Sep 5, 2018

FUTZINGDAY...SCHMUTZINGDAY

I woke up on the wrong side of the web today, Dearies. I don't know why exactly, but I am grumpy, tired, hot, cranky, and my rosy colored glasses are very...askew.

I had my damn good, took a shower and packed my bag, and now I'm in the chair hooked up to Beepy and letting her do her thing with Buzzy.  

Even my tech is off today. Poor Miss Lorie has a terrible cold, and looks like she just wants to crawl under the desk and call it a day. I tried to do everything I could to cheer her, but nobody needs cheering when they have eight inch needles in their hand that they would probably just rather jab in your eye.

I'm kidding, of course. Miss Lorie is Buzzy's favorite, and he usually minds his manners with her very nicely

Today, of course, he decided to be a complete pill and refuse the first four tries at gaining access.

So now I have the next five hours to get my act together, and I think I know just the ticket....Flosstube. 

For anybody out there who has not yet fallen down the glitter-strewn rabbit hole of Flosstube, I beg you to get comfy with a beverage and a magic blanket, tune in, and be prepared to spend the next eleven hours glued to your screen.

Flosstube is an introvert's dream, I tell ya. I get to spend time with all of the stitchy celebs, ooh and aah over their stitching and stuff, and I can do so without ever having to put on pants or leave my house! I don't have to worry about looking like, talking like, or acting like the complete boob of a social misfit that we all know I am, and if I break out into a full-on flop sweat (which you just know I'm gonna do), I can wipe a paper towel across my face without having to be at all dainty about it.

Here in the d-chair, it makes the time fly by, and that in itself is a wonderful thing. My fellow patients are always curious what it is that I'm watching that gives me such a peaceful smile, but I haven't figured out yet how to tell them that I'm watching people talk about, show, and do needlework.

Only one complaint, and it's a minor one...where are all of the canvas stitchers?  I would love to see more counted canvas and painted canvas Flosstubers, but that's probably going to get me in a heap of trouble...given the Sharks and Jets thing. 

But we are, though, all family, right? And sometimes even if your stupid sister annoys the crap out of you, there's still room for everybody at the proverbial table at the end of the day, and besides, your Mo-ther always made you promise to "make nice" even if she cut the hair off of Barbie AND Skipper and when confronted about it told you to buzz off and you spent the rest of the summer trying to keep hats on Barbie AND Skipper so their little heads wouldn't get sunburned and this lead to years and years of massive anxiety that followed you all the way through Notre Dame and now you can't set foot on campus without feeling like an enormous loser who just doesn't belong there and who spends her days talking to people in the internets who would probably rather watch paint dry but are just too nice to tell you that Stewey was the only reason they liked you in the first damn place and now that he's gone you are barely tolerable but somehow completely pathetic so sure they'll stick around but you better get your act together soon because this whole dialysis patient who has nothing else to talk about routine is getting old.

So that, my dears, is how you can turn an ordinary Futzingday into a Spinster non-mellow drama in one paragraph!

OK...time to close my eyes for a bit and let the machine do its thing. Here's hoping your Futzingday is completely futzy and you get to do all the things that blow your skirt up today! Come tell me all about it!


19 comments:

  1. I learned about FlossTube via your blog. I don't know whether to thank you or sue you! *KIDDING*

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  2. OK, Coni, take a breath, stop saying negative stuff about yourself, and watch your fishing show. I mean, Flosstube. And believe me, I totally "get" the needlework thing- I love watching videos of people sewing- sewing ANYTHING! ANYWAY! It's absolutely Zenlike. Maybe they edit out the parts where knots magically appear and there's swearing. Or maybe that's just me. ;)

    You take care, sweetie. Anyone who can face 8 inch needles 3x a week is a huuuuuge hero in my eyes. Lots of love- p.

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  3. God don't make "enormous losers who don't belong there", so
    continue with His plan and work it as well as you do.....set aside the sturm and drang and realize how beloved you are by so many. Hope this day edits out its wrong side by evening
    and JB has a cool drink awaiting you upon your return home...

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  4. Hi Coni - I'd love to know your flosstube list!

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  5. You've got to feel sorry for your fellow d-chairers that they don't have a hobby that they find utterly absorbing and fulfilling and meaningful AND that comes with heaps of YouTubes to watch! So, perhaps you could start beginner's stitching classes in the dialysis unit to share the joy around?

    Megan,
    Sydney, Australia
    (working on a borrowed device)

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  6. Relax and get your mojo back...and within the next day or two I'll photograph and email you a photo of my latest finish...a (very old and probably out of print) Laura Perin blackwork angel.
    Hugs,
    Lynn in southern NJ

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    1. Coni,
      I just sent you the promised email with links to photos of my LJP blackwork angel. Go check your email.
      Hugs,
      Lynn in southern NJ

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    2. Everyone,
      I just realized that I never posted the link to what I'm talking about. Here it is, if you'd like to look:
      https://www.flickr.com/photos/lynnnjstitcher/44452053072/
      Lynn in southern NJ

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  7. Flosstube is an introvert's dream, I tell ya. I get to spend time with all of the stitchy celebs, ooh and aah over their stitching and stuff, and I can do so without ever having to put on pants or leave my house!

    YOU GET ME, CONI!

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  8. I love reading your blog! Even on days that you are out of sorts, you talk my language --- I also would love to know your Flosstube list, if you have time to write about it one of these days ----- hang in there and know we all love you! -- Barbara

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  9. My mother taught me to be kind to others ~ Coni, please be kind to yourself. We love you, and those that don't can just stay away. Keep futzing !

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  10. I'm right there with you, Coni. I love the FlossTube rabbit hole - my daughter rolls her eyes at me. Too bad, I watch anyway. I'm sorry about the skewed glasses, but they will right themselves again soon enough. Patience my dear.

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  11. Coni, you have a way with words and I love you for it!

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  12. You are wonderful and make me smile :) Hope today is going better for you!

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  13. I never would have found Flosstube if not for you... it makes ME happy too...(other folks in my house that seem to think i should pay attention to them ... not so much... bummer.. tragic...) Thank you for making me smile!

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  14. There is a reason I visit your blog EVERY DAY despite any and all goings on around here. Consider yourself loved and fully appreciated!!!Now did all your wit and writerly comic humor derive from ND or is it inborn? Robyn in MA

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  15. Coni you make my day. You should be a comedy writer. You are by far one of the funniest women I sort of know. I started reading your blog a few months ago and while going through hip surgery and now recovery I went back and read all of it. You are truly amazing women. I do have one question where in NJ is your jersey boy from. I was raised in N J ....Tom's River....Seaside. Take care.

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  16. I have been watching FlossTube for over a year now and I am absolutely hooked! I love watching while I am stitching, and I often get enabled to buy all the things!! LOL Glad you have found it and that it helps while you are having your "days in the chair". Hope things are going well for you. Remember, it's all about the journey. (That helps me.) ; )

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  17. I think you are wonderful. I too have the down-on-myself issue so I know it's not easy to believe other people, but we wouldn't lie to you xx

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