Feb 10, 2012

CLEAN FLOORS ARE SLIPPERY FLOORS, BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY LITTLE SELF

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's sitting in the Happy Chair with a bag of peas on her head. She's also glaring at me with crazy eyes, but I'm trying to ignore that part of the tableau and just get on with my nap time.

It all started when she came from from the Targets a few weeks ago with new socks. Normally, the old lady opts for the bag of Hanes low rise "footie" socks in a sensible cotton, but this time she and Aunt Chrissy decided to get jiggy with it and she bought fuzzy socks instead.

And by fuzzy, I mean really really fuzzy. And soft too. I would say that these socks are reminiscent of my very own downy soft fur, but that wouldn't be quite accurate, since my fur is white and smells nice and these socks are black and do not.

Anywhoose, when Mo-ther took these socks out of the Target shopping bag, I said to her "Don't you think you should adhere some kind of safety strips onto the bottom of those things?", and Mo-ther snorted at me dismissively and said "There's enough crap on these floors to stop me from sliding around. Besides, safety strips on the bottom of these things would make them look like hospital socks. And I'm not going to wear hospital socks."

Ironic, no?

Had the old lady actually gone to said hospital for treatment of what I am sure is a concussion, she would, in fact, have been presented with...yes...you guessed it....hospital socks.

As it is, she's in the Happy Chair complaining of a headache and blurry vision after smacking her head on the hardwood. At 7:30 this morning she decided that she was thirsty and that she might as well start the day, so she hauled herself out of the big girl sleigh bed, put on the fuzzy Target socks, and proceeded to ice skate across the clean living room floor. Not a dust bunny in sight to stop my stupid mo-ther's momentum, and before I knew it I heard what sounded like a watermelon being dropped from a very tall building.

There was no blood, thank God, but you would think that a person has never fallen down in the world the way she's carrying on about it. She keeps talking about the fact that all of this silliness is Notre Dame's way of getting back at her for dissing their hideous new football helmets, since those football helmets are supposed to provide a safe and sturdy cushion for when the players fall down and smack their own heads.

So I suppose that in addition to the fuzzy socks and eighteen year old sweatpants that are the normal get-up around here, I can expect to see a shiny gold helmet bobbing around the place looking for trouble.

We're hurtling into the weekend and are expecting some snow. I don't know what this will mean in terms of stitching selections around here, but I promise to update you further as time allows. Until then, I hope that you have a warm and cozy and safe (!) weekend with you and yours and that you get to do whatever it is that your very own heart desires.

With love from your pal,
Stewey

23 comments:

  1. If your Mo-ther wouldn't keep such a clean house, that accident might not have happened! A little grit on the floor goes a LONG way in preventing accidents. I hope she feels better soon - a sore noggin is no fun.

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  2. Oh so sorry to hear about your accident Coni. But I have to say, after reading this post (which put a big smile on my face,,not about your accident, but because of how you told your story) I had to become your new follower!

    Looking forward to reading more!
    Hope you feel better soon

    Linda
    PS-What a cutie he is!

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  3. Thank you for giving me a reason to NOT mop my floors this weekend, which will mean more stitching time!

    Stewey, you need to buy your Mo-ther a pair (or 2) of cute, soft, fuzzy socks with the anti-slip thingy's on the bottom of them.

    I hope your Mo-ther feels better real soon!

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  4. OUCH!

    Hope you're feeling better soon
    -Lynn in southern NJ

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  5. Dear Stewey,

    Hope your mo-ther is feeling better. Tell her that you will just lay on her feet to keep them warm. Who needs those fuzzy socks anyway. Hope she can stitch and you can nap all week-end long. Sounds like heaven on the cold days ahead.....your friend Scully

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  6. Oh dear! your poor noggin Coni.
    I'm sure Stewey will take excellent care of you over the weekend.
    All skating should take place outside.
    Please get some safety socks, I need your regular updates about all things SPINSTER STITCHER.
    You always put a smile in my face.
    I hope you are feeling better soon.

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  7. That should read 'on my face'.
    I need my morning cup of tea! lol

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  8. You give your Mo-ther a break and take good care of her till she feels better again. (My falling is usually accomplished on the icy downhill slope to the barn and I'm sure I cut quite a figure!)

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  9. I dunno, Stewey....I can't recommend hospital socks, either....I somehow manage to stumble in those things....think I don't pick my feet up right....maybe barefoot is the way to go....although....that might not be fun if Mo-ther wanders barefoot too close to the watered drapes....

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  10. Oh, Stewey, I hope your poor Mo-ther gets better!! Please take care of her, as the two of you keep me laughing. I look forward to post from both of you and can't wait to check for a new one every evening. I'm a nurse in CA...but can be on the next plane...if needed!!

    Cathy from KY in CA

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  11. Stewey, Bud says he always knows when one of his people isn't feeling well a few extra kisses and a snuggle goes a long way. He usually gets an extra treat for such good care. Hint...hint.

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  12. Oh OUCH Coni!! I hope your head doesn`t hurt too badly. I recently fell in the shower, and I know it`s no fun (thank god for boobs, I bounced) and you will be s-o-r-e for a few days. Be good to yourself, curl up in the happy chair with diet coke and something pretty to stitch.

    Kisses to Stewey and Bosco...

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  13. Sounds like something that would happen to me...like kicking the bed and breaking my toe (while cleaning for the cleaning lady)Ouch! Hope you get some stitching time in this weekend, while Stewey sleeps...lol

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  14. Fuzzy socks, hardwood floor ice skating, bobbing football helmets---you have me in stitches. Hope your head feels better soon! We've finally got some cold weather although all the kids are disappointed their is no snow in the forecast (me too, truth be told). Happy stitching!

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  15. I'm so sorry to read about the problem with the fuzzy socks and clean floor! There have been a few times when I've worn those same kind of fuzzy socks and almost taken a tumble down the slick hardwood stairs in my parents house!

    Love your progress on Le Printemps, and I hate to say it, but I'm glad to know I'm not the only person out there that's caught up the excess fabric into my stitching.

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  16. You're right..clean floors are slippery floors and that is why there are no clean floors in my house!(That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) Seriously, I hope Coni is feeling better by now. A vat of Coke and some serious stitching time might help..and take off those %$#^& socks!!

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  17. Stewey, I'm so sorry to hear about MOTHER'S fall!..really, the SMILE on my face is from the delightful way you have of telling the 'tail'! I hope MOTHER's head feels better soon..if not...maybe she should check out (in) the place where they give out those hospital socks! (Feel better soon, Coni!) Hugs!

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  18. Hope you're feeling better soon Coni!

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  19. OMG I'm so sorry to admit this hun but I laughed til I had tears running down my cheeks...thanks for the laugh; I needed it..hope your feeling better and glad you didn't get hurt..

    Hugs, Shar

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  20. Oh my, Coni, I can sympathize much too easily, as I did something quite similar a couple of weeks ago! I am now of an age when I fall, I think "OMG, I am getting old, falling like that!" Not that that is your problem, I am sure! ;-)

    Debbie in Kansas

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