WOOHOOOOOOOO!

All Manner of Thing

Shepherd's Bush

32ct hand dyed linen

Weeks Dye Works Overdyed Threads

IN WHICH WE DISCOVER A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF "CLEAN"

So I did a thing.

Bolstered by your loving comments about my current state of schlump, I hauled my heiney out of the chair and decided to "clean the apartment".

If you've known me for any length of time, you know that my old standard for what constituted a properly kept house was the idea that a team of surgeons could, at any moment, enter said house and perform surgery on any surface without hesitation.

Even when Stewey was watering the drapes, I tried as best as I could to disinfect and swipe and scrub and brush, polish, and buff everything in my possession to within an inch of its proverbial life.

But now?

I came to the conclusion that if it's not dirty enough to kill me with some rare bacterium...it's good enough for now.

So instead of removing every item from every surface and dousing things in bleach and Lysol and any other crazy thing I fished out of the Targets...I grabbed a handful of paper towels, some Windex, and enough scrubbing bubbles to make it shine and smell nice, and I called it a day.

I pushed the vacuum around for a few minutes until I was tired, fluffed the bedding a bit, replaced the kitchen towels....and declared that I was officially tired, found my book and water, made a damn good cold brew, and returned to the chair.

You know what the funniest thing was at the end of the night as I settled in for sleep? I was as happy and satisfied with my seven minutes of half-a$$ed spiffing as I used to be after a two-day marathon.

So there.

Happy Weekend, Dearies! I, for one, am going to spend it stitching, reading, resting, and slurping. How about you?

ALMOST THERE!

 

A bottom border, a few backstitched details, itty bitty buttons and this one will be finished! It truly has been a joy to stitch, and I have promised myself to take this for proper framing and then proper hanging on a wall in the bedroom so I can enjoy it every day.

I confess to feeling decidedly not myself these last few days. I seem to have moved from unbridled happiness and gratitude to the edge of a big fat pity party, and I don't like it. At all. In addition to being miserable to be around when I'm feeling the feelings, I get hit square between the eyes with overwhelming guilt and shame that I could allow myself to go there.

But, contrary to the fantasy in my head, I am, after all, very human. And I suspect that a lot of the physical stuff I'm going through is starting to take a toll on me, and it's manifesting a return of the big black dog. 

I know that medication, weather, world events, and turning 60 next week are all adding fuel to this stupid little fire, so I will allow myself a tiny bit of grace for a minute and not get too bent out of shape over it, but still...it does kinda suck.

Enough of that. 

Showers to take and errands to run and things to do today, so I better get myself moving. I'd love to camp out under blankets today with stitching and a book, but alas...adulting must be done.

Happy Thursday, Dearies! How are things in your little corner of the world? Are you doing all the things and taking care of yourselves? Come tell me all about it!

HAPPY APRIL, DEARIES!

 

IN WHICH THE SPINSTER TAKES A WALK....SORT OF.

 

It took me longer to get my shoes on than it did to make it down the stairs and into the parking lot for a three and a half minute walk, but...

I did it....Slowly, and without my scooter contraption, but I put one foot in front of the other for three and a half minutes and felt the warm breeze on my face and probably looked like a mafia widow in my all black get-up with hat pulled low and glasses covering much of my head, but like my Jersey Boy said: "It's three and a half minutes more than you walked yesterday", so I'm feeling pretty happy at the moment.

Time for a damn good cold brew, a water refill, and a little reading time before stitching.

Cheers, Dearies! And Happy Monday to you!

PROGRESS

 

Hi, Dearies!

I put the final stitch in the upper motif last night, so now it's on to the big sheep hill and bottom border! I am just so in love with this piece, and have promised myself to have it framed rather than put it in the fuppy box.

Small setback due to some low hemoglobin, but all will be well as soon as I can get some iron. My kidney team is arranging an infusion, so I'm in good hands...nothing to fret about.

The sun is shining, the birds are tweeting sweetly, and I finally have laundry sploshing away in the contraption. I'll have my cold brew and a shower this afternoon, and will be good as new!

What's going on in your little corner of the world?

 

SNICKERS, HEATH BAR, OR BUTTERFINGER...OH MY!

 

SLOWLY...BUT GETTING THERE

 

OK, BETTY. I FINALLY TOOK THE DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE DOWN.

 

Here's an important safety tip if you happen to be seven weeks post major surgery. If you do something reckless like decide to sit on the floor, have a plan for getting back up before you do so.

(I'm slowly chipping away at my to do list, and today was the day I was determined to get the Christmas tree put back into its bag. Thanks to a lovely Dearie who gifted me an amazon gift certificate, I was able to find what I think is a pretty good replacement tree so that the corner won't look so naked.)

(Thank you again, Dearie!)

Down I went to unplug things and de-dust and generally tidy up, when it occurred to me that it was going to take a minor miracle or a major forklift to get me back up. I sat there for several minutes before I confessed to my JB that I might be stuck, but I suddenly remembered a video I saw on the YouTubes about this very thing, and before I knew it...I was safely and painlessly upright once again.

(Crisis averted.)

I am now happily under the blankets with Snoopy, and as soon as my afternoon damn good knocks the cobwebs away I'm going to try to stitch a bit before making dinner. 

Happy Friday that has felt like a Saturday to me all day! If you're having the same blustery weather we are, batten the hatches! 

FINALLY...ONE I CAN COMPLETE!

 

 

 

...especially with freshly laundered sheets and blankets and after a wonderful shower with all of the "good" soaps and shampoos!

SATURDAY PLAN

 

Good morning, Dearies.

Well, I had to give myself a stern talking-to this morning already. For the last several days I have been fretting myself into a snit over this and that, and I sat down to drink my damn good with a thousand little shouldlings buzzing around in my head.

"Enough!", I bellowed loud enough to scare the neighbors.

This is probably the one time in my life when it is absolutely positively certainly and without doubt OK for me to do nothing but R.E.S.T.  And instead of fully embracing that fact, I allowed that dastardly part of my tiny little brain a moment to pipe up with all of the crap he felt I should be doing instead.

(I really dislike that little bas$#@* and wish he'd go haunt somebody else's house for a while. Mine is all full-up with all of his colleagues that tell me I should be eating better or drinking more water or taking better care of my skin.)

Phooey on all of 'em, I say!

So I am going to sit here on my big fat heiney today and enjoy my new book, enjoy my Blessing Sampler, and enjoy the last season of The Crown that I have been bingeing, and everything else can just...wait. Critical things like the bathroom and kitchen are clean enough not to warrant plague, and one more night on flannel sheets isn't going to kill anybody. I have healthy things to eat and lots of water to drink (thanks to a dispensing gizmo that prevents me from having to lift the bottle onto the cooler), and my JB will call from NJ to check in later this afternoon, I'm sure.

I'm getting there, I promise. But, as many of you know, old habits die hard, and in my head I am still capable of having a Spinster Saturday...clean the house top to bottom, run a week's worth of errands, and then still have energy left over to dine and dance the night away. Forget the fact that I was 20 when I did that, and now I'm a month away from 60...that stuff is ingrained deep deep inside.

So, I hereby announce a new mode of Spinster Saturday! Stay in your jammies, drink damn good or your bevvie of choice with impunity, and do absolutely nothing but rest and do all the things you love! Let's get started!

WHADDA YA MEAN IT ISN'T?!

 

 

AMEN

 

TRUE STORY

 

 

IN WHICH I BECOME A...POOTER

SPINSTER, KNOW THYSELF!

 

THE STATE OF THE SPINSTER STITCHER UNION...

 

My fellow Dearies...

Today has been a good day thus far. I had a good long sleep and finally hauled myself out of the big girl sleigh bed after 11am! My JB was out and about for appointments and errands, and just as the coffee maker was sputtering its last bit of damn good into my big huge cup, he arrived home with good reports and a few bags of provisions.

After a wonderful hot and soapy shower and hair wash, I was off to visit with Dr Eskapalli...my kidney doc, who was anxious to hear all of the exciting details of the last month.

Can you believe it's been a month?! I was kind of feeling a bit behind schedule a few days ago, but Dr E assures me that a normal person (without all of my other issues) normally needs at least twelve full weeks to get this far, so I'm feeling a little better about being so "lazy" these last several days.

But in the spirit of keeping you up to date, I will tell you that my recovery progress remains slow and steady. I am becoming more and more confident taking care of Louie, and thanks to patience and excellent nursing while in hospital, I think I've learned what to look for in terms of trouble signs.  Pain is still an issue, but more and more a minor one, and I have weaned myself down to taking two Tylenol before bed instead of every six hours.

I've lost a fair amount of weight and continue to do so, and despite being free to eat "anything that sounds good", I am, for the first time in my life, consistently making good choices and have reduced my portion sizes considerably. I'm concentrating on protein, and am very very slowly re-adding fresh fruits and vegetables as well as higher fiber foods.

Energy-wise, I am still nowhere near my old self, and my ability to stand or walk for any length of time is really really limited, but I have a wonderful set of exercises to do for both upper and lower body, thanks to visits from physical and occupational therapists.

My greatest challenge right now is mental. (I know. Surprise surprise , right?)  My stupid to do list has grown arms and legs and is now learning to growl at me from various corners, and I spend a lot if time mulling all of the shoulds that just aren't getting done. CS2 is in desperate need of a deep clean, I am woefully behind in keeping up with bills, paperwork, correspondence, etc., and my poor skin and hair are definitely looking more Swamp Witch than Suburban Spinster.

(But...baby steps. I have to remember that at no time did one single doctor or nurse refuse to care for me because of my split ends or epic winter leg hair and post-menopausal beard/mustache situation, and last time I checked, not one visitor has recoiled in horror when coming in to check my blood pressure.)

So tonight I will have a light dinner and will watch a bit of something easy while Rich ushers the Notre Dame men's basketball game versus Duke. I'll put the game on for a minute or two to see if he's on camera, and then I'll head to bed early for another good sleep.

I am still so very happy and grateful and humbled by the love and prayers and encouragement that surround me. How did I ever get to be so incredibly blessed with such a beautiful life?

AND THEN...SHE STITCHED

 

 

OH...TAMMY!

I received another wonderful gift from a Dearie named Tammy. 

This little guy is called a Warmie, and he's weighted with lavender scented beads that can be warmed in the microwave for even more comfort. 

What Tammy didn't know is that this Warmie is the exact size, weight, and softness as Stewey! and I haven't been able to put him down. The feeling of aaaaaahhhhhh that washes over me is just indescribable!

Dearies....I am so grateful, humbled, and amazed by your support. I'm not sure how I got so lucky to be surrounded by so much love, but I know I will never forget it or take it for granted. Thank you!

Happy Thursday! We are home safely from a 7am dentist appointment for my JB. He is one step closer to getting his pearly whites completed! I managed to drive, sit in the waiting room with a book (!) and get us home without incident, so we're just going to tuck in for the duration.

(!) I haven't really been able to read or stitch yet, but I decided to just pick up my book and go for it, and if I follow it...great, and if I don't...that's OK too. I'm reading Winter's Tale by Mark Helprin, which is already a pretty dense and complicated read, but the writing is lyrical and I'm just letting that be the focus (rather than intricate plot points).

My hope for the weekend is that I can slowly tackle one room at a time and get us back to square. There is lots of laundry to be done (as usual), Louie supplies to organize and find a home for, Christmas decorations to take down (zip it, Betty), and things to scrub, polish, sweep, and fluff. Before you worry...I solemnly promise that I will be super careful and will not do anything to impede my recovery. I know that I am only four weeks post-op and will not be 100% until the 12-week mark, so the old/silly me that used to go at it like the Tasmanian Devil will sit this one out.

I've been asked a few times how my weight is doing, and although I took a rough path to do it, I've managed to lose 20 pounds so far. I expect that this will continue, since my appetite, diet, and portions have changed drastically. I don't have any dietary restrictions, and can eat anything I want (per Dr Thompson), but I am intuitively reaching for whole foods and lean proteins while very slowly re-introducing fruits and vegetables. I did a complete gut rest (nothing but ice water) for eight days in the hospital, and I think that really helped to get the healing started on the right foot.

(Yes...you read that correctly. EIGHT DAYS without one single sip of damn good! I'm sure the drugs helped, but I didn't have any withdrawal/side-effects!)

OK. Time to contemplate a little nap. 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Dearies, and that you get to do all the things! What's blowing your skirt/sweats/pajama bottoms up? Come tell me all about it!

LOUIE

Oh my goodness!  Susan, Her Very Self, has just done me in! I had absolutely no idea about THAT Louie, but I thank her for the info!

My Louie is from something I said circa 1995 when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and told my Lima sis Denise..."Until somebody like Chanel makes colostomy bags, I'm not getting one"...and then we talked about how having a colostomy was my very worst nightmare.

Fast forward almost thirty years, and here I sit...with a colostomy. But since we all know that my tiny little brain just seems a bit bent...here's the provenance of Louie:

I was in the big girl sleigh bed the first night home having my first proper meltdown when I heard "Louie...I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship", and then I started thinking about bags...designer bags...like the aforesaid Chanel...then Hermes...and then finally it hit me.

Louie.

As in Louie V Tawn.

......

BECAUSE HE'S A BAG!

Get it?

So Louie it is. And today he went for his first follow-up with his surrogate Dad...Dr Thompson...who took great delight in meeting his little guy.

(This is where Annie might pop in and tell me to knock off the cutesy again. Do you remember Annie? She is the Dearie who gave me a good talking to about the joking and clowning around and playing the fool during dialysis with all of my Buzzy nonsense. And you know what? Her words stung mightily, but she was absolutely right to chastise me for making light of something so damn serious, because I think she thought I was making light in real life and beyond the pages of this here blog. But I wasn't. I was just trying to cope.)

So.

I am now the very proud caretaker of my two most precious little creatures in this post-Stewey era. Belly Bean is the OG and is, thank God, doing his thing very happily on the right side of my lower abdomen, and his new roommate, on the left side of my middle abdomen, is...Louie.

Now if you'll indulge me, Dearies, I'm going to go quiet for a bit. I have several important appointments in the coming days with my transplant team, gastroenterologist, nutritionist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, ostomy nurse, etc. I feel like an awful lot of information is coming my way, and I need to be on my best game to receive it all and get organized for this newest phase of my beautiful life.

Back in a flash...I promise. Please come tell me everything new and wonderful in your corner of the world!

THIS IS A GOOD DAY

 

Hello, Dearies.

Today is the best day yet. I was up super early and we were out and about by 8:00 for an appointment with Dr Thompson...my surgeon. Staples have been removed, questions have been answered, restrictions have been lifted, and I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for the progress I've made in these last four weeks.

I have a new normal now...a bit slow and tender, but each day there is a little spark of that hapless spinster who used to bumble her way through the most ridiculous adventures. I'm not quite back to full-on flower-squirting clown mode just yet, but...

Louie.

His name is Louie. (*)

Cheers, Dearies. I am still so very very grateful to you for the continued love and support. I hope that you have a fantastic Fat Tuesday and a Happy Chinese New Year and all of the other things that are happening today! 

Whatever fun you're having...come tell me all about it!

(*) You get Super Spinster status if you can guess who Louie is and how he got his name.

HAPPY DAY, DEARIES

 

Pain and I are having a conversation today, and have agreed to try to co-exist in moderation. I am nursing it with Tylenol, as I have been since two days post-op, but I do have something stronger in the event that conversation isn't enough.

I have always said "I am better with pain than I am with pain meds", but that was before I saw the effect that uncontrolled pain has on healing...no bueno. My trusted dear friends that so generously offer me their professional advice remind me often that there is absolutely no honor in suffering, and that BellyBean is safe thanks to the careful watch of Dr Thompson, my beloved surgeon on this case.

I had big plans for the day...laundry and showering and cooking and reading and stitching and all of the other things that rattle around in my brain, but resting with my face in the sun is my only accomplishment thus far, and I'm perfectly happy with that.

This little road trip isn't at all linear. There are a lot of twists and turns and stops and pauses and even a few retreats to feeling a bit worse rather than better than the day before. I suppose that selecting "surrender" as my word for the year was somehow clairvoyant. I meant it in the sense of surrendering stress and worry and the need to run run run and go go go, but now I see that it actually means surrendering control and the need to always be the boss of things.

I had the Blessing of the Sick from a priest when I was in the hospital. He spoke with a very heavy accent, so when he asked if he could provide this Sacrament, I thought it meant that he was giving me Last Rights. It was very odd, actually, since the only thing I felt wash over me was complete peace, since I figured there was nothing I could do but pray, and as he applied the holy oil on my forehead he actually prayed that I would surrender all fear and worry and just trust that all would be well and according to plan.

Yowsa.

So. No big updates or long lists of things I accomplished today, I'm afraid. But I'm here and very happy to be so. Blankets are tucked, heating pads are on, and for now I'm really enjoying the slow and quiet of a late Sunday afternoon.

Are you well, Dearies? Are you, too, learning how to live in the slow and quiet? Come tell me all about your adventures!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, DEARIES!

 

MYSTERY SOLVED AND MORNING TREATS

Good morning, Dearies.

The candle mystery is solved. My dear friends Lou and Marissa are the senders! I have known them since my college days, and they are two of my very favorite peoples on the planet....true Dearies to me, indeed!

I was up and out early this morning for BellyBean labwork, and then we ran some errands. Nothing too exciting...just a car wash, oil change, gas station, and then McDonald's for an EggMcMuffin and an iced coffee.

(Betty, before you throw a tizzy, know that I am behaving myself perfectly in terms of diet, and both the EggMcMuffin and iced coffee are allowed.)

Time now for a nice shower, clean clothes, and a nice long nap. Stamina and strength aren't quite there yet, but each day gets better and better.

Thank you, Dearies, for your continued love and support! I am so grateful!

A MYSTERY GIFT

Dearies, I have been gifted candles from QVC, but don't have any idea of the sender! Please come forth, dear friend...via email if you prefer to do so...so that I may thank you properly!

My email address is: spinsterstitcher@aol.com

WEEKEND MIRACLES

The weekend was slow and quiet. Days blur into one another and things stand out. Like sunshine on my face. And a long hot shower. And Andrea Bocceli singing Nessun Dorma at the Olympics.

Nothing feels normal yet. No reading or writing or stitching, but I know it will come with time. Until then, there are lots more moments and miracles to collect and enjoy.

I am so...grateful.

 

 

THANK YOU, GOD

I'm still quiet. And slow. And not the person I was two weeks ago.

But I'm here. And I take my victories in very different forms now,  and celebrate the miracles with a lot more humility.

The healing of all of this is a great battle for me, but at the moment that I think "I just can't do it", I remember who I am and I get on with it.

Rich has been remarkable for a guy that is so...scared. I don't ever expect him to be able to be in the same room during nurse visits or procedures or anything else medical, but he has mastered the morning coffee tray, and keeping our home running, and tirelessly doing all of the things that allow me to just concentrate on getting better. For better or worse and in sickness and in health aren't part of our deal...but he's living it every single moment of 

every single day and I love him even more for it.

The outpouring of love and prayer has sustained me. I read your comments over and over again and am still in perpetual awe to be surrounded by so many truly perfect friends. Thank you for that.

I'm sorry for the quiet, but this is what I've got for now. My strength lies in my gratitude for you, Dearies, so I hope you will come tell me all about the miracles in your own little corner of the world.
 

HOME

 

I am home, but quiet. This one hit harder. And knocked me down further. Medically I am considered stable, but mentally and emotionally I'm flat on my back and will be so for a bit. At the moment, I don't have the spark...the humor...or the strength that is my usual fall-back position. There is no clown car this time, nor funny names, nor minimizing.  At the moment, it's just...rough.

There were and are continued miracles, of which my world remains full of every second of every day.

Those aren't going anywhere.

Thank you, Friends. For the love, the prayers, and the good wishes.

I love you.

coni