Jan 20, 2012


My mo-ther can't come to the blog right now. I've sent her away on a fool's errand to the PetSmart looking for potty pants. She thinks that if she brings them home I will gladly slip them on to help alleviate the urine elimination situation we're having. I'm sure she'll also buy a Potty Patch, a Belly Band, vitamins, and any other stupid thing she can think of to keep me from watering the furniture.

In the spirit of full disclosure, however, I feel that I must reveal:

1) I was fully housebroken on day TWO of my life here in Crazyville. Mo-ther and Aunt Chrissy were sitting in the living room, and when I went to the back door and indicated that I'd like to go outside to urinate, they both hollered and shrieked and danced around so much that I thought they had won the Publisher's Clearing House.

2) I remained fully housebroken until a) the "special surgery" that Mo-ther insisted would be better for my overall health and would help curtail the shorty Jack Russell terrier population, and b) the arrival of my pesky little cousin Bosco.

3) I pee not so much out of need to do so, but rather as an indictment of the filth that I'm forced to live in with a deranged spinster. I feel that the house should be cleaned at least four times a week and that Mo-ther should channel her inner Amish woman and wash walls, etc., but she seems to think that a bi-annual pass with the Swiffer qualifies as appropriate homekeeping. It does not.

4) The Christmas tree ornaments were not wired onto said Christmas tree due to MY failure to leave the tree alone, but rather, they were wired onto said Christmas tree because my mo-ther insists on sitting on the floor each evening after dinner to "play", and she cannot throw anything with any degree of accuracy whatsoever. During the holiday season she typically knocks at least four or five dozen ornaments from the tree's branches when she misses the dining room completely and launches the tennis ball deep into the recesses of said tree. This, of course, is followed by more curse words that I am allowed to hear.

So before you decide to type "Oh, you poor Spinster Stitcher. How terrible that you have to live with a snarky little dog that pees, I ask you....

Would YOU like to come over here and massage her back fat?

Would YOU like to watch Jeffrey Dean Morgan movies on an endless loop until you think your eyes will bleed?

Would YOU like to listen to her blather on endlessly to my Aunt Chrissy about whatever the obsession du jour happens to be?

Would YOU like to explain to the neighbors that the sounds they hear escaping up the chimney on a cold winter's night are due to my stupid mo-ther's lack of planning and that she has probably realized that she will be short one strand of thread to finish her latest project and that the Michael's and the Hobby Lobby and the JoAnn's are all closed and won't be open for another twelve hours and why oh why can't she just get organized and plan her projects out better so that she's not having to sneak into Aunt Chrissy's studio in the dead of the night like some 300-pound stitching ninja that really should be locked up but who remains free because nobody will have her anyway?

So please, my very dear friends. Don't encourage her further with any kind words, kudos, or praise. That will only result in her prancing around the house chanting "They LIKE me! They really really LIKE me!", and nobody needs to see that more than once in their lifetime. Trust me.

I hope that you remain warm and safe and dry this weekend and that you do whatever it is that your stitchy heart desires. As for me, I will be supervising this, Miss Paulette's Dust of Snow:And THIS beauty:
This is the latest Laura J. Perin that Mo-ther has been chomping at the bit to start, called Stained Glass Windows. I suspect that she will hit the studio the moment she returns from the PetSmart to paw through threads and canvas. Stay tuned for updates. I bet this one gets started before you can say "obsessive compulsive".

So that's it for now, my dear friends. As soon as I water the drapes I'm off to my patch of sunlight for a little snooze. We're supposed to get a winter's storm today, so I guess I better get snuggled in and ready for the flakes to start falling!

With love from your pal,


  1. Now Stewey, if it is going to snow this weekend, perhaps Mo-ther is off getting you lots of food and maybe some toys to help you cope with the weather...afterall, there isn't much sun during a storm.

    Tell Mo-ther her projects mske me drool...perhaps a bit on the drapes as well.

  2. Poor little Stewey, so maligned and put-upon. We can have the SPCA come and rescue you if you really think life is so tough.

    I am sure that one of my fellow cats would LOVE to come live with the Spinster. Just let me know and I will make the calls.

    The GingerCat (meow)

  3. Stewey, as the resident dog in Iowa I can sympathize with you. My mo-ther thinks I shouldn't pick up anything that catches my fancy. She made me wear her boots yesterday. How does she get around in those gunboats? I can really understand your pain. We got 6" of snow today, so I'm sending the rest your way. Regards, Calypso

  4. Now Stewey, as much as I laugh at your posts, you really should be nicer to m-o-t-h-e-r....she loves you dearly, and you needn`t water everywhere....i`m sure Bosco respects your bounderies during your play-dates.

    Tell your m-o-t-h-e-r I love her stitching choices for the weekend. I`ll be in the corner ripping out my double running pattern....for the fourth time!

    Kisses to you and Bosco...

  5. Stewey,
    I hear your pain, but your Mo-ther just might be ready to move you into the garage.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Laura Perin. Build Stewey a nest in the garage, move him into it then plant yourself in your Happy Chair. Post progress pictures.

  6. I can't wait to see the Laura J. Perin design started. It's beautiful! And Stewey, please ask your Mo-ther what fabric she's using for the PSS design! Thanks!

  7. Stewey, you little tattle tail! Not that I critizing by any means, getting all that nasty stuff off your chest is good for you (and even better for us ;) LOL!) However, what will your poor mo-ther think if she happens to see your post? I think you should plan a nice little homecoming for her and prepare to do a foot massage and pedicure, and one for your mo-ther as well.

  8. Stewey, I wonder how your Mo-ther's life would change if you stopped peeing on everything. My dog never pees on anything and I am not crazy like you call your Mo-ther :-) As spoiled as you are I am sure my dog and all 4 cats would love to come live with her.

  9. I always enjoy stopping by for all of Stewey's antics and your latest stitching projects! Thanks for sharing...you always brighten my day! :)

  10. Stewey.....if you think you have it bad,let me break it to you...it could be worse....trust me. My mom is so O.C.D. It isn't funny.....trade you....your friend Scully

  11. Stewey you are a little stinker and I love the stained window design

  12. Oh Spinster - I think a twice a year swipe with the swifter should be sufficient too! I will gladly trade you one disgusting girl child, two enourmous shedding machines (I may keep the one) and even through in the ADD husband who doesn't know what a towel rack if for - or a laundry hamper.