt with nothing but a nap on the brain.

What can I say? I'm just not a hot and humid kind of girl.

Stewey took the camera outside to gather evidence for our weekly "Mother, this place is going to hell in a handbasket" meeting, and I must say that I was duly impressed with his photographic capabilities. I was told, however, that if I don't get out there bright and early tomorrow morning to do some serious dead-heading and weeding that there will be tiny little puppy paw hell to pay.

First up is a hibiscus that is finally blooming. It's twin has been a little more shy this year, so methinks we need to do some coaxing/watering/threatening this weekend: The front path to the door is getting a little crowded by the lilies on the left and the lavender on the right. I guess it's time to think about clippings for some sachets?
Speaking of those lilies, if the number of buds on this one are any indication of what's to come, methinks I should start making big-ass funeral arrangements. Or prom corsages.
I see he stopped to do a little watering (please disregard the woefully neglected geraniums...I'll fix 'em tomorrow. I promise.):
And finally, it looks like Aunt Chrissy and I just might have farm fresh summer salads after all:
Holey schmoley, I can see that I have a TON of weeding to do. I hope I remember to put sunblock on my dowager's hump, or there is sure to be some sun-burnin' goin' on.

Last evening I did manage to do some stitching while watching the Michael Jackson "He's only been dead for six minutes but we're going to roll this retrospective and talk about the legal consequences of his estate" coverage. I am gobsmacked by the speed at which news travels these days, and how we're not happy unless we're getting the most up to date and latest coverage. Of everything on the planet. I suppose that when I die, I hope that the media give Aunt Chrissy a minute to fix her lipstick before they inundate her with questions about my legacy and the impact my death will have on spinsters everywhere. Sheesh.

(Now before you think I am being disrespectful to Mr. Jackson, please note that I would never deign to to so. His music was the soundtrack of my life from the age of seven until the afternoon I graduated from college. So there.)

(I also don't want to forget the fact that another person in the public eye lost their battle with that bastard-that-must-be-eradicated-if-it's-the-last-thing-we-do disease. Rest in peace, Ms. Fawcett. You gave a very brave face to a very ugly reality, and you reminded us that cancer just sucks.)

But I regress.

Here's Bent Creek's "Big Zipper", as stitched on 32ct. Legacy linen (the idea that was shamelessly stolen from Miss Margie of "Two Cool Pugs and Me" fame): That's the report for today. I've heard that the temps and humidity will be down by Monday, so maybe I'll take that as a sign that my stay here at the VeggieTate Inn is coming to a close.

Jun 24, 2009


My mom can't come to the blog right now. I sent her to her room and told her to think about what a giant beastie she's been the last three days. Once she decides that she can act like a lady and stop stomping about the house in her bike shorts and t-shirt, we'll hear from her. Until then....you're stuck with me.

I don't have many new and exciting things to report, I'm afraid. The weather here in Hoosierville has been very hot and muggy, so the old lady and I try to lay low until it passes. We did make it outside for a few minutes yesterday to sprinkle some water on the garden, but the icks got the better of us and we headed right back into the air conditioning.

Mommie Dearest has not put one stitch in anything for two days now! I suspect that this is the source of her mood, so I am going to head up to the studio to rummage through things for a new project for her. At first I thought it was just a temporary slump, but if she doesn't come out of it today, I might have to call the Authority. (That would be my Aunt Chrissy).

Well, kids, I hope that you are all well and safe and dry wherever you are. I also hope that you are having a better stitchy time of it than 'ole what's her name over here.

Don't worry....she'll be back to rights soon and we'll have pics of her progress. I can just feel it in my tiny little bones!


Jun 22, 2009


WARNING: This is a rant. If you don't want to read a rant from an angry spinster, then please look away. Regularly scheduled programming will resume momentarily.

I'm as peeved as a spinster can be at the moment. Like the rest of the free world, I somehow got sucked into the whole "John and Kate Plus Eight" mess. Now for those of you who haven't a clue as to what I'm talking about....J&K+8 is a show on the TLC channel about a family that has twin daughters and sextuplets. Tonight they announced to the world that they are divorcing after ten years of marriage, five years of a television series, and six months of tabloid reporting of their torrid affairs with anybody that has crossed their respective paths.

Let me first get a few things clear so that you don't think I speak from a position of authority:

1. I have never been married, so I have no idea of the daily pressures and stresses of sharing your life with another person and/or tripping over his/her socks every other minute.

2. I do not have children, so I do not understand the tremendous responsibility of being in charge of raising someone into a normal, healthy, grown-ass person who manages to stay out of trouble generally. You've met Stewey, so you know how successful I would be in the parenting department.

3. I have never had a reality TeeVee show, even though Stewey is convinced we could make millions and keep him the manner to which he has become accustomed.

4. I have never been followed by paparazzi, unless you count the early morning attempts by my neighbors to gather photographic evidence of me in my robe and duck books retrieving the mail (for the home owner's association board, don't you know).

5. And finally...with few exceptions, I rarely watch reality TeeVee unless it involves somebody hunky doing something that I'm interesting in, like cooking a five-course meal on a deserted island. Without a shirt on.



I am disgusted. I am sick to my stomach that I just spent an hour of my life watching a marriage implode. I am sick at the thought of eight children looking at these tapes someday saying "Gee, that's when our parents got divorced on national television, but weren't our crooked houses and constantly matching outfits wonderful?" I'm p***ed that I went against my better judgement and turned this damn thing on tonight instead of reading a book. Or stitching. Or plucking every renegade eyebrow out of my head. I'm mad that I allowed myself to peek over the fence and then scan the tabloid headlines for the next salacious detail. I'm most upset, however, that I now have to take a moral stand and NEVER watch this damn channel again, despite the fact that they have a few shows that I find interesting. (I'll wait for the DVD's to come out, thank you very much, and I will not pay one damn dime for them, but will borrow them from the library like a person should).

I think what saddens me more than anything is the fact that our entertainment options have devolved to this level. Aunt Chrissy and I were talking about TeeVee shows the other day and we decided that there have been very very few truly original, well-written, well-acted shows out there. We've got cop stories, courtroom dramas, hospital soaps, and reality garbage coming out the ying yang, but when you want to see something that transports you or just takes your mind off of life for a lousy twenty-two minutes, you're completely screwed.

WHY???!!! Why did I have to think that something good would come out of that mess? Why do I constantly hope for the rosy outcome of something that I know to be beyond repair? Why did I think that the "IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT" would be that these stupid people on this stupid network had come to their stupid senses and had decided that their stupid reality was more important than the stupid public's access to it?

I'm not a drinkin' woman, but tonight I'm headed for the wine rack. It's either that or the Krispy Kreme drive through, and at this time of night I'm sure the resulting heartburn from the doughnuts would be worse than the potential hangover from a glass of vino.

So excuse me, fair readers, and thank you for allowing me to get this off of my heaving chest. I hope that I haven't offended anybody and that you'll come back to visit me soon. In the meantime...give the dog the remote and go pour yourselves a cocktail.

EDITED TO ADD: Now just so y'all don't think me chicken...here's what I've just left on the TLC Viewer Relations site (and no, it wan't AFTER the cork was removed from the bottle, but before):

Gentlemen: Please allow me to ask (respectfully, of course)..what the hell were you thinking? I've just watched the IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT on John and Kate Plus 8, and I hoped against hope that it would be that you decided to suspend production so that this family could regroup, get some help and see if they could get it together. Instead, we got to watch a marriage implode. Informative? Learning opportunity? Useful? Nope. Just salacious garbage that is not worthy of my time. Shame on you folks. Methinks you have many many apologies to make for exploiting this mess. (And yes, John and Kate are equally to blame.) I certainly expeced more from you. Sorry, but I won't be watching you or your sister channels in the future.


As in Bo. Bo Ring.

I'm as bored as a spinster can be with her stitchy things. I am flitting from piece to piece and getting frustrated that I can't seem to spend more than ten minutes with something before I'm headed to the big girl sleigh bed for a nap. What's up with that?

On Friday I baby sat for my nephew puppy tot Bosco. We were supposed to have heavy storms, so I headed over to get the little guy so he wouldn't be by himself. He doesn't do well with storms, whereas Stewey is oblivious. I'd love to tell you that we had a splendid time, but methinks Bosco has had enough of Stewey's bitchy attitude....he was a little pill all day long. At about 3pm, I felt the need to call Aunt Chrissy at work to rat him out, and I can tell you that she was NOT amused. (It might have had something to do with me pretending to be Mrs. Pelachewski of the Puppy Paws Day Care Center, but I can't be sure.) Anywhoose, stitching on Friday was reduced to me sitting up in the studio staring into basket after basket wondering what the heck my stitchy problem was.

I selected a painted canvas from Cooper Oaks and put some stitches in before falling asleep with needle in hand. I played with it a little more on Saturday, but decided to put it down for a little while to watch the TeeVee:
Yesterday, I planted my heiney in the Happy Chair and decided to catch up on my NetFlix rents, so I pulled out the Big Zipper and did this while watching a movie with John Travolta and James Gandolfini:
The title of the movie was "Lonely Hearts" and it was a detective drama set in 1940's New York. I must say that it was rather disturbing to this lonely old spinster. Maybe I should read the plot summaries of these movies instead of just picking them for the hunky actors? I also watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", but will confess that I had to stop for a nap in the middle.

Maybe it's a vitamin deficiency?

Even Stewey is bored to tears. He had hoped to go to Art Camp this year, but I didn't get the registration filled out in time. Besides, outfitting him with a proper summer wardrobe that would meet with his high expectations would have drastically cut into my stitchy budget. Bad Mommie.

So we'll try again today to see what progress we can make on the stitchy front. I'm really going to try not to catch a bad case of Startitis and concentrate instead on all of the stuff languishing away...desperate for just a few more stitches closer to a finish line.

Jun 18, 2009


I managed to tear myself away from Anthony Bourdain long enough to get a few stitches in last night. "Jaws" was on the TeeVee, so I picked up "The Big Zipper" to see if I might make a little progress on that tree down in the corner (why there is a connection between "Jaws" and "The Big Zipper" completely escapes me, but by now you're used to the fact that I am just a little "different" when it comes to the thinking department: Unfortunately, I seem to have the attention span of a hummingbird lately, so within about 10 minutes I was bored (the shark had only eaten two people by then).

I then did what any rational Laura J. Perin fan would do. I smacked myself on the forehead and said "DOH! I spent all that time stitching the borders of the "Lily of the Valley Collage" and then I put it down! The borders are the hardest part! Now that the borders are stitched, the insides of the boxes are a blast to stitch and will keep my attention!" Up to the studio (pant pant pant on the stairs), paw through my LJP basket, back downstairs and into the Happy Chair, and we have this: And yes, I have already decided that I will find a beautiful silk stem of lily of the valley to adorn the center of this so that it will match the Daisy Collage piece that I did a while back. Are you detecting a theme here? (If you were totally horrified by that daisy, by the way, I promise to give you fair warning when I post the finish pic of this one with a silk flower sewed to the canvas).

I find it fascinating that my brain requires me to flit from one thing to another when it comes to this stitchy thing of ours. I suppose that it indicates a total lack of discipline, but this fact does not surprise me in the least little bit. I do not posses one ounce of discipline when it comes to ANYTHING in my stupid little life, so why should I expect to have any when it comes to stitching?

I've tried the rotation thing. I've tried setting goals for myself. I've even tried threatening myself with physical bodily harm if I don't have at least one finish in a respectable amount of time.

But it never works.

When my heiney hits the Happy Chair in the evening, I invariably reach for a project that will fit my "mood". I use "mood" loosely, because I am so blah blah blah lately that I don't think I really have a "mood" (unless blah blah blah just happens to be one). So every now and then I look over at whatever happens to be on the TeeVee tray and say "Blech. I want something different." And then it's off the the studio I go in search of the perfect antidote for stitchy ennui.

(This would be the point where anybody who commands the English language has had enough of my ridiculous hacking and clicks off, but for those of you who "get" my blathering, I shall continue).

So mood stitching seems to be my modus operandi these days and I am rather happy with the decision to just fly by the seat of my big girl underpants. Stitching is supposed to be my relaxing hobby and creative outlet, after all, so why make it stressful work?

Now having said that, you can bet that I will be upstairs today re-thinking my entire stitchy universe situation, and I'll probably fret the day away over the perfect method by which one stores one's variegated threads. (This falls into the old dog/new tricks category).

Besides, it's been quite some time since I re-arranged the deck chairs on my stitchy Titanic, and I feel the need to re-create the wheel for a few hours today. I'll let you know if I stumble upon anything earth-shattering, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. Chances are everything will end up in exactly the same place it was when I started this crazy-ass obsession six years ago.

Oh well. At least I'm consistent.

Jun 16, 2009


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy running around the house like a crazy person chanting "Books, books everywhere and not a one to read" (or something to that effect). She's also miffed because I've taken away her debit card until she can promise to use better control when in a book store or, God forbid, a needlework shop. She may, however, go completely hog wild when in PetSmart.

It all started when she disappeared last night to the local Borders. The store is less than a mile from the house, so she figured if she got into too much trouble and had to be rescued, I could be there in a few minutes. Apparently she was looking for a big fat book to read for the summer, but she ended up coming home with these instead: As you might be able to see from the titles, she was hungry while she browsed. I thought this only applied to grocery stores, but let me be the first to tell you: never shop for books when you're hungry. The top three books are foodie books, and I found out that she would have come home with all three Ruth Reichl's, but the store didn't have them in stock. So it looks like we're going to have to make due with Gordon Ramsey, Anthony Bordain, and Julie Powell for now. (Mom has been in a tizzy over the upcoming movie about Julia Childs ever since she saw a preview for it, so I suppose she decided to read the book first to keep her from peeing herself in anticipation.)

My favorite author, Garrison Keillor is on the bottom of the pile (well, he's not, but his book is), so I hope that's not an indication of when she intends to get to it. Mom is nice enough to read to me at night night time so I suppose that I shall have to wait to see when we can go to Lake Woebegone once again.

I thought I would share a few pics of some of the other places the old lady has used to park all of her books. Now before you call the authorities, you should probably know that most of these books have been collected over her long-ass lifetime. You see, mom doesn't lend books out because of the line in "Out of Africa". Lemme see if I can re-create it for you:

MS (this would be Merrill Streep, don't you know): Oh, you've caught me snooping.
B (this is Barkley): It's OK, it's not my room. It's Denis's room and Denis won't mind.
MS: He has lovely books. Does he lend them?
B: We had a friend once...Hopworth. Denis lent him some books and he didn't return them. I said to Denis, "You're not going to lose a friend over some silly books, are you?" and Denis replied "No, but he has".

(Cue applause).

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! That was the Stewey Players with a scene from the Oscar award winning hit "Out of Africa".

(Oh, sorry...I digress.)

Anywhoose, my point is that our house will eventually fall in upon itself due to the weight of all of these books. Mom thinks it will be her stitching stash that will do us in, but according to my very careful and scientific calculations, I am sure it will be the books.

There are books in the bedroom:

There are books in the dining room (the wine is mine, by the way...my special wine cellar is on back order): And there are books hidden in the office: You've already seen the books in the living room, so I won't bore you with a reprise of that mess. Suffice it to say I've got a TON of reading to do!

Mom didn't stitch last night, but she promised me we will get back to the "Big Zipper" project this afternoon. I keep reminding her that she hasn't touched her WIP basket in quite some time, but she seems oblivious to the need to get these things finished. I heard her tell a lady once that it's bad luck to have ALL of your projects finished because of the whole Charles Shultz thing (*), so I guess she's trying to keep her karma on the plus side of things.

That's my report for today, kids. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to tuck into my perch with a good book or two and see if I can't do something to raise the level of intelligent discourse around here today.

Thanks for stopping by!



*The Charles Shultz thing: On the night before his final Peanuts strip appeared, Charles Shultz went into his studio, put away his drawing things and said "Well, that's it now". And then he went to bed and passed away. My mom took this as a lesson to always have something pending that will cause you to have to get up in the morning.

Jun 15, 2009


When I was a kid (ten minutes ago, don't you know), I had my face in a book 24/7. We had porch swings and I took full advantage of them each summer -- whether it was with a big fat book or a skinny book that was part of a series, I read greedily and with great gusto. I can remember how it felt to lose an entire afternoon in a book, and I can remember how satisfied I felt when the back cover closed and I was on to my next adventure.

Then, when I lived in New Jersey, I had a little tiny apartment on the beach. Really little. As a matter of fact, it was slightly smaller than your average hotel room, and my bed was the futon that also served as a couch during the day. What I loved about this apartment was its proximity to a huge patio overlooking the ocean and the hours and hours I spent there reading.

Summer is a particularly good time for a big fat book, don't you think? Or, better yet, it seems to be the perfect time to collect every single book in a series or by a favorite author and read them through. Sometimes I want the book to be a classic (like the year I finally read War and Peace), and other times I just want to spend a day with Jackie Collins. One summer I read a trilogy by the romance author Kathleen E. Woodiwiss. I'm pretty sure that it was complete trash, but I loved every bodice-ripping, bosom-heaving minute of it.

Thanks to a handful of Borders coupons, today I embark on a quest. I go in search of a pile of the perfect summer big fat books to read. I haven't a clue what will wind up in the basket, but I know I can't wait to get started.

Jun 11, 2009


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy stomping around the house, bitching up a storm about Jello.

Yes, I said Jello.

Apparently, Mommie Dearest has to have a test tomorrow, so she can only have clear liquids today. And I guess this Jello stuff is on the approved items list, because she made tubs and tubs of it last night.

As you might have figured....my mother has a weird propensity for organizing and re-organizing the refrigerator until it looks like something in a Martha Stewart magazine. In her haste to put the Jello on the perfect shelf, she forgot about the Italian chicken breasts that were marinating just below. (Yes, poultry on the lowest shelf so that if they leak (God forbid) they won't contaminate anything.) (And yes, she learned that from Gordon Ramsey).

I guess these chicken breasts have a LOT of smelly spices on them (like garlic), because the Jello container went flying across the room and I heard Mom yell "How the *%&$ did I make garlic flavored apricot Jello?!"

And then she tried the lemon Jello and the pineapple Jello and the orange Jello and they all tasted like garlic.

So now she's in the bed throwing a big pout that her Jello is stinky and all she wants to eat is a ham sandwich.

As for me, I'm thrilled to have a few hours of quiet around here. I just joined NetFlix, so I've got three good movies to watch this afternoon (provided the old lady decides to just stay in her room). I've got: "Doubt", "Miss Potter", and "Revolutionary Road" for my choices, so methinks it will be a good cinema day! Woo Hoo!


NOTE FROM MOMMIE: Damn dog. Apparently we are in a "let's tell all of our secrets to the whole wide world" mode, and he thinks that as long as he looks cute I won't notice his antics on the web.

Dont' cry for me Argentina. I'm really not at all miserable during this prep....I figure celebrities pay thousands of dollars at fancy spas to get the same result, so my $40 at the Target pharmacy and the resulting report from the doc tomorrow will be all worth it. Stay tuned!

Jun 9, 2009


For the life of me, I cannot understand why my mo-ther insists on publishing ridiculously embarrassing photos of me. There I was, minding my own business with my Aunt Chrissy, when the old lady decides she just HAS to get a picture of it for her blog. Can't a guy get a little love without the whole world knowing about it?

So, in the spirit of "turn about is fair play", I give you Exhibit A: This is the Bent Creek "Big Zipper" project. You'll notice that my mother is NOT stitching this on the 18ct. cork linen that came with the kit. She's stitching on a piece of 32ct. Legacy linen from Picture This Plus. You'll also notice that she is NOT stitching this with the #5 perle cotton that came with the kit. She's stitching this with Crescent Colours from her stash.

Now before you ooohhh and aaaahhhh over her supposed "creativity and brilliance", let me just expose her right this very minute: MY MOTHER IS A FRAUD! SHE SHAMELESSLY STOLE THIS IDEA FROM MISS MARGIE FROM THE "THREE COOL PUGS...&ME" BLOG.

That's right, kids. My mother, who likes to parade herself around as a fun-loving, holly go-lightly, stitchy fundster is a BIG FAT FRAUD. She has never had a creative or brilliant bone in her body and she gets every single good idea she has ever had from other people. So there.

I'm off to water the drapes.

Have a wonderful day today! The sun has just started to peek out from behind the clouds, so methinks it's time for a little sunbathing and snoozing! Woo Hoo!



Stewey can't come to the blog right now. He's all blissed out after a tummy-rub session with his Aunt Chrissy. What can I say? The dog loves his Aunt Chrissy. (Besides....she promised him that she would come over to play b-a-l-l tomorrow afternoon, so he feels it best if he gets a little sleep.)

See the bunny teeth?

Damn dog.

Jun 7, 2009


Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo! I just finished the bargello project from Needlepoint Now! (It was in issues May/June 2002 through Jan/Feb 2003 if you're at all interested). Considering I started this sucker in 2006, I'm THRILLED to have it in my finished pile!

I'll confess that the top is waaaaaay off, but the beauty of bargello is that you can fake it all day long without too much trouble. All I had to do was some major compensating in a few different areas and all is right with the world. (At least I think so.)

Stewey and I have just finished a moovie-palooza! Last night we watched "Michael Clayton" and "Modigliani", and today we've watched "Last Chance Harvey", "Brideshead Revisited", "Bull Durham", and "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". Whew! Kind of an eclectic group, wouldn't you say?

Methinks my favorite was Modigliani, but it's driving me nuts that I couldn't figure out who one of the characters was. There is a scene where Picasso is driving Modigliani to a country home and he says "Let's go meet God". Then they visit an older guy who I'm thinking might have been either Matisse, Manet, or Monet. Does anybody know? (Forgive me if my guesses are completely out of the realm of possibility...my knowledge of painters is ridiculously poor.)

Edited to add: OK, stupid me. It was Renoir. It took me two hours, but after reading a lot of google stuff about the movie, I found out that the guy they go to visit is Renoir. (And not at all Matisse, Manet, or Monet, by the way). Sheesh.

So that's it for this weekend. I would love to tell you that we solved world peace, weeded the garden, did laundry, or cooked something delicious, but the truth is that we did absolutely nothing at all but sit and stitch. Pure bliss.


Stewey likes to play ball.

Stewey plays ball according to his own stupid made-up spoiled-rotten little dog rules that Mommie doesn't quite understand.

"Fetch, Stewey!" (and Mommie throws the ball).

"Bark bark bark bark bark" (along with stomping of little dog feet).

"No, Mommie is not going to come out there and get the ball. Bring it back to Mommie."

"Bark bark bark bark".

"Stewey! Bring that ball here so that I can throw it again!"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" (this time with more authority and the lifting of a leg).

"Damnit, Stewey! Don't pee on your ball! BRING IT TO MOMMIE RIGHT NOW!"

(Laughter is heard from the neighboring back yard).


(And with that, Stewey decides to just do this):
Damn dog.

Jun 5, 2009


I know that it's Friday today, but I can't seem to figure out what happened to Monday through Thursday of this week. I'm pretty sure I had them, but I haven't the vaguest clue as to what I did with them.

This is why I am going to have an ice cream cone tonight: I just washed (and dried, by the way) my entire kitchen floor ON MY HANDS AND KNEES! Now if you knew me, you'd know that me on hands and knees is feat enough in itself, but the fact that I actually managed to do something productive while down there is worth some kind of reward. I've been sweeping the floor like a good girl should, but today was the day to get rid of whatever it is that one deposits on a kitchen floor. (I have a little TeeVee in there and am known to watch Judge Alex or Gordon Ramsey while I'm chopping and stirring, so you can only imagine). Anywhoose....it's clean and I'm going to have an ice cream cone.

Thanks to Stewey for sitting in for me yesterday. I'm always amazed that his posts are so popular. I guess I forget what an exceptional little guy he is (especially when I'm cleaning up a puddle in the entryway). Today he's supervising the landscaping crew: Stitching this weekend is going to be dedicated to finishing my bargello piece. After three years of languishing in the WIP box, I figure it's time to get this one done and into the FUPPY box (you know the one...finished but unfinished projects). I did finish one area last night, so I only have two remaining: We're supposed to have gorgeous weather all weekend, so methinks there might be some outdoor time. I am determined to have a picnic this summer if it's the last thing I do. I always think about how nice it would be to take a little lunch to a park and sit and enjoy the outside, but then Aunt Chrissy reminds me that I don't DO outside and we sit at the kitchen table like normal inside people do. Maybe I'm turning a new leaf?

Wherever you are and whatever you do this weekend, I hope that it's simply fabulous for you. Happy stitchy time to all and to all a good night!

Jun 4, 2009


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's curled up in a little ball in my fort under the big night-night bed. (I have to designate it as such, because I have several areas in which to sleep and I prefer to name them. Besides, if I go from place to place and look cute my mom gets all mooshy and leaves cookies on all of my pillows.)

I'm not sure what happened exactly, but methinks it has something to do with gates that are too small and soft? All I know is that I heard her cussing at the 'puter this morning saying something like: "Damn you Mr. Gates and your stupid Microsoft too!".

I think the problem that mom has is that the 'puter is smarter than she is. As a matter of fact, it does things at 3am like download new programs or updates, and IT tells HER how it's going to do things. Apparently, this doesn't sit well with the old lady, since she likes things JUST SO, and she gets really peeved when she has to hit too many buttons to read your blogs.

Now I know that I'm just a simple puppy, but I'm pretty sure that it's an Internet Explorer problem, and all I need to do is go uninstall the Version 8 that came with the Vista program, and all will be well in the kingdom again. I'll also need to send a quick note to Mr. Gates to let him know that he should definitely think about bringing me on as a consultant. I seem to have a knack for getting my mom off the ledge when it comes to this machine, so I suppose I could be useful when it comes to helping other distraught spinster computer users.

Mom has done a little stitching on her bargello project:

My favorite thing in this picture isn't the stitching, actually. It's the little pin cushion that my Aunt Chrissy brought over to mom yesterday. Mom had a little flu thing going on and Aunt Chrissy stopped over after work to surprise us with a visit and this little gift. Isn't it wonderful? I just love that fabric (I'm nuts for paisley, after all), and I think the beads give it real pizzazz. I've given it my seal of approval and have promised repeatedly not to pee on it, so Mom feels comfortable leaving it on her TeeVee tray for both of us to enjoy.

I've got a busy day planned. The neighbor's sprinklers are going off at the moment, so I'm going to beg Mom to let me out so that I can run through the wet grass. Then I think I'll take a look at the garden to see how my cabbages are doing, and I might even have a snack at the bird feeder with the ducks. Beatrice and Eugene have been joined recently by their brother-in-law Hank, so I don't have to feel like a third wheel all the time.

Then I think I'll come in and take a snooze in the sun, pee on a few furniture legs, and call it a day. If Aunt Chrissy comes over I'll beg her to play ball with me, since she seems to understand my sensibilities and doesn't take any crap when I don't feel like returning the ball directly to her. (Mom gets pouty and then throws a tantrum, but Aunt Chrissy basically tells me that if I don't give her the #*$&@^ ball then she isn't going to play with me anymore. No guilt. Just common sense. I love that about her.)

That's it from here, kids. I'll keep you updated as to my mom's status under the bed. She does look rather comfortable under there, so maybe I'll just slide her a little snack and a diet Coke and enjoy the quiet for a few hours!

Your friend Stewey

Jun 1, 2009


Whew! What a weekend! I have to say that I accomplished more in the last two days than I seem to have accomplished in the last two years (or so it seems).

The vegetable garden is planted and well-watered thanks to a lovely shower we're having. I haven't a clue as to whether or not I put anything in the right place or whether or not anything will actually grow, but I put my hands in the dirt and I tried, so amen.

Aunt Chrissy added to my pear collection this weekend...woo hoo! There we were in Lowe's, looking for stuff to keep the bugs and critters at bay, when we spotted this: Isn't she lovely? And huge! (I imagine that she bought this for me to distract me from the eight-foot tall fountains that were lurking just beyond the sliding doors). This was MUCH easier to get in the car. Trust me.

I re-organized my stitchy basket, yet again, and picked up an oldie but goodie:This is a bargello project that was featured in several issues of Needlepoint Now. I started this all the way back in 2006 and figured that now was as good a time as any to see about finishing it. I remember when I first started stitching....I decided that I would do bargello and nothing but bargello. That lasted about ten minutes, but I have never stopped loving it. I am, by the way, stitching this on 22 count Zweigart canvas with all of the suggested threads. The chart calls for Waterlilies, Needle Necessities, and DMC floss, and I managed to have them all and not pilfer them over the years for other projects. (Yay, me!).

I also cut and looped all of the Gentle Art Sampler Threads onto the Annie's threadkeeps. I practiced, and found out that I can use the needle to pull one single ply off of the loop at a time. Since I'm stitching this 2/2, I guess that means that I will have to pull two ply and stick 'em back together. I was (gasp), using one long ply of thread and folding it in half so that I would have a loop to secure it, but I have since realized that one should NOT do this with overdyed threads, since you loose the variegated effect. I know that Aunt Chrissy taught me that early on, but I forgot. (There goes my A+ in Stitchy 101).

We're off to a good start for the week here at Chez Spinster. Stewey only has one load of laundry to fold and then I can accurately say that all of the chores on our list are finally finished. I bribed him with an extra cookie this morning to unload the dishwasher, so methinks we've found a new motivational tool. Considering the fact that he bribed me last night with some coffee crunch ice cream to load the damn thing, methinks I'm not really the one in charge in our little household. Damn dog.