Aug 10, 2009

PLEASE SEND HELP

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's been overcome by a case of the "Robert Downey, Jr's." My Aunt Chrissy came over yesterday afternoon for some stitching and movie watching, and although I thought we should have viewed several Merchant-Ivory films, the consensus was "Factory Girl" and "Ironman". (Damn that Bosco and his seven-year old boy attention span.)

I liked "Factory Girl", but got really depressed by it, so Mom made me go in the other room for a while to collect my thoughts. Just as I was about to re-join the family, the volume went up, the lights went down, and both Mom and Aunt Chrissy sat transfixed by what should have been a pre-adolescent boy movie. Geeze, Louise...the number of "hubba hubbas" that was flying around was just too much to take after a while. I will say this, though...those muscles and that goatee kept my old lady quiet for the rest of the night.

You would think that a lot of stitching was done, but alas, it was not to be. On Saturday, Mom put some stitchy WIP's on the guest bed to get a better look at them for her next selection: She decided to work on "Cherry Cordial", which is a counted piece done on congress cloth (it's the pink one in the middle), but the whole R.D., Jr. thing was just too much for her pea-sized intellect to handle. I think she stitched and then ripped out a section at least seven times before putting it away.

After movie time, she picked up Country Cottage Needlework's "Garden Girl". When last we left our little heroine, she was bald and didn't have any hands. Now, at least, she has some lovely brown hair and a nice hat to protect her from the sun. I like this one, so I hope Mom sticks with it today and heads for the finish line.

I noticed that y'all were kind enough to post nice comments about the pillows on the guest bed. Here are some close up pics for you (but please forgive the loose threads on the sunflower pillow...Mom needs to take that one apart and re-stitch it.)





That's the Monday report from Chez Spinster. Thanks for stopping by today!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

Aug 9, 2009

WAY PAST MY BED TIME, BUT...

This is Jennifer Pudney's "Tall Poppies", a little kit that I purchased all the way back in 2006 for my birthday trip. This was the oldest WIP in my pile, so I'm really tickled to get it finished and off the list! Sorry for the craptastic photo, but it's dark and I don't know how to use my damn camera. *

Stewey is already on his way to dream land. He'll sack out on his perch and then I'll coax him outside for one last potty trip before lights out. He's been a little quiet today...methinks it has something to do with the lousy hot/humid weather outside. Good thing we've got lots to keep us busy in here... and it's as cold as a meat locker! Woo Hoo! "Please, Mommie. Do I take pitures of you when you're trying to sleep?"
*Edited to add in the light of day:



Aug 7, 2009

HIP HIP....HOORAY!

Three cheers for Jane from The Chilly Hollow Needlepoint Adventure! In her comment yesterday, she suggested that I try doing a tent stitch over every other thread for the background on Tall Poppies. Woo Hoo!Like a good little stitcher, I sat my heiney in the Happy Chair and just GOT TO IT. At first I wondered if I would be able to figure out how to do a tent stitch over every other thread (I know, I know), but once I got into the rhythm of it, things just moved right along! I got about 3/4 of the way to the top and then got a little bug-eyed, so I played with the black squares a little bit for a change of pace. If I stick with this one again today I could....wait for it....gasp with delight....jump up and down with glee.....FINISH THIS ONE!

I find it fascinating that I can go months and months without finishing anything, and then POOF! I get one thing done and get on a roll. I suppose that it's all part of my "all or none" personality, but it seems that if I'm not in a stitchy rut, then I'm flying through WIP's with the greatest of ease.

I had a friend named Dr. Dan who once told me that he had never met a person who had absolutely no grey area. It was either A or B with me...nothing in between. We had a good laugh over it that, and I asked him if I had to be a roller coaster, could I be one of the twisty/curvy ones that made people throw up?

My friend Dr. Dan and I first met on the school bus when we were in sixth grade. He was the tallest kid in the class and was the star basketball player. His family moved away to Mansfield, Ohio once we entered high school and I lost touch with him. After I had been at Notre Dame for a few weeks, a Lima friend of mine said "There's a really cool guy in my dorm that I want you to meet. His name is Danny Guagenti and he's originally from Lima." (Please note that my friend Dr. Dan's last name was not Guagenti....it was Gaughan.) So in walks this little guy (about 5'3" tall) and he introduces himself with a little twinkle in his eyes. It took me about a half hour, but eventually I smacked myself on the forehead and said "OMG! You're not Danny Guagenti! You're Dan Gaughan! What the hell happened to you?! You used to be tall!"

Now you would think that this comment would have ended the friendship right there. But nope...without missing a beat, Dan looked me deeply in the eyes and said "Uh, Con? You all were four feet tall in sixth grade. Everybody looked tall to you."

So our friendship continued through the years and we followed each other from place to place. Dan graduated from Notre Dame and then attended Wright State Medical School on a U.S. Navy scholarship. Once he finished med school, he then served in the Navy as a Naval Flight Surgeon. (I like to tell everybody that Top Gun pilots all have their own physicians, and that those physicians have to be trained as Top Gun pilots too...so that's what my friend Dr. Dan was, but I'm sure I screwed that all up and only remember it that way because Dan looked exactly like Tom Cruise in his flight suit.)

I moved to Atlantic City in May of 1993 and within three days of getting there, Dan called to tell me that his ship was going to be in New York for Fleet Week and that I had to come for a visit. (He was on the USS America). Did I mention that I was still traumatized by the drive from Indiana to New Jersey? Did I mention that I was afraid to leave my crappy little apartment for the first month that I lived there because New Jersey was the biggest and loudest place I had ever been?

God only knows how the hell I did it, but Memorial Day 1993 found me in my little Pontiac Sunbird on the Garden State Parkway headed to NEW YORK CITY. NEW YORK CITY. ON MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. (Man, you talk about your country bumpkin...). Well, I made it and Dan and I spent the entire day hanging out. We toured his ship (which was bigger than Lima, Ohio by the way), we took a subway to SoHo, and we ate new York pizza. It was the first time that I EVER did anything that adventurous, and when I made it back home to tell people about it, they were amazed that ANYBODY could get me out of my apartment, let alone out of New Jersey.

Anywhoose...after finishing his time in the Navy, Dan started his residency in Toledo, Ohio and got married. Six months later, he suffered a massive heart attack while driving himself to the ER and died. He was thirty one years old.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of my friend Dr. Dan, and sometimes I wonder what the hell he would think about me writing this silly blog. He sent me an article once about writing children's books, but I never thought a thing of it. Now, I wonder if he was trying to tell me something that would have changed the course of my life.

Man o' manachevitz. I have NO IDEA where all of that came from! One minute I'm talking about putting tent stitches on a piece of needlepoint and then BAM! I'm reminiscing about a lost friend. STEWEY, GET THE MIDOL!

(I guess that A and B thing wasn't too far off after all.)

Happy Weekend, everybody!

Aug 6, 2009

MUFFED IT

I finished LHN's "My Needle's Work", but I screwed up the border. I knew this was going to happen, but I had convinced myself that somehow it would magically all come together in the end. It didn't.

I'm going to let it marinate for a few days before I decide what the heck to do about it. (We all know I will probably rip out the entire thing and start over, but let's just pretend that I will come to my senses before that, shall we?)
This is my oldest WIP. It's a small post-card sized needlepoint canvas by Jennifer Pudney. I purchased this little kit as a take-along on my trip to Turks and Caicos, and I stitched all of those flowers during the harrowing flight over the ocean to Provo Island. ("Are those SHARKS down there, Aunt Chrissy?! Where's my cocktail!? Did I remember to leave a copy of my will on the dining room table so that when I am no longer, Stewey will have a nice safe clean comfortable home to live in?! (And yes, I did write a will, and yes, instructions for Stewey were included in said will, and yes, I set up a little trust fund for his up-keep.) "Oh my God! Is that the pilot going into the bathroom!? Who's flying the plane?!"). And so on.

Once we got to T&C, I was more worried about the ToyoPet vehicle that we sported around in (yup, it was smaller than my suitcase and had the steering wheel on the wrong side), and whether or not flying cockroaches would get me in my sleep than I was about finishing this, so it went into the WIP pile and stayed there.

What can I say? I'm a little high maintenance.

So methinks it is next on the QUEST TO FINISH EVERYTHING THAT I'VE STARTED BEFORE NOVEMBER 1ST. My only problem is what to do with that background? I know it should be done in tent/continental/basketweave stitches, but I'm thinking that I should maybe only use one ply of the thread so that the flowers stand out a bit. Either that, or I suppose I could fish around in my stash and find something with a little sparkle to it and make this a funky little piece to put into a small purse front. (Did I just say sparkly?! Me?! Wow, I must be coming out of my "Oh, no sparkles for me, thank you" shell a bit. Woo Hoo!)

A migraine is knocking at the back door of my skull at the moment, so I'm going to go grab some Excedrin and a diet Coke before it decides to send me back to the sleigh bed today. (Is that a Breakfast of Champions, or what!)

Happy Thursaday, everybody!

(Oh, tee he! I just realized that I said "Thursaday" instead of Thursday. Am I channeling Lawrence Welk, or what?)

Aug 5, 2009

WE'RE ALMOST THERE!


I'm thiiiiis close to finishing LHN's "My Needle's Work". I would have finished it last night, but I had to get out of the Happy Chair every ten minutes to go check the front porch to see if the brown recluse spider was still there. (At least I convinced myself that it was a brown recluse spider.)

So instead of working on that border, I sat in the chair with a case of the heebie jeebies all night.

I hate nature.

Aug 3, 2009

THE MONDAY REPORT FROM MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP, HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy stomping around the house muttering to herself. Apparently, she was watching television this morning while she was eating breakfast (Cheerios and skim milk, thank you very much), when she heard something that sent her straight into a "This is why the rest of the world should hate us" rant.

Three years ago, in an effort to help quell the childhood obesity epidemic, Sesame Street did something that (in my mother's opinion) is unspeakable. They replaced Cookie Monster's cookies with carrot sticks and apple slices. Now while I understand the need to shake things up a bit, you would think that there was an international announcement that Santa Claus is a myth the way my old lady is carrying on.

"HE'S A &*$#&%$ PUPPET, FOR $#*(%* SAKES!" "ARE YOU $*#(%&%& KIDDING ME?" "OH YEAH, LIKE I'M AS BIG AS A HOUSE BECAUSE COOKIE MONSTER TAUGHT ME TO BINGE EAT COOKIES, AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT YEAR I SPENT LIVING IN THE DORM AND TRYING TO FIT INTO A FRESHMAN CLASS THAT WAS FULL OF GENIUSES....AND ME." "WHY THE @*(#$&%$#& WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO TAKE COOKIES AWAY FROM THE COOKIE MONSTER!!!!! WOULDN'T THAT JUST MAKE HIM WANT THEM MORE?!!!"

I wish I could share more of Mom's comments with you, but I truly find them to be so offensive that I fear a reprimand from the Blogger God His Very Self.

So that's how my morning has been.

On Saturday, Aunt Chrissy and Mom went to the South Bend Farmer's Market. (At least that's where I assume they went....God knows Mom doesn't get out of bed for ANYTHING at that hour, unless there's food involved somehow.) Anywhoose, they brought home a lot of lovely fruits and vegetables and these:Aren't they pretty? I've really been enjoying them as I snooze on my perch. Methinks sunflowers are the prettiest things I've ever seen. I know Mom likes her daisies and all, but these suckers have really captured my attention.

Continuing the flower theme, here are the lilies that are blooming out front:The smell of them gives me the sneezles, and Mom says that the front walkway looks like a funeral parlor, but I think they're just lovely.

So does my friend, Teddy:Can you see him there? He's kind of tucked in behind that creepy rock that Mom keeps on the front porch. The thing behind him is actually a piece of garden mulch, and NOT a huge piece of frog poo. (I was pretty impressed until I realized what it was.

Mom and Aunt Chrissy tried to can jars of cherry preserves, but (as usual), my idiot mother screwed it all up and it has to be re-done tonight. Aunt Chrissy promised to go to the hardware store tonight to get the proper tools, especially since there was a lot of yelling and cursing going on with the "improvised crap" that they were trying to use. So this is what it all looked like before:Everything sealed properly, but Mom didn't use enough pectin. So instead of the stuff being nice and thick (and spreadable on some toast), it was more like cherry flavored water. Hopefully, they'll get it right tonight and I'll have preserves this winter for my afternoon tea and scones!

Mom's still plugging away on LHN'S "My Needle's Work". She was trying to get caught up on all of the DVR shows she's taped, but apparently she cannot watch "Masterpiece Theater" and count at the same time. So progress is a little slow:
I'm going to make her finish this one before moving on to something else, because I think she should put this in a little frame next to the Happy Chair. (See? I'm always thinking.)

Well, that's my report from Chez Spinster today, kids. I do hope that you all had fabulous weekends and that you're off to a splendid start to your Monday!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

Jul 31, 2009

IN DEFENSE OF BEING ME (YOU HAVE TO READ THE LAST POST TO REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HECK I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE)

Sometimes it's really hard having a dog smarter than you are. Sometimes I wonder how I happened to find the one dog on the planet who would have a propensity for telling all of my secrets...all while looking cute and innocent on his little "Prince" blanket and then peeing on the drapes.

Yes, I did get new glasses. But in my defense, I have not had new glasses since 1986-ish. Or thereabouts. (I tend to exaggerate sometimes.) But I love these new glasses and I love the new friends I made at the swanky boutique where I purchased said glasses, and I'm 43 years old and should be able to leave the house without looking like I'm in need of serious fashion advice from some little teeney bopper who probably wasn't even born when Journey released their "Escape" album and who has no idea of the significance of the properly worn jelly bracelet or acid washed jeans.

As to the BB&B purchases...I can fully justify the produce bags, since the amount of money I spend on fresh vegetables (only to throw them in the trash a few days later) is a crime against humanity. And the caulk thingie is something that I feel every spinster should have on hand, especially if she gets the urge to DIY one weekend and doesn't want to change out of her pajamas for a trip to the Home Depot to do so.

And I will NOT feel one bit bad about the foot scrubber thingie. I purchased my current one almost 10 years ago and it has single-handedly changed my life. You see, I learned that the Japanese have a very important foot-bathing ceremony in which they apply pressure to areas of the feet that correspond to the organ systems of the body and that this practice is said to improve health. (I learned this from reading the back of the foot scrubber thingie package).

All I know is that after a little squeeze of peppermint bath gel and some vigorous sole rubbing relief, I feel like a new woman. (In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about....this is basically just a piece of nubbby plastic that you put on the floor of the shower and then rub your foot across. It's kind of like a scrubby massage that you can do quite easily while lathering, rinsing, and repeating.) (I'm all about the multi-tasking, don't you know, especially when it helps reduces the angst when I am forced to be out of clothes for more that two and a half minutes at a time.) (I'm not a big fan of nekkid. Especially not my own nekkidness.)

Besides, I am a spinster, and a spinster's gotta' do what a spinster's gotta' do.

So THAT, my dear readers, is my full justification for my little spree yesterday. Now I know that Stewey would have you believe that his financial health is in serious jeopardy, but may I just say that he has enough Puppy Chow, monthly heartguard and flea control, clothes, toys, snacks, and treats to supply a small country of precocious short-legged buck-toothed little prats from now until Kingdom Come or until he finds a new home (whichever comes first).

AND! I would also like to point out that he can very easily secure his own financial future by GETTING HIS DAMN BOOK DONE and then finding a publisher so that he can start keeping ME in the manner to which HE has become accustomed.

So there.

Damn dog.

MORE EVIDENCE OF WHY MY MO-THER NEEDS CONSTANT ADULT SUPERVISION

Last night my mo-ther and my Aunt Chrissy left the house to go pick up their new spectacles. Mom had her eyes tested a few weeks ago and learned that her prescription had changed, so she decided to splurge on herself and go for "a new look". I'll let her tell you more about these glasses later, but let's just say that I'm getting increasingly concerned about my college fund and the withdrawals that keep happening for ridiculously expensive purchases.

I waited patiently on my perch for them to return, and expected Mom to have only one little bag in her hands from the eyeglass place, but when I saw the words "Bed, Bath, and Beyond", I knew we were in trouble.

Exhibit A shows the contents of said bag:
I blame my Stitchy Uncle Egdar for the cherry/olive pitter, since Mom decided that she just HAD to make cherry preserves this weekend. (Did I mention that she already ATE all the cherries?) The fish spatula was something I begged her for, since my grilled salmon is very delicate and I had a really hard time getting it to the plate in one piece last weekend. And I suppose I could understand the little egg skillet, since Mom does like her eggs on toast in the mornings.

But the other stuff? Debbie Meyer green bags? Pro Caulk? I swear, the only reason my mo-ther bought these two items is because our local newscaster (Mr. Terry McFadden His very Self) tested them in his "As Seen On T.V." segments and gave them both a thumbs up. I'm not even sure that we have produce to bag or edges to caulk, but there they are...for all the world to see.

I can almost forgive the eucalyptus bath salts and back brush, since I'm all about the spa experience, but the foot scrubber? She already has one of these things! I know this, because when I wait patiently outside the shower door every morning I can hear her rubbing her foot across the damn thing, all while letting out noises that a puppy shouldn't hear! Why the heck did she need a second one?

All I know is that my Aunt Chrissy is an enabler, and despite my warnings to keep my mom out of retail establishments, we have these incidents happening with more and more frequency. I've read about "retail therapy", and I saw the Oprah episode in which she talks about shopping as a substitution for a meaningful relationship, but methinks it's time to put my paw down.

I can't show you any stitchy updates because Mom insisted on wearing her glasses last night and she can't see up close with them. And when I told her to go take them off and put her contacts and stitchy glasses on, she just looked at me as though I was nuts. Why she felt compelled to "look fabulous" sitting in the Happy Chair with her robe and slippers on is beyond me, but I fight these battles one at a time.

So that's the report from Chez Spinster, ladies and gentlemen. I'll keep you abreast of any further developments, but in the meantime, I'm going to go hide the car keys.

With love from your pal,
Stewey

Jul 30, 2009

DON'T TELL....ASK!

This silly machine and I are engaged in a battle of wits. If you've been reading this here blog for more than fifteen minutes, then you know exactly who is winning said battle, but my pea-sized intellect is another subject for another day.

I think what is most troubling about this damn computer is that it DOES STUFF. And, more importantly, it DOES STUFF that I don't want it to and it DOES THIS STUFF while I am sleeping and seemingly minding my own business.

Each morning is an adventure in discovery as I try to figure out what fresh hell will be delivered to my screen. I spend the better part of a week getting everything just so...all of the bookmarks and blog pages and other crap in the exact spot I want them, and POOF!, I awaken to find out that my computer thinks they would be better another way.

Case in point....a few months ago the computer decided that I needed to have Internet Explorer 8.0. I don't want 8.0. I have 7.0 and I like it very much, thank you. But somehow I awoke to discover that 8.0 had been downloaded and installed while I was off doing something important (like solving world peace or finding my laying tool for instance).

So I un-installed 8.0 and managed to tell the nice man on the phone that if my computer wanted to be an 8.0 so badly, then it could just get in the car and drive itself back to BestBuy and be done with it. I want 7.0. (The man was completely unsympathetic, by the way, and I don't think the fact that he actually works for the Mishawaka Utility company (and not the computer company) helped matters. At all.

Today was another morning fraught with angst and a lot of hair pulling as I clicked onto my "very important work to do" page (that would be the stitchy blog reading page), only to find out that we are, once again, back in Installed and Downloaded Hellville.

Now before you are kind enough to tell me how to fix everything, please know that I have the Geek Squad on standby, and if I don't end up throwing this thing out into the front yard, they will be here (free of charge, by the way), to fix what ails me.

I think this is why I love stitching so much. If I look at something I've done and it's hideous, the only words I hear from the linen/canvas are: "You put the stitches in that way, dumb ass." So then as I'm ripping out my mistakes I have nobody to blame but myself. With this situation, however, this computer does what it pleases/when it pleases and doesn't have the common decency to ask first. It sits in its armoire and says "No, we're going to do it MY way because only I know what's good for you and you'll learn to like it. Or else."

When Aunt Chrissy and I visited Target this week we walked through the electronic section because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about over these new flat screen/bigger than a drive-in movescreen TeeVees. My current TeeVee is about twelve years old, and I'm pretty sure that it was obsolete a full ten minutes after I bought it, but I can faintly make out people's faces on it and it's good enough for me.

Or so I thought.

As Aunt Chrissy and I stood in front of the display wall of 42 and 50 inch flat screen HDTV plasma TeeVees, we gaped in awe at everything we'd been missing. The colors! The details! The sparkle and shine! We stood there for a full twenty minutes clutching hands while the wonder of it all washed over us. I suppose it was somewhat like the reaction that most people have when they see the Grand Canyon for the first time...your eyes struggle to adjust as you step from black and white into technicolor and the little munchkins giggle in the flowers all around you.

I suppose that this experience should have convinced me that not all technology is bad, but unless things start to shape up in the Spinster Stitcher Computer Department, we're going back to legal pads and Bic pens. Period.

I will win this battle. I will beat this computer into submission and force it to do what I want it to do WHEN I want it to do it. I will teach it to ASK me if I want something new and I will even teach it NOT to do things in the middle of the night while it thinks I'm sleeping.

In the meantime, stitching will continue, Stewey will pee, and all will be right with the world once again. Here's what I stitched last night (and yes, it was while watching my crappy little four inch TeeVee without and H, D, or TV involved):

Jul 28, 2009

AW, SHUCKS

I am delighted to be the guest stitchy blogger on Stitch Bitch's blog today! What a lovely thing to be included with such wonderful people! A big fat thank you to AVS Her Very Self for doing this!

If you'd like to check it out, please visit: http://stitchbitch.blogspot.com.

LOOK! SHE FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT!

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in the laundry room cursing up a blue streak because SOMEBODY had to pee on the rugs that she had thrown in there. (For the record, I told her not to do that and to put them in the car for a trip to the dry cleaners, but did she listen to me?)

I do feel a little bad about watering the rug, especially since the old lady gave me a nice little present last night. She and Aunt Chrissy went to Target so that mom could find something to put under that damn footstool that slid out from under me the night before last (my noggin is still a little sore and I have a bump behind my ears). Anywhoose, they came home with this:Isn't it just the coolest? I was sooooo excited when Mom showed it to me that I thought my tail would wag off. And it's so soft too! Mom said that she felt really bad that I fell down, so she thought this would cheer me up.

When we were watching Anthony Bourdain on the TeeVee, I dragged my new blanket from my perch over to the Happy Chair and I thought my mo-ther was going to have a cow over the "cuteness" of it all. Quite frankly, all I wanted to do was put something over her legs before I snuggled up next to her (I mean, come on, would it KILL her to shave them more often?).

Here's what she worked on last night:

I'm so relieved that the girl finally has a face and some hair, because it was really creeping me out! Mom wanted to pick something else out of her WIP baskets, but I told her to JUST STICK WITH THIS and get the damn thing done already. (It's been a while since she's happy danced, and it cracks me up to see all of her jiggly bits wobble around when she does so.)

That's the report for today! I hope that you are having as much fun as we are over here in Hoosierville. Stay inside and keep cool, kids!

With love from your pal, Stewey.

Jul 27, 2009

THANK YOU FOR ASKING

So it seems that I have a few viewer mail questions to address. Allow me, however, to first say a big fat thank you for the lovely encouragement that you extended to Aunt Chrissy and moi for our hard work this weekend. It was all worth it, and yesterday's Sunday dinner and movie night was made even more enjoyable by the tidy surroundings.

(BTW..."Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was cutie cute cute, but methinks it helps if you like Kevin James. Otherwise, it's just a chubby guy in a mall cop uniform acting like a boob.) (But Aunt Chrissy and I think he's a CUTE boob, so there.)

Anywhoose, I thought I would answer two of the questions about a) what my WIP list entails and b) what I mean by a project book.

First, the WIP'S. I gathered them all up yesterday and stowed them in the guest room for safekeeping. I figure this will prompt me to stick to my plan, rather than futzing around in the studio and coming up with something new. (Besides, it's a little warm up there in the afternoon, so I'll keep myself cool and comfortable down here on the main floor, thank you very much.)

All canvas work is in this blue thing:

Here's what they look like in all their glory on zee bed:

The four canvases on the left are all painted, and the top center one is painted and came with a stitch guide. All of the others are counted canvas (mostly Laura J. Perin, because y'all know how much I love LJP).

I put all of the cross stitch in a basket because the blue thingie was full. This, of course, is indicative of the problem with having so many open WIP's....when you can't find a basket or container large enough to hold 'em all, it's time to get crackin' and get something finished!

And since I know you're just dying to see them, here they are on zee bed:I suppose that this would be a good place to reveal my obsession with those mesh project bags. I'm pretty sure that Aunt Chrissy and I have enough of them to build a rather large flotation device, or perhaps we could landscape a small city with them? Either way, we were buying them like rabbits until we gently reminded ourselves that they are, in fact, reusable. Uh, duh.

Now in case you're wondering why some of the projects are all in bags and some are left on scroll rods and q-snaps, it's because I went through such hell mounting those projects that I decided to just. leave. them. alone. Besides, if they're already mounted I'm more likely to do them. (Did that sound filthy, or am I still in a Paul Blart hangover?)

The good news is that after all of this organizing, I actually sat down and stitched a little last night. I'm working on LHN's "My Needle's Work":

Sorry about the headless wonder there, but Stewey had an "incident" last night and I had to put all stitching away to attend to him. He was sleeping on the chair/ottoman and because the damn things are on the hardwood and not a rug, the ottoman slipped forward and he fell down in between and smacked his little head. I think it scared me more than it did him, because all he did was give me a dirty look and lift his leg on the corner of the stitchy table. (I guess he showed ME.) He's fine, but I promised him that I would rectify the situation immediately and get a rug under there for his protection. Damn dog.

On the subject of project books, I'm afraid that I can't take any credit at all for this. Aunt Chrissy is a famous stitchy journaler from way back, so I'm a total copy cat here. My project book is pretty simple....it's just a book in which I write all of the particulars of things that I've started.

I'm told that this will really come in handy someday when a fellow stitcher asks me what thread I used where, or what the name of the linen is, but I'm not holding my breath. If nothing else, I guess it's a quick reference for me to see what's started, what's finished, and what kind of crazy mess I'm in with all of the these WIP's. (Just think of this as the chest pain that you usually get before the heart attack. You want to ignore it and pretend it's indigestion, but you're much better off if you pay close attention to it and do something about it.)

I also keep a kooky little "diary" of sorts in which I write down what I worked on that day (or other pithy reminders that I'm a boob). This is kind of fun because it gives me a snapshot of my year in stitches. (And, yes, I'm aware of the obvious fact that this here blog ALSO does that, but I keep waiting for somebody to throw me outta' here and I want to have some type of record of my stitchy existence before the Google gods determine that I'm not fit for public consumption.)

So those are all the intimate details of my stitchy life. I realize that this was somewhat akin to peeking in my underpants drawer, so thanks for making it this far before deleting me from your blog list forever. Yes, I am aware that most of what I do is just. not. normal. but as I've said before, this stitchy thing of ours keeps me off the streets and away from trouble.

I'm off to the Happy Chair with a diet Pepsi. (What can I say? It was on sale, so we're learning to drink it until diet Coke has it's turn). Stewey has informed me that I need to check the garden and get a load of laundry done or there will be no peace in the kingdom, so I'd better get moving. Ciao!


Jul 26, 2009

SUNDAY SPINSTER BLISS

I can't move my arms or legs without excruciating pain, and I'm pretty sure that my fingernails will never grow back, but I am happy to report that Chez Spinster is now officially clean. All of this, of course, is thanks to Aunt Chrissy, who gave up seven hours of her life yesterday to help me dust, sweep, puff, fluff, and grunt this house into tidy submission. Methinks I need to buy her something as a thank you. Like a small country. Or an airplane.

The guest room is all ready for some company! Stewey wanted me to add that the bed is very comfortable and between the smooshy mattress pad and the lovely t-shirt sheets, one can really get a good snooze here:

This is the guest bathroom. I found that poster a few years ago and just love the colors in it. (And yes, it drives me absolutely nuts that the guest room is yellow and red and the guest bath is orange, but that's a battle for another day):

Man o' manachavitz, but there was dust to be found! And I'm pretty sure that Aunt Chrissy found enough Stewey pee to float a boat. (I could hear her disgust as she worked away in the office and guest bath). I managed to get the living room done and even re-arranged the furniture. And you will be quite happy to know that we even dusted the pot shelf! On a ladder and everything! Thank goodness there are electrical outlets up there, since we were able to use the vacuum quite easily! Woo Hoo!

I hate the new furniture arrangement, of course, but that's just because I am a creature of habit and can't stand anything out of my comfort zone. I promised that I would leave things alone for one week, and if I still don't like it I can move it all back.

On the stitchy front, I have decided that I would really like to finish some things before November gets here and I'm jonesing for Christmas. So to that end I have vowed to only work on WIP's until such time as November 1st rolls around. I looked in my project book and it would seem that I have 33 projects started. 33. This astounds even me, thus the new plan.

Now for those of you who have read this here blog more than once or twice, you already know that this new plan will last all of ten minutes before I get bored and decide on a new one. I have made these kind of promises before, and what can I say? I'm just not at all dependable. (Oh well, at least I'm consistent in that.)

Today is a Happy Chair kind of day. Aunt Chrissy and Bosco will be here shortly to join in the festivities. I've got "Paul Blart, Mall Cop", "Ironman", and "Rachel Getting Married" all fired up and ready to go, so it will be an interesting movie day. The first two are totally NOT our kind of movies, but we had so much fun watching "The Dark Knight", that we decided to channel our inner twelve year old boys and just get on with it. Besides, both Aunt Chrissy and I LOVE Kevin James, and who couldn't watch a little Robert Downey Jr. on a lazy Sunday afternoon?

Thanks for stopping by! I promise....no more cleaning reports. I'm all done now and fully intend to let this place slip back into its Grey Garden self real soon.

Jul 23, 2009

OK, WHO GAVE HER DESSERT?

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's sitting in the Happy Chair with her eyes glazed over muttering to herself. All I know is that she invited Aunt Chrissy over for dinner and then at the last minute she said "Stewey, methinks I'm going to make the fruit pizza that your Aunt Paulette from Plum Street featured on her blog". Forty-five minutes later the old lady and my Aunt were going face first into their dessert bowls and Bosco and I were looking for shelter.

So now I'm wondering how long it'll be before she snaps out of her bliss coma and takes me outside for a potty break. Do you see what happens here, people? My mo-ther overindulges herself and then screams bloody murder when I can't hold it anymore and have to water the drapes. Sheesh.

I can pretty much guarantee you that there will be NO stitchy report tomorrow. It's already 10:30 in the p.m. and I'm a half hour past my bed time.
I could have thrived with a more intelligent owner.

I'LL TAKE MILDLY COMPLUSIVE FOR $100, ALEX

Sometimes I really wonder about myself. I like to think that I go about the business of my day like most folks do, but then something happens that makes me scratch my head in wonder and go running for the self-help aisle at Borders.

In the photo above, you'll see the latest progress on "Shenandoah Spring". Looks pretty good, doesn't it? Now while most people would be thinking to themselves "Gee, that's a really pretty design and lovely color palette", all I could think last night was "Why can't my Ginghers be just a TITCH closer to the floss colors."

Eye yai yai. For about seven hours last night I sat in the Happy Chair laying floss and lusting over Gordon Ramsey on the TeeVee, but my eyes kept darting over to the arm of the chair on which the offending scissors were perched. I OBSESSED about these damn scissors. At one point, I think I even contemplated heading upstairs to the studio to see if I had any acrylic paint or possibly a magic marker that would enable me to modify the color of the handles just a TITCH to get it into a more suitable tonal pattern.

The TITCHES will eventually be the death of me, I'm sure. I seem to fixate on something that is perfectly acceptable in whatever form it is, but my brain tells me that if it were just a little teeney tiny TITCH to the left or to the right or fatter or thinner or bigger or smaller then I'd be happy. Then I obsess about the TITCH until I get tired and cranky and call it a night.

So today, as I type this I look at the scissors and say to myself "Who knew I had scissors that were so perfectly matched to this project? Woo Hoo for me!". And then I go slice a peach and get on with my day.

Do you suppose there's a drug for this?

Jul 21, 2009

TWO QUICKIES BEFORE BED

Oh, for pity's sakes...get your heads out of the gutter. I'm a spinster after all, so quickies for me usually refer to meals, showers, and/or glances at the evening news.

1) Needlepoint terms that I butchered and misused in my last post: Sorry, kids. I usually think of the stuff that I do in terms of a few basic categories. My names for these categories are probably not correct, but here's the definitions of them that I use/misuse on a regular basis:

a) Cross stitch...just what it says. Work that is mostly defined with a "X" stitch on linen.
b) Counted canvas or canvas work...this is stuff I do on canvas that uses a chart.
c) Painted canvas...when the design is already painted onto the canvas.
d) Hardanger...well, it's..um....hardanger.
e) Crewel...this one is done on ulster linen and usually uses a sharp needle and wool yarn.

I call both "b" and "c" needlepoint since they both use stitches that are found in "needlepoint" books. I always think of needlepoint as mostly basketweave/tent stitch and/or "specialty" stitches like rhodes stitches, jessicas, etc. I think, though, that needlepoint could refer to ANY stitching that's done on canvas, regardless of the stitches.

OK, since I've screwed that up enough for one day, I highly encourage you to go to your reference books and straighten it all out for yourselves. Then make a mental note that I am a boob.

2) Well, you just knew that I'd screw up the shark thing now, didn't you? Thanks To Delfi for explaining that "jump the shark" means a decline in quality. I suppose this means that Happy Days was, in fact, a good show until the shark episode. After that, the series declined. The fact that I got this one TOTALLY wrong makes me think I need to turn in my NPR membership card.

Oh well, what can I say? Sometimes a girl just needs to make stuff up.

Panic, chaos, and disorder. My work here is done.

GO AHEAD, JUMP THE SHARK*

NOTE: This is a really long and ridiculously over-pictured post. If you already know how to do counted canvas work, please humor me for a day and go do something else while muttering to yourself about what a boob I am. If you don't know how to do it and would like to read some really amateur blatherings about it, then by all means, proceed.

I have received several questions about counted canvas and how one transitions from cross stitch. Now I know that there are probably a bazillion stitchers out there who are better qualified to do this, but I thought I would post some really quick notes about it. If you want more detailed information, please send me your email address and I'll be happy to assist or at least point you in a more-qualified direction.

First let me say that some counted canvas is actually easy and very satisfying! (In other words, if I can do it, anybody can do it). If you can read a counted cross stitch chart (or just read, in general), then you shouldn't have any problems figuring it out. Most designers' charts are quite excellent, and my experience has been that if you get totally stumped on something there is usually somebody out there who can guide you through.

The best place to start (as it usually is), is with your materials. Canvas work is usually done on mono canvas, which is different than interlock canvas, penelope canvas, and plastic canvas. It comes in various counts, but for most of the counted canvas pieces that I've done, 18ct. canvas has been called for. Mono canvas also comes in various colors and is also available with a "marbleized" effect, which is really pretty if a lot of the canvas shows through the stitching. I'm sure there are several manufacturers out there, but I have always used Zweigart mono canvas since that is what my LNS sells.

(You can also do canvas work on Congress cloth, which for me is kind of a "canvas lite". IMHO, it's the mid-point between mono canvas and linen.)

(Come to think of it, you could probably do canvas work on evenweave linen, but then it wouldn't be called canvas work, now, would it?)

Artist's tape has been a life-saver for me. I know that you can also apply a fabric border to the canvas with a machine, but I'm not allowed to use machinery without adult supervision and Aunt Chrissy can't exactly run over here every ten minutes to make sure I don't break the sewing machine (yet again). You can also use masking tape, but I will tell you that it does eventually yellow and break down over time (trust me on this). Artist's tape can be found at art supply stores, or you can check out Janet Perry's new online shop. Methinks this is an excellent resource (and it's brand new! Woo Hoo!). (You might also want to bookmark her blog, since she really IS qualified to tell you all about needlepoint, and I'm just faking it: http://www.nuts-about-needlepoint.com/.)
Once you've edged your canvas with tape (or fabric), you'll want to mount it to stretcher bars. I know that some people prefer to work in-hand, but I think canvas work is much much easier if you've stretched your canvas tightly onto stretcher bars. Don't worry...these suckers are relatively inexpensive and they ARE re-usable, even if I insist on buying sets of them every time I turn around. (The stretcher bars are the wood thingies in the pic that form the frame.)

Mounting the canvas to the stretcher bars should be done as tightly as possible, and you should use specialty brass tacks. (The red handled thingies in the pic are tools that you can use to push the tacks in without smooshing your thumbs and fingers. Technical term: smoosh.) Again, you can find these on Janet's site, and you can also purchase them at your LNS or craft store. I think the most important thing you want in a tack is a non-rust coating or material. I suppose if you're a really fast stitcher and your piece will only be on the stretcher bars for ten minutes you'd be OK with any old tacks, but I'm slow and need to make sure I won't end up with rusty edges by the time I'm finished.
You'll need to mark the center of your canvas, and you can do this either before or after it's mounted. I know that I am supposed to do it before, but I always forget. Mark the center with a lovely little pin or pencil mark and you're ready to go!

When I wanted to learn how to do counted canvas, my LNS owner suggested Laura J. Perin's American Quilt Series. This was an excellent choice for me, since I was able to read the charts very easily and I could play around with colors without getting myself too confused. Laura usually starts the piece with a variegated cotton (like Watercolors), and then adds solid color perle cottons as compliments. Finally, she usually has a metallic of some sort to add a little sparkle to the design.
The most important thing I can tell you about counted canvas work is to READ THE DIRECTIONS! The designer included them for a reason, and in Laura's case, she even tells you the order in which to stitch so that you'll get good results. If you're one of these people who can assemble an Ikea bookcase without even glancing at the instructions, then bully for you. If you're like me, however, and need a little stitchy angel guide sitting on your shoulder, then take a few minutes to read read read. You'll really be better off. Trust me.
Reading a counted canvas chart is not very difficult once you get the hang of it. Just remember that the chart is representative of the actual canvas. If a line ends in the middle of a box, that represents a thread going into a hole in the canvas. And if you're wise enough to purchase a color printed chart, you shouldn't have any problems deciphering the designer's thread suggestions. (If you change colors, you might actually want to write those on the chart instead of forgetting to do this and then sitting in the Happy Chair for ten minutes wondering what the hell you did.)

That's it! Stitch away to your heart's content!

If you're like me and you want toys, buy yourself some lovely magnets to hold your needles. (I always put my magnet on the upper right of the canvas so that I know which way is top, but you could certainly write the word TOP on the top if that's the way you roll). You might also want to invest in some extra scissors for canvas work, especially if you're going to use metallic threads. I bought a cheapie pair and then put an "M" on the blade with a Sharpie so that I would know those are my metallic scissors and I don't ruin my fancy pants scissors by cutting things I shouldn't cut with them.

I hope that this was a little helpful to you if you're interested in trying a counted canvas piece. If you made it all the way through this and are still saying "Huh?", then send me a note and I'll try to help.

Thanks, as always, for all of your comments and questions and suggestions. When I sit down to write this silly blog each day I feel like I'm sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea...chatting with my bestest stitchy pals, so thanks for indulging me! Woo Hoo!

Here are some resources that I use for all of my counted canvas (and other stitchy) needs. If you have a LNS, then by all means, please support them! (And pass along their info so that we can all spread the love).

Laura J. Perin: http://www.laurajperindesigns.tripod.com
Nordic Needle: http://www.nordicneedle.com
Homestead NeedleArts: http://www.homesteadneedlearts.com
Tomorrow's Heirlooms: http://www.tomheir.com
Needle Delights: http://www.needledelights.com
Needle Nest: (574) 255-1805
City Stitcher: (312) 664-5499



*Jump the shark, you say? OK, hearken back to "Happy Days" and remember the episode when Fonzie takes on the dare to jump his motorbike over a pool with a shark in it. I wish I could tell you exactly how that's relevant to this discussion, but I wanted to pretend that I actually know stuff and could share some obscure pop culture reference and you'd think me to be a genius. So there.

Jul 20, 2009

BACKYARD SHENANAGINS

My first veggie garden experience is turning out to be....um...well...interesting.

Last night Aunt Chrissy dutifully checked on the garden patch and came in with a funny look on her face and the advice that we should probably look into this whole "cucumber situation".

Now, considering I've never grown cucumbers before, what I am about to show you might actually be very normal (and you'll really think I'm a boob), but I'm a little mystified:
Is this normal?

If it IS, then I have a LOT to learn about farming and growing one's produce.

If it's NOT, then I'm going to christen these the world's very first "Zaftig Cucumbers Grown By a Very Spastic Spinster (and her little dog too)" and call it a day.

On Saturday I helped Aunt Chrissy re-organize her stitching studio and then Stewey and I hung out until the wee hours with she and Bosco. I worked a little on "Blooming with Inspiration" but got ridiculously bored with it, so yesterday I picked up:



Don't look too closely at this one, or you'll be horrified by the amount of GLUE that I'm using to hold all of the slippery Neon Rays down. GLUE! On a canvas!

Please don't give me too much grief. I struggled with this sucker for months until a little voice in my head said "They make fabric glue and stitchy glue for a reason, BoBo, so go ahead and tack this crap down and get on with it". So I did.

Tonight is grocery night and I am determined to get something fabulous so that I can channel my inner Ina. I grilled salmon last night and it was pretty tasty (if I do say so myself), so I'm anxious to see what else I can play with. (In case you're interested, I made a simple marinade for the fish: olive oil, dijon mustard, soy sauce, and minced garlic). It was lovely. Just lovely.

Stewey's out on the back patio sunning himself and listening to the radio, so I'd better go check up on him. If he doesn't turn over every ten minutes he gets an uneven tan and then bitches about it for days, so I'd like to avoid that if I can. Damn dog.

Jul 17, 2009

BRING ON THE TOUR BUSES

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's been overcome by the vapors. This morning she read the comment by Stitchy Aunt Sandra asking if she could be pregnant, and she fainted dead away right there on the spot.

If, in fact, my mo-ther was anything remotely near the "with glorious child" state, we better get ready for the tour buses full of pilgrims clutching their rosary beads. I suspect that the multi-national attention that this news would garner would be much like the sighting of the BVM(*) that folks often see in water stains on the sides of houses.

So, no...Mommie Dearest is not expecting anything other than me peeing on the drapes and looking adorable while doing it. But thanks for asking.

We're off to the weekend (as is evidenced by the mumus coming out of the closet and the blender getting ready for the mocktails). Aunt Chrissy will be here shortly to join in the opening ceremonies, so I'd better get moving. Have a splendid weekend, kids!

Love,
Stewey


(*) Apparently, this is a Catholic thing....Mom uses it whenever she and Aunt Chrissy talk about some nice lady named Mary.

Jul 16, 2009

MIZ CRAWFORD, I PRESUME?

One of my all time favorite movies is "Mommie Dearest". Forgetting all of the emotional and physical trauma that she inflicted on those around her, I watch in fascination as Joan Crawford cleans everything in her path to within an inch of its life. And, she does this while wearing high heals and shoulder pads.

Whenever Aunt Chrissy and I attempt yard work, we invariably call each other that evening and start the conversation with "Well, I just Joan Crawforded the bushes out front". (You need to remember the infamous rose garden scene here in which Joan yells (quite dramatically, by the way)...."CHRISTINA! Bring me the ax!", and then she proceeds to hack away at a ten foot tree.)

Anywhoose, I thought of Ms. Crawford yesterday as I sprinkled the Comet Cleanser all over my bathroom and then proceeded to scrub and scrub and scrub until the shine on the faucets was blinding. And when Stewey was silly enough to poke his head in to see what the hell I was up to, I said "Stewey, Mommie's not mad at you....she's mad at the DIRT!", much like Joan did when she inspected the living room and discovered that the maid had not moved the potted palm.

Please don't ask me to explain why I am in this hyper-diligent mode of taking my house apart. I'm trying not to think about it too much so that I don't scare away whatever it is that's making me motivated. If this keeps up, I might actually get the entire house done before dropping dead in a sweaty pile of mess.

I am stitching a little in the evenings. I started "Blooming with Inspiration" by Blue Ribbon Designs a few days ago and am really enjoying it. I am leaving blank areas in each section on purpose so that I can tart this thing up with a ton of beads once I've finished stitching it. Methinks I'm channeling the "Joyful Summer" piece that I did last year.
Stewey has decided that the best way to spend his summer is napping in a little patch of sunshine, so I'll leave you with my Annie Liebowitz-ish contribution of the day:

"If I'm here long enough, will she try to polish me too?"

Jul 14, 2009

VIVA LA FRANCE

"Today, I celebrate zee Frensch. I'm going to oui on zee drapes."


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy making me French Toast for my brunch. I read that it is Bastille Day today, so I thought it only fitting that we celebrate accordingly.

My only comment about yesterday's post is that I am MORTIFIED that she decided to share pictures of our closet with you all. If you look closely, you will see that all of MY clothes and accessories are stored in a PLASTIC BIN on the top shelf. PLASTIC!

Doesn't' this woman know what PLASTIC will do to cashmere?

Enjoy your day, people. I'm off to find my little beret!

Love,
Stewey