THE STATE OF THE SPINSTER STITCHER UNION...

 

My fellow Dearies...

Today has been a good day thus far. I had a good long sleep and finally hauled myself out of the big girl sleigh bed after 11am! My JB was out and about for appointments and errands, and just as the coffee maker was sputtering its last bit of damn good into my big huge cup, he arrived home with good reports and a few bags of provisions.

After a wonderful hot and soapy shower and hair wash, I was off to visit with Dr Eskapalli...my kidney doc, who was anxious to hear all of the exciting details of the last month.

Can you believe it's been a month?! I was kind of feeling a bit behind schedule a few days ago, but Dr E assures me that a normal person (without all of my other issues) normally needs at least twelve full weeks to get this far, so I'm feeling a little better about being so "lazy" these last several days.

But in the spirit of keeping you up to date, I will tell you that my recovery progress remains slow and steady. I am becoming more and more confident taking care of Louie, and thanks to patience and excellent nursing while in hospital, I think I've learned what to look for in terms of trouble signs.  Pain is still an issue, but more and more a minor one, and I have weaned myself down to taking two Tylenol before bed instead of every six hours.

I've lost a fair amount of weight and continue to do so, and despite being free to eat "anything that sounds good", I am, for the first time in my life, consistently making good choices and have reduced my portion sizes considerably. I'm concentrating on protein, and am very very slowly re-adding fresh fruits and vegetables as well as higher fiber foods.

Energy-wise, I am still nowhere near my old self, and my ability to stand or walk for any length of time is really really limited, but I have a wonderful set of exercises to do for both upper and lower body, thanks to visits from physical and occupational therapists.

My greatest challenge right now is mental. (I know. Surprise surprise , right?)  My stupid to do list has grown arms and legs and is now learning to growl at me from various corners, and I spend a lot if time mulling all of the shoulds that just aren't getting done. CS2 is in desperate need of a deep clean, I am woefully behind in keeping up with bills, paperwork, correspondence, etc., and my poor skin and hair are definitely looking more Swamp Witch than Suburban Spinster.

(But...baby steps. I have to remember that at no time did one single doctor or nurse refuse to care for me because of my split ends or epic winter leg hair and post-menopausal beard/mustache situation, and last time I checked, not one visitor has recoiled in horror when coming in to check my blood pressure.)

So tonight I will have a light dinner and will watch a bit of something easy while Rich ushers the Notre Dame men's basketball game versus Duke. I'll put the game on for a minute or two to see if he's on camera, and then I'll head to bed early for another good sleep.

I am still so very happy and grateful and humbled by the love and prayers and encouragement that surround me. How did I ever get to be so incredibly blessed with such a beautiful life?

AND THEN...SHE STITCHED

 

 

OH...TAMMY!

I received another wonderful gift from a Dearie named Tammy. 

This little guy is called a Warmie, and he's weighted with lavender scented beads that can be warmed in the microwave for even more comfort. 

What Tammy didn't know is that this Warmie is the exact size, weight, and softness as Stewey! and I haven't been able to put him down. The feeling of aaaaaahhhhhh that washes over me is just indescribable!

Dearies....I am so grateful, humbled, and amazed by your support. I'm not sure how I got so lucky to be surrounded by so much love, but I know I will never forget it or take it for granted. Thank you!

Happy Thursday! We are home safely from a 7am dentist appointment for my JB. He is one step closer to getting his pearly whites completed! I managed to drive, sit in the waiting room with a book (!) and get us home without incident, so we're just going to tuck in for the duration.

(!) I haven't really been able to read or stitch yet, but I decided to just pick up my book and go for it, and if I follow it...great, and if I don't...that's OK too. I'm reading Winter's Tale by Mark Helprin, which is already a pretty dense and complicated read, but the writing is lyrical and I'm just letting that be the focus (rather than intricate plot points).

My hope for the weekend is that I can slowly tackle one room at a time and get us back to square. There is lots of laundry to be done (as usual), Louie supplies to organize and find a home for, Christmas decorations to take down (zip it, Betty), and things to scrub, polish, sweep, and fluff. Before you worry...I solemnly promise that I will be super careful and will not do anything to impede my recovery. I know that I am only four weeks post-op and will not be 100% until the 12-week mark, so the old/silly me that used to go at it like the Tasmanian Devil will sit this one out.

I've been asked a few times how my weight is doing, and although I took a rough path to do it, I've managed to lose 20 pounds so far. I expect that this will continue, since my appetite, diet, and portions have changed drastically. I don't have any dietary restrictions, and can eat anything I want (per Dr Thompson), but I am intuitively reaching for whole foods and lean proteins while very slowly re-introducing fruits and vegetables. I did a complete gut rest (nothing but ice water) for eight days in the hospital, and I think that really helped to get the healing started on the right foot.

(Yes...you read that correctly. EIGHT DAYS without one single sip of damn good! I'm sure the drugs helped, but I didn't have any withdrawal/side-effects!)

OK. Time to contemplate a little nap. 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Dearies, and that you get to do all the things! What's blowing your skirt/sweats/pajama bottoms up? Come tell me all about it!

LOUIE

Oh my goodness!  Susan, Her Very Self, has just done me in! I had absolutely no idea about THAT Louie, but I thank her for the info!

My Louie is from something I said circa 1995 when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and told my Lima sis Denise..."Until somebody like Chanel makes colostomy bags, I'm not getting one"...and then we talked about how having a colostomy was my very worst nightmare.

Fast forward almost thirty years, and here I sit...with a colostomy. But since we all know that my tiny little brain just seems a bit bent...here's the provenance of Louie:

I was in the big girl sleigh bed the first night home having my first proper meltdown when I heard "Louie...I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship", and then I started thinking about bags...designer bags...like the aforesaid Chanel...then Hermes...and then finally it hit me.

Louie.

As in Louie V Tawn.

......

BECAUSE HE'S A BAG!

Get it?

So Louie it is. And today he went for his first follow-up with his surrogate Dad...Dr Thompson...who took great delight in meeting his little guy.

(This is where Annie might pop in and tell me to knock off the cutesy again. Do you remember Annie? She is the Dearie who gave me a good talking to about the joking and clowning around and playing the fool during dialysis with all of my Buzzy nonsense. And you know what? Her words stung mightily, but she was absolutely right to chastise me for making light of something so damn serious, because I think she thought I was making light in real life and beyond the pages of this here blog. But I wasn't. I was just trying to cope.)

So.

I am now the very proud caretaker of my two most precious little creatures in this post-Stewey era. Belly Bean is the OG and is, thank God, doing his thing very happily on the right side of my lower abdomen, and his new roommate, on the left side of my middle abdomen, is...Louie.

Now if you'll indulge me, Dearies, I'm going to go quiet for a bit. I have several important appointments in the coming days with my transplant team, gastroenterologist, nutritionist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, ostomy nurse, etc. I feel like an awful lot of information is coming my way, and I need to be on my best game to receive it all and get organized for this newest phase of my beautiful life.

Back in a flash...I promise. Please come tell me everything new and wonderful in your corner of the world!

THIS IS A GOOD DAY

 

Hello, Dearies.

Today is the best day yet. I was up super early and we were out and about by 8:00 for an appointment with Dr Thompson...my surgeon. Staples have been removed, questions have been answered, restrictions have been lifted, and I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for the progress I've made in these last four weeks.

I have a new normal now...a bit slow and tender, but each day there is a little spark of that hapless spinster who used to bumble her way through the most ridiculous adventures. I'm not quite back to full-on flower-squirting clown mode just yet, but...

Louie.

His name is Louie. (*)

Cheers, Dearies. I am still so very very grateful to you for the continued love and support. I hope that you have a fantastic Fat Tuesday and a Happy Chinese New Year and all of the other things that are happening today! 

Whatever fun you're having...come tell me all about it!

(*) You get Super Spinster status if you can guess who Louie is and how he got his name.

HAPPY DAY, DEARIES

 

Pain and I are having a conversation today, and have agreed to try to co-exist in moderation. I am nursing it with Tylenol, as I have been since two days post-op, but I do have something stronger in the event that conversation isn't enough.

I have always said "I am better with pain than I am with pain meds", but that was before I saw the effect that uncontrolled pain has on healing...no bueno. My trusted dear friends that so generously offer me their professional advice remind me often that there is absolutely no honor in suffering, and that BellyBean is safe thanks to the careful watch of Dr Thompson, my beloved surgeon on this case.

I had big plans for the day...laundry and showering and cooking and reading and stitching and all of the other things that rattle around in my brain, but resting with my face in the sun is my only accomplishment thus far, and I'm perfectly happy with that.

This little road trip isn't at all linear. There are a lot of twists and turns and stops and pauses and even a few retreats to feeling a bit worse rather than better than the day before. I suppose that selecting "surrender" as my word for the year was somehow clairvoyant. I meant it in the sense of surrendering stress and worry and the need to run run run and go go go, but now I see that it actually means surrendering control and the need to always be the boss of things.

I had the Blessing of the Sick from a priest when I was in the hospital. He spoke with a very heavy accent, so when he asked if he could provide this Sacrament, I thought it meant that he was giving me Last Rights. It was very odd, actually, since the only thing I felt wash over me was complete peace, since I figured there was nothing I could do but pray, and as he applied the holy oil on my forehead he actually prayed that I would surrender all fear and worry and just trust that all would be well and according to plan.

Yowsa.

So. No big updates or long lists of things I accomplished today, I'm afraid. But I'm here and very happy to be so. Blankets are tucked, heating pads are on, and for now I'm really enjoying the slow and quiet of a late Sunday afternoon.

Are you well, Dearies? Are you, too, learning how to live in the slow and quiet? Come tell me all about your adventures!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, DEARIES!

 

MYSTERY SOLVED AND MORNING TREATS

Good morning, Dearies.

The candle mystery is solved. My dear friends Lou and Marissa are the senders! I have known them since my college days, and they are two of my very favorite peoples on the planet....true Dearies to me, indeed!

I was up and out early this morning for BellyBean labwork, and then we ran some errands. Nothing too exciting...just a car wash, oil change, gas station, and then McDonald's for an EggMcMuffin and an iced coffee.

(Betty, before you throw a tizzy, know that I am behaving myself perfectly in terms of diet, and both the EggMcMuffin and iced coffee are allowed.)

Time now for a nice shower, clean clothes, and a nice long nap. Stamina and strength aren't quite there yet, but each day gets better and better.

Thank you, Dearies, for your continued love and support! I am so grateful!

A MYSTERY GIFT

Dearies, I have been gifted candles from QVC, but don't have any idea of the sender! Please come forth, dear friend...via email if you prefer to do so...so that I may thank you properly!

My email address is: spinsterstitcher@aol.com

WEEKEND MIRACLES

The weekend was slow and quiet. Days blur into one another and things stand out. Like sunshine on my face. And a long hot shower. And Andrea Bocceli singing Nessun Dorma at the Olympics.

Nothing feels normal yet. No reading or writing or stitching, but I know it will come with time. Until then, there are lots more moments and miracles to collect and enjoy.

I am so...grateful.

 

 

THANK YOU, GOD

I'm still quiet. And slow. And not the person I was two weeks ago.

But I'm here. And I take my victories in very different forms now,  and celebrate the miracles with a lot more humility.

The healing of all of this is a great battle for me, but at the moment that I think "I just can't do it", I remember who I am and I get on with it.

Rich has been remarkable for a guy that is so...scared. I don't ever expect him to be able to be in the same room during nurse visits or procedures or anything else medical, but he has mastered the morning coffee tray, and keeping our home running, and tirelessly doing all of the things that allow me to just concentrate on getting better. For better or worse and in sickness and in health aren't part of our deal...but he's living it every single moment of 

every single day and I love him even more for it.

The outpouring of love and prayer has sustained me. I read your comments over and over again and am still in perpetual awe to be surrounded by so many truly perfect friends. Thank you for that.

I'm sorry for the quiet, but this is what I've got for now. My strength lies in my gratitude for you, Dearies, so I hope you will come tell me all about the miracles in your own little corner of the world.
 

HOME

 

I am home, but quiet. This one hit harder. And knocked me down further. Medically I am considered stable, but mentally and emotionally I'm flat on my back and will be so for a bit. At the moment, I don't have the spark...the humor...or the strength that is my usual fall-back position. There is no clown car this time, nor funny names, nor minimizing.  At the moment, it's just...rough.

There were and are continued miracles, of which my world remains full of every second of every day.

Those aren't going anywhere.

Thank you, Friends. For the love, the prayers, and the good wishes.

I love you.

coni

THIS IS HARD. BUT SO THANKFUL FOR YOU

 I am a mess, but am so thankful for you, Dearies. On grateful wings I fly.

Thank yoi.

AND THEN....THE WORST THING HAPPENED

 I'm in the hodpital, Desries. Recovering ftom emergency surgery to remove my colon. It perforated yesterday. 

And now I have a colostomy.

Pray for me. Mentally I'm there and have started to accept it. Emotionally...not so good.

I MISS FUTZINGDAYS. AND TEA WITH STEWEY.

Hello, Dearies.

I realize that January is almost over, but I seem to be permanently stuck in that week in between Christmas and New Year when the days all blur together.

(But I'm not complaining.)

Life is slow and quiet and cozy and full of reading, tea slurping, lots and lots of damn good, and the stitching of my Blessing Sampler at night. I'm reading Winter's Tale by Mark Helprin, (which has me really scratching my head), and I broke out the winter tea pot last night for a little bit of peppermint tea (to help an upset tummy). I'm ashamed to confess that CS2 is in need of a thorough scrubbing, but Christmas decorations need to come down first, and with all of these grey days, I'm enjoying the lights too much to go without just yet.

I'm getting ready to re-set my school bag, and have decided to keep going with History of Philosophy, Art History, and Shakespeare. (This time I'll read/study As You Like It in anticipation of a performance over at Notre Dame next week!) As for fiction, I am thinking about Anna Karenina...once I finish Winter's Tale.

My Jersey Boy is looking forward to the re-construction of his mouth, and has been a real trooper when it comes to his meal choices. Tonight we're having meatloaf and mashed, and if I get my act together, there will also be some sautéed spinach to fulfill our vegetable requirement. My appetite has been so completely "off" lately that I've done very poorly trying to make good choices, but that will be remedied tomorrow when I prep my big a$$ salad with grilled chicken rather than rely on myself to go without a plan.

BellyBean, God love him, is doing better than ever, despite everything else falling apart. This gives me great comfort knowing that I must be doing at least one darn thing right! 

So that's the report from the hinterlands of Hoosierville! What's new and exciting in your corner of the world? Come tell me all about it!

HOOOOOOOSIERS!

 Yes, I know. I went to Notre Dame. But I've lived in Indiana longer than any other place, and more importantly...my BellyBean is from IU! Congratulations, Hoosiers! ❤️

 

SATURDAY NIGHT SPINSTER BLISS

 

I can't seem to get motivated to do anything other than sleep, eat, stitch, read, and repeat....so that's exactly what I'm doing! Rich is ushering, my Irish are balling, and I'm just enjoying a very quiet, very cozy Saturday night!

Time enough tomorrow for the laundry things and the cleaning things and all of the other things!

Are you doing all the things? Come tell me all about it!

MOVING RIGHT ALONG!

 

MAKING PROGRESS IN BETWEEN NAPS

 

About the only thing I've accomplished in the last several days is lots and lots of sleeping (thank you permacloud), and a fair amount of stitching.

How about you?

FRIDAY EVENING SPINSTERING

 

Rich just left to do his ushering, I've finished my chores and grocery ordering for the day, and now it's time for Julian and I to find something easy for the TV and to play with silk.

THIS is my idea of Friday bliss!

AND THEN...IT WAS A NEW YEAR

Here we are on January 1st, Dearies, and I'm happy to report that the day has been a lovely start for Yours Truly! I had a good sleep, plenty of hot damn good, and then spent the day playing with my new start for the year....a Blessing Sampler called All Manner of Thing by Shepherd's Bush.

I like the sentiment very much as a good theme for 2026, and I've just ordered the book from whence the quotation comes: Revelations of Divine Love by Julian of Norwich. (*)

(I'll tell you more about Julian after I've read the book, but I know that she was the first woman to write in English and she was a 14th century anchoress and mystic.)

(I think an anchoress is a person that lives a contemplative life in seclusion?)

(Which pretty much describes me, but I don't think contemplating snacks and which pair of sweatpants I'm going to wear for the week is quite what they mean).

But.

Today has been slow. And quiet. And happy and peaceful and cozy. My JB is doing amazingly well after his dental surgery Tuesday, and although he is missing almost all of his teeth now, he's making the very best of it and not complaining at all.  

I hope that your day was exactly what you needed it to be, and that your own blessings were abundant!

Happy New Year!

(*) The full quote is "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well". This was part of Julian's divine revelations that offered comfort amidst suffering, emphasizing God's ever-present love even during dark times like the Black Death.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, DEARIES! 🍾❤️

 

I JUST COULDN'T HELP MYSELF...

That big WOOOOHOOOO you heard bellowing from the Hinterlands of Hoosierville was me, Dearies.

I was a bit sad upon completion of the Holiday Ribbons, so I climbed over my chair into my super-secret stitchy stash storage facility and guess what I found right there in my Christmas WiP basket?

Isn't she swell?!

Seriously, though...I really did enjoy the canvas work and was hankering to continue, but my canvas work stash just isn't what it used to be, and I couldn't think of anything to start. I completely forgot about Christmas Panel, and I also completely forgot that I started it already!

The best part is that the tree is going to be a cinch, since I just did five of them on the Ribbons piece! (I somehow remember dreading the tree part, since it's supposed to be "free stitching" of long and short stitches, and we all know what happens when I'm left to my own devices.

(Does anybody remember the great silk daisy debacle of 2007? That's when I couldn't free-stitch a daisy to save my life, so I stuffed a silk daisy through a hole in the cavas instead.)

(Oh...the horror!)

So now you know what I'll be doing today. I confess...there are many many things to be done around here, and I probably should be doing them, but I figure one more day under the magic blanket in front of the Christmas lights won't hurt anybody, right?

Happy post-holiday schlumpadink day to one and all! Do you have something schlumpy going on today? Come tell me all about it!

 

 

IN WHICH I HAD MYSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, DEARIES!

 

HELLO

Well, Dearies, the Official 2025 SpinsterStitcher Week of Christmas Fun has kicked off with great success! Yesterday was all about the business of getting myself sorted. Ready? Here goes...

I took my beloved JB to the airport at the crack of 11am for his journey home to see his mom. This year is especially special, since she has been in a rehab facility for the last three months mending a fractured hip after a fall, and while he was winging his way to her, she was being released and sent home to her condo! So by the time he arrived, she should have been happily ensconced back in her own bed and recliner.

I stopped for a car wash and enjoyed driving around a bit. I forget sometimes what the outside world looks like, and can go weeks without stepping foot outside CS2, so it was nice to listen to some Christmas tunes and dodge potholes for a minute or two.

Then it was on to the CVS for all of the shots. I knew I wanted to get them while Rich was away so that I could be miserable with impunity, and that I might build up a little bit of resistance to whatever he brings home with him from the airplane this year, so without hesitation, I stepped behind that little fabric screen that doesn't hide a damn thing, whipped my big girl sweatshirt off and sat there in my old man Hane's t-shirt while the pharmacy tech did her thing in my non-stitching arm.

Provisions started arriving at 2:00, and by the time the sun went down at 4:30 I was chopping and dicing and slicing away with the air fryer frying and the rice pot ricing.

Viola! I give you my new favorite easy meal...steak bites on rice.

(I realize that the photo implies an enormous portion, but I promise you that the plate/bowl is actually appetizer size and there are lots and lots of leftovers.)

I use stew beef (I'm a spinster on a budget, and it was on sale), mushrooms, onion, and garlic...all in a Ziploc bag with a splash of marinade (Lawry's Steakhouse because it was what we had in the fridge), and then I throw it into the air fryer at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes.

(You take it out of the Ziploc to do so. I was somehow trapped by my own sentence structure there.)

(Yes, Betty. The steak bites are completely overcooked and usually taste like shoe leather, but that's how I like them.)

For the remainder of the night I watched the Outlander and stitched, and I'm happy to report that I went to bed at a relatively early hour for me. When Rich travels I am normally like a six-year old and I try to stay up until the wee hours of the morning so I can say I did, but last might I hit the pillow at midnight.

If you've been reading this here blog for any length of time, then you know exactly what I'm doing today...the day after getting all of the shots.

I'm a sick little mess, Dearies. My arm feels like it's going to fall off, my poor head wants to just split right off of my shoulders, and I'm pretty sure I must have fallen down the stairs last night at least a dozen times. Methinks this year's flu shot also has a tummy component, because even my morning damn good is not staying where it's supposed to.

Oey vey.

But.

The sun is shining, I am cozy and happy under my Stewey magic blanket, and I have the perfect plan for the day...

Enjoy the ball-less tree:

Drink lots of fluids:

And sip the damn good slowly from my favorite Christmas mug.

 

When I'm finished hitting the SEND button here, I'll grab a couple of the damn Greek cookies...which are delicious, by the way!...and finish up my Laura J Perin piece. I only have the background of the stocking ribbon, the border, and final embellishments to go!

I wish I could tell you how much fun I've had playing with this one! It's just been the perfect project for me lately.

So that's the report. I'm well-provisioned, well-hydrated, and happily stitching along today. What are you doing on this Christmas Eve Eve? I hope it's something wonderful and restful and peaceful and calm.

But if frenzy and chaos are your thing...that's good too!

DEAR MOM

Before I get started, let me just say that I love you and miss you so much I sometimes think my heart will just break into more little pieces than it is now. This might not be so apparent by the end of this, because today was...

THE DAMN GREEK COOKIE DAY VERSION 40.0

Mom, I've been trying to bake these damn Greek cookies every Christmas since I was 19 years old in my first little crappy apartment at the edge of campus? Remember how you and Dad begged me to just try one more year in the dorm, but I knew better?  Well, if admitting that you were right and I was wrong will release the curse of the damn Greek cookies...

You were right.

I was wrong.

I have your recipe...the one that is in your handwriting on the back of an envelope. I'm guessing that you scribbled this down one year while Aunt Mary was on the phone from California, and since long-distance calling was pricey...you "abbreviated".

I'm also guessing that you might have had a bad connection and mis-heard the amounts of the ingredients, because I can tell you absolutely positively without any doubt whatsoever that these ingredients, when mixed together, in no way shape or form result in anything that at all resembles...dough.

Siggy, I watched no less that thirty-five videos of nice Greek ladies making these damn Greek cookies, and not a single one of them uses "a dozen egg yolks, a cup of orange juice, or a box of Swan's Down Cake Flour" and then uses "get the dough so it isn't sticky" as the instructions.

If I didn't truly love you as much as I do, I would tell you what you can do with the box of Swan's Down Cake Flour, but based on experience (like when you took me down a flight of stairs and spanked me while wearing your velour robe because my sixteen-year old self got fresh with you after breaking my 9:00 curfew), I will simply say...

You. Win.

Year 40 of the damn Greek cookies started with me carefully gathering and measuring all of the ingredients according to your recipe:

The first thing I did was cream the butter and sugar together, and I even made sure that the butter sat out until it was room temperature:

Then I added the stupid dozen egg yolks, one at a time...and they were room temperature too:

Then, I put the baking powder into the orange juice so it would foam up and added the vanilla, and I didn't panic when it looked like scrambled eggs, because one of the nice Greek ladies on the YouTubes said it would look like scrambled eggs:

And then...because I'm older and wiser now and this is the 40th time I've tried to make the damn Greek cookies, I SPLIT THE BATCH IN TWO so it wouldn't be so hard to mix! 

This is where I really think you're screwing with me, Mom. Not matter how much I mixed, not matter how much Swan's Down Cake Flour I used, and no matter how many times I tried to just calm down and take my time...whether with the big mixer or when I gave up and tried it by hand after soaking my hands in ice water for ten minutes...

The damn Greek cookie dough is...S.T.I.C.K.Y.

If Rich knew how to spackle (or even what spackle was), he could adhere granite tiles to the side of a building with this stuff.  You'll notice that there is a good amount of it stuck to the bowl? Well, it lives there permanently now, and if I ever get the energy to lift this out of the fridge, I would be better off just chucking the whole damn thing in the dumpster (assuming I can find a forklift to get it down there) and buying a new one on the amazons.

David wrote to me a few weeks ago to tell me that Aunt Mary passed away sometime in October, so I'm sure that you and Aunt JoAnn and now Aunt Mary are up there just laughing your heads off, and Grandma is probably saying "Oh, poor Connie Dough. Why do you suppose she does this every year?"

And then a tiny little voice pipes up from the background "Because they are delicious, Great Grandmother Josephine, but she's just not bright enough to use a different recipe".

I know that you love me and are watching out for the important stuff like labwork and helping me learn how to be a good 1950's housewife, but could you also take pity on me and send a YaiYai over to show me once and for all how to make these damn things?

Please give Dad a kiss for me and tell him not to give Bosco too many Snyder's hard pretzels today while watching football. I love you, Mom.  Merry Christmas!

EDITED TO ADD:

Eleventy-seven hours later, and the first two dozen are out of the oven. 😖 This didn't make a dent in the vat of dough and I'm pretty sure I have another ten dozen to go before hitting the bottom of the bowl. 😮

No, Betty, I cannot cut the recipe in half and only end up with 60 or 70 cookies instead of the 130-140 that will finally come out of my cold dead hands. If I did that, I would have nothing to complain about, would probably have great ease and success, and you wouldn't have to read about me sweating through my big girl sports bra to create SPACKLE.

Tradition, Betty. Tradition.