But not the good kind.
Instead of soaking in beauty and peace and happiness and tranquility, I seem to be sucking in everybody's bad juju and trying to make it my own and fix it.
(Without going into details...I seem to get out of my lane here at dialysis and assume the role of confidant, therapist, advisor, and sounding board for my fellow pod mates, the techs, nurses, and janitorial staff. I don't have the ability to say "Gee, I'm so sorry to hear that, but I've got problems of my own, pal." Instead, I pat pat the complaintant gently and say "Here...let me fix it all for you by obsessing about all of your problems and return everybody to the land of giggles and rainbows.")
Yeah.
I gotta stop doing that.
Your problems, though, are welcome. What little gas I've got left in the tank is all yours, Dearies! Where shall we go on our next adventure?
I'm all hooked up and stitching happily away. (I did, however, play possum a moment ago when the Nurse Practioner came by. She stresses the bejeebers outta me, so I pretended to be sleeping.) I've got Enya in the headphones today and am determined to have an incident free treatment. The sun is shining, I've got my pink fuzzies on, and there is the promise of Chinese food for dinner!
Come tell me all about your corner of the world...is it swell?
Good for you not letting yourself get stressed! Hope everything goes well and you get that Chinese for dinner.
ReplyDeleteAh, a nice visit with Dr. Melfi and there are new insights! Isn't that great? It is therapy at its best. Good for you, Coni!
ReplyDeleteOMG ! Anya - I just mentioned her to my husband yesterday. Such a soothing voice. And we must be related. I can be in any store and minding my own business and another woman (this has happened to me more than once) will start talking out loud. Hoping I will gladly join in her conversation and we can be fast friends. Did that once and learned IMMEDIATELY not to do it again. I just go about my browsing and shopping. I am not there to entertain, discuss or conjole this other person. I AM SHOPPING and by myself-- thank you very much. Thanks for listening Coni. But I am with you on this one. Stop feeling like you have to listen to others while you are trying to heal. Not saying that we can't sympathize or empathize, but you have to take care of yourself. Enjoy your day and weekend.
ReplyDeleteConi, hope your day is going well and hope you are able to get your Chinese this evening. We had Chinese for lunch and discovered the Hallmark store next door is closing. Bummer!
ReplyDeleteOops, looks like you too are a "caretaker." Make everything nice for everyone but yourself. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness. And no good to yourself if you let others drain away your joy.
ReplyDeletePlease know that we love you just the way you are, and are grateful that you share as much with us as you do. Have a fabulous weekend, and we all look forward to hearing about all of your victories, both big and small.
You don't have to make it your own or fix it..when you have a
ReplyDeletenurturing spirit, sometimes just listening within reason can make a big difference for someone else. Perhaps you have caring "listeners" in your life and know what I mean. Chinese
would hit the spot today.. it is pouring here and they deliver.....
Tell us more about the Nurse Practitioner! Gotta get my gossip from somewhere!
ReplyDeleteLove your pink fuzzies :) Your blog has given my much insight on dialysis for which I'm very thankful as I can now be much more empathic to those going through it. I carelessly thought oh, it's just something they have to do, but didin't realize it's not like giving blood, with easy hook up and you're done. May you have a restorative weekend!
ReplyDeleteWould it help to wear sunglasses and be incognito? Just a thought. As annoying as it might be to be asked to be a listener, it is a compliment someone trusts you with their feelings.
ReplyDeleteLove your tights, Coni!
ReplyDeleteOf course everyone tells you their problems. They can sense your empathy.
ReplyDeleteMe, I am the one everyone asks for directions. Even when I am in a different country where I have never been before!
I have a fun weekend lined up -- 3 shifts volunteering at a (indoor) folk festival, plus an afternoon learning needle felting. I have done nothing for weeks due to the flu and tendinnitis (embroiderer's elbow), but am doing it all this weekend!
Susan Anonymouse
Being a good listener is a gift and a blessing. But stop there, you don't need to stress or worry about their problems. Just know that it often helps for them to talk, that's all
ReplyDeleteHope today went well and you have a lovely weekend. It's raining here, so rainy + COLD = staying inside! Happy stitching!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw your headline I first thought oh no - jaundice! Thankfully not! Well done pretend sleeping for a stress-free session. I think people feel you are a happy soul and therefore will pass it on to them once they unleash! You stay in the happy world, they have to sort themselves out. Here, it is our 34th anniversary - the children have their own homes and the sun is shining and I've seen Romeo and Juliet, the two deer who greeted us when we first moved into the country. Mr Pheasant is doing his best to be a puffer fish with mini peacock tail to impress Mrs Pheasant (she's having none of that!) so he's found the bird feeder instead. Have a wonderfull fun day Coni.
ReplyDeleteI guess the fact that others find you to be someone that they want to tell their problems too is a compliment of a kind - it suggests that you're a good listener, empathetic and kind. Surely they can't realise that they're burdening you or they wouldn't do it! I hope that with Dr Malfi's help you can find a way to be true to your values but also protect yourself from the stress of taking on other people's bad juju. It's a challenging situation to find yourself in.
ReplyDeleteMegan
Sydney, Australia
I wonder if something like "That's too bad, I hope you get it figured out soon" response might shorten others' unloading their woes to you? Enough to acknowledge their woes, not enough to make them think you have any more to offer. I understand not wanting to be rude or uncaring toward others, however it can't be carried so far that it makes your mental & emotional resources are left short for dealing with you. I too thank you for sharing what dialysis is like. I knew it was an hours long process, but had no idea about Buzzy & Beepy, diet and water content, crashes, and all the other things that can go off the rails during the process.
ReplyDeleteI think it's not surprising people want to share their problems with you - it's clear you are so empathetic and kind. Being able to truly listen and offer empathy is a great gift, but you also need to develop ways of not soaking up all their negative stuff, too, or trying to help. Right now you need to have your emotional reserves full strength for yourself! I know it's so difficult. I did want to mention that I loved your idea of taking Thursdays for yourself - that could be a great consistent way to relax and recharge (& if it's actually "scheduled" it's easier to not skip it!) Hope you have a relaxing week-end and take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteThis is why we flock to your website so much, you have opened yourself to all of us and we can identify, laugh and cry with you. But remember you have to take time to yourself and shut the door. Just remember we all love you so much.
ReplyDeleteI love that you pretended you were sleeping :)
ReplyDelete