There have been a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, successes and failures, and good and bad. I've laughed and cried and raged and sobbed and begged and fell apart and amazed myself, been ashamed of myself, tried to fix myself, and prayed for humility and more gratitude.
Rich has taken the brunt of some of the ugliest, meanest, nastiest ugliness that I could throw at him, and he's taken it all with love and patience and very very good humor. Even though we're not married, I guess this is what "in sickness and in health" really means. My God...I love this man.
There is pain and discomfort and more questions and worries and fears and vulnerability than I could have ever imagined, but there is also hope and excitement and awe over the generosity and love of my Angel and his family. Just when I think I can't do it...there's a little milestone like going to clinic and coming back to the hotel rather than being admitted, or the Nurse Practitioner taking pity on me and postponing the dressing change until tomorrow.
I actually washed my hair last night by sitting in the shower and leaning my head over and doing my very best to just...enjoy the bliss of a clean head. I walked into the hospital from the parking garage and then walked again when we made it back here....down a very very long hallway.
Today I putzed...tidied the little kitchen, organized the fridge, paid bills, and stood in front of the sink and washed my face and brushed my teeth. I opened mail and took my vitals and sat with Rich for a few episodes of Seinfeld.
Tomorrow I will go back to clinic and will have dressing changes and labs and get some fluids and some iron and Rich will hand me off to Denise for the weekend and there will be more of the same.
I expected to be Mary Poppins when I woke up...Perfectly Perfect in every way and a kind and loving and easy patient. I thought I would be quiet and peaceful and happy and so overcome with gratitude that I would sail through recovery and the world would marvel at what a trooper I was.
There's time for that, I see now. I guess the plan was for me to come out kicking and screaming and punching all the wrong people so that I could be made aware that I'm still me with all of my mess...now, though, I have been given time to clean that mess up.
You look wonderful and I am sending both you and your Rich a big hug! Though this is so difficult and painful and frustrating, it will get easier little by little and one day you'll wake up and realize that life is beautiful once more. There will be set-backs but you don't give up! Hang in there, hold on to God and to Rich and all those who love you (even those of us out here in cyber-space). We all are cheering for you! Don't forget how much you are cared about!
ReplyDeleteThis lady says it very well!
DeleteYep, I second this!
DeleteI third this! Perfectly said
DeleteI’m guessing that it’s all part of the process. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I’m hoping that each day gets better and better.
ReplyDeleteBless Rich! My home Shane took care of me at my very grossest last year. We have real gems!!! And of course we would do the same for them.
ReplyDeleteAgain, just don't overdo it or you could set yourself back. I think that in another 2 weeks you will feel much better. I didn't feel like reading or cross stitching for the first Monty which is so unusual for me. You will he back to normal soon enough and this will all be a far away memory.
*husband not home shane!!!!
DeleteHang in there Coni! We are all cheering for you and sending best wishes for a speedy recovery. Thanks to both Rich and Denise for holding your hand through this adventure.
ReplyDeleteThe world IS marveling at what a trooper you are …. and always have been.
ReplyDeleteYou look wonderful! Please be patient with yourself. Recovering from major surgery just takes time, and there are usually a few bumps in the road. Bless your JB and the friends who look after you. Praying for you every day!
ReplyDeleteAh humanity. Its a beautiful thing and so are you Coni.
ReplyDeleteConi, You look FAB~U~LOUS. So good to see that 'ole smile is back. You made me laugh with your tale about the dry shampoo ~ keep the joy flowing for all of us. God Bless !
ReplyDeleteHi Coni. I found your blog very recently and was so intrigued that I went back and read your journey from the beginning. I caught up to date on the very day you had your transplant. I am in awe at the honesty with which you document your journey back to health and wish you well and can't wait until you are fit and healthy again.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes Lesley.
PS Stewey's passing is very recent for me and I send my sincere condolences.
Remember, like some floss tubers say, it's perfectly fine to be perfectly imperfect! Perfection is over rated. Just forget about how you think you should be acting and feeling just be and take it as it comes. No right, no wrong, no judgement. You've come this far, may your next chapter be blessed with happiness and good health.
ReplyDeleteYou are still practically perfect in every way! Besides, as another stitcher (Susan) posted, "perfection is overrated." There is a famous quote, "We are all broken...that's how the light gets in." I don't remember if it's by Hemingway, the songwriter Leonard Cohen, or a combination of the two. :) You are healing a little each day. Onward! Hugs, Carolyn
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing very well at two weeks out! Don't rush things and do too much though.
ReplyDeleteYou are glowing! Don't say good lighting...you look great. JB is doing what all good spouses do...put up with the bad and the good. He really sounds like a great guy. Saying prayers for both of you.
ReplyDeleteWhat is all this futzing with the fridge, paying bills, etc.?
ReplyDeleteYou are supposed to be reclining and taking advantage of healing time... You look wonderful and despite the roller coaster, you are riding it with grace. Bless JB and Denise for
taking the ride with you... when you all get off, then on to the slow gliding merry-go-round where you can leisurely observe the passing scene and eat your ice cream cones. By then you can leave the "amusement" park and get back to the
wonderful life's adventure awaiting you at home.
What an incredible journey you are on! What an incredible support system you have there and here! Your guardian angel is with you always and that you can count on. Sometimes giving up control of all things is the best way to gain control. Relax and learn to let go. You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteYou look good, your color is good : )
ReplyDeletePraying for you : )
Just think, You haven’t had to spend any time in the d-chair or fussing with Buzzy acting up or so many other not fun things that were a part of the former chapter in your journey! That’s something that I’m rejoicing over on your behalf! Onward and upward! 😄👍
ReplyDeleteImperfectly perfect describes you to a T Miss Spinster! You just take care of yourself and try not to rush the healing too much. Rich has been a trooper and we all would expect no less from him as he loves our resident spinster completely.
ReplyDeleteSeeing your perky smile was so encouraging to all of us, Coni!!!
ReplyDeleteConi, you are truly amazing! You look incredible. I am so thankful for you and for Rich and Denise. Sending love, hugs and prayers.
ReplyDeleteBaby steps. You'll get there.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking exactly the same as the previous person, baby steps. You will get there eventually, you just have to be patient and go with the flow. Thinking of you often and just love the new photo of you looking happy.
ReplyDeleteYou were just through such a monuments life event, no one can blame you for taking a minute to adjust. You just keep on keeping on!
ReplyDeleteYou look marvelous! You have just experienced a totally life changing - and saving - event and you expect to be all sunshine and roses?? You reacted in a perfectly perfect normal way. Total loss of control is really not how you roll so no surprise that you were a little overcome. What a wonderful guy Rich is! Relax, rest and heal. You are a spectacular woman!
ReplyDeleteConi, you are looking good. Remember, one step at a time. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteYou'll get there - remember to pace yourself. Your body has had some serious trauma to recover from. Not to mention a whole new batch of medications to adjust to. Your mind and emotions too - even though you planned for this for a couple of years now. It's still a shock when it becomes reality. And remember - no caffeine for 2 weeks - EEK! that alone could be enough to shock your system. JB is being a real gem, but it's good he's getting the weekends off Coni care duty (hope his back is on the mend!). Denise is a gem for taking over weekends too!
ReplyDeleteWhat a humble response. You’ve been through a lot...emotionally and physically...you’re allowed to react whichever way you react...there is no perfect script. Relax and go easy on yourself. Side note for your relaxing...there’s a sitcom that started last year that might help you pass the time...it’s called B Positive about a man waiting for a new kidney
ReplyDeleteYou look wonderful! You've been through so much, physically and emotionally, it makes sense it will take awhile to recover and adjust. Please give yourself a break and try to relax and focus on your recovery. It's so great you have such a wonderful support system too. Take care, and have a lovely weekend.
ReplyDeleteMary
Ah, the joy of a clean head of hair! God bless your angel. God bless Rich. And, God bless you.
ReplyDeleteYou give me hope and help me see all the blessings in the world. Keep doing what you do so well!
ReplyDeletebing.com/videos
ReplyDeleteYou look gorgeous! God has blessed you with new life and being surrounded by people who love and care for you.You will get through this with their help.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine all you have been through! praying for your continued healing and marveling at your amazing sense of humor!