Jan 12, 2014

AND THEN SHE FELL DOWN IN THE DRIVEWAY LIKE A SACK OF DOORKNOBS. TWICE.

Several years ago, I told Aunt Chrissy that I wanted my tombstone to have five simple words on it.  I'm not sure if she paid any attention to me at the time, but after the events of yesterday morning I'm pretty sure that she's called the undertaker and gotten a jump on the whole sorry mess.  (*)

I awoke at the crack of Farmer Stewey needing to go outside to potty at the ridiculous hour of 4am and then finally decided to haul myself out of the big girl sleigh bed at 7.  Aunt Chrissy and I had plans to run errands, so I threw on a fleece and some slippers and headed out to grab the paper for a quick run-through with my first Starbucks.

When I caught sight of the trash and recycling bins, I realized that I had forgotten to drag them to the curb, so I grabbed the big ass blue recycling bin and started down the driveway with my pajamas flapping in the breeze.  I turned and started back up the driveway to gather the trash bin, when WHOOSH!! my legs decided to go right, while the rest of me decided to go left.  

Down I went into the cold four and half inches of ice water, slush and driveway salt.  

Fortunately I am extremely well-padded so after a quick look around, I bounced back up, brushed myself off, and breathed a sigh of relief that nobody seemed to be the wiser that I had just landed slightly to the left of my big fat fanny in a puddle of muck.

A normal person would have immediately gone back inside to hide in shame (and change out of her soaking wet and frozen pajams), but this is me we're talking about.

I headed back into the garage to grab the trash can and was doing well enough getting it to the curb when my entire lower body catapulted itself eighteen feet up into the air in front of me and I landed. Hard  On.  The.  Top.  Of.  My.  Pointy.  Little.  Head.

It knocked me out cold, I'm sorry to report, because when I came to, I was flat on my back in the middle of the fours and a half inches of ice water, horrified that I had just broken my neck because I was too damn lazy to drag the freakin garbage can to the curb the night before.

This time I didn't look around to see if anybody saw me -- probably because my glasses had flown off my face and I couldn't see anything more than six inches in front of my face.  So I stumbled inside, collapsed onto the laundry room floor and had a good long cry.

(Stewey, of course, was soundly asleep in the big girl sleigh bed the entire time this was happening.)

Once I calmed myself down enough to stand, I called Aunt Chrissy, who gently walked me through an emergency triage of questions..."Are you bleeding?...Is anything broken?...Is your vision blurred or are you in any pain?...etc etc etc."   We decided that a call to 9-1-1 wasn't warranted, so I took a deep breath, pulled on my eighteen year old sweatpants, and got on with it.

Today is...interesting.  The lemon-sized lump that had been on my head is now a perky little golf ball, and as long as I don't have to move, I'm feeling pretty good.  A few Tylenol and a vat of dietCoke later, and I'm sure I'll be back to normal (or as close to normal as this particular spinster can get) soon.

(*)  What's the five words, you ask?  In a lovely font, I'd like my tombstone to say:  IT WASN'T EASY BEING ME.






39 comments:

  1. I am so sorry you took your spills yesterday! Be careful, what would we do without you?!

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  2. Oh my! Indiana weather is a weird mess. Be careful!

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  3. It's treacherous out there! This weather has been crazy! So sorry you took a couple of spills, but happy to hear that you are doing okay. Lots of falls in this area, too... a neighbor a few days ago and my BIL yesterday. You just can't be too careful out there! How many days till spring?

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  4. OMG! You could have really gotten hurt out there! Thank goodness you are ok (well, bumps and bruises be damned). Please be careful.

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  5. Lordy, lordy, lordy….I am so glad you are alive !! That is just crazy. Take care…what would we do without YOU??? Stay inside and REST. Hugs

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  6. Oh so sorry! This winter sure has been a dangerous one to live through! Hope you feel back to normal very soon! Hitting your head when you fall can be very scary. Been there done that and I had a good cry also after hubs picked me up and barraged me with a ton of questions. Be careful do not want that tombstone inscribed anytime soon.

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  7. Ouch - I hope you found your glasses okay. Are you adverse to adding a touch of rum to that diet coke? Just once and I think you deserve it!

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  8. It's been a tough one. Better rest until the thaw.

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  9. Please, please, please, get thee to a physician! Remember Natasha Richardson's fall? My dad fell a few years ago and refused to get checked out by a doctor. A couple of days later, my mom called me and complained that dad's entire personality changed! My brother rushed him to the emergency room, and my dad ended up staying in the hospital and rehab unit for 4-5 weeks! And he wasn't knocked out. Better safe than sorry!

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  10. Good God! I'm glad you are okay...or at least as okay as you are! Lemons and golf balls--oh my!

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  11. Yes, what wenhkc said! See a doctor pronto!

    Feel better Coni!

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  12. Good grief Coni!!! I keep telling you to come to Tucson for a visit when it (GACK) snows in your neighborhood. I have a stitchey chair just for you and the weather here has been a chilly 70 degrees and sunny during the day.
    Your (almost warm) friend,
    Pamela

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  13. Oh yes, and fresh picked (right off my trees) oranges, grapefruit, and lemons. :-)
    Pamela

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  14. At the risk of being a wet blanket, I have to agree that a doctor's visit seems wise.

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  15. Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear about your falls. They can lead to serious issues but I'm sure you're aware of that. Obviously, being catapulted 18 feet into the air knocking yourself out hasn't affected your writing style. Thank goodness. Be careful!

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  16. Oh you poor dear... :( Please just take care of yourself, I'm sorry you got hurt; I do love your way with words.

    Hugs, Shar

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  17. I really think you should get checked out by the doc...I`m glad it wasn`t worse!! You could have broken something and not been able to get up...I learned my lesson about wearing slippers on ice when I took a slide down some concrete steps...went so fast I didn`t know what hit me! Boot, dear friend, are a must. Very very gentle ((hugs))

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  18. Please dear Coni see a doctor. You have suffered a concussion. I know because you were knocked out and I am a doctor!!!!

    Worried, Sharon

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  19. Hope there's no after effects of this event. You might want to get checked out since you went unconscious. Hope you're not too sore and recover quickly.

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  20. Ouch, sorry your got hurt. Hope you have a speedy recovery.

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  21. Oh my goodness...I do hope that you are feeling better and OK. Now I must admit that your story here made me laugh, but in a really good way...because I was walking Ellie to school with a nice cup of coffee in my perky covered cup, listening to my music and lo and behold, I slipped and fell on a patch of ice about 1/4 mile from home. I did the Nestea plunge right on my big rear, which is amply padded, mind you, but it knocked the wind right out of me. In the meantime my coffee cup spilled on my face and then flew up the driveway of the house I was walking past landing with a huge sound announcing to the world: FATTY FELL! I feel your pain, although luckily I didn't get knocked out like you....take good care :)

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  22. PLEASE see a Dr! I'm a retired paramedic. Anytime you lose consciousness, especially if you hit your head, call 911. We'd rather run 10 unnecessary calls than miss one that could be very serious. Delayed effects can be very sneaky.

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  23. Oh no. I hope you are ok and don't find more things wrong. I would still go to the doctor.

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  24. Oh, Coni. How scary. I can't see 6 inches in front of my face without my glasses, either, and that alone is a frightening & unsettling feeling. Add to that being knocked out and frozen....it's a wonder you weren't in shock. You poor thing. And Stewey didn't even muster up a puppy hug? He must have had his deluxe ear plugs in. I trust he's since made it up to you. Wish I had been there to give a hug and a cup of tea. Hope you're doing better now. I think you deserve a little stitchy retail therapy to erase the trauma of it all!!!!

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  25. Yikes! Passing out is really scary. Hope you heal well and quickly. So sorry that happened.

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  26. I'd still go to the doctor (or call and see what he/she suggests). I hate falling and you fell twice in a row. I feel your pain. I think stash enhancement will help you under the circumstances.

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  27. Now I know why I didn't want to move to the midwest in the first place and why I want to go home (Houston,TX). Don't misunderstand, I have met so many lovely people up here in the North ( that is what we in Texas call anything north of the Red River) and I have always said that if I cannot live at home I think that Kansas/Missouri is a great place.

    I do agree with all who encouraged you to get checked out by a physician!!! Better safe than sorry. I think I can speak for all of those who read your blog that we would miss you, Stewey, and your big heiney. I can say this because my heiney is Large. Take care

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  28. I agree with going to the doctor. I fell in my parking lot right on my noggin and had a nice grapefruit-sized knot on the top of my noggin. my neighbor rushed me to a hospital and I hadn't passed out. Get thee to an ER! You'll be glad you did in the long run. Take some stitchy stuff in case they make you wait. :)

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  29. Glad you are okay! A word of advice don't wear croc flip flops in the snow either for a quick run outside! I did the splits doing that--I probably should mention I was 45+ years old and had never in my life done the splits before!

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  30. I am so happy to read these posts and see that 2014 will be the same as prior years, with the exception of 2013 that seemed somewhat uncharacteristic of the Spinster Stitcher. She is back to normal, stitching, flaying about in her own world and posting nice long, funny posts. Thank god.

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