Oct 7, 2009


The mystery is finally solved! The word "effluvia" must have entered my brain when I was reading (um, actually rabidly stalking) Ms. Anna van Schurman's "Stitch Bitch" blog! Thank you, Ms. van Schurman for helping me with that one...I really thought I was losing my damn mind!

I have to say, this OVER ONE stitching is for the birds. Well, not for the birds, actually, but when you have meat hooks like mine it is reaaaaalllllllly hard to do! Especially on a smaller count linen! I admire the work that I see and now have a much bigger appreciation for the talent that is required to stitch over one. So, bully for you, over one stitchers! Bully for you!

Once again, my craptastic photographic skills put me in good position for a Pulitzer, eh?

Stewey is nowhere to be found this morning. I suspect that he heard me making the appointment for a "Top Dog" spa day over at the PetSmart. He may not be too thrilled about it, but I, for one, am really looking forward to a few snuggles with a downy soft pup that smells like Tom Selleck! After a good puff and fluff, he gets a few spritzes of cologne and I can't keep my hands off the little guy!

All I can say by way of explanation of that is....a spinster's gotta' do what a spinster's gotta' do!

***So I've just returned from PetSmart. Stewey and I went into the grooming salon, and when I wasn't paying attention, he apparently made a "deposit" on the floor. (I suspect that he has a nervous tummy and was trying to tell me that he had to GO but I just chalked it up to him being a pill and ignored him.) This in itself would not be so bad, were it not for the fact that I proceeded to step in said deposit without realizing it because I was too busy interrogating the lovely young man that was unfortunate enough to be on duty at the moment. Stewey also decided to step in it, soiling his otherwise fastidiously clean little paws. So when I picked him up for a good-bye snuggle and kiss, guess where the deposit ended up?!!! (I can hear the collective EEEWWWW all the way over here in Hoosierville.) Needless to say, I drove home with the windows down, gagging all the way, and then I stripped in the garage before the door had closed.

Too bad today's landscaping day. Those poor guys are definitely going to need a drink after work tonight! Damn dog.

***And yet another exciting update!*** I decided that it might be a good idea to take a shower to get rid of any microscopic remnants of Stewey's PetSmart deposit. So there I was, minding my own business while nekkid, shampooing, and wet when all of a sudden: WHOOOOOSSSSHHHHH!

As usual, my timing positively sucks. At the exact time I was showering, the landscapers started blowing out/winterizing the sprinkler system. (This involves a big ass industrial type machine that pulls up in front of the house and then they proceed to pump massive volumes of air through the pipes.)

If you'd like to experience this magic for yourself, go to your local airport. Douse yourself in freezing cold water. Put blobs of sudsy shampoo in your hair for added effect, and then ask the nice tarmac people if you can stand in front of a jet engine as it prepares for take off.

The good news is that I don't think I'll need to exfoliate anything for awhile.

The bad news is that I think I might need a skin graft.

Once again....damn dog!


  1. Conni, I am not a fan of the over one stitching . I have bad eyes and it takes me forever to do anything that is over one. Stewey is going to smell soooo Good!!! LOL

  2. I'm not a fan of over-one stitching either, so I feel your pain. But your piece is looking really good. And about Stewey and his "mishap", now I know why I don't own a dog. Although I do think that Stewey is precious.

  3. Oh dear. You would think they would have enough common sense not to step in their own mess... not so. I bet you will really appreciate him after his grooming!
    I am currently stitching Teresa Wentzler's Tapestry Cat and am a bit nervous about the over one on the cat's eyes. It will be my first time doing it. Best not to make mistakes I bet.

  4. OMG! You're killing me with your deposit story. Ewwwww is exactly what I said out loud as I was reading it. I'm wondering how the landscape guys are doing, and if they're sharing their side of the story. LOL! That was such a good laugh.

    I love over-one stitching. I just wish my eyes could still see as much as I want them to see.

  5. Tea and cookies? I think you deserve a treat. No more updates today, please. I can't imagine what else could happen.

  6. You are too funny! Poor puppy...I am sure he couldn't help it.

    Your Riddle looks great..very pretty.

  7. snorting my tea out my nose again with the vivid mental image of your home exfoliation
    that will keep me laughing for days
    i still chuckle to myself whenever i think of your sleep study tale
    seriously hiarious
    to this day

    this story is akin to that

  8. Read the first half of your post and "EWWWW'ed" right along with you. But I'm sorry to admit that I laughed hysterically at the second half. Oh. My. Goodness!! I think I may have sprained something. (But it was sooo worth it!)

  9. Between you, and Janet Evanovich (author of the Stephanie Plum series, I have been laughing all night! It's the visulization that gets you - In both cases.
    Ah SH*T! it is hard to laugh, type, and eat a frozen fruit bar at the same time!

  10. It's such a pain to stitch over one but it just looks fantastic.

  11. How did PetSmart react to Stewey's editorial comment? Every time I take my dogs to our local groomer, the male has to lift his leg. His grooming card even says "Leg lifter". The woman is never happy about it - c'mon, he's a male dog - that's what they do. He did it on the gourds and pumpkins in front of the vet's office yesterday and the vet thought it was funny. Why do males need bodily functions to mark their territories? :)

  12. Coni, I was going to leave a comment but can't stop laughing long enough to make any sense of it.

  13. I laughed until I cried! Thanks for that! I needed it today.

  14. I should never, EVER, read your blog from the office. Nearly got fired laughing at this post!

  15. OMG. You wild, wacky woman. And your Super Pup. LOL!!!

  16. ROFLMAO!!! I just can't help picturing all the mishap with the eewww. Thanks for the laugh and I am sure Stewey was chuckling the whole time.

  17. Too funny! I've read your post 5 times now, and I still laugh every time!

  18. My husband thinks I'm nuts. I've been stuck to the couch all day reading through your blog from the beginning, cackling and snorting like a madwoman.

    I'm quite literally laughing out loud at the thought of you in the shower when the pipes blew!

    ...sympathetic laughter of course... but laughter none-the-less. Thank you for sharing Coni.