That's better.
All this navel gazing self care stuff has given me a massive headache, so I decided to channel my old feisty spinster self and snap out of it.
(It occurs to me that Stewey held me accountable and kept me from going too far down the self-indulgent spinster hole. I had to occasionally tend to his needs and wants and desires in place of my own, and this kept me from the wallow. I'm not good when I have time on my hands to ponder, especially when it involves my world instead of somebody else's. He was, if nothiing else, a massive reality check that prevented me from taking myself too seriously.)
I had a healthy breakfast, took a long hot bath, lit the crackpot spinster fireplace, and am now happily in fresh sweats stitching away.
Back, in other words, in my lane.
I've decided to inquire about home dialysis tomorrow to see if that might be an option for me. The truth of the matter is that my upper arm is just too dang painful a site for these needles, and the noise and chaos and anxiety of having to go to the unit is starting to take its toll. So instead of fretting over it endlessly, I'm going to see if I can't grab hold and get back in the driver's seat.
I'm also getting better at putting the headphones on and listening to Spinster things (like Flosstube) when Magoo is here. I love him dearly, I really do, but it's all sports all the time on the TeeVee and sometimes a girl just needs a Merchant Ivory film or two to calm her nerves. We're still spending time together, but now I can go to my own little quiet world while he hollars at the Sixers.
So there's the update. Clean and sparkly and stitching for the rest of the day, Dearies. We seem to have turned this little goat rodeo right around. Let's hope it stays headed in the right direction!
Hi Coni: I perfectly understand the need to just "be you". By yourself. No one else. After 35 years of marriage and 40 years of working I am retired from work and now spending alot of time with said hubby. I love him. However, I also know and recognize and DO THINGS just by myself. Stitch, watch TV/movies, go out for a bite. Because I need to be by myself. It is like breathing. So, with that being said, you do for you what you know you need. (that's a sentence!!) It keeps us balanced, sane, whatever you want to call it. It is important. You have yourself a wonderful day and keep us informed if the home dialysis is do-able.
ReplyDeleteCindy in northern Illinois
Coni, I think this plan of action sounds right. I too (along with both my sisters) physically and mentally need that quiet time.
ReplyDeleteConi, glad to hear you are back in your lane! I agree with the above poster about "doing what you need to do for you".
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the home dialysis! I think everyone needs their own alone time.
ReplyDeleteWhatever will get you through, dear one. Home dialysis might
ReplyDeletebe the solution. If in all other respects your Magoo fits the bill, indulge him...I would give anything to have my Beloved, sports aficionado supreme, here again to shout at the referee ... Enjoy your world while giving JB his and make the rest of the time together really count...it works..
So glad you can put things into perspective, we all need that reality slap at times. My husband watches his Purdue basketball in his office while I stitch in the TV room watching Flosstube. I can hardly stand to be in the same room as sports. They are so boring.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh yes yes and yes! Home dialysis sounds like a good plan - at least you'll be more relaxed which may help oodles with Buzzy! I'm lucky in that husband watches his things and goes to bed early (he's a lark) and me being the owl, I get to see things I like later. Or I'll shut myself away in the sewing room to play. I think you have a great plan.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about another dog? I lost both my dogs this past year and was so heartbroken I couldn't do anything. I kept thinking getting another dog would just make me feel worse. I finally decided I would rescue a dog that needed help. It was the best thing I could have done. I have to do things for my new dog so I have to keep going. I realized getting a new dog did not mean I loved my dogs any less, but that I loved them so much I needed another. I still miss my dogs and cry many days, but the new dog has helped tremendously. Just think about it. I know we are all different, but it really helped me.
ReplyDeleteWay to grab the goats by their horns! I don't know what flips the switch that triggers us re entering humanity, but it won't flip until it decides its time to flip. Good for you to be present and recognize the turning.
ReplyDeleteA throbbing upper arm is so tender....I'm really sorry for this pain you bear.
Home dialysis might be the answer to your medical needs. On the home front ... it is time to grab the tv remote by its horns (so to speak). All sports all the time is just as bad as all NCIS, Law & order, etc all the time. That was my problem. I finally started speaking up for myself. Now, we share the time on the tv. Some NCIS, some comedy, some sports, some music ... and lots less in-home drama.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to do home dialysis. A neighbor of mine used to do home dialysis and she found it was so much easier on her body (and mind I am sure).
ReplyDelete