My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's too busy pacing about the house muttering to herself. She keeps saying "Oprah" and "Sarah Palin" and "Sheldon" and "third-grade mathematics" over and over and over again. Methinks it's time for her afternoon meds.
Last night I was happily chewing on my bone watching Oprah, when mo-ther came in and told me to "change the channel right this instant, young man!", so naturally I ignored her and just kept watching. Now please understand that my mom isn't really all that opinionated when it comes to Oprah. Or Sarah Palin, for that matter. She just got good and tired of hearing/seeing/listening/reading about this darn interview and I believe she felt a little bit....saturated. Needless to say I was rapt with attention and only wanted to know a) where Ms. Palin got her eyeglasses and b) whether or not they make them in my size. (It's time for me to update my specs, don't you know.)
Anywhoose...I then switched over to watch "The Big Bang Theory", which is my Aunt Chrissy's favorite show. I really get a kick out of that Sheldon character, and apparently so did my mom, because she was snort-laughing so hard I thought diet Coke was going to come out of her nose!
I think the "math" thing comes in because Mom was trying to start Aunt Laura's Indian Autumn, but she just couldn't get the spacing right. I bet she stitched those arrowheads nineteen times before she just put it all away with a big fat sigh and called it a night. If I get the opportunity, I'm going to frog it all and get it re-stitched for her before tonight's stitching commences. You might think this is really really nice of me, but the truth is that I just can't take her FUTZING anymore! I swear, this woman has AUTUMN FEVER! Ever since she finished that last piece, she just can't seem to settle down and get to it in the stitchy department.
I will tell you that Mom was THRILLED to be asked to continue to write her drivel for Needlepoint Now magazine! You know, I think that in her tiny little brain she's the Carrie Bradshaw of the stitchy magazine world. Since we all know better, let's just not comment on that and let her have a few moments of pitiful glory, shall we? Unfortunately, this means that she's now ON DEADLINE, so instead of taking care of me for the next few days, she'll run around the house with a pencil tucked behind her ear saying "Not now, Stewey..I'm on deadline". And then she'll go to the market and tap her foot in the check-out lane and when the annoyed man in front of her turns around to glare, she'll say "Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm on deadline and really need to get back to my writing." And then, once she actually writes the lousy 1,000 words, she'll feel it necessary to tell everybody that comes within an eighteen mile radius of the house..."Oh, I wish I could, but I'm on deadline and have moved into final edits." Damn Mommie.
Do you remember when I was posting my sensitive and earnest photographs of myself? Well, it would seem that I'm quite behind, so I'll leave you with my latest. I think it captures my "hopeful, yet somewhat trepidatious" side:
I hope that you have a Happy Tuesday!
With love from your pal,