Nov 5, 2018

SAD AND A BIT RATTLED... CLARIFIED

I think I implied that my pod mate got tired of dialysis and made a decision to end her life. It was quite the opposite, actually. This woman was a long time fighter and very compliant about treatment. She missed a treatment occasionally, but for the most part always showed up for the next. Last week, she missed two treatments and felt fine, but on the day of her third missed treatment she went into cardiac arrest and could not be revived. It happened very fast.  I'm sorry if I gave the impression that her decision was to stop fighting...she didn't. She just thought she could take a break from treatment.

Thank you for your prayers, Friends. My d-buddies were all very touched that so many good wishes were coming their way from all over the world. I guess I sometimes forget how truly blessed I am to have such a huge and widespread family.

Stitchers really are the very best.



Dear Friends...

I'm in the d-chair doing my thing, but struggling. When I arrived this morning, the desk nurse informed me that one of my pod mates passed away, and I have been sitting here thinking about her. She was always so lovely and funny and encouraging, and even after she suffered a fall and had to wear a "turtle shell" back brace, she made the most of it and carried on with good humor, grit, and determination.

But she got tired.

They told us that last week she announced that she needed a break from all of this, and the assumption was that she just needed to skip a day. But she missed more than that, and it was just too much. She passed away on Wednesday.

It's odd, really, to be feeling so strongly about a woman that I only knew by first name, but I suppose this whole d-thing makes us fast friends and fellow warriors in a way. To know that one of us just couldn't do it anymore reminds me that this is a big hard thing that might get the better of me too some day, but for now I need to be vigilant about treatment more than ever.

I try my very best not to miss dialysis, but there have been a few times that a Crohn's flare or a bad tummy have kept me home. Looking back...I probably could have pushed myself harder and gotten here, but I convinced myself that the day off would be better for me mentally and that I'd be just fine "skipping just this time".

No more of that.

If you would, please say a prayer for my friend, and maybe an extra one for everybody trying to do big hard things today. 

I know I will.


26 comments:

  1. Prayers for you and your departed friend. I wish you healing, comfort, and peace.

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  2. You are not her and she made what was for her a good decision. I don’t think you will ever get that tired, but maybe she helped you in what she did. If so, be very grateful and keep on keeping on. Keep her good memory in your heart.

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  3. Thoughts are being held for both you and your friend.

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  4. I am so sorry Coni! I will indeed say a prayer for your friend that died as well as for all of those fighting the good fight, starting with you.

    Never hesitate to fuss about things to us. We are all friends and only wish for you to get better.

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  5. Thinking of you Coni and your friend. Huge hugs. xx

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  6. Coni, I am sorry about the loss of your pod friend. Sending thoughts and prayers for you, for her, and for her family.

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  7. So very sorry for the loss of your friend. I think of you all of the time and pray for your strength.

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  8. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, and will pray for her and her family, as well as continuing to pray for you.

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  9. Prayers incoming. I am always conscious that the very ill do have the right to give up on treatments if they wish, but I will be thinking of your friend's family and friends (including you). That is very hard on those we leave behind.

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  10. Those days you "rested" were probably a gain for you, Coni.
    You know best when the effort to go would be counter-productive … only you can decide and you have wisely handled
    this so far. So sorry you have lost a Friend there, but you
    will honor her memory by continuing to do battle from the D
    chair. Prayers for her and for you. dear Coni.

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  11. How blessed she was to have you for a Friend. My prayers are with you, and her family and friends. She did what she did. God bless her too.

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  12. Prayers for both you and for your friend and her family. I'm sending hugs and wishes for better days for you, Coni. --Barbara

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  13. Prayers for you and all your pod mates,Coni.

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  14. You're in my prayers frequently, but I need to expand that. I know there are few guarantees through the dialysis and transplant process. I can picture being "tired" a very real issue. I do prayer her family and their adjustment and for you staying the course for that awesome outcome! Take care.

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  15. I join the other people who have commented in acknowledging your sadness, respecting the decision of your pod mate, and wishing you great strength and tenacity in sticking with the d chair until a longer-term solution becomes available.

    Megan
    Sydney, Australia

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  16. prayers for your pod mate, you and all of the people who fight this. Please stay strong my friend, and know that if you need anything, I am only a call away

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  17. My sincere condolences Coni. It is so scary to realize how quickly things can change. You are struggling along on a Big Hard Journey everyday, and I really hope that you feel better and get the kidney of your dreams soon (and can afford the operation). There's a great quote that goes something like "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a secret and difficult battle." Be well ❤

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  18. So sorry for your loss. Wishing you all the strength you need to get through this. Hugs, Marie.

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  19. Please take care of yourself, Coni. I know you do a great job of it, but be gentle and compassionate with yourself as well as taking care of your physical side. :)

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  20. I'm sorry for your loss and glad you're taking care of yourself.

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