Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. My grump is still here in full force, and I'm starting to feel like the lady in the antidepressant commercial that holds the smiley face sign up in public. As far as anybody else knows, I'm delightful. Only you (and Dr. Melfi) know the real truth.
Today is Ash Wednesday, so that means I will attempt Mass this afternoon, and I spent the better part of yesterday contemplating what I am going to do with myself for the next 40 days. My initial plan was "40 salads in 40 days". The I thought about 40 minutes of exercise 4 days a week for 40 days. And then 40 stitchy projects in 40 days.
I think, though, that what I want to do is just be accountable.
What this means exactly has yet to reveal itself fully, but I think it means that I want to pay attention to what I eat, what I think, what I do, and what I spend. I'm not exactly tearing it up in any of those areas of my life, so I feel like if attention is paid I might come out of this feeling pretty good about things.
I have a very small life. It's small but filled with some big hard things, and I have not been very good at managing those things. And, because I'm me, this makes me resentful and angry with myself that I have allowed a lane switch and I'm messing about with things that are not in my purview.
Enough of that.
The big hard things need attention and all of the other stupid crap that has me spinning needs to be jettisoned. And if I can't do that, I need to come up with a plan as to how I will tame the other stupid crap once and for all and just be done with it.
So that's the plan for this particular spinster's Lenten observance, Dearies. Accountability.
If you participate, I hope your next 40 days are exactly what you want them to be.
Back to enjoying the view for now!
My dear Spinster and Sister in Christ, you go to dialysis three days a week. IMO Lent is more than a forty day deal for you. It will be a wonderful day when you get that new kidney and emerge from the desert. Love, The Rev Deacon Maggie (Episcopal)
ReplyDelete"Teach me to care and not to care." TS Eliot, I believe...
ReplyDeleteCare about the things I can control that are important and
essential and not to care about the opposite...That is a Lenten mantra that may relieve you if you heed the not caring part....you have enough to care about, dear one, and
you do a great job. I purged all the household sweets yesterday (some eaten ala Mardi Gras)and had no temptation
left standing.. Bon chance to us all....
I have just finished reading/listening to two books I have found extremely helpful. I offer them in case you might be interested. Atomic Habits by James Clear (he reads the audiobook, which is excellent) and Indistractible by Nir Eyal (I skimmed - also helpful). Both for how to do more of what you want and also less of what you don't want. Best of luck, for Lent and for always.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage you to more prayer time. It will really help with your stresses and what is better than being with God.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say I was thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteWe are sisters at heart, Coin, I'm in a similar mental/emotional state. But we are strong, with God and faith, we will win!
ReplyDeleteI think you are really strong - despite you saying you aren't quite so. You are an amazing woman and going through ordeal after sometimes very scary ordeals! Still you bounce back! So you are allowed to have some down time - it happens to a lot of us that dare to admit it. Please don't berate yourself too much. Tomorrow go and make a snowman by the pool, then throw a few snowballs at Mr JB! 40 days of salads - I can't bear one week of those! Kudos to you girlie! LOL!
ReplyDeleteYour idea of 40 minutes of exercise (for me that would simply be walking) 4 days a week for 40 days is brilliant! That would feel more like “getting” something rather than giving something up. Can I borrow this?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through a hard time lately, but it's completely understandable (and many people go through this even without the serious health issues you face). For Lent, being accountable is a good goal, but you can also think of "giving up" giving yourself a hard time about how you're managing everything- you are continuing to take care of yourself and do what's required, and that's huge. The rest isn't that important.I'm keeping you in my prayers. Hope you have a relaxing day.
ReplyDeleteMary
I think that is a wonderful idea. I do hope, if you feel comfortable to do so, that you share with us what you learn :) If not no worries!
ReplyDelete