JUST PASSING THROUGH

Short and sweet today, kids. I am in the home stretch of "The Riddle" and am determined to see it through to the end before the weekend is upon us!

PLAYING ALONG WITH MS. VAN SCHURMAN

I'm an avid fan of Anna Van Schurman's "Stitch Bitch" blog, so it is with great happiness that I participate in the recent MEME that she posted...WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG? If you'd like to see what a NORMAL person keeps in her stitching bag, please go to:
http://stitchbitch.blogspot.com/.

If, however, you'd like to see what a NUTBALL case like me keeps in her stitching bag/basket, then please peruse at your own risk. I should point out that I don't have a stitchy bag because I'm a big fat LOO-ZER and very rarely go anywhere to stitch in polite company, so all of my crap sits in a big basket at the side of my Happy Chair.

(If and when I do get invited to go places, though, I always find a suitable device to transport all of the crap from the basket and I almost always wear a bra.)

Also, if you would, please keep in mind that I am a weird-o of the first order when it comes to containerizing and organizing and such, so if it looks like I have enough stuff to survive the Apocalypse, then you're probably correct and I should see about getting on better meds:

Let's see what we have here, shall we? On the far left is a project notebook in which I carefully document each project on its own page. I list the title, designer, size, threads, and any other relevant details that I'm sure I'll need one day in the future, even though most of my projects end up stuck in a FUPPY box with all of their original parts so that nobody will ever need to wonder what went with what. (Yes, my project notebook was a shameless attempt to play Varsity, and although I pretend like I actually know as much as she does, I'm sure Aunt Chrissy's notebook is far superior to mine. In every way.)

Next comes the ort jar (do I really need to talk about it?), along with some Liquid Stitch and Fray Check. Small scissors, large scissors, and some felt pieces for anchoring q-snaps come next, followed by the top part of the lovely little stitchy box that sits inside the basket that holds all of my stitchy crap. Here we have: tiny tweezers, a tape measure, an eyeglass lens cloth, a magnet from my SBFF Laura J. Perin, a tiny little thingie to pull thread through canvas, a Shepard's Bush pin, magnetic thread straighteners, a scissor fob, some Thread Heaven, a Blistex box with other tiny little stitchy tools, two rubber thimbles, a small box of straight pins, and a magnet with my initial on it from Kelmscott.

In the bottom of the box are: a list of all of the Gingher designer scissors ever made, Thimble-it's, an eyeglass repair kit, a boo boo stick, calculator, Stitchy Friend, Dovo scissors, and two pouches with magnifier/cheaters (one is 1.5 mag and one is 2.0 mag for when I'm feeling particularly cocky and decide to stitch over one on 38-count linen). I also have lots and lots of needles, some in their original manufacturer's cards, and some in a pink container that holds yet another set of containers that separates the needles by size. (Told you I was crazy.)

The glass vases hold scissors, pens, pencils, nail files, and laying tools, binder rings, and the essential LypSyl, cuticle trimmer, eye drops, and clear nail polish.

Oh, it looks like I forgot the chip clip that I snagged from Aunt Chrissy's house. It's blue and has a magnet on the front of it, which makes it positively perfect for clipping a chart to the q-snap so that I can have it right in front of my face as I stitch. See? All nice and tidy. You'd never know that this thing actually holds a McGiver Stitchy Kit of the First Magnitude now, would you?

Stewey gets peeved at me and will sometimes hide stuff in his fort just to aggravate me, but ever since I installed the flat screen for him under the bed, he seems content to just watch HGTV and be done with it. Every now and then I catch him THINKING about using one of my Ginghers on an arts and crafts project for school, but once I patiently remind him that they actually cost more than he did, he usually backs down. (Yup. He was fifty bucks. He was on sale because of his overbite.)

(Oooopps. Sorry. I'm supposed to refer to it as his "special feature" so as not to damage his self esteem.)

So, rephrasing: Stewey was very affordable because of a special feature that made him quite unique among his litter mates and I'm thrilled that I was able to bring him into our home. Damn dog.

Play along with the meme, won't you? WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG?

BRACE YOURSELVES

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy hyperventilating into a paper bag and trying not to hurt anything by jumping up and down. (Good grief! The wobbly bits are a' flying today!)

Everything was going just swell until the UPS man arrived with a big box addressed to YOU KNOW WHO. I swear, she wasn't even in the house two seconds before the scissors came out, the box was opened, and then she damn near fainted away on the spot over all of the loveliness inside! SOMEBODY sent my mom a big Happy Halloween present today, and methinks it will be quite some time before she is able to regain her senses.

Have you ever seen a chocolate bar that big? I tried to lift it to get a little sniff in, but it weighs more than I do! Over a full pound of chocolate! Within dangerous proximity to a woman who tried to replace all of her plasma with Starbucks and Godivas! Holey Schmoley, I thought she was going to come completely unglued. I guess it's a good thing my dart gun was loaded with sedatives, or who knows what kind of mayhem would have ensued!

(So a note to my very special Fairy GodStitcher....THANK YOU for making my Mommie Dearest's Monday the best one she's ever had in her whole life. Ever.)

Believe it or not, a lot of stitching actually took place this weekend. "The Riddle" is coming along very nicely, and if she sticks with this one, methinks it will be completed by the end of the week. That would mean that the November 1st deadline will arrive and all will be well here in Spinsterville, since a goal will have been achieved. (Now if we could just get her to have as much success with the scale, we'd REALLY be in business!)

Aunt Chrissy decided that she was going to continue stitching autumnal things until after Thanksgiving, and I think that our household is going to follow suit. So in that vein, Mom did a little shopping on Saturday and came home with this:

It's Laura J. Perin's "Idaho Star" and some truly gorgeous Vineyard silks. I guess that variegated one just kind of jumped into Mom's hands, and since she's never stitched with these before, she thought she's give them a try on on her new chart. I'm sorry that the pic is so bad...we're still gloomy here today and I can't get the camera to focus no matter how hard I bang it on the floor.

Well, I suppose I had better go see what the old lady is up to. She took the chocolate and threads and snuck into her closet, so I'm sure I'll find her on the floor in there with nothing but an empty wrapper and some lousy excuse about her blood sugar being low. I swear, sometimes I think she thinks I'm a doorknob.

Happy Monday to all of you! Thanks for stopping by!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

T.G.I.F.

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in bed with what I presume to be a wicked sinus migraine. At least I think that's what it is based upon the empty box of Sudafed strewn about the house. Oh, and the note that said "Stewey, Mommie is in bed with a wicked sinus migraine. No 'puter and no TeeVee until all of your chores are done." Hmmppphhh. We'll just see about that.

Life here at Chez Spinster has been relatively quiet these last few days. I suspect that my mo-ther is in a stitchy slump since she hasn't really had a needle in her hand since a week ago Wednesday. I TOLD her not to go up into the studio, but did she listen to me? I TOLD her to just keep plugging away on WIP's and then we could have a big celebration on November 1st, but did she do it? I TOLD her that the world is getting REAAALLLLLY tired of listening to her bitch and kvetch and complain that she has so many WIP's. (Actually, what I said to her was: "Listen up, Mom. You're like the woman who has a Virginia ham under her arm and then complains that she has no bread. Dont' you think it's pretty rude to go shoving your stash into people's faces all the time? Don't you realize that there are stitchers out there who would be HAPPY to have such an abundance of treasure from which to choose? Don't you think that your time would be better served by ENJOYING that enormous stash than it would be by griping about it?").

She just pulled the blanket over her head, but I'm pretty sure she got the message. Guilt is a wonderful motivator.

Aunt Chrissy had me over for mac and cheese last night. I would have been happy to go by myself, but the old lady insisted on driving me over. We left relatively early, though, so I didn't really get to spend too much time with my aunt, but an hour with that pesky cousin was quite enough time, thank you very much. If I hear "Oh, Bosco, you're so cute" one more time, methinks I will retch into my handkerchief. (What the little squirt doesn't know is that I was the cute one for almost five whole months before he came along with his stinky breath and playful attitude.) He ruined it all, I tell 'ya.

Today is very miserable...cold, drizzly, and overcast. I don't think I'll get very much sun-sleeping time today so I might as well get some work done around here. I'd love to check in with my broker and maybe do a load or two of delicates before the old lady wakes up. I guess I could make her a nice pot of chicken soup for that head of hers, but I might need to have a cocktail or two in preparation. I get a little squeamish when it comes to chopping vegetables, don't you know.

I do hope that wherever you are today is exactly where you want to be. Thanks for stopping by to see me! I do so love a bit of interaction with normal folks every now and then!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE????

I've stepped back a few inches from the edge of the ledge, thanks to all of you. BUT! I really feel the need to point out that NOT ONE SINGLE STITCHY PERSON said "OMG! You have too many projects going and you should feel bad that you waste so much time reading and writing this stupid blog!".

What, do you suppose, that says about "this thing of ours", hmmmmmm?

Well, I guess if I have to be on the Crazy Train, it sure is nice to know I have some company. Did anybody bring snacks? Extra pillows? Blankets? What's the movie going to be? May I have an aisle seat, please? Is it OK to move about the cabin while the "Fasten your seatbelt" sign is on?

ARE WE THERE YET????!!!!!!

Never fear, kids. Aunt Chrissy and I have a PLAN! I can't tell you what the plan is exactly, since I don't want to jinx it, but suffice it to say that this entire matter of having too many WIP'S will be solved toot sweet!

Stay tuned!


****EDITED TO ADD: How rude of me! Seriously, I would like to say THANK YOU for being so kind and funny and uplifting and wonderful, my dear stitchy friends! Your comments gave me great giggles this morning, and I'm just gobsmacked over the generosity of the stitchy world. Y'all ROCK!

CAN ANYBODY TELL ME WHY I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF?

I have no idea what possessed me.

There I was, minding my own business, when I got the urge to do a little "organizing" up in the studio.

For those of you who might be new to this hot mess of a life we call mine, allow me to explain. I seem to like organizing needlework better than I like stitching needlework. I'm not kidding. If I had to guess, I would say that I've spent at least 94.327% of my entire stitchy life sitting on the floor with piles and piles of stitchy crap all around me, and a determination to organize it to within an inch of its life.

Yesterday, apparently, was a day of reckoning, since I decided to pull every single project that I have ever put a stitch into and then abandoned. We shall henceforth refer to this as the "Work In Progress Pile of Death", or WIPPOD if you will.

Forty-eight. Yup, that's right. I pulled, sorted, bagged, and then counted a total of forty-eight projects that I have, at one time or another, had in my hot little hands with all good intentions of finishing before I go to that big LNS in the sky. Forty-eight.

The official Work In Progress Pile of Death, 2009

I must be pretty well medicated these days, since I found myself approaching this WIPPOD quite calmly, and I even managed to look at it as an anthropological record of my stitchy progress. There were a few pieces on 14-count Aida, a few Dimensions kits from Hobby Lobby, several pieces on linen that I swore were "just too hard for me to learn how to do", at least a dozen painted canvases, and a small handful of counted canvas pieces. All in all, a pretty good representation of my life as a wanna' be stitchy goddess. Let's look at it again, shall we?:

Normally, I would have dissolved into a puddle of angst over the WIPPOD, but for some strange reason, I decided to breathe and reboot and pull a few projects to play with until November 1st rolls around. No tears, no screaming or yelling that sent Stewey off on a pee-palooza. Just a calm consideration of the things before me and a quiet reflection on the various aspects of needlework that bring me such joy.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!!!!!!

I'm HUNG OVER today because I spent eighteen hours pacing about the house muttering to myself that FORTY-EIGHT needlework projects in a WIP basket is A CAPITAL CRIME AGAINST ALL THAT IS HOLY AND I SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT FOR BEING SUCH A DUMB ASS THAT I CAN'T SEEM TO FINISH ANYTHING AND WHY CAN'T I BE A BETTER PERSON AND JUST WORK ON SOMETHING UNTIL IT'S FINISHED AND THEN FRAME IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON INSTEAD OF BUYING BIGGER AND BIGGER BASKETS TO HOLD ALL OF THIS CRAP THAT I PROBABLY DIDN'T NEED IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE BUT JUST HAD TO HAVE ANYWAY.

Stewey called a cab and spent the night at the Marriott, and I'm pretty sure he opted for room service breakfast this morning, because he came home with waffles on his breath. He also snagged a robe, two hand towels, and a Kleenex dispenser, so now I'm going to have to drive over there and apologize profusely for raising a degenerate and write them a big check. Damn dog.

"Look Mommie! I'm sleeping in the sun AND I peed on the sofa!"

I didn't stitch at last night, and I don't think I've put any meaningful effort into anything since Wednesday or Thursday of last week. Does this qualify me for an official stitchy funk? Do I now need to limit myself to only stitching WIP's for the rest of the year? Should I decide that 2010 will be the Year of Unfinished Business and finally get these done? Should I stop reading blogs so that I'm not inspired and tempted to stitch every single thing on the planet? Should I....????

See? There I go again. Should-ing all over myself. Just when I think I've got a grip on "this thing of ours" and tell myself that it's all good -- no need to worry, I go and pull a stupid stunt like this and tailspin right back down into a weepy mess.

I swear, they should make pills for this.

WHO'S HAPPIER THAN ME? (*)

As you might remember, I started this crazy ass idea all the way back on July-something that I was only going to work on WIP's until November 1st. I will confess that I never in a million years would have believed that I would have actually stuck with this program (because I am notoriously unreliable in almost EVERYTHING I do), but here I sit with two weeks to go and nary a new start to be found! So a big WOO HOO for me for taking 43 whole years to learn what it means to keep a promise and be responsible for something other than panic, chaos, and disorder.

On Saturday we recovered from our Lima trip by putzing around the studio for a few hours. I was pretending not to watch the Notre Dame/USC game and Aunt Chrissy was pretending not to get irritated with me pretending not to watch the Notre Dame/USC game.

I shuffled some things around and made some lists and sighed deeply over some lovely things in my Autumn basket when it hit me square in the forehead: I had neglected to put Shepherd's Bush "Into the Night" on my WIP list! It certainly qualified, since it had a whole three sections completed and WIP means "Any piece of needlework that has at least one full stitch of thread in the linen, canvas, or congress cloth, no matter how insignificant the progress" (Sec. 3, subchapter 4). So after a big WOO HOO from the Peanut Gallery, I pulled it out and got it back on the q-snaps and now I'm ready to just rock it out until a week from Saturday. At the stroke of midnight on Halloween, I fully intend to jump all over Raymond Crawford's "Merry Christmas" canvas, which is being taught as a mystery class by the fabulous Ruth Schmuff of Bedecked & Beadazzled fame, but until then I can work on this and not feel like I'm missing an entire season of stitching. (This is especially wonderful since autumnal stitching is most definitely my very favorite in the whole entire world.)

Poor Stewey is not very happy with me today. The furnace has been on the fritz since Friday morning (I awoke to a whopping 47 degrees on the thermostat), but it can't be fixed until a new motherboard comes in. When I tried to explain this to him, he just huffed and said "It figures that the problem has the word mo-ther in it." Then he turned his back to me and sniffled into his blanket. Damn dog.

(*) This phrase comes from my friend, Rich Chialastri out in New Jersey, whose birthday is today. Happy Birthday, Rich!

I AM CONSTANTLY HUMBLED BY ALL OF MY FRIENDS IN THE STITCHY WORLD

There are no other words to say other than.....thank you.

A MISCELLANEOUS THURSDAY IN OCTOBER

This is a little rocking chair that my Uncle Connie gave to me for my first Christmas. I hadn't really thought about it (since it sits in the guest bedroom), but I thought I'd take a pic as a sweet little remembrance of him. Stewey walked over to it, and just as I expected him to lift his leg, he gave it a little pat with his paw and then sat down next to it to as if he and the chair were enjoying the view out the window. (Note to self: must staple gun camera to sweatshirt so that it will be readily available when things like this happen rather than keep it sitting in the computer armoire where it's absolutely no use to anybody unless they happen to be standing inside the armoire.)

So today we're finishing laundry and tidying up the house so that when Nanny comes to visit tomorrow we won't be reported to the A.S.P.C.A. It is such a nice feeling to know that when I get home the house will still be standing and Stewey will be warm and safe and dry and properly entertained.

Speaking of the little bundle of joy...he has a new pet that he insists on carrying all around the house. Last night before bed we had the requisite "Selection of The Night Night Toy" ceremony, and he decided that his new little ghost would be his bestest friend for life:

Now please understand that I have absolutely no problem with my dog having a doll, but when said dog stands in the bedroom and stomps his feet and barks until Mommie Dearest comes into said bedroom to get said doll from the bed, I feel it fair to bitch and complain that I am most certainly not the master of my own domain. It has become a morning ritual...just as soon as my heiney hits the Happy Chair for that first hot cup of coffee and the morning paper, Little Lord Fauntleroy decides that toy retrieval is, in fact, the priority. Damn dog.

I stepped out to get the mail yesterday and snapped this pic:

I sure wish I could have captured the colors better. They were simply breathtaking. I read today that a professor at St. Mary's says the colors will be dull this year and that we shouldn't look forward to any color, but I'm thinking that he should have actually looked out a window before making that pronouncement.

And finally, we have a progress shot of "Reflecting Pools". I seem to be flying right through this one, and last night's stitching session got me all the way through Season Three of The Sopranos. I'm hoping that I will be able to find a purple jewel for the upper left corner. I'm almost positive that I've got one up in the studio, but I've been too darn lazy to start pawing through my bead stash.

EVEN THE CLOUDS ARE CRYING TODAY

My Uncle Connie was a good man. He was tall and handsome and he was very very funny. He lived with and took care of Grandma until she passed away, and then he married the love of his life, Aunt Linda. He was a father and a husband, a grandfather, a brother, a son, an uncle, and a friend. He worked hard for Ford until retirement, and he planted a huge garden every year. When we were little, he took all of us kids to Cedar Point and King's Island, and we had baloney sandwiches and red pop for lunch. He always had gum.

One summer, he and Aunt Linda came to Phoenix for a visit, and I don't think we did anything but laugh and eat the whole time they were there. It was the last bit of time that Mom was able to spend with her little brother, and I think that those days were the happiest for her during all of that chemo.

A lot of people in Lima knew him as Mike, because his full name was Constantine Michael. For me, though, he was always Uncle Connie. The last time Chrissy and I visited him, we were talking about the family, and he said "My mom and pop had all these kids with names like Mary and John, and Don, and JoAnn, and then I came along and they named me Constantine. Go figure."

I am left handed because of my Uncle Connie. We were at Grandma's...coloring in our coloring books, and he said "Connie Jo, you're using the wrong hand!". Of course, he was teasing me, but I immediately switched that crayon over to my left hand and it stayed there from that moment on. (I was Connie Jo then, instead of "Coni", and I never got over feeling bad that I changed the spelling of it whenever I wrote to him.)

When Stewey came along, my Uncle Connie would call me weekly to see how he was doing. I think the name cracked him up, since he always had a little laugh whenever he said it. He would send me every cute email about pets and their silliness, and I told Stewey that one of these days we were going to go over to Lima so that Uncle Connie could get a good look at him.

Uncle Connie passed away on Monday evening after a hard hard fight with cancer. The last time I talked to him, I told him he couldn't go anywhere until he got me down an aisle, and that even though I'm a 43 year old spinster I still had hope, and he said "I'm gonna' lick it, Connie Jo. So don't you worry."

Chrissy and I will go to the services over in Lima on Friday, and then I'll come home and try to figure out how to live up to his legacy. In the meantime, if y'all would say a little prayer for my Aunt Linda, Tiffany, Lori, and Lenny, all the grandkids, my Aunt Mary and my Aunt JoAnn, that would be great.

Constantine Michael Loukos
April 2, 1936 - October 13, 2009

The Measure of Man
Not how did he die, but how did he live?
Not what did he gain, but what did he give?
Not what was his station, but had he a heart, and how did he play his God-given part?
Not what was his church nor what was his creed, but had he befriended those really in need?
Not what did the piece in the newspaper say, but how many were sorry when he passed away?
Was he ever ready with a word or good cheer, to bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
There are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

THE TUESDAY VIEW FROM THE HAPPY CHAIR

Progress continues on "Reflecting Pools". I'm going to continue playing with this one for a while since I'm enjoying it so much. As you can see, my little jar for October is filling up nicely. September's jar was so full I actually had trouble attaching the lid! Woo Hoo!

Stewey will most definitely never suffer from a vitamin D deficiency:

"Really, mo-ther. Is this necessary?"

And I guess the dining room table was tired of its summer attire, since I awoke to this new little tableau:

Once again, my digital camera has demonstrated to you that it is, in fact, much smarter than I am. Sigh.

OK. My work here is done. I set out to post the most boring pictures and text that I could find, and it would seem that I've done so quite nicely.

Happy Tuesday!

THE MONDAY REPORT FROM MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in the bathroom washing her mouth out with soap. We spent the entire weekend watching The Sopranos (for the seventh time, I might add), and when the old lady woke up this morning she started spewing profanity all over the place. And since we have a rule that there is to be NO TALKING during my daily watching of Judge Alex, I sent her off for appropriate punishment. She needs to learn that she is most definitely NOT Carmela Soprano and/or any facsimile thereof. Damn Mommie.

Well, despite her best efforts, Mom finally got bored enough with "The Riddle" to put it down for a few days. She didn't take it off the q-snaps or anything, and she didn't cart it up to the studio, so there is hope that she'll pick it up again soon and get it done before November 1st. I am going to push her to do so, especially since I spied a great frame the last time I was at Michaels' getting my craft supplies. (We'll just keep that one between us chickens, OK? I'm not supposed to use the car without permission, and I'm afraid that I've already spent my craft budget this month on purchasing felt for appliqued penny rugs. I haven't made them yet, but I have hope.)

What Mom DID stitch was "Reflecting Pools" by Stitchy Aunt Laura! I am so excited about this one, since the color selection will go quite nicely in my newly decorated apartment. (OK, it's not really an apartment, but rather a tiny little corner of the master bedroom, but a boy can dream, can't he? I'm hoping that the drapes I ordered will arrive this week, since I noticed that the chill is creeping in the windows at night and I just can't have that.) I asked Mommie to use Garden Path threads instead of the called-for Mediterranean, and although it kind of killed the idea of a water theme, I do think it looks lovely:

Unfortunately, Mom's craptastic photographic skills kill the color on this. Garden Path from Caron Collection is a wonderful combination of purples, greens, and peaches. Luscious.

Here's a close-up of the portion that Mom completed:

The weekend was rather uneventful, but thanks to Stitchy Aunt Debbie at (http://www.threadgatherer.blogspot.com/), Mom got to go to JoAnn Fabrics and hear the ladies there call her the "Crazy Scissor Lady". Mom has been collecting the Gingher designer series scissors for a little while now, and Stitchy Aunt Deb alerted us to the fact that the newest JoAnn's exclusive was in stores now. So off Mom ran with her hair on fire to pick up Mia.

Then, when she got home, there was ANOTHER pair in the mail from Needle Delights! Elena arrived safe and sound, so now we're up to TEN pairs of these darn things! TEN! Since my stupid mo-ther won't let me have any baby dolls, I've decided that these scissors will have to suffice for now. I especially love their names: Julia, Bianca, Emma, Freedom, Sara, Roberta, Criss, Elena, and Mia. I swear, it makes me want to put on a hat and serve a lovely tea.

Speaking of tea, it's time for me to go put on the pot for our afternoon snack.

Thank you for stopping by to see me today! I do get so lonely for civilized adult companionship around here! Please come again soon!

With love from your pal,
Stewey

HO HUM DEE DUM CA NUN DRUM

If you've seen the movie "Groundhog Day", then I would bet that you are feeling much like Bill Murray's character about now. (He lives the same day over and over and over again, in case you haven't caught this one on the "25-year Old Movie Channel" on your TeeVee.)

This piece really is lovely to work on, I promise, but I am so bored with talking about it I could just...well...stop talking about it. My goodness, but these posts have become repetitive! Let's just make this easy:

I'm working on "The Riddle" and really enjoying it. Progress is very very slow, but I think I'm going to try to stick with it until completion.

There. Now you don't have to wonder about it anymore and I won't have to bore you to tears.

Stewey is ridiculously MIFFED at me today. Apparently, he has a real problem with me sharing his "incident" with you, and he felt that it was a HUGE breach of contract for me to disclose such an intimate detail of his life with my reading public. My response to this was a) I don't have a "reading public", I have stitchy friends who are nice enough to stop by my blog without alerting the authorities that I should be heavily medicated, b) Pouting causes wrinkles, and if he's going to use $400 face cream every night to retain his youthful glow, he should probably avoid it, and c) Even Charlotte York has had an accident in the potty department (even though we both positively HATE that scene in the SOTC movie).

Cold, dreary, rainy weather is keeping us inside today with some stitchy movies and a freshly laundered blanket for company. I've finally learned how to make a proper cup of tea, so I'm thinking that might be on the menu in a very short while.


I leave you with a pic of Little Lord Fauntleroy demanding some play time with a new pumpkin toy he scored after yesterday's spa session. (Please note the volume of toys in the background. I will be using it as evidence in the upcoming "Mommie is not nice to me and won't buy me any more Halloween toys" Trial.)

Damn dog.

I KNEW IT! ***EDITED WITH AN UPDATE***AND YET ANOTHER EXCITING UPDATE****

The mystery is finally solved! The word "effluvia" must have entered my brain when I was reading (um, actually rabidly stalking) Ms. Anna van Schurman's "Stitch Bitch" blog! Thank you, Ms. van Schurman for helping me with that one...I really thought I was losing my damn mind!

I have to say, this OVER ONE stitching is for the birds. Well, not for the birds, actually, but when you have meat hooks like mine it is reaaaaalllllllly hard to do! Especially on a smaller count linen! I admire the work that I see and now have a much bigger appreciation for the talent that is required to stitch over one. So, bully for you, over one stitchers! Bully for you!

Once again, my craptastic photographic skills put me in good position for a Pulitzer, eh?

Stewey is nowhere to be found this morning. I suspect that he heard me making the appointment for a "Top Dog" spa day over at the PetSmart. He may not be too thrilled about it, but I, for one, am really looking forward to a few snuggles with a downy soft pup that smells like Tom Selleck! After a good puff and fluff, he gets a few spritzes of cologne and I can't keep my hands off the little guy!

All I can say by way of explanation of that is....a spinster's gotta' do what a spinster's gotta' do!

***So I've just returned from PetSmart. Stewey and I went into the grooming salon, and when I wasn't paying attention, he apparently made a "deposit" on the floor. (I suspect that he has a nervous tummy and was trying to tell me that he had to GO but I just chalked it up to him being a pill and ignored him.) This in itself would not be so bad, were it not for the fact that I proceeded to step in said deposit without realizing it because I was too busy interrogating the lovely young man that was unfortunate enough to be on duty at the moment. Stewey also decided to step in it, soiling his otherwise fastidiously clean little paws. So when I picked him up for a good-bye snuggle and kiss, guess where the deposit ended up?!!! (I can hear the collective EEEWWWW all the way over here in Hoosierville.) Needless to say, I drove home with the windows down, gagging all the way, and then I stripped in the garage before the door had closed.

Too bad today's landscaping day. Those poor guys are definitely going to need a drink after work tonight! Damn dog.

***And yet another exciting update!*** I decided that it might be a good idea to take a shower to get rid of any microscopic remnants of Stewey's PetSmart deposit. So there I was, minding my own business while nekkid, shampooing, and wet when all of a sudden: WHOOOOOSSSSHHHHH!

As usual, my timing positively sucks. At the exact time I was showering, the landscapers started blowing out/winterizing the sprinkler system. (This involves a big ass industrial type machine that pulls up in front of the house and then they proceed to pump massive volumes of air through the pipes.)

If you'd like to experience this magic for yourself, go to your local airport. Douse yourself in freezing cold water. Put blobs of sudsy shampoo in your hair for added effect, and then ask the nice tarmac people if you can stand in front of a jet engine as it prepares for take off.

The good news is that I don't think I'll need to exfoliate anything for awhile.

The bad news is that I think I might need a skin graft.

Once again....damn dog!

WHY I NEED TO START GOING TO BED EARLIER

I don't have one darn thing to show you today, but I will tell you that I'm walking around the house wondering why the word "effluvia" is stuck in my brain. Effluvia? I am suspecting that this is a result of reading "Drood", or that it's from the BBC. (I have a bad habit of turning on the radio before bed and I usually fall asleep to the BBC. Who else would know the word effluvia?)

(I am also noticing that I seem to use parentheses a LOT in my writing, but I'm hoping that y'all will say "Who cares? Using parentheses indiscriminately is part of her charm, along with making up words and butchering the English language.")

So you'll just have to wait until tomorrow to see if I snap out of this fog or not. I'm hoping that I do, since those letters on "The Riddle" are not going to stitch themselves,no matter how hard I wish it to be true.

MONDAY MONDAY

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy stomping around the house muttering to herself. She spent three days in the Happy Chair stitching away on "The Riddle", and when she looked at her progress this morning she hollered "THAT'S ALL?!!!" and then threw herself down on the bed like a petulant child.

Damn Mommie.

I, for one, think that she did an admirable amount of stitching, especially when you consider that she had to get up every five and a half minutes to let me in/out. The sun kind of peeked around corners this weekend, so I felt the need to maximize my snoozing in sun spots as best I could, and sometimes that meant a little patio time. I tried to tell Mommie Dearest that she could eliminate the whole in/out thing by simply installing a little dog door, but she just looked at me like I was nuts. I suspect that the visions of critters following me in through said dog door was enough to kill the plan on the spot.

I'm pushing the old lady to keep with this project since it's turning out to be a lot lovelier than we had anticipated. The colors on the chart photo really don't do this piece justice. In real life they are rich and very pretty. And since the sentiment that's expressed on this piece is all about GIVING, I'd like to see it finished, framed, and hung before the holidays are upon us.

Speaking of.....I've started my annual letter to Santa Claus. In an effort to be more modest and humble, I think I will only ask for presents that will help me achieve maximum puppy perfectness. I originally thought I'd go for electronics this year....you know, a new laptop, a Kindle, a digital camera, etc., but methinks it would be better to ask for a few treats and toys and be done with it. I don't think I'd mind a little indoor fire hydrant that I could pee on, but Mom's still trying to figure out how to solve the "overspray" issue. Oh well.

Here's hoping that you have a wonderful week. I'm off to finish the laundry in hopes that my mo-ther will cancel my bath appointment over at the PetSmart.

With love from your pal,
Stewey

VIEWER MAIL

OK. So. I haven't one clue as to how one goes about properly answering all of the questions one receives in her blog comments, so forgive me. I'm sure there is some teckie way to set something up so that your questions come to me via a different way, but it will be a loooooong time before I come up with it. A computer genius, I'm not.

So here's my feeble attempt to answer a few of the things that have been written by you...my dear lovely stitchy friends. May I just say, before we begin, that.....YOU ALL ROCK! Now go make yourself something wonderful to eat and know that there's a silly Spinster thanking God every single day for all of you and your propensity for reading all of my crap on a daily basis.

ladybeans asked for pics of the Happy Chair. Dear ladybeans, I think that Monica might have answered this for you already, but in my very first post (all the way back in June of 2008!), I posted shameless pics of both the Happy Chair and my stitchy/craft studio. And you will be happy to learn that the Happy Chair is even more happy now that it's clean and shiny and almost new. Not a spot of Stewey pee anywhere to be found, thank you very much.

Monica had lovely comments about Chez Spinster. Thank you, dearie. I have to say that I really do love this place and can't imagine living anywhere else.

Glenna noticed that I stitch things from the bottom to the top. I think I do this because I get such a feeling of "building" something as I'm stitching along. I don't do it very often..it seems mostly on cross stitched pieces, but I do like to start in the lower left and work my way upwards.

AlfNStitches suggested a Snuggie for Stewey. I'm still tee-heeing about that one, but will confess that I'm probably going to go out and get him one tomorrow. (He's requested leopard print.) (Damn dog.)

Doris gave me the excellent tip for a Gerard Butler sighting..."Dear Frankie". I'm on it. Netflix tells me it should be here Saturday for some post ND football viewing. Hubba hubba.

linenstitcher apologized for mis-spelling my name. Did you by any chance channel my mother, Ms. Linenstitcher? My formal name is Constance JoAnn, and my nickname was indeed spelled Connie up until my rebellious teen years. Wow. Changed it to c-o-n-i. What a rebel.

Amber asked about the designer of "The Riddle". It's The Drawn Thread..one of my favory fave faves!

Donna gave me a lovely compliment about my latest column in Needlepoint Now (gee, was that a shameless plug or what?) and told me she sees a book deal in my future. From your lips to God's ears, honey!

Danielle asked if I knew the release date for the Alice Peterson Floating Hearts canvas. After further review, I found a piece of paper that told me I ordered this in February of 2003. Unfortunately, I don't know if it was released anywhere around that time...I saw it while surfing on the webinet as a brand new stitcher and wasn't smart enough to write anything down.

Whew! I hope that I haven't left anybody out, and that if I did, your question won't burn a hole in your brain while waiting for my reply. I'm notoriously un-reliable in almost everything, so if you're waiting with breath that is bated for anything of importance from me....bon chance! (What can I say? I suck.)

Time for bed. I'm plowing through this creepy book..."Drood", and it's making for some interesting reading just before sack time. I was reading it out loud to Stewey (yes, I do that), but he requested that I just shut the hell up already and go to bed already. I was happy to do that, but I caught him under the covers with his Kindle last night, so methinks our story hour days are behind us. Damn dog.

CLICK

For some strange reason, I always consider the first day of October the official beginning of Fall. And every year it's as though someone has clicked my brain into believing so as I pull out the cooler weather gear. I suppose today will be no exception, since I see that Stewey has placed a little catalogue of dog sweaters next to my Happy Chair. (You'll be happy to note that he has also added color coordinated PostIt notes next to his preferences, along with a size and color chart.) Damn dog.

It's a good thing that the calendar flipped today, since my little ort container for September is full of snips from all of these bloody WIP's I've been working on! And as God is my witness (she says shaking her fist at the sky a'la Scarlett O'Hara)......I will not start anything new until November 1st!

The problem I have with this little scheme of mine is that most of my stash is Fall/Autumn-like in theme, so I feel like I'm somehow "missing out" on the entire season. I had decided that I would work on WIP's until November 1st and would then launch myself right into Christmas stitching, but this will mean nary a pumpkin or witch will be stitched this year. Alas, it must be so if I want to start 2010 with a more manageable number of unfinished projects. Sigh.

I had a hard time concentrating last night, so the progress on "The Riddle" is not very impressive in the light of day. In looking at the entire picture, however, I see that the part that I've just stitched seems to be the most intensive, so maybe the rest of this will fly by? Here's hoping.