Apr 9, 2012


(sound of telephone ringing)


STEWEY: Hello, Aunt Chrissy? This is Stewey.


STEWEY: Aunt Chrissy? I would like to take a moment of your time this evening to discuss something very important with you.

AC: What did she do now?

S: It's not Mo-ther, Aunt Chrissy. It's you.

AC: Me? What did I do?

S: Aunt Chrissy, are you aware that my mo-ther is walking around in the house wearing a new pair of sunglasses that look like they might have been very very very very expensive?

AC: Yes, I am, Stewey. I bought them for her.

S: Aunt Chrissy! What could have possibly possessed you to indulge Mo-ther with such an extravagant gift? You do realize, do you not, that she wouldn't know luxury if it bit her on her ample backside, and that the last time she had something this special in her proximity she tried to eat it because "it was pretty".

AC: Stewey, your Mommie is going to be 46 years old soon. Do you know what that means? She's old, Stewey. She'd old and crabby and has rapidly deteriorated into a slobbering mess of pre-menopausal chin hair. We need to do nice things for her so that when we finally send her to live at "the special place" she will remember us fondly. Besides, you aren't the one that has to sit next to her in the car when she's wearing her taped-together Target sunglasses, so mind your business. I like to do nice things for your Mommie, Stewey, and if you're not careful one of those nice things is going to involve a clothes pin and your peenie. Now is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me at the moment?

S: No, thank you Aunt Chrissy. As always it's been very pleasant speaking with you. I bid you good evening.

AC: Good night, Stewey. (muttering to self) Damn dog.


Aunt Chrissy is on a secret mission to make me look like a human woman and not a caricature of a drag queen. On Saturday morning we had a few buffs and polishes at the spa and then we went to the fancypants eyeglass boutique for some sunglasses. I thought I was going to just switch out some lenses in a pair that I already have, but once we started trying things on I got outnumbered pretty quickly. Needless to say, it looks like I'm going to have to start wearing big girls shoes and a bra now whenever I leave the house....otherwise everybody is going to think I'm just nuts enough to wear a mortgage payment on my face as an accessory to eighteen year old sweatpants and Wal-Mart old man slippers.

Nope. Can't take me anywhere.


I had hoped to be able to show you a finished Daisy O'Hare today, but there were so many shows to watch last night that I finally just gave up stitching and glued my eyeballs to the TeeVee. Game of Thrones! Nurse Jackie! The Big C! And lest we forget my beloved Jeffrey Dean Morgan in Magic City! Holey Schmoley, methinks I had better start pacing myself or there's going to be a lot of Monday morning TeeVee hangovers and not very much stitching to report!

Was the Easter Bunny good to you?


  1. Right along with you on the TeeVee watching Coni! I watched to much last night. Now I need to sit down and stitch today! Oh, by the way!! Tell Aunt Chrissy that I can be adopted!! lol I need some new glasses too for summer... lol

  2. ohhh I shouldn't laugh but you sound sooo like me at the mo ... we have a new puppy and track suit bottoms are all the rage and my lenses were only a few pounds ..lol
    mmm think I might need to be adopted too ..lol love mouse xxxxx

  3. Game of Thrones! Yeah! I was a happy camper when it started back up last week. Seemed like a very long wait. You crack me up Coni! I expect my hubs was just sitting in the living room wondering what the old lady was laughing so hard about just now. The Easter bunny filled the back yard with about 400 plastic eggs and the grands all came and ran around like a bunch of little worker ants. We had a great day.

  4. Glad to see you found out about Jeffrey Dean Morgan's new show. I know he wouldn't want to be on t.v. without your knowledge!! LOL

  5. Game of Thrones.
    Game of Thrones.
    Game of Thrones.

  6. Dear Stewie,
    My other two sisters just bought mom a pair of pink Raybans . They thought that she looked like a nerd in the glasses she was wearing. She is going to have a high speed come a part when she finds out how must they cost. I wish they would have talked with me first. There is not enough money in the world to make mom look cool. Oh well it's their dime not mine....your friend Scully