HERE I AM...BEING PRESENT

One of the things Dr Melfi talks about with me is learning to be present.

(No, Betty...I am not saying that I AM a present.  I'm trying to BE present.)

As in, paying attention to the moment and quieting the freak show in my head that screams obscenities and to do lists and shoulds and fears, regrets, and admonishments.

But that can be pretty hard to do when you're me, and this whole waiting for a kidney thing is definitely giving me a run for my money.

Yes, there are things that need to be done...like laundry and plant watering and face washing and putting on one's shoes and coming to dialysis and feeding myself and such, but those are just simple life tasks that don't need to be made into the proverbial mountains that need climbing.

This damn dialysis is kicking my b.u.t.t. but I decided to kick it right back. We're going to try to take less fluid off today to see if that helps, but if I'm still knocked out and need a day or so to recover...who cares? I have to remember whatI told my dear Dad when he came home from the hospital and was complaining about being so out of it: "You don't have to fly a plane or solve world peace or even wear underpants today. Close your eyes and relax and enjoy the fact that for the first time in your life you get to just be...still."

Being still and present.

Hmmm. How the heck do you do that when all you want to do is run around at Mach Five with your hair on fire and stitch all the things and cook all the things and visit with all of your peoples and hit all of the golf balls and read all the books and....and....and.

So Buzzy and I are doing our thing and I'm watching the sun rise and am wondering how I got these purple jelly bean fingernails. (I'm pretty sure I did a mani/pedi yesterday, but don't have any memory of doing so precisely).

Enough of this silliness for the moment. If Stewey were here he'd probably say "Mo-ther, there just isn't room in that tiny little brain of yours for all of your nonsense. Keep the parts that allow you to answer my every need and jettison the rest" and then he'd probably go water the drapes and have a lovely nap with his little face in the sun.

Oh, how I miss him so!

Damn dog.

I hope your Hump Day is sufficiently humpy for you and yours and that you can be present for all of the good stuff in your world. Come tell me all about it!