HERE I AM...BEING PRESENT

One of the things Dr Melfi talks about with me is learning to be present.

(No, Betty...I am not saying that I AM a present.  I'm trying to BE present.)

As in, paying attention to the moment and quieting the freak show in my head that screams obscenities and to do lists and shoulds and fears, regrets, and admonishments.

But that can be pretty hard to do when you're me, and this whole waiting for a kidney thing is definitely giving me a run for my money.

Yes, there are things that need to be done...like laundry and plant watering and face washing and putting on one's shoes and coming to dialysis and feeding myself and such, but those are just simple life tasks that don't need to be made into the proverbial mountains that need climbing.

This damn dialysis is kicking my b.u.t.t. but I decided to kick it right back. We're going to try to take less fluid off today to see if that helps, but if I'm still knocked out and need a day or so to recover...who cares? I have to remember whatI told my dear Dad when he came home from the hospital and was complaining about being so out of it: "You don't have to fly a plane or solve world peace or even wear underpants today. Close your eyes and relax and enjoy the fact that for the first time in your life you get to just be...still."

Being still and present.

Hmmm. How the heck do you do that when all you want to do is run around at Mach Five with your hair on fire and stitch all the things and cook all the things and visit with all of your peoples and hit all of the golf balls and read all the books and....and....and.

So Buzzy and I are doing our thing and I'm watching the sun rise and am wondering how I got these purple jelly bean fingernails. (I'm pretty sure I did a mani/pedi yesterday, but don't have any memory of doing so precisely).

Enough of this silliness for the moment. If Stewey were here he'd probably say "Mo-ther, there just isn't room in that tiny little brain of yours for all of your nonsense. Keep the parts that allow you to answer my every need and jettison the rest" and then he'd probably go water the drapes and have a lovely nap with his little face in the sun.

Oh, how I miss him so!

Damn dog.

I hope your Hump Day is sufficiently humpy for you and yours and that you can be present for all of the good stuff in your world. Come tell me all about it!

TUESDAY

 

MONDAY AGAIN!

Hello, Dearies!

Well, despite not sleeping last night I am up at the heiney crack of dawn and all hooked up and doing my thing in the d-chair. I know exactly what the problem is...a total abandonment of my pre-sleep routine that used to involve going to be early and reading for an hour or so.

(Last night, though, I was in a stitching frenzy and hurried myself off to bed late and then tossed and turned and fretted until the wee hours.)

Here's the source of the frenzy:

I don't think Jacqueline reads this here blog, so we should be safe. I'm going to have this framed in something super super fancypants and give it to her for her shower along with some items from her registry.

Her groom is a huge Ohio State fan and the MOB suggested something funny for him about the Notre Dame/Ohio State aspect, since my girl J is a huge fan of her Aunt Coni's Alma Mater. I found a baseball card from the 1935 Game of the Century showing the final score of Notre Dame 18, Ohio State 13...so into a frame that will go as a little something fun for him.

Just FYI, I stitched that piece in one afternoon. I probably could have stretched it out over a few days, but I was anxious to get it finished.

Nothing else too exciting to report from the day. The weather was cold and gloomy for most of it, so we stayed in and watched basketball and had delicious grilled burgers for dinner. The Martins has 95% lean patties already made, and I have perfected cooking them on the stove top in my cast iron grill pan. We normally eat them on toasted English muffins, but last night opted for ciabatta rolls instead. 

So a quiet, lovely weekend here in Hoosierville, followed by what I hope will be a lovely quiet week. We don't have Easter plans drawn up yet, but I can promise you there will be ham and pickled eggs and potato salad if it kills me!

Happy Monday to one and all! Come tell me all about life in your corner of the world!

SATURDAY SPINSTER BLISS...

 

IN WHICH WE MEET ANOTHER KIDNEY ANGEL

So there I was, minding my business and tackling my to do list, when I came upon another Kidney Angel. A Kidney Angel is anybody who has watched over or helped me in any way during this little road trip (*) I've been on.

(Yup...like all of you.)

This one's name is Tamra, and she is the office manager of the Residence Inn in Indianapolis where I will be staying for a dry run on April 6th, and then again for a month after treatment. I am scheduled to visit with Dr Goggins and the transplant team in April and have a CT scan, so I figured it would be a good time to scope out the hotel and surroundings so I am fully prepared.

As I was explaining this to Tamra, she said "We've got you covered, Girl. About 3/4 of our guests are here for transplant or treatment at IU and our property manager's husband is a liver transplant recipient. This is your first kidney transplant...it's our 500th. The only thing you need to concentrate on is keeping that new fat juicy little kidney safe and sound and healthy, and let us do the rest."

Yes, Dearies. I burst into the ugly cry right there in the Happy Chair in front of the Chicken Sisters and everybody.

What a relief!

Now...on to the stitching portion of the program before Betty fires off another tirade about how she doesn't give a tinker's damn about my bleeping kidneys....just show her the stitching.

Oh, dear Betty.

Dear mean spiteful crazy Betty.

I played with Eliana and got quite a bit finished:

I hope to have quite a bit of time with her this weekend, since my to do list is empty. The laundry is done, folded, and put away and things are sufficiently tidy to keep me from futzing or stressing too much. I don't think the weather is going to cooperate with us for any golfing or outdoor fun, but I'll be perfectly happy to sit in my Happy Chair and stitch a few days away.

Thanks to some group texting with my friend Denise and goddaughters, I got approval of my wedding outfit for J's big day:

Those aren't the shoes for the ceremony....for that I will wear high heels. They should be here in a few days, and I expect to spend quite a bit of time in training so I don't tumble head first into the cake. Now, before you tell me that wearing black to a wedding is bad form...the bride's colors are black and cream with lots of greenery for accents. 

Besides, I got approval.

So that's the report for today. I am in the d-chair loaded with the newspapers for company and a new little blanket for company:

Happy Friday, Dearies! 

(*) Some might call it the Voyage of the Damned, but I like to think of it as the Griswold'd Fun Old Fashioned Family Vacation.

THURSDAY AGENDA

I have to confess that my d-chair experience is getting harder and harder as time goes on. I suspect that it's all tied up with age and anxiety and menopause and....me being me...but man o' manachevitz! It is definitely giving me a good run for the money!

This means that I don't have any stitching news to report, Dearies. I'm sorry about that. I came home yesterday and crashed into a long nap, woke up in time for dinner, and then went right back to bed for a twelve hour sleep. 

(Not a lot of time for needle and thread.)

But today is a new day, and I'm almost through my second cup of damn good. My face is washed and medicated (darn rash), my teeth are brushed, and the laundry and dishes are sploshing away in their respective contraptions.

Once I finish the papers I think I might play with Eliana a bit. She has been so patiently waiting in her project bag for me, so today seems like a good day to let her stretch her legs a bit.

How about you? What's new in your neck of the woods? Come tell me all about it!

BACK IN THE SADDLE

 

Heidy ho, Dearies!

Buzzy and I are here in the d-chair doing our thing and fat as sausages. I missed treatment on Monday due to feeling decidedly unwell after my second shot, so the fluid gain was a little higher than normal.

But all will be well again by the end of the week and I will go back to feeling like I'm fit and fantastic rather than poorly and pudgy.

Finishing Spring was bittersweet, since it was such a delightful companion these last few weeks. If all goes well and I feel good enough to do so, I am going to frame her when I get home. I have a frame that I hope to use for all of these seasons...swapping them out as the months change.

Next up is a small gift for my goddaughter's bridal shower. I have been a maniac with the plotting and planning and organizing and imagining, and lo and behold...it's almost here! Jacqueline's wedding date is June 5 and Sara's is October 2, so it looks like I will be happily busy futzing about for a bit.

(I should probably be clear and confess that the only thing I have to do is show up, but showing up involves girdles and high-heeled shoes and accessories and mascara and things and this will take a miracle to pull off without looking like a sweaty mess.)

My JB and I are going on a salad kick starting tonight. I spent yesterday chopping and containerizing and grilling chicken so that we don't have an excuse to order in. For the most part I have behaved myself, but the weekend felt like one big craving for munchies and Chinese food. 

Forgive me for being all over the place today. I feel a bit discombobulated, but am determined to get it together.

Happy...whatever day it is today. I hope things are wonderfully swell in your corner of the world and that you'll come tell me all about it!

FINISHED

 Spring

The Cricket Collection

28ct Dubloon by PTP

DMC floss

 

SOMETIMES I JUST ROCK MY OWN LITTLE WORLD

I have no earthly idea what came over me, Dearies! One minute I was munching a bagel and contemplating what time I needed to head out for the shot, and the next I was knee deep in my closet...purging, sorting, tidying, seasonal-swapping, and organizing.

This chore has been on my mind for quite some time, and the whole waiting for a phone call and moving to Indianapolis had me more than a little stressed. All of my lighter weight clothes were packed away and the pajamas I had ready to go were really only suitable for arctic temps.

Now I know what I've got and what I need to purchase...nightgowns for the hospital, a lightweight robe, some lightweight "lounging" clothes that are the equivalent of flannel jams, and some slippers.

Whew! Looks like I'll be spending some time shopping tonight!

I'm happy to tell you that the seven bags of clothes will go to St Margaret's House for the ladies there. There are tons of great office outfits and interview suits that I'm sure will come in handy for them, as well as several nice handbags and accessories. My working life is well behind me, I think. Hopefully somebody out there will get some good use out of everything.

OK...I'm off. 

Hope your Saturday has been as happy and satisfying as mine has been! WooHoo!

OFF TO THE WALMARTS TOR SHOT NUMBER TWO!

 

ALMOST...

 

HEAVEN HELP ME

 Taking Magoo for his second Covid shot in a few minutes. He is so phobic of all things medical...especially needles! Oh, how I wish I could take it for him, but alas, my turn is Saturday.

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY, DEARIES!

 

TUESDAY

Spring is moving right along, Dearies...in both the stitchy and meteorological senses. Although cold yesterday, I believe we are returning to the low 50's today, and I plan on spending a few more hours with needle and thread in hand!

MOVING MY CHEESE ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE

Do you remember how my dear Dad gave me the book Who Moved My Cheese when I was in my twenties as a lesson about learning to adapt to change and how I should really try not to be so rigid and afraid of new things?

Well, apparently the universe is really trying to test me in that department.

I'm at dialysis at 7am in the heiney crack of the morning in a new chair and a new pod with new podmates and a whole new view of the world.

(I knew this was coming for about a week or so....they asked me if I might like a first shift chair and one opened up, so I took it.)

(The whole new neighborhood, though, wasn't something I expected.)

The truth of the matter is that I am going to love this, since it means I will be finished with treatment and home before noon. That means I can have a late breakfast and catch a little nap and still have the day to look forward to.

The old time was fine, but getting home at 2:30 made for weird eating times and really seemed to waste the entire day and evening.

Of course, this means mandatory early bedtime and getting up a bit before 6am, but my hope is that this new routine will be very short-lived and the CALL will happen any day now.

So now, Dearies, I'm going to settle in and check out the new digs.

I'll leave you with a progress pic of Spring. Happy Monday!

SUNDAY SPINSTER SHENANAGINS

 

WELL...APPARENTLY I'M GETTING GOOD AT THIS

Ugh again today, Dearies. 

But I am armed with my damn good and my favorite little things in the world...the cranberry orange Bisconies from the Costco, which are a very rare treat since they are pricey in the calorie department.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day here in Hoosierville, and the new placement of the Happy Chair allows me to get tons of light from both the back slider and the front bedroom windows. In a few minutes, I will open both a bit to catch some of the breeze.

I do have a few minor things to do before settling in with stitching for the day, but doing them shouldn't be too taxing on my delicate disposition (she says, rolling her eyes).

Lots of research last night into my recent "decline". It really bothers me that I seem to be wiped out more and more after the d-chair, and what I can determine so far is that it is definitely related to my Lady Change. (Sorry, gents, but this here portly spinster is of that age where things like plummeting estrogen and sprouting chin hairs are going to be discussed.)

So that's all of my TMI for the day. I'll be here all day if you feel like popping in for a chat!

FRIDAY...I THINK

Well, Dearies, I lived to tell the tale...but just barely.

Yesterday was all about soft pajamas, a beautiful breeze coming in the window, movies on the TeeVee, and lots of stitching and looking at stitching and reading about stitching and thinking about stitching and mot much else.

Exactly how I like it.

(Minus the flu-like feelings of being dropped from a tall building and then being hit by a cross town bus and being left on the pavement with nothing to drink.)

The Mill Hill conundrum was solved when I remembered a lovely gift from Miss Charlene that I had stashed in my Special Gift Treasure Chest. It's a cloth that is white on one side and dark on the other that you drape over your lap to provide a good background.

I was straining and straining so hard to see the holes on the dark brown aida, and I was making the mistake of concentrating the light from above instead of from below. I also figured out how to download an app onto my ipad thingie to turn it into a light box, which I think will help also.

Once that was solved, I picked up Spring and made some nice progress. I finished off the "I" and all of the little moteefs surrounding it and started on the "N":

I have to say, even with all of the color changes, this is just a joy to stitch!

In between all of the stitching, I managed to eat carefully and get my iced lemon water in me. My gain today was minimal, so that always helps in the post-treatment hangover department.

Many of you have asked about the inconsistency of how I feel on dialysis and if there's anything that can be done to fix it. I really think it's a total crap shoot in my case, and other factors (like age, length of time in the d-chair, and menopause) have more to do with it. All I know is that I am doing to everything I can to feel as good as I can and follow directions, and that gives me peace of mind.

I think knowing that transplant is imminent also helps, since I am now looking forward to life after the d-chair and what trouble I will be into. Things might not change drastically for a while in terms of isolating and mask wearing, but eventually I want to travel and play golf and go to Guild and have Brunch and plan visits with my goddaughters and hold Magoo's hand at a baseball game or have a hot dog at a tailgate.

We'll see.

The weekend is upon us! I'm hoping to do a few chores and stitch my eyeballs out!

How about you?

THURSDAY....HANGOVER CITY

 

BIZZY. BIZZY. BIZZY

I futzed almost all day yesterday. Happily, I finished all of the laundry and attended to a few other chores on the list, and finally hit the Happy Chair in the afternoon with Spring:

This is the "I" in Spring, and it will be done once I add some cute little sunflowers at the base of it. I think there might be a few little birds flitting here and there too.

I'm stitching this on 28ct Dubloon instead of the called-for 30ct Gardeners Blend. I guess the difference between 28ct and 30ct isn't that great and I probably would have been fine, but I am (surprise, surprise) a creature of habit.

We're off like a herd of turtles today, Dearies! Futzingday is upon us, and it's time to done our most festive Futzingday apparel and make merry!

TUESDAY

 

MONDAY

Nothing new to report, Dearies. Buzzy and I are doing our thing here in the d-chair on a Monday. The sun is shining and it's in the 60's today, so we really don't have one darn thing to complain about.

We kind of ran hither and yon yesterday and came home a little worn out. I made rigatoni with meat sauce a la Midwestern a-medd-i-gan (at least that's what JB called it), ate too much, and went to bed a bit on the miserable side.

Somehow, though, I still managed to keep the fluid gain over the weekend very very low, so treatment today will be minimal.

I hope to have a new start tonight! Spring should be waiting for me in the mailbox when I get home, and if I'm not completely wiped out I'd like to get it under way. (Cricket Collection Spring, silly. Not actual Spring.)

(Although that would be totally cool...when you're ready for the next season you just pop down to your mailbox and transition yourself right into the next season.)

(I'd probably spend entirely too much time in Autumn, though, and screw it up for everybody.)

So that's it for me today. I hope you had a great weekend and that you have something fun planned for yourself this week! Come tell me all about it!

SUNDAY

 

IN WHICH THE SPINSTER ASSEMBLES HER SPRING STITCHY BASKET

The Cricket Collection Spring kit is en route, so not pictured here, but this is my quick start on a Spring Basket. I might move Grasshopper Pie to Summer, but for now I am OK to proceed today with what's here.

In the Mill Hill department, there are several others on deck, but I'm only going to keep one or two in my BitsyBiggie for trips back and forth to the d-chair.

I would imagine that Eliana, Cricket's Spring, and the Ehrman canvas will be more than enough to keep me busy for a bit, so there will be plenty of time to go back through stash and pull some more.

Never fear about Eliana's thread board...

It remains nicely intact in its project bag. If I told you how completely happy this makes me, would you believe me? I know it's obsessive, but when everything in your life seems to be beyond your control it's nice to have something you can get your arms around.

Happy Saturday, Dearies! The sun is shining and the birds are sweetly tweeting! After a Grotto walk, I'm going to plant myself in the Happy Chair and enjoy it. I hope you do, too!

AHHHHH...FRIDAY!

Such a wonderful surprise at the d-chair today! Nurse Sean has returned to us!

(Normal people would have said hello, asked for his family, and remarked how delighted they are to see him. Me, though? I blurted my weight out and told him eighteen times that as of Wednesday, I am a full FOUR KILOS...that's 8.8 pounds....below transplant goal weight.)

(Sean was witness to the great Menopause Gain of 2020 and did everything he could to remind and motivate me to lose weight and get under goal.)

So that's how my day started.

Miss Dana got me all hooked up without issue, and Buzzy and I are doing our thing, but contemplating a nap already. I seem to have plummeted to the bottom of the coaster today, Dearies, and every ounce of energy I had yesterday has disappeared.

(Good thing I got so much done...it means I can rest this weekend!)

After my big finish yesterday I picked up my Grasshopper Pie wip:

I have either misplaced the beads for this, or never ordered them in the first place. I'm exactly half way through the stitching portion, so have a fair way to go before I need them, but I might get them ordered so that they're ready to go.

This will probably be a Summer Basket project. My stash is not heavy on Summer things, so I might take the opportunity to play with some wips during June, July, and August.

Tomorrow I am definitely assembling my Spring Basket. With temperatures in the fifties and sixties and beautiful sunshine...it's time to celebrate all things Spring.

We will take our Grotto walk tomorrow, and it will be sandwiches for dinner, and on Sunday I am making rigatoni bolognese, garlic bread, and pork cutlet for JB. Tonight....salmon and pasta fagioli.

That's the Friday report from Hoosierville, Dearies! It's been a wonderful week of stitchy fun, and I'm hoping to carry it right on through to the weekend. How about you?

 

 

WOOOOO HOOOOO!

Winter

The Cricket Collection

28ct Helix Lugana

Threads converted to Colour & Cotton when possible

 

THURSDAY!!!

I'm not sure what caused it, but I had a nice little spurt of energy this morning that allowed me to tear through CS2 on a whirlwind and get several chores completed. Stupid stuff, really, but crossing them off of the to do list was very very satisfying.

I came thiiiiiiisss close to finishing Winter last night, but my eyes just would not cooperate. I came home from the d-chair and had a snack and a nap and then sat down to stitch and did so for a few hours, but those last few stitches will have to be plied today:

I was so focused on this that I didn't realize that my Jersey Boy had tuned the TeeVee to wrestling.

No, you didn't read that wrong. 

The love of my life follows and enjoys professional wrestling.

(Pause for a chuckle as you think to yourself "I wonder what Stewey would have to say about this little development?")

The truth of the matter is that wrestling was something that Rich and his son (also Rich) enjoyed together. Apparently, son Rich texted dad Rich to let him know that Shaquille O'Neal would be making an appearance, so the 76ers had to do their thing against Utah for a few minutes without my JB hollering at them to rebound and then shoot the bleepity bleeping ball.

Yup...it's all sports all the time around here, but I don't complain. My eyesight is such these days that I have to stitch with naked eyeballs, which means I can't watch the TV, so I stitch happily away and listen.

To baseball, basketball, football, cricket, soccer, tennis, golf, sailing, horse racing, and any other thing he wants to watch.

In other happy news, I did finish the background on the Mill Hill Snowflake in the d-chair yesterday. This means that I can try to finish the stitching on the third Winter Woods piece tomorrow!

We are in the midst of some gorgeous weather here in Hoosierville, and the sun is out and shining away. I am itching to get out onto the golf course, but need to bide my time a bit longer until my second shot has been administered and gone into effect, I think.

It's March, so that means green nails:

My dialysis techs get a kick out of my obsession with a monthly color, but Marcella vetoed the green. She did this last year, too, and asked me why I still went with the green despite her objection. 

Oh well...can't please 'em all, I guess.

(She was teasing me, by the way. Marcella is actually one of us...a fellow stitcher and from Columbia. She is getting ready to start a gorgeous Dimensions kit of flowers in Mason jars, and I can't wait to see her progress!)

Wow. I've just bent your ear for eleventy seven days, Dearies! Sorry about that! I guess I was just so excited to have a little energy today that I had to come tell you all about it!

Happy Thursday!

SALAMI AND EGGS?

My Jersey Boy is introducing me to all kinds of new things. When he first arrived, he requested peppers and eggs.  I was clueless.

I have, however, mastered that particular dish, and it is only made better by eating it on the Atlantic City Italian bread that is stashed in the freezer.

(Peppers and eggs is exactly what you think it is...peppers, onions, and eggs sautéed in butter and oil until soft, eggs scrambled in, and then lots of provolone to make it gooey.)

(Kind of like a cheesesteak, but with eggs.)

Yesterday, though, he requested salami and eggs, so before going at the peppers and onions I added a bunch of genoa salami.

He said it was delicious!

(I opted for leftover tortellini instead.)

We're trying to get ourselves on an Italian kick and have been watching Stanley Tucci's series on CNN. Last night we visited Bologna, and I immediately fell in love with Emilia Romana. My Dad's family comes from Compobasso in the Molise region, and Rich's is from Cave in Lazio, but I think we both agreed that ER... it's Parmesan, balsamic, and prociotto would be a great place to start.

(Never mind the bolognese.)

(This is the point where everybody in Italy rolls their eyes at me for being so completely ignorant of my ancestral country...and for the ridiculously bad spelling.)

(Sorry, Italy.)

Don't know what has me on the food kick today.

Buzzy and I are doing our thing, and I'm going to get some stitches in. The sun is shining and the ducks are doing their thing out on the pond. I am praying for enough energy after to get a few steps in!

What's new with you today, Dearies? Come tell me all about it!

NOT. MOVING. TODAY.