Today didn't exactly start any better than yesterday, but my feeling about it is entirely different. Instead of bemoaning and bebitching and bekvetching about everything I haven't or have done, I decided to pull up my socks and get on with it.
There are two things that I used to do during Operation Go that held me accountable and made me sit up in the buggy. One, is that I tracked my food on an app called LoseIt, and the second is that I wore a step-counter thingie to remind me to move my fanny.
Done and done.
I enjoyed a Naked Juice this morning instead of a meatloaf sandwich, and although I should have selected something with more protein and less natural sugar in it, the choice was a good one and I got lots of lovely vitamins in me to boot.
The step thingie is charging its little brains out, so as soon as it's done, I'll slap it on my wrist and contemplate a walk later. It might only be downstairs to the mailbox and back, but steps are steps, and it doesn't matter if I get them futzing or on the treadmill at the gym. Right?
Dinner will be crab cakes and salad. My JB is starting his own journey by trying to eat less and move more, so I will have plenty of company and support along the way to getting healthy again. (Our combined weight is enough to threaten the structural integrity of the floors here at CS2, so we've got a whole community service/health and safety component built into this thing, too.)
My BellyBean is fifteen months old now. Time to stop using recovery as an excuse and get on with doing everything I can to make sure he lives a long and happy life. My biggest nightmare is that I lose him and run down to IU for another and Goggins says "Are you effing kidding me?! I gave you a miracle and you didn't think enough of it to take care of it! Go back to dialysis, you ungrateful lump! No more kidneys for you!"
(Or words to that effect. If you know Dr Goggins, there would be a lot more effings in there.)
So I will try to pay better attention and be diligent and stop thinking that unless it's perfection it might as well be failure. You know exactly what I mean. You're on a diet and "slip" by eating a donut, so you eat six more donuts because you've already screwed it up...why not go completely overboard in the process.
Oh wait. Am I the only one who does that?
So, Dearies, the moral of the story is that I'm still here with all of my flaws, idiosynchronies, and quirks, and I'm pretty sure that somewhere along the way I'll go face first into a pile of RiceKrispy treats or fettuccine alfreddo with ham and peas, but at least I know that no matter how many damn times you fall off of this stupid wagon, it never moves far enough away that you can't claw your way back up and into the driver's seat.
Cheers to those of you out there who inspire me to get my proverbial act together. You consistently make me want to be a better human person. Thank you for that.
Happy Tuesday, Dearies!