Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my mom's death. Thirty years. Thirty years of not having her smile or laugh or love or advice or damn Greek cookies. I was 21 when she died, which means she didn't get to see me graduate from college or get my first job or have my first heartbreak. I haven't a clue how to do most things in life because she didn't get the chance to tell me how to do them, and I learned what not to do most of the time by doing it and then realizing that it was wrong.
I miss her, damnit, as I'm sure every woman who's buried a mom does. And I finally realized that the reason why I love my Guild ladies and my friends both near and far and all of you so much is that there are pieces of her in each and every one of you. Your love and support and encouragement and tolerance and understanding of me are steaight outta' the Siggy handbook.
Thank you for that.
Tuesday will be one year since I kissed Stewey goodbye as he took his last breath. 365 days of missing him so much I think my heart will break, but then I realize that it's OK for the broken pieces to come together again...even if their edges are a bit jagged and a few are missing.
I'm dreading Tuesday. I know that life will go on and I am not the only person on the planet to lose a furry companion, but I guess I need to just let the tears flow and hug his littke blanket to me and let it wash over me.
So...forgive me if I'm "absent" this week, my friends. I promise that all will be well...eventually.
Just maybe not this week.
Coni -- please know that our thoughts will be with you this week, whether or not we hear from you. And also know that (except for Betty and her ilk), your true friends can share the difficult times as well as the light, fluffy and dam good ones.
ReplyDeleteSending thoughts of peace and strength.
Susan Anonymouse
Grieving takes time and sometimes it never goes away. Take time to cry and then come back to feel the support of "your people." Prayers for comfort. Judi
ReplyDeleteMy heart will be with you this Tuesday. My beloved 18 year old lab died the same day as Stewey, so I will be crying along with you.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you, too. What was your lab's name? Do you suppose he/she has befriended a nerdy little Jack Russell wearing a smoking jacket?
DeleteMy baby was named Europa, and, yes, she would be a kind and gentle friend to Stewey. I used to read your posts out loud to her so I believe she would have recognized Stewey right away. I can see her introducing him to all my beloved pets that have gone before and Stewey, being the polite gentleman that he is, secretly thinking, "what a daffy household that must have been."
DeletePlease forgive me as I cried during reading your post. I lost my mom too and everything you said echoes in my heart. I've lost so many furbabies in my 70 years. Each and every one still breaks my heart when I think of them. I just want you to know it's ok to do whatever you have to do. Grieving is like peeling an onion. You cry as the layers come away. Love, hugs & prayers, Cathryn ♥♥♥
ReplyDeleteJust let whatever needs to happen, happen. Your Mom and Stewey are still with you and loving you. I chat to my Dad who died 3 years ago this Christmas and it seems to help. We are always thinking of you. Big hugs xx
ReplyDelete"Grief is the price we pay for love" (Prince Charles said that at his Grandmother's funeral). Sending you love and hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, my Mom has been gone 25 years last month. It hurts.
ReplyDeleteAnd Stewey knows you are happy.
I'm sorry your week will be not-so-great, but we are all here for you, and we all love you, Coni.
So, you just grieve all you want.
Take care.
Marilyn
My dear friend, I'm not much of a commenter but I have read every one of your posts over the years. I must comment when I am so touched by your post. I lost my mother when I was 7 ears old. She was my everything. When someone grieves for their mother, cry along with you! The only solution to my grieving for my fur baby was to another.
ReplyDeleteSending you love and hugs. take your time.
ReplyDeleteJust know that our hearts are with you this week & always. Sending you prayers, positive thoughts and many hugs ❤️
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is XOXO♡♡♡!
ReplyDeleteI follow, but rarely comment. I live in Osceola so your location and stitching lead me here, longer ago than I can believe. I remember when you lost Stewey and it's hard to believe that was a year ago. I can tell you the feeling of loss will never go away..ever...it just dulls somewhat. A hole in your heart that never heals. I have had other dogs since I lost Jack. Their love and dedication have helped, and I love them back and often wonder if any other will touch my heart as Jack did. Probably not.
ReplyDeleteTake the week off. Remember the best of your Mother and your Stewey because they left you with a lot of love to remember.
xx, Carol
Mothers and pets with their unconditional love, irreplaceable but always with us. I wish you God's grace.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers this week. I lost my mom about 18 months ago, and I have lost many much loved furry family members. It never gets any easier. So we will miss you this week but completely understand needing the time to grieve and remember. Hang in there! Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you can feel my hugs, love, and good thoughts this week Coni. xo Mj
ReplyDeleteConi, you are in my thoughts and prayers this week as you deal with the anniversaries of both your Mom's and Stewey's passings. It is okay to grieve with your tears, so let them flow. Treasure the memories and let them wash over you and provide you comfort.
ReplyDeleteDon't remember where I read it...
ReplyDeleteDeath creates a wound nothing can heal but
Love creates memories no one can steal...
May your week be serene and given to remembering
all the joyful gifts from your Mother and Stewey....
Love and hugs Connie.
ReplyDeleteI’m so sorry it will be a difficult week for you Coni. Sometimes that thousand foot wave just wipes you out and it takes a bit to get your equilibrium back. Gigantic mom hugs for you, as well as a few sympathetic tears and comforting thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI have lost a few close family members over the past two years, my father two years ago and my father-in-law and two uncles in the past two months. My furry friends - I have said goodbye to so many of them over the past 45 years, because I have always had multiple cats. (I cannot say no to strays that show up at the door.) All of these losses are hard to take, but I do think they have helped me to have an appreciation of both life *and* death, that they are how the mysterious world works. I have grown to be more accepting of it and of my own death, which I believe a lot if my grieving has been about - coming to terms with my own mortality. I just know that sometimes - oddly, never on death anniversaries - I suddenly feel almost punched in the stomach with the loss, overwhelmed with it. "Can this person really be gone?!" I just let myself sink into the loss and be as sad as I need to be. The one silver lining is that we had families/friends we loved, and so we truly miss them. I would rather have that pain than never have had that love.
ReplyDeleteConi: I know what you are going through I lost my Mother last April, it is hard having the first where she would have been now is not.
ReplyDeleteWE are both lucky to have family and friends to help us through this time in our lives.
I hope you have a beautiful Thanksgiving.
Blessings
Catherine
Several years ago on Mother's Day, I gave a card to each of my dear friends/mentors who had been so very good to me. It made me feel good, and they felt wonderful. Acknowledgements and kind words cost nothing, but those receiving them truly appreciate being acknowledged. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself and it's ok to feel however you want to feel. Tough times for.
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ReplyDeleteOh Coni! I would love to think that your mom has handpicked each of us to find you and help you in whatever small or big way we can. And I am sure Stewey is helping her :) Hugs!
ReplyDelete