THOUGHTS ON COYOTES FROM YOU, MY BELOVED LISTENERS:Y'all go, with your bad selves. Yes, indeedie, I am taking every precaution, and I do so appreciate the story about a woman mauled to death. Makes me want to move. To Pluto.
RECENT CONVERSATION BETWEEN ME AND AUNT CHRISSY:
AC: Are you sure what you heard were coyotes? The guys here in the office said that a herd of deer also make noises and grunt and bark and stuff when they're mating, so maybe you heard a herd of deer?
SS: No, they were coyotes. I know this because they said "We are coyotes and are going to maul your face off if you ever come outside in the dark time."
AC: Tee hee hee hee hee.
SPEAKING OF AUNT CHRISSY (WHAT SHE SAID ON THE DRIVE HOME FROM THE TARGETS AFTER WE BOTH HAD TO WALK AROUND THE IDIOT WOMAN WITH THE CELLPHONE STANDING IN THE GD MIDDLE OF THE AISLE):
"Next time I'm someplace and there's an idiot talking on their cell phone in the middle of things and they are completely oblivious to everyone and everything around them, I am going to walk right up and start looking around their feet. When they ask me what I'm doing, I'm going to say "I'm looking for the cooler with the kidney in it. Obviously, you are somebody very important and you have somebody's organ that is en route to be transplanted, so you're using your cell phone to make sure that you've got the directions right and to tell them that you're on your way with the kidney in the cooler." That'll get 'em to shut the eff up already."
WHY I DON'T TALK ON A CELL PHONE (ANYTIME, ANYWHERE):
Well, firstly, I am convinced that if I do, every single nun I had in elementary school will show up with a ruler and will smack me in the forehead for not being mannerly. And two, I have absolutely nobody to talk to and absolutely nothing to say.
AND BESIDES: Oprah Winfrey doesn't have a cell phone and she's Oprah Winfrey! If Oprah Winfrey doesn't have a cell phone, then I don't need to have one either.
WHAT STEWEY SAID AFTER WATCHING HIS IDOL HUGH HEFFNER (AND FIANCEE) ON THE PIERS MORGAN SHOW LAST NIGHT:
"Mo-ther, I really like Mr. Heffner and want you to know that one day I will realize my dream of turning this filthy sty into a proper Playboy Mansion, but his girlfriend is kind of an idiot."
WHAT MO-THER SAID AFTER SEEING THAT HUGH HEFFNER HAS A SON THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE A MORE SUITABLE MATCH FOR HIS FATHER'S GIRLFRIEND:
"I really like this Piers Morgan fellow."
I SO agree with you about cell phones. I truly think they are the devil's invention. I tell my family all the time that we had perfectly nice lives without a cell phone.
ReplyDeleteJanet W
Anyone who has ever heard a coyote knows that there's no mistaking a coyote for a deer or a group of deer.
ReplyDeleteKIND of an idiot, you say? What the hey do you think they used to fill those implants with? What gray matter she possessed prior. Oh, wait a minute; probably wouldn't fill a thimble. Guess I'll have to do a rethink on that one.
ReplyDeleteLove your new project. Quaker stitchings are among my favorites. Can't wait to see it completed.
Hope you and Stewey have a grand week-end.
-Sherry-
Hehe. Oprah doesn't have a cell phone because Oprah has PEOPLE who have cell phones. As for the woman being rude with her cell phone, recent studies prove that cell phones suck your brain cells out. Or some such thing. Maybe that's her problem. :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I shouldn't have posted about those Nova Scotia coyotes. I am sure the ones in Indiana are much more well mannered!
ReplyDeletePS I love your blog. And your stitching. Watch out for those coyotes... we don't want to lose you!
First off---you are HILARIOUS! Secondly, progress on your new stitching project is just lovely. Thirdly, of course Oprah doesn't have a cell phone. She's far too busy to mess with a cell phone (she has her OWN network!). Her people have cells phones and if she is ever in need to make a phone call, she has her people make it for her. Simple. No need for lug around a phone.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to your next post! Happy stitching!
OK, so we don't know each other but I just gotta say: I love ya girl! Your wit and witticisms are great!!! Keep the laughter rolling!
ReplyDeleteI will say that my cell has saved me twice during roadside assistance... but on the whole, I think they are a waste. I recently went to dinner with old friends - we hadn't seen each other in a year, and ALL of them were tweeting and facebooking about getting together ... as opposed to actually enjoying each other's company. It was annoying
ReplyDeleteI'm in total agreement about cell phones! I have one for emergencies - like when DH and I get separated while shopping - but don't use it much otherwise. My pet peeve is people who interrupt a face-to-face conversation to take a phone call. I always wonder if I've suddenly become invisible.
ReplyDeleteRe: coyotes I'm a desert dweller and hear and see them on a regular basis. They're very adaptable and can live just about everywhere, especially if people feed them - a bad, bad thing to do. Stewie was smart to stay snug and warm in bed!
I've had the same coyote experience minus the dog. But let's say my cat was as freaked out as I was. I think there's something hard-wired into us when we hear that sound that says get thee to safety!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree about cell phones. Hubby and I were having a nice lunch, the only 2 people in that section of the dining room when this moron walks over and parks hisself 3 feet behind me on the window sill and proceeds to yak into his cell phone. Luckily the waiter came by and moved him...I could see hubby starting to boil.
ReplyDeleteSorry the coyote story scared you, but forewarned is forearmed!
Kisses to Stewey
Stewie!
ReplyDeleteStay safe. Be careful when you take any dates for a walk. You don't want to become an appetizer.
Your dates? That's another story.
Thank you for the wonderful laughter this morning. I needed that! :D Cathryn
ReplyDeleteCel phones can be a hassle..Of course I have one, but use it primarily because DH works at home and ties up BOTH land lines for business (one is for incoming and the other for outgoing calls). Without my cel, I would have little contact with the outside world.
ReplyDeleteThen there are computers!...I grew up w/o said items, but where would I be today without mine -- I would not "know" you and Stewey, among many other net friends I have made.
There are two sides to ALL technology.
Lovely stitching!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was working I was in a cube by wall of windows. Others were constantly coming over to the windows to talk on their cell phone. Don't know if they were enjoying my view from 19 floors up, or were leaving their area so as not to disturb their neighbors. And, you know most people are not very quiet when talking, so it was very annoying. I'd lean over and give them the evil eye! LOL
Why not go out into the hallway...
I totally agree with you about the cell phone issue. I have one just for car problems. Family is always telling me to answer it. I usually say the music was too loud (in car) I could'nt hear it. Coyotes..when they howl it sounds like there's about 50 of them out there. I will hear them in the field next to us and I get worried they will come to get my dog when he's out.. I guess I should read up on them. They are very bold one just stood there and watched me. You always inspire me to get back to stitching... Your stitching is always beautiful! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSince Heff's fiance is apparently an idiot, I have formed the opinion that before she was a Bunny, she was a cell phone demonstrator. They suck your brain cells out, ya know?
ReplyDelete