My dog can't come to the blog right now. He's on the back patio conducting a seminar on proper table etiquette for a group of fascinated squirrels. I wasn't sure what was happening at first, but then I caught the following:
STEWEY: Good morning, Gentlemen. I'd like to take a moment of your time to talk about a pressing matter and how it relates to our future co-existence in this little space of ours. You see, my afternoon napping spot is right there inside those windows, and I am subjected to your boorish behavior and constant chattering and munching and whatnot, and I simply cannot abide by it any longer. Your manners are ghastly, gentlemen! Just ghastly!
(With that, he dons his reading glasses, whips out a little clipboard, and starts lecturing).
STEWEY: Napkins are to be placed thusly in one's lap (demonstrating). Then, after all of your fellow dining companions have been served, and only then, may one begin to enjoy their meal. Mouths are to remain closed while chewing, and conversation should remain light and without controversy until the final course is served and the ladies retire to the parlor for tea and the gentlemen to the study for brandy. It isn't that hard, really. You just need to act in a rather civilized fashion and not as though you are accustomed to sniffing your hindparts while dangling from a tree branch. (He wrinkles his nose in derision.)
SQUIRREL #1: What the *(#&$() is THAT?
SQUIRREL #2: It looks like a freakin' dog to me, but what the #*$()#N is it wearing?
SQUIRREL #3: Did the big lady bring more bird food?
SQUIRREL #1: Wait a minute....I think the dog is sayin' something to us.
SQUIRREL #2: Table manners? What the $*#()##&) are table manners? And who the $*#() is Miss Post?
SQUIRREL #3: Move over. I'm trying to eat.
Aunt Chrissy will be here shortly so that we can go vote, and then I assume that I will come home to a miffed little Jack Russell terrier who wants to bitch about the neighbors until I promise that we'll move. It's taken me a while, but I've finally learned that when he gets in one of his "moods", I just need to let it go.
Here's the progress on the Prairie Schooler:
So that, my dear friends is all there is to report from CrazyTowne today. I did manage to try a very very small piece of the Turtle Pie last night after dinner, and I must say...it was simply dee-lish!
And speaking of dee-lish....The Future Mr. Spinster Stitcher, Jeffrey Dean Morgan His Very Self was indeed on the TeeVee last night and I was indeed planted smack dab in front of it making kissy noises at him until it was time for a cold compress and bed. Damn, but that that boy knows how to blow my skirt up.