WHAT A DIFFERENCE FOUR YEARS MAKES!

Well, Dearies...there I was. A portly, terrified, very very unwell spinster...all hooked up and wondering how I was going to survive.

But survive I did...by the grace of God and because of the angels here on earth that held my hand, adjusted the machine, patted me on the back and said "You've got this", and reminded me that someday I would write a book about it.

The angels that work in that clinic and that have worked in that clinic but have gone elsewhere are truly deserving of combat pay. I watched them work tirelessly and with love and compassion under extraordinarily awful circumstances sometimes. 

As far as I'm concerned, they should earn millions.

My sister was also a very big part of surviving those early days. I remember that when I came home from that first session, she had decorated CS2 for Christmas. I think she found every wreath, ornament, bow, light....everything I had crammed into the storage closet when I moved here...and put it in the perfect place. And she seemed to understand the exact right thing to say at the exact right moment to say it.

My poor Jersey Boy didn't know what to do with himself for four years, but since he is a worrier by nature, he watched over me and fretted and asked me how I was feeling and tended to my every need like a mother hen. He gave up a lot of fun to just sit with me on days I didn't think I could move one more inch.

And then there's you...my Spinster Nation. How the heck did I get so lucky to be invited to the cool kids' table? You listened to me babble on, opened your hearts (and your wallets) when I needed it most, never told me to just knock it off already, and provided me with more love and encouragement and support than an entire horde (or is it flock) of spinsters could ever deserve.

Today I am grateful. I am looking around at my cozy little home, my overflowing stitchy basket, my full fridge, warm blankets, damn good cups, and.....everything else that makes up this happy little quiet life of mine, and I remember the days when I looked out the window from that dialysis chair and wished I could just do my own thing.

So today I do my own thing with impunity and a very humble and happy heart that I'm here. No worries, chores, frets, or shoulds today....just a happy heart that the next four years are going to be so very very different!