In exactly eleven days I am going to turn 50. And in an effort to really mark the occasion I've been doing a lot of navel gazing and pondering and contemplating of all of the things rattling around in my tiny little 49.969 year old brain. I won't bore you with all of the really deep and twisted psychological crap that a well-trained team of mental health professionals would be stumped to solve....instead I'll just state the obvious.
I am a neurotic mess of crazypants agoraphobic introvertedness that just shouldn't be out in public polite society without adult supervision.
For the last few weeks, I have been trying a little experiment on myself. In an effort to get out and about, I have been trying to go to public places like libraries and Starbucks and such and do the things that people do at places like libraries and Starbucks.
Can I just tell you that the results of this little experiment have been less than encouraging for my future as a normal human?
My first test was to see if I could strike up a conversation with a stranger in public and just exchange pleasantries about the weather or something inane like the color of the carpet. Instead, I got locked into a forty minute tirade from some lunatic crazy guy that wanted to tell me all about his political theory, why his bitch of a fourth wife just left him, and how we were all going to end up working for the Chinese sewing soccer balls with our teeth if we didn't do something drastic like throw a revolt and build a thirty foot and a half foot wall between us and California.
OK...so much for that idea.
Yesterday, I decided to head on over to the Starbucks with my little ipad thingie to see if I could do a blog post or two and catch up with all of my peeps in the stitchy world.
Can I just say that sitting there with my latte trying to pretend that I was perfectly happy to be there was the second hardest thing I've had to do in the last 30 years? Who knew that writing my drivel on this here blog was so.....intimate? I felt so nekked and exposed and unhappy that I had to try to figure out how to look normal doing something that had heretofore been very unstressful? In other words...this here blog is one of the few places where I feel pretty fine with just being me because for whatever reason, all of you have decided that every village needs its idiot and I was the only qualified applicant.
All of this self-thinking is for the birds, if you ask me. Why I thought it would result in a new life after 49.96 years is beyond me. Quite frankly...it's just exhausting.
Stewey tells me that there is no need to change our ruts/routines, and the next time I get it in my head that our quiet little life is out of order somehow I should just take a nap until it passes. I think he's on to something, so this afternoon is going to find me happily snoodled up in the big girl sleigh bed with him and John Irving for company. (The John Irving library book, that is. Let's not get nuts here, kids).
That's the news for today. And, I am very happy to report that this will conclude this decades's episode of "Let's think about our life and see how we can make it better."
Man....60 is going to be a LuLu!
I just turned 38 and I still don't know how to adult properly.
ReplyDeleteJust keep on being you. :)
First, Happy Birthday in advance...
ReplyDeleteI, too, am in introvert and were it not for the need to earn a living, I would be quite happy spending my day reading, stitching, taking walks, listening to music, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I have lots of friends and enjoy their company in small but frequent doses. But don't feel you need to force yourself into a way of being "just because." You & Stewey have a good thing going, from what I can tell!
Haven't popped by your blog in a bit, but I saw that you went to the Designer's Desk. Hope you had a blast. And wondered if you managed to restrain yourself.
ReplyDeleteKeep being your lovable self. That is why I popped in on you.
I guess mama said don't talk to strangers for a reason, huh?
ReplyDeleteI'd be just as happy if I never left the house but I'm not agoraphobic, just a loner.
From the ripe old age of 64.35 (or something like that), I can tell you that the next decade should be easier, and the one after that too if my progress so far is any indication of what I can expect from the rest of it. I found my 50s liberating. I found it much easier to be me and not really worry about what anyone else though, in spite of becoming a shop owner and necessarily having to be cognizant of what people thought. Turns out, my customers were just as quirky as I was if in different ways, and we all agreed to live and let live. I did manage to keep politics and religion out of the mix, which is a good idea any time. You'll be just fine. The best is yet to come. At least that's what everyone's telling me, and I choose to believe it. :D
ReplyDeleteLove you....
ReplyDeleteI love you just the way you are!!
ReplyDeletebarbara(in Tennessee)
Coni, we are two peas from the same pod, but I'm several years older. Turning 50 was wonderful. Suddenly, I no longer bowed to peer pressure or cared what others thought. It was so liberating and absolutely wonderful. Don't fear it, embrace it. Listen to Stewey and you'll be just fine! Happy Birthday in advance.
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ReplyDeleteSeems to me that if you're happy doing what you're doing and not hurting anyone else, then carry right on doing it! If stitching away in your own little nook, with his handsomeness for company, pleases you, then why feel any pressure to change. Have a very happy birthday
ReplyDeleteI got cut off!
ReplyDeleteI was going to add, from a 68 year old, not so wise bird, in far away France, who is happiest in her own home, with her cats and dogs, doing her patchwork or counted thread embroidery!
Happy Birthday! As I approach 60, I look forward to retiring so I can stitch, read, cook, play the piano, garden and follow your blog. Most of these things are very solitary. Fortunately, I have friends who will force me to go to lunch, dinner or travel. Some of us just like our own company. Thanks for including us in your life. Oh, and when you run into that guy who's on his 4th wife and can't stop talking, just say, "No."
ReplyDeleteHi Coni, I do not think you realize what a joy you are to those of us who read your blog. You are connecting with people, many who wait to hear from you every day. Going outside is not all it's cracked up to be. Happy Birthday. Lenore
ReplyDeleteHappy early birthday wishes, Coni! Live your days the way you want. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteLet that be a lesson for you! No talking with strange men!
ReplyDeleteI can't think of anything that hasn't already been said, but I agree that it does get easier to be just who we are as we age. I kept telling myself that I'm not old, but studying all the material it takes to understand Medicare and supplements has convinced me that maybe I'm not 30 anymore, after all, and that's ok. I'll just enjoy being my 65 year old self (but not before Friday!) - and celebrate by adding purple highlights to my turning white hair on Tuesday! We'll both celebrate being us in our own homes. Happy almost birthday!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday (very soon!). I just turned 60 and just just got to retire, and so far...awesome! Enjoy 50...grab it and run with it! Keep doing what you enjoy. And every now and then throw some of that crazy pants at someone and then smile. We gotta keep'em guessing ya know ;-D
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday (very soon!). I just turned 60 and just just got to retire, and so far...awesome! Enjoy 50...grab it and run with it! Keep doing what you enjoy. And every now and then throw some of that crazy pants at someone and then smile. We gotta keep'em guessing ya know ;-D
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday in eleven days.
ReplyDeleteAs a 50+8 year old I can report that It's a good age to be,enjoy the next eight years and beyond.
I am looking forward to reading your future posts and seeing your gorgeous stitching.Hi to Stewey.
Happy Nearly Birthday. Yes, it does get better--I'm 60 and I can't tell you how liberating it is to not care what others think and also to accept oneself, warts and all--and you can bet most of your audience here is a lot like you. I can't imagine a stitcher capable of prolonged stitchiness who isn't at least a little introverted--otherwise we'd be out of the stitching chair and holding court on the sidewalk as one of my neighbors does. Lord, she just can't stay in her house, danged extrovert that she is, whooping and hollering and chatting with all the neighbors--desperately, desperately chatting, anything but going inside and enjoying her home. And a lot of us are better with animals than with people too (just ask Stewey if that's a good thing). Maybe instead of forcing yourself to talk with strangers at Starbucks (aaaak! I wouldn't do that), it'd be better to offer your services to the local animal shelter as a dog walker, cat wrangler, bunny cuddler or to take up a(nother) fun hobby where you meet other people naturally. Might be a fun way to meet like-minded people. And in any case, know that we love you just as you are.
ReplyDeleteInstead of trying to talk to the people out in the world, just watch them and eavesdrop on their conversations. You will feel 100% better about yourself and your life choices. lolol
ReplyDeleteAnd I will second what everyone is saying about the 50s. I agonized about turning 50, but it is great. I just don't care what people think, especially those younger than me. I just look them up and down, and say snootily, "You know nothing Jon Snow." (Couldn't resist the Game of Thrones reference. That is my favorite line from the whole shebang.)
Rock your neurotic mess of crazypants agoraphobic introvertedness like a Project Runway winner on the Red Carpet! :o)
Four days and counting for me, Coni. I'm also an introvert, forced to deal with people from M-F. It's painful, isn't it? Two of a kind, we are. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Coni, please don't change! We love you and Stewey just the way you are!!! Don't let the "world" tell you any different. I wish I had as many followers interested in me!!! We love y'all! Cathryn
ReplyDeleteConi, I send birthday greetings and best wishes -- and what I've recently learned at the ripe old retired age of 65. Let it go. The reality is that most of us don't make radical changes in who we are as the years go by after age 50. It sounds like you are putting a lot of "shoulds" and "oughts" onto yourself. You are an introvert and you have a beautiful life which you share with anyone who wants to read your blog. May I suggest that you read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts" by Susan Cain?
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ReplyDeleteWho cares about stranger talkers and Starbucks sitters!! We love you just the way you are and you need to spend your time stitching and loving Stewey. Oh and blogging!! Don't ever stop that :)
ReplyDeleteWe love you just the way you are, Coni! Your blog is one of the first things I look forward to each day.
ReplyDeleteBe proud that you are turning 50! Age is just a number anyway. The way I look at it, life is a series of small moments, big moments, and everything in between. Take time to appreciate the positive parts of life. I am basically an introvert who is sometimes an extrovert, depending on the company I am with. :) Introverts rule!
ReplyDeleteCarolyn
Sending you birthday wishes from an off the chart introvert. Loved 50, staring down 60 now and I have to say, it was a good decade! And being a certified introvert, I find it too "people" out there, I prefer my home, my pets, my needlework and painting. Enjoy your life cause you only get one!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the rest of the friends, be who you are. I am so happy just being alone, well my husband I love dearly, but other then him I fine as a loner. Live in your world and enjoy what you have.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Elite Club of the Fabulous 50's!!! I will be 55 this year and can say, other than a few more aches and pains, the 50's have been great! And there is nothing wrong with liking your own company!
ReplyDeleteConi, I am trying to think of something witty and wise to say, but at the ripe old age of 57 myself I think all the shoulda, coulda, woulda stuff is all highly overrated! To quote Popeye, "I yams who I yams". Welcome to the fab 50s, it really is a lot of fun!
ReplyDeleteAs one introvert to another - it's not worth striking up conversations with strangers.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm a little late to the party, but I'm just trying to catch up on the last two or three years worth of The Adventures of the Spinster Stitcher (and Her Little Dog, Too)! I am finally getting back on my own personal stitchey journey and am so grateful for it. Also grateful to see that you are still blogging, Coni. It's good to know that there are other wackadoo introverts out there like me. I, too, have been trying to stretch my comfort zone by getting out there as it were. I was brave enough to go to a tai chi class (by myself) where I didn't know a soul. I actually impressed myself and made it through the class. Then I went out to my car and cried for 10 minutes. It was just too much to manage the things that were going on inside my head while trying to interact with new people AND try to learn something that required physical and mental coordination. After I gathered myself together in my car I drove to the Targets and sat in my car for another 30 minutes while I decompressed some more. I felt much better after wandering around the Targets for 45 minutes. I haven't gone back to tai chi class. I think maybe private lessons would be a better option for me. The point is, every adventure garners information about ourselves and tomorrow is another day to try again. Or not. And, you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm a little late to the party, but I'm just trying to catch up on the last two or three years worth of The Adventures of the Spinster Stitcher (and Her Little Dog, Too)! I am finally getting back on my own personal stitchey journey and am so grateful for it. Also grateful to see that you are still blogging, Coni. It's good to know that there are other wackadoo introverts out there like me. I, too, have been trying to stretch my comfort zone by getting out there as it were. I was brave enough to go to a tai chi class (by myself) where I didn't know a soul. I actually impressed myself and made it through the class. Then I went out to my car and cried for 10 minutes. It was just too much to manage the things that were going on inside my head while trying to interact with new people AND try to learn something that required physical and mental coordination. After I gathered myself together in my car I drove to the Targets and sat in my car for another 30 minutes while I decompressed some more. I felt much better after wandering around the Targets for 45 minutes. I haven't gone back to tai chi class. I think maybe private lessons would be a better option for me. The point is, every adventure garners information about ourselves and tomorrow is another day to try again. Or not. And, you're not alone.
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