Jan 23, 2012


From what I hear on the TeeVee, there's some fancypants video game that all the kids are playing these days called "Angry Birds". I'm not sure what it is, exactly, since I am not allowed to use anything electronic without adult supervision, and I don't own one of those cell phone gizmos.

Anywhoo, on Friday afternoon I was in the kitchen minding my own business (OK, if you must know, I was making Rice Krispie Treats), when I heard a very loud BANG coming from the general direction of the back patio window.

A bird had apparently decided to conduct a suicide mission, had flown directly into said back patio window, and was laying deader than a doornail in the pee snow that Stewey created that very morning during his constitutional.

I kept checking on the bird to see if it was moving, and since it wasn't and since I am also a nutjob of the highest order, I decided to take the snow shovel and gently lift the carcass out of the pee snow and give it a proper burial under a nice tree in a meadow. (Or, failing that, I figured I'd scoop it up and fling it into the middle of the big ass field behind the house and be done with it.)

As almost everybody on the planet (except me, apparently) knows, when birds fly into stuff they stun themselves senseless and fall to the ground in a lifeless heap so that they can get their wits about them. (Much like I used to do in my 20's after a night of drinking Long Island iced teas.)

But I digress.

The very moment I got the shovel under that bird, it decided to come back to life and FLY FLY AWAY as I screamed bloody murder and then wondered how long it would be before the neighborhood association served me with eviction papers.

Damn birds.

So as I was standing out there in the back forty trying not to have a heart attack, I catch something moving out of the corner of my eye. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a 42 pound meatball wearing feathers, perched about thirty feet up in a tree. Wanna know how BIG this damn thing was? Let's just say that if it would have turned around, I would have pondered the fact that it had the strength capability of carrying me (and my little dog too) several thousand feet up into the air before dropping us off the edge of a cliff to our early (and somewhat disappointing) demise(es).I know, I know, this fantastic photo makes it look like it's just a bird in a tree. But can I just point out that I used the magnify thingie on the camera and that the branch upon which that thing is sitting is about three stories up in the freakin air?!!

I emailed my friend Kavanaugh under the guise that he knows a lot about birds and would probably be able to tell me what the heck this thing is, but the truth of the matter is that my friend Kavanaugh is a police officer and has a weapon that I am sure he uses with deadly accuracy. Or, if he wasn't willing to come over here and shoot the damn thing in the head (which I want to be very clear he would in NO WAY ever consider), I guess I was hoping that he would instead bring his bagpipes and scare the living beejeesus out of this and and every other living creature within an eight mile radius of Chez Spinster.

Fast forward to last night when I was in the kitchen again (OK. So. I have a Rice Krispie addiction problem), when I spy SOMETHING moving the bushes immediately adjacent to the patio. (What IS it about this darn patio?)

Stewey fired off a few snaps with his cell phone camera, but didn't manage to focus them very well:
So now we know that the sounds I hear while fretting in the big girl sleigh bed at night are not, in fact, thieves and vagabonds trying to break into the house. They are (instead) the din of Happy Hour at what constitutes a TGI Friday's for the Marlin Perkins set.

I hate nature.

I did get quite a bit done on the Plum Street piece this weekend, and I also started a counted canvas piece from Threedles yesterday, but all of this nature photography has depleted the battery on the camera. As soon as it recharges, I'll post some updates.

Happy Monday! Hope your weekend was a bit more....civilized.


  1. Oh, you are such a city girl! Sadly, I live in an area lacking much in the way of nature except for owls, squirrels, raccoons, and the occasional possum.

    Deer--how neat is that!

  2. So, did you determine what kind of feathered friend was perched in the tree? I think it looks like a hawk of some sort. At least the wild turkeys are keeping their distance.

    Look forward to seeing you new starts. Anxious to see the Threedles start (have one I haven'st started yet).


  3. OMG!!! Coni you are too funny!!! I laughed till tears come to my eyes. The bird (in the tree) looks to be a buzzard. They are carniverous (lmao) so I would watch Stewey when he goes out. The deer...are just beautiful!!! I wish I had all the wildlife around my home that you do... I miss the countrylife, but I have to admit... I don't miss the coyotes that would come up to the house (God Rest My Litte Lucy) she was killed by coyotes not long after we moved there :( and I don't miss the skunks that would torment the dogs. I have had to give them too many tomato juice baths if you get my drift... Your creations are gorgeous as usual...Well tah for now...

  4. LMAO. You can get Angry Birds on your PC you know - beware the addiction!

  5. Okay, the whole dead/stunned bird episode sounds like something I would do. Sorry the crazy thing scared you so much. As for the deer and the giant, flesh-eating bird, I'd love to have them in our backyard! It would be hard to get the deer in there, since there's a fence, but I am totally jealous of your hated nature experiences (but I would freak out if I heard them nosing around at night too. There's a stray cat that comes and scratches at my living room window every night, and I do not enjoy the experience).

  6. Could that be a Turkey Vulture?

  7. I don't know what's in your tree but I saw a turkey buzzard the other day and it has a face only a mother could love. You can put some kind of decals on you glass doors and large windows to keep the birds from flying into them or so I've heard.

  8. Oh my! I love your blog. You make me laugh out loud all the time. Today, however, I actually spit water on my computer screen at one point while reading. So funny. Look forward to seeing your stitching!

  9. Sorry, I laughed out loud when your bird came to its senses. Still giggling.

    I have a recipe to make rice krispie treats with peanut butter? They are so overwhelming to smell that your teeth ache. But, the taste is to die for!

  10. Wow, it's Wild Kingdom at your house! Just Nature's way of letting you know that you really aren't alone.

  11. All I can say is that I am sitting here laughing so hard I'm squalling.....You iz crrraaaazzzyy~

    And, we love it.

    And, your little dog to.

  12. Hi Coni,
    Too funny, but I have had much the same experiences here in Middle of Nowhereville. Birds fly into my sliders all of the time, but I am such a tool-bag that I feel the need to go out, pick the little thing(s) up and coddle it until it regains it's senses. One day this Fall I saw a bird, out of the corner of my eye, fly into one of the trees near my deck. I thought "That's the biggest freaking crow I've ever seen". Got out my binoculars and peered at the damned thing through the leaves, and it was a turkey vulture! Uglier than a pounded thumb!! Probably the same bird- heard you were making Rice Krispie treats and decided to check it out!! Again, my advice, keep your head down and don't look up!


  13. Methinks that big, fat, ugly, branch- sitting son-of-a-gun is, indeed a Turkey Vulture, Coni. Here in Sunny Syracuse, NY, they appear magically every time a deer takes a wrong turn onto the interstate. Yeah.... Such a pretty site, indeed. True that you need to watch Master Stewey when he's outside for his "constitutional," though. Sometimes these critters can't tell the living from the non-living.....
    Barb in Syracuse

  14. That's no turkey vulture - they have red heads and are ugly as all get out. Looks like a hawk to me, perhaps a Swainson's hawk, and they can be almost 2 feet tall with a wing span twice that! Count your blessings Stewey hasn't been an appetizer. . . .

  15. You made me laugh out loud hun..love your stories or I should say your wonderful way with words..you know I hate to tell you this but my Grandma Brewster use to say when I bird flew into a window it meant someone was going to...pass away?? :( Love those old saying huh???

    Hugs, Shar

  16. Oh my goodness, Coni. I've been a reader of your blog for a loooong time now and you (and the handsome Stewey) have made me laugh harder than just about anything else on the planet, but I have to say.... this post is the first one that I laughed so hard that I now have to let the cushion of the computer chair, um, er,... "dry out."

    Between the bird, the admittance of the Rice Krispies Treats addiction (would you believe that at 45 years old, I have never *ever* had one of those? Ever?), and the "Happy Hour at TGIF for the Marlin Perkins set", I just um, sort of, er, "lost control" if you know what I mean.

    And I have no clue what "Angry Birds" are, either. Well, except for the ones who get cheesed off when someone scoops them up with a shovel while the poor birdies are just trying to get their breath back. :)


  17. I do admit to liking Angry Birds which I play on our iPad.

    I thought your big bird might be a turkey vulture too but I'm no bird expert so likely wrong. (Okay I did take ornithology in college but I think I've forgotten all of it except for stuffing a sparrow (taxidermy lab) and having to check out tapes from the library to memorize bird calls! Oh yes my apt-mates loved that....)

    We had a quail fly into our sliding glass doors about 2 yrs ago and die on the patio. We also have two great horned owls that live closeby and frequently sit on our chimney at night. It's very cool but we do find little dead bird skeletons from time to time.

    And that's my bird stories for today......

  18. I don't often comment, and I really should. You always make me smile, but usually you make me laugh. Today, I snorted and had to halt reading your blog to find a kleenex (I didn't hit the computer but think I got my shirt)! Thank you, thank you - I really enjoy your blog and your stitching of course - please don't ever stop!


  19. Coni you are a hoot!!!
    I can just see you when that bird took off LOL *note to self-Never read Coni's blog with a mouthful of coffee*
    You'd think I know by now lol
    Not sure what kind of bird is in the tree but I don't think it is a Turkey Vulture. Did you know Turkey Vulture's are the state bird of Florida?? Wonderful huh?
    I love those RKT's too. They are dangerous and addicting for sure!
    Love the wildlife in your yard. The only things I see here in my yard are woodpeckers, Diamond back rattle snakes and a plethora of VERY large bugs!

  20. Geez, I had to go and take the invitation I was sending to you and Stewey to come for a visit back out of the mail box.I just don't have enough tranqualizers to calm you down after you see the bear and deer that hang around our apple trees.And the number of birds that knock themselves out flying into our windows would drive you bonkers.I would go on about the other creatures but I fear if I tell you more you two will never come for tea or in Stewey's case a fine glass of wine. Be Brave my girl.

    Sandra from MN(see we are practically next door neighbors :+} )

  21. Gawds, Coni, you are hysterical!

    I also thought turkey vulture - nasty things! I'm a city girl who transplated into farm country and have been completely freaked out by every imaginable varmint and critter you can imagine. But I make my neighbors laugh :)

  22. Ugh - turkey vultures have naked heads and are uglier than snot. Think you've got a Northern Goshawk. They like songbirds for their 3 squares and it will probably not eat Stewey. And the deer won't hurt either of you.