IN DEFENSE OF BEING ME (YOU HAVE TO READ THE LAST POST TO REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HECK I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE)

Sometimes it's really hard having a dog smarter than you are. Sometimes I wonder how I happened to find the one dog on the planet who would have a propensity for telling all of my secrets...all while looking cute and innocent on his little "Prince" blanket and then peeing on the drapes.

Yes, I did get new glasses. But in my defense, I have not had new glasses since 1986-ish. Or thereabouts. (I tend to exaggerate sometimes.) But I love these new glasses and I love the new friends I made at the swanky boutique where I purchased said glasses, and I'm 43 years old and should be able to leave the house without looking like I'm in need of serious fashion advice from some little teeney bopper who probably wasn't even born when Journey released their "Escape" album and who has no idea of the significance of the properly worn jelly bracelet or acid washed jeans.

As to the BB&B purchases...I can fully justify the produce bags, since the amount of money I spend on fresh vegetables (only to throw them in the trash a few days later) is a crime against humanity. And the caulk thingie is something that I feel every spinster should have on hand, especially if she gets the urge to DIY one weekend and doesn't want to change out of her pajamas for a trip to the Home Depot to do so.

And I will NOT feel one bit bad about the foot scrubber thingie. I purchased my current one almost 10 years ago and it has single-handedly changed my life. You see, I learned that the Japanese have a very important foot-bathing ceremony in which they apply pressure to areas of the feet that correspond to the organ systems of the body and that this practice is said to improve health. (I learned this from reading the back of the foot scrubber thingie package).

All I know is that after a little squeeze of peppermint bath gel and some vigorous sole rubbing relief, I feel like a new woman. (In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about....this is basically just a piece of nubbby plastic that you put on the floor of the shower and then rub your foot across. It's kind of like a scrubby massage that you can do quite easily while lathering, rinsing, and repeating.) (I'm all about the multi-tasking, don't you know, especially when it helps reduces the angst when I am forced to be out of clothes for more that two and a half minutes at a time.) (I'm not a big fan of nekkid. Especially not my own nekkidness.)

Besides, I am a spinster, and a spinster's gotta' do what a spinster's gotta' do.

So THAT, my dear readers, is my full justification for my little spree yesterday. Now I know that Stewey would have you believe that his financial health is in serious jeopardy, but may I just say that he has enough Puppy Chow, monthly heartguard and flea control, clothes, toys, snacks, and treats to supply a small country of precocious short-legged buck-toothed little prats from now until Kingdom Come or until he finds a new home (whichever comes first).

AND! I would also like to point out that he can very easily secure his own financial future by GETTING HIS DAMN BOOK DONE and then finding a publisher so that he can start keeping ME in the manner to which HE has become accustomed.

So there.

Damn dog.