IS IT STILL CALLED A NAP IF IT'S SEVEN HOURS LONG?

I blame Stewey for this one.  Yesterday we got up at the crack of dawn to meet the A/C repairguy, and by the time he left I was already sleepy.  That was at 9:30am.  Then, after pushing myself out of the Happy Chair and into a few piddly chores, I spied Stewey standing in front of the bedroom door baby gate, looking pitiful and all "Hey, my dear sweet Mommie Dearest.  Let's go take a quick snoozy nap to refresh our little selves", so I caved like the big fat pudding that I am.

Seven hours later I heard the answering machine beep and Aunt Chrissy's voice cheerfully say "Hi, Aunt CJ!  Just wanted to let you know that I'm home from work all safe and sound.  Wanted to see how your day was and whether or not you enjoyed this pretty sunshine!"

I briefly contemplated fibbing to her and coming up with a big long list of everything that I accomplished, but I came clean instead and braced myself for a load of guilt and recrimination.

Instead, Aunt Chrissy said "Well, it sounds like you really needed a good sleep", and I remembered why I love my little sister so much after all.

JUST A LITTLE PROGRESS....

If I were to put my mind (and needle) to it, I might be able to complete this one within the next few days.  Considering the move of Monday laundry to Tuesday, perhaps there's a chance we'll hear the pitter patter of tiny little 300-pound humming bird feet?  Stay tuned.

MEMORIAL DAY 2012 -- SPINSTER STITCHER STYLE

The party guests cool themselves in the shade while the host sleeps off an over-indulgence of an impertinent little Merlot.  Word has it that the Spinster has taken to the big girl sleigh bed with a book entitled "The Weird Sisters".  Not one ounce of laundry seems to be completed, nor does there appear to be any attempt to clean the puppy nose prints from the lower parts of the windows.  All is quiet, hot, humid, and lazy on a Midwest Monday afternoon.

HAPPY WEEKEND!

If you're state-side, please have a safe and relaxing Memorial Day weekend.  If you're state-adjacent...ditto.  If you're state-non-adjacent-but-we-have-CNN-and-know-what-all-of-you-crazy-Americans-like-to-do-to-kick-off-your-summer-holidays, then please do enjoy yourselves also!

Today will be a marathon homekeeping session (sounds so much nicer than "I'm going to strap on the big girl bike shorts and scrub the bathroom, doesn't it), followed by some marathon stitching and "Magic City" watching.

Tomorrow I'll probably go face first into a Tylenol bottle.

Mummus and mocktails on the patio with Aunt Chrissy and Bosco on Sunday!

And finally...Monday will hereby be established as the 2012 Official Spinster Stitcher Day of Stitching in the Jammies While Sipping Iced Cold Lemonade!

Woo Hoo!

A FUTZINGDAY REPORT FROM MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP, HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

Hello, one and all!  My mom can't come to the blog right now because she's wandering aimlessly about the house muttering to herself.  During the last lap around living room/dining room/kitchen I heard her say "Now I wonder where I put that power washer?".  I don't have the heart to tell the old lady that we don't actually own a power washer (*), so until she starts moving large pieces of furniture around to search underneath, I think I'll let her go.

We're off to a relatively good start to the season here at Chez Spinster.  Thanks to my Aunt Chrissy and her outside expertise, I'm happy to report that the back patio is sporting some lovely lovely blooms.  Mo-ther got a bee in her bonnet this year and decided that she wanted the pretty in the back of the house instead of the front so that she could actually enjoy it, and thus far it's proving to be a good decision.  Aside from a few pulled muscles and a lot of sweating and grunting and complaining (on Mo-ther's part), I would say that the planting went well.

The veggie garden is considerably downsized this year.  Since cucumbers proved too difficult for my crop-challeneged mo-ther to attempt, we went with three simple groupings of tomatoes...one roma, one cherry, and one beefsteak.  We'll see how long it'll be before we're all sporting bright red lips and mouth sores from all of the tomato sandwiches because nobody around here seems to have an ounce of self control when it comes to making wise food choices.

On the stitching front, Mo-ther continues her 300-pound hummingbird routine and flits from project to project until she collapses into a heap of frustration.  She seems to be in a canvaswork mood, but every now and then I catch her with some cross stitch in her hands because she claims her arms are tired from propping up the stretcher bars.  (I'm not sure why she makes this particular claim, especially since I would describe the body parts that prop up the stretcher bars more as "boobs" than "arms", but what do I know?)

Thank you for all of your lovely birthday wishes.  I turned 7 this year on May 13.  As you know, that was Mothers' Day, and it also happened to be the eighth anniversary of my grandfather's passing.  Both Mom and Aunt Chrissy seemed out of sorts all day, so I didn't make any fuss over the lack of cake or party hats.  Besides, whenever we try to have some kind of forced festivity around here, I'm usually the one ending up in time out for peeing on the ottoman.

So that's the report for today.  Same old, same old.  Life with Spinster will do that to a fellow, but every now and then it's nice to be sans drama.

Thanks for stopping by.  Until we meet again, I remain your devoted and loyal friend,
Stewey

(*) The Spinster Stitcher does not own a power washer because her little sister overheard her musing about the effects of said power washer as a weekly cleaning tool for various and sundry parts of the interior of the house.  Since the little sister has absolutely no intention of explaining to the nice repairmen how it is possible that one portly woman was capable of simultaneously stripping the finish off of hardwood floors while removing every molecule of paint from the walls and tile from the bath, she opted for a Swiffer wet mop instead. (The Spinster has yet to use it.)
 

JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM

 The Official 2012 Stewey Angus Willowswamp Summer Portrait

(with the official 2012 Summer Daisy, courtesy of Aunt Chrissy on the occasion of his 7th birthday)

(And yes, in case you were wondering, she purchases a daisy for him every year, and he spends the summer inspecting/enjoying it while lounging in the sunshine.)

 Stained Glass Windows

Laura J. Perin

 A Different View

Threedles

 Hoosier Heartland ANG May 2012 project

Marnie Ritter

Alphabets

The Drawn Thread

(I had started this one previously on 32ct. linen, but decided that 28ct. would be much better for me.)

(I was right.)

WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT?

Theories abound as to what the Spinster Stitcher and her little dog too could possibly be up to.  In the interest of not losing ALL of her faithful friends and readers, here's a little quiz:

1. The Spinster Stitcher hasn't been posting to this here blog because she a) entered the Federal Witness Protection Program and is being held in a super-secret location, b) won the lottery and finally bought a yacht, c) decided to get a jump on Spring cleaning, or d) is taking a nap.

2. Stewey finds this lack of daily posting/blathering a) refreshing, b) delightful, c) what he's always wanted, or d) all of the above.

3. Aunt Chrissy wishes her idiot sister would go back to blogging again because a) she's tired of hearing about all of the crap on the to do lists that aren't getting done, b) she's tired of hearing about all of the crap on the to purchase lists that aren't getting purchased, or c) she's tired of hearing about all of the home improvement projects on the home improvement projects lists that aren't getting home improved.

4. The Spinster has been a) cross stitching, b) counted canvasing, c) painted canvasing, or d) taking a nap.

I do love you all for your comments and emails and such.  Please don't fret or cry for me, Argentina.  All will be well and I will be back soon.  In the meantime, have a fabulous weekend and keep those needles flying!

BLOG BREAK

Try not to have too much fun without me, kids.  (tee hee!)   I'm going to take a brief blogus interruptus, but promise to be back toot sweet! 

Woo Hoo!
Coni

FRIDAY, FRIDAY

Thank you for all of your lovely comments about Tahiti.  I haven't really decided what to do with the finished piece just yet, but I'm leaning toward a funky frame for the Big White Wall of Nothingness.   I think that the Michael's is having a framing sale, so Aunt Chrissy and I might have to add a trip there to our list of Sissy Day errands.

Last night I played with Barnwood Buttons.  I wish that I could adequately capture the color of the linen.  Miss Joy from House of Stitches really hooked me up with this -- it's 28ct. "Raisin" and is simply divine.  I will confess, though, that I'm having a heck of a time seeing adequately, so methinks I'll have to put a white towel/cloth on my lap for some reflection. (Either that, or I could scrub Stewey up with his new brightening shampoo and position him just so. Good grief, I can almost hear him kvetching now.)

If you have an opportunity to see this piece in person, make sure to look at the buttons for it.  They are absolutely gorgeous and unlike any I have ever seen.  Many of them are carved and remind me of scrimshaw. (I hope I'm using that correctly.)

What's on your agenda for the weekend?  Aunt Chrissy and I are headed to the Rural King for some backyard supplies.  Although neither of us are what you'd call "outdoorsy kind of people", we do love a pretty patio.  I usually do flowers and such in the front of my house, but this year I'm thinking that I'll concentrate on the back so that I can enjoy it.  I'll keep you posted, and I'm sure that Stewey will give you his thoughts and opinions as soon as it's all finished.

Have a great weekend!  Woo Hoo!

TAHITI FEE NEE

Tahiti

Needle Delights Originals

18ct. mono canvas

Watercolours, DMC #5 perle, DMC floss

(This was the March/April project for the Hoosier Heartland Chapter of ANG and was presented/taught by Miss Charlene Her Very Self.)

PATIENCE, GRASS HOPP A

I was all set to plow through to the finale' of Tahiti last night, but realized that I had made a major mistake.  See that horizontal orange line on the right?  Well, I screwed up and stitched it under all of the flowers above it.  This meant that the section under THAT was screwed up and the one under THAT...and so on and so on and so on.

Stewey caught wind of what had happened and peered over his reading glasses to say "Mo-ther.  Rather than sit there for eighteen hours trying to figure out how you can fudge things to fit, why don't you just remove the offending sections and fix them?"  Then he went back to reading The New Yorker or whatever the hell else it is that he finds stimulating these days.

So I frogged and re-stitched and am happy to report that we're back on track now.  In all, I think that the detour was about twenty minutes long, as opposed to the above mentioned eighteen hours that would have been.

Today is cold and rainy here in Hoosierville (can I get a big Woo Hoo! from the congregation?), so I will plant my heiney in the Happy Chair and set about the business of getting this one finished.

Happy Futzingday to all!

FURTHER EVIDENCE THAT MY MO-THER IS A BOOB, BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

In the category of "Why can't she do anything in moderation" is the report of the events of Sunday afternoon.  "Stewey", my idiot mo-ther announced.  "I think I'm going to make meatballs today".

Four hours and a lot of sweating and grunting later, I entered the kitchen to find my mo-ther sprawled out on the floor muttering "Thirty six.  I've just made thirty six meatballs."

Good thing this isn't the week that she decided to become a vegetarian.

On the stitching front, progress continues on Needle Delights Originals Tahiti.  This was the project for Mo-ther and Aunt Chrissy's newly joined ANG guild, and with all things in her life, Mo-ther is woefully behind schedule.  She is enjoying it, though, so if laundry day proves successful today, she'll get quite a but accomplished while the towels and underpants splosh about in the machine.

The moment Mo-ther saw this next one she knew that she had to have it.  It's called Flowers, Awake! and it's from Miss Karen of Rosewood Manor.  The linen is called Barnwood, and all of the threads are DMC.  I think that this one will get started as soon as its "companion" called Barnwood Buttons gets finished.  I'll  keep you posted.

Finally, I'm happy to report that my mom and Aunt Chrissy have enjoyed several Sissy Days lately, and the old lady is sporting a pretty pink manicure and perfectly trimmed bangs (for once).  I also suspect that there have been a few stitchy shopping trips, since the contents of the tote bag revealed a few new supplies for the studio.   The light bulb was my idea, since I can only imagine the hair-pulling angst that would result from a late night outage.  Mom has been stitching under a proper stitching light now instead of the nuclear halogen desk lamp, and I'm determined to keep her quiet and sans flames.

That's the report for today, my dear friends.  I'm headed to the back patio for a little sunbathing and squirrel chasing.  I hope that you are all well and warm and safe and dry and that your needles are flying!

With much love from your devoted pal,
Stewey

IT'S GOOD TO BE ME!

Oh, how can I explain what it's like to sit in my big chair and let your kindness wash over me? You just ROCK my silly little world with all of the nice things you have to say. THANK YOU, my dear stitchy friends! THANK YOU!

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that Stewey is horrified that you encourage me. As you know, he's not exactly thrilled with most of what I do and/or don't do around here, so when you tell me that I'm swell and this results in me dancing about the living room clutching the computer mouse in my hands like an Academy Award while chanting "They LIKE me! They really really LIKE me!", he heads right for the drapes.

Humility, thy name is Mo-ther.

No stitching to report from last night, I'm afraid. I went face first into a bowl of popcorn and didn't come up for air until it was time to hit the big girl sleigh bed. I think it might be only the second or third night so far this year that I didn't poke something with a needle and thread. (heavy, heavy sigh)

DAISY O'HARE FEE NEE

Daisy O'Hare
designed by Miss Laura J. Perin Her Very Self
18ct. mono canvas in pink (I think it's called rose blush)
threads according to chart and what I had in my stash

A HAPPY BIRTHDAY MESSAGE TO MY AUNT CHRISSY, FROM MAASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in the kitchen swearing at the oven and wondering why she isn't bright enough to know how to make a cake from a box. Today is my Aunt Chrissy's birthday and all she asked for was a fudge marble cake with milk chocolate icing. That's all. Just a nice simple cake and a few good wishes from her idiot sister. You would think, from the sounds coming out of the old lady though, that Aunt Chrissy had asked for the moon instead.

So it's up to me to pull this little goat rodeo together and try to salvage what I'm sure will turn out to be a complete culinary disaster. I had suggested that Mo-ther try ordering a fancypants ice cream cake, but considering that she never listens to me and has a head like a rock, we're left with Duncan Hines and all his evil intentions. Phooey, I say to that. Next time I'm putting my foot down.

I don't talk about it often, but there hasn't been one day of my life that's gone by that I haven't wished that she was my mom instead. She is smart and pretty and funny and very very organized. She knows that pups like me require some intelligent discourse, a comfy pair of cotton pajamas, and several good tummy rubs during the day. She play with me and talks to me and calls me Twinklebutt just because she knows that I secretly love it. Whenever I've watered the drapes, she puts her hands on her hips and says "Stewey, I don't approve of you peeing on the drapes, but I'm pretty sure that your mo-ther had it coming. What did she do this time?". And then she listens as I pour my heart out and reveal all of the ugly truths about life here at Chez Spinster.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Chrissy. I love you with all my heart and hope you know how special you are.

With love from your nephew,
Stewey

*************************************************

A CONVERSATION OVERHEARD ON SUNDAY EVENING

(sound of telephone ringing)

AUNT CHRISSY: Hello?

STEWEY: Hello, Aunt Chrissy? This is Stewey.

AUNT CHRISSY: Hi, Stewey.

STEWEY: Aunt Chrissy? I would like to take a moment of your time this evening to discuss something very important with you.

AC: What did she do now?

S: It's not Mo-ther, Aunt Chrissy. It's you.

AC: Me? What did I do?

S: Aunt Chrissy, are you aware that my mo-ther is walking around in the house wearing a new pair of sunglasses that look like they might have been very very very very expensive?

AC: Yes, I am, Stewey. I bought them for her.

S: Aunt Chrissy! What could have possibly possessed you to indulge Mo-ther with such an extravagant gift? You do realize, do you not, that she wouldn't know luxury if it bit her on her ample backside, and that the last time she had something this special in her proximity she tried to eat it because "it was pretty".

AC: Stewey, your Mommie is going to be 46 years old soon. Do you know what that means? She's old, Stewey. She'd old and crabby and has rapidly deteriorated into a slobbering mess of pre-menopausal chin hair. We need to do nice things for her so that when we finally send her to live at "the special place" she will remember us fondly. Besides, you aren't the one that has to sit next to her in the car when she's wearing her taped-together Target sunglasses, so mind your business. I like to do nice things for your Mommie, Stewey, and if you're not careful one of those nice things is going to involve a clothes pin and your peenie. Now is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me at the moment?

S: No, thank you Aunt Chrissy. As always it's been very pleasant speaking with you. I bid you good evening.

AC: Good night, Stewey. (muttering to self) Damn dog.

*******************************************

Aunt Chrissy is on a secret mission to make me look like a human woman and not a caricature of a drag queen. On Saturday morning we had a few buffs and polishes at the spa and then we went to the fancypants eyeglass boutique for some sunglasses. I thought I was going to just switch out some lenses in a pair that I already have, but once we started trying things on I got outnumbered pretty quickly. Needless to say, it looks like I'm going to have to start wearing big girls shoes and a bra now whenever I leave the house....otherwise everybody is going to think I'm just nuts enough to wear a mortgage payment on my face as an accessory to eighteen year old sweatpants and Wal-Mart old man slippers.

Nope. Can't take me anywhere.

******************************************

I had hoped to be able to show you a finished Daisy O'Hare today, but there were so many shows to watch last night that I finally just gave up stitching and glued my eyeballs to the TeeVee. Game of Thrones! Nurse Jackie! The Big C! And lest we forget my beloved Jeffrey Dean Morgan in Magic City! Holey Schmoley, methinks I had better start pacing myself or there's going to be a lot of Monday morning TeeVee hangovers and not very much stitching to report!

Was the Easter Bunny good to you?

LIST SCHMIST

Well, firstly, may I just say a big fat teary thank you for all of your concern regarding my ennui of late? Yes, I promise that all will be well again soon and that all of the appropriate authorities are on board, so please don't cry for me, Argentina. I am strong like bull.

Just a bull that's a little on the comatose side. That's all.

So about this list thing....

In my mis-spent youth, I was quite a list writer. As a matter of fact, if I could have figured out how to have done it, I would have written lists for a living. Sadly, this never came to be, so I was left to enjoying list scribbling as a hobby only. But what a hobby it was! I wrote my heart out on these lists, and can remember the smug satisfaction I felt as I crossed and crossed and crossed all of the items on the list as I plowed my way through life.

Now....not so much.

I didn't write lists for a very long time, but after witnessing Aunt Chrissy's success with them last year, I decided to give it a try. You see, at the beginning of the warm weather last year, Aunt Chrissy wrote a list of all of the stuff that she wanted to get done around her house. Things like painting and landscaping, and garage cleaning. All of the stuff that a responsible homeowner would do to make their little castle perfectly perfect in every way. The amazing thing is that she tackled this list with a grim determination that didn't relent until the very last thing was complete.

I was so proud of her I couldn't stand it.

My lists aren't quite that ambitious. As a matter of fact, I just wrote "empty the damn dishwasher already", followed by "check to see if Stewey has run away from home because he hasn't been seen or heard from since tea and toast this morning". What can I say? I'm pacing myself it would seem.

I've thought about starting a stitchy list, but I'm pretty sure that would just send me right back under the covers. There are at least seven hundred and ninety four projects that I'd like to complete before the SpringTide is over, and once the London Olympics start, I just know that I'm going to be jonesing for something USA'ish, so the mind already starts to whir. I suppose that I could write a list of all of the new techniques I like to learn (like wool applique), and then I could find a class or a kit that would teach me said technique on a rainy afternoon. But that would mean that I might have to put shoes on and leave the house, and we all know how THAT will end up, so methinks my stitchy list should just say "stitch".

What's on your lists? Do you set goals or jot down reminders? What about stitchy shopping lists? Do you head to your LNS armed with a list of stuff you want to purchase, or do you just let the wind take you wherever it may?

I guess that's a lot of heavy thinking for a Tuesday. Maybe it's time to tuck myself into the happy chair for a little afternoon needle-poking session. I've got Plum Street Sampler's "A Handwork's Pace" all q-snapped up and ready to go, so I'm thinking that this might be a good day for a new start! Woo Hoo!

STITCHING UNDER WATER

Progress is sloooooooowwwwww. At this point, I'm happy if I can get the darn needle threaded, but the good news is that I'm not fretting too much over it and just going with the flow. (And that flow is rather like molasses in January.) I suppose that I could pretend that this new pace is all Zen Buddha-ish and that I'm just trying to be mindful of each stitch, but the truth is that I feel like I'm stitching under water.

Or under a thick layer of Jello.

Good thing I have that dvr thingie so that I can watch and then re-wind and re-watch the TeeVee over and over again. It took me about three hours to get through a show last night because I couldn't keep up with the plot.

Oh dear...she's lost the plot.

Anywhoose....still here. Hope you had a wonderful weekend and that your own needles are flying! Woo Hoo!

SPINSTER-STILT-SKIN?

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a portly spinster. The spinster was lovable, but was also very very sleepy. Each morning, the spinster awoke with plans for a full and productive day, but by noontime the spinster found herself ready for a nice long snoozy nap. The spinster's little dog didn't help matters any, especially since he loved to take his very own nice long snoozy naps, and he knew that the only time he would get any peace and quiet was when the spinster snored away in her big girl sleigh bed. So each day he gently noodged her toward the bedroom until she collapsed into an incoherent slobbering heap.

Eventually, the spinster decided to embrace her sleepiness, and she armed herself with crisp white sheets, a freshly laundered cotton blanket, and several really good books. After the coffee cup was safely in the dishwasher each morning and the newspaper had been read, the spinster headed to her sleigh bed for the day and the little dog was left to dream his happy dreams with his little face turned toward the patch of sunlight coming in the back window.

The End.


..................................

Sorry for my absence, dear friends, but something is kicking my spinster heiney right into submission, and I'm feeling a little under the weather. What little stitching I've accomplished has been by way of Miss Daisy. Here she is in all her head-less-ness:
I hope that wherever you are is considerably more.....awake.

MONDAY MONDAY

All is well in the kingdom once again. Stewey has returned from his adventures poorer and with a wicked case of jet lag. He dismissed my choice of tea and toast for breakfast this morning as "so totally bourgeois" and then promptly launched into a diatribe about what constitutes a proper breakfast for His Royal Heineyness.

Apparently a week aboard a luxury yacht will do that to a fellow.

I'm making great progress on Daisy O'Hare, but will have to share pics at a later time. The camera is in absencia at the moment, and I'm guessing that once retrieved, it will reveal just what You Know Who has been up to these last several days.

So what's new in your corner of the world?