Nov 17, 2009


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy pacing about the house muttering to herself. She keeps saying "Oprah" and "Sarah Palin" and "Sheldon" and "third-grade mathematics" over and over and over again. Methinks it's time for her afternoon meds.

Last night I was happily chewing on my bone watching Oprah, when mo-ther came in and told me to "change the channel right this instant, young man!", so naturally I ignored her and just kept watching. Now please understand that my mom isn't really all that opinionated when it comes to Oprah. Or Sarah Palin, for that matter. She just got good and tired of hearing/seeing/listening/reading about this darn interview and I believe she felt a little bit....saturated. Needless to say I was rapt with attention and only wanted to know a) where Ms. Palin got her eyeglasses and b) whether or not they make them in my size. (It's time for me to update my specs, don't you know.)

Anywhoose...I then switched over to watch "The Big Bang Theory", which is my Aunt Chrissy's favorite show. I really get a kick out of that Sheldon character, and apparently so did my mom, because she was snort-laughing so hard I thought diet Coke was going to come out of her nose!

I think the "math" thing comes in because Mom was trying to start Aunt Laura's Indian Autumn, but she just couldn't get the spacing right. I bet she stitched those arrowheads nineteen times before she just put it all away with a big fat sigh and called it a night. If I get the opportunity, I'm going to frog it all and get it re-stitched for her before tonight's stitching commences. You might think this is really really nice of me, but the truth is that I just can't take her FUTZING anymore! I swear, this woman has AUTUMN FEVER! Ever since she finished that last piece, she just can't seem to settle down and get to it in the stitchy department.

I will tell you that Mom was THRILLED to be asked to continue to write her drivel for Needlepoint Now magazine! You know, I think that in her tiny little brain she's the Carrie Bradshaw of the stitchy magazine world. Since we all know better, let's just not comment on that and let her have a few moments of pitiful glory, shall we? Unfortunately, this means that she's now ON DEADLINE, so instead of taking care of me for the next few days, she'll run around the house with a pencil tucked behind her ear saying "Not now, Stewey..I'm on deadline". And then she'll go to the market and tap her foot in the check-out lane and when the annoyed man in front of her turns around to glare, she'll say "Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm on deadline and really need to get back to my writing." And then, once she actually writes the lousy 1,000 words, she'll feel it necessary to tell everybody that comes within an eighteen mile radius of the house..."Oh, I wish I could, but I'm on deadline and have moved into final edits." Damn Mommie.

Do you remember when I was posting my sensitive and earnest photographs of myself? Well, it would seem that I'm quite behind, so I'll leave you with my latest. I think it captures my "hopeful, yet somewhat trepidatious" side:

I hope that you have a Happy Tuesday!

With love from your pal,


  1. My Tuesday has been made all the better for your "column" and glorious portrait. Stewey, I think I'm in love...

    As for mo-ther's columns in needlepoint now, they are one of the highlights (along with that lady, Anne, who writes "The Stitching Fool" colunm) of the magazine.

  2. I love Big Bang Theory as well and now call my sweetheart Sheldon because they are SO alike in SO MANY ways!

  3. Oh Stewey! You are just too handsome for words! (Please, don't tell my little man I said that. He has a little bit of a jealous streak and I can invision my stitching as his next game of PUMPKIN!

  4. I absolutely love "The Big Bang Theory" and last night's episode will go down as one of THE funniest in the history of the show!

    I even had to call my mo-ther to make sure she watched it!!! :)

  5. Stewey, give Mommie a break. But if you are able to get the restitching done before tonight I'm sure she will reward you with a few more games of Pumpkin! (notice I put the exclamation point!) and your pic is too cute for words. You look thoughtful and pensive and maybe planning your next peeing on the drapes?? ha, ha. Can't wait until your next blog entry.

  6. I thought I was the only one sick of Oprah and Sarah Palin! I quit watching Oprah because lately her show has been lousy IMHO. Sarah Palin needs to stay in Alaska and hibernate with the polar bears!

    Tell Mo-ther every great author goes around talking to themselves...even Carrie did it! So, Stewey, give her a break and when she becomes famous just think of all the toys she'll be able to buy you :)

  7. I'm jumping on that bandwagon about being sick of Sarah and Oprah too! I've had just about enough. And where have I been - I didn't realize that you wrote for Needlepoint Now. Oh my gosh, now I actually "know" the person that's writing those columns. I've always loved reading them and why I never put two and two together (not that I can add, mind you), makes me thump my head against the table.

    And now Stewey, frog out those stitches, so your mom can get a fresh start. It looks like it's going to be another beauty.

  8. I so agree with your mother, I view her interviews as a way to keep herself out there as a president potential, which is really really scary!

  9. Stewey, I'm so excited about being able to say that I know your mother, being that she's a fancy columnist and all, so try to be gentle. Once or twice, while standing in the newsagents here in Ireland, I've even done a few coughcoughIknowTheSpinsterStitchercoughcoughs.

    Your portrait is wonderful--you are cuddleliscious.

  10. How exciting!!! I can't wait to read her column! Stewey-your mom is a celebrity!

  11. Oh, Stewey, you never fail to amaze and entertain me.

    Hey, my verification word is "momessa", which could be a new name for your mo-ther.