Jul 11, 2011
HELLO, CREWEL WORLD!
Oh, it's just so darn....love-er-ly!
Who knew that this would be just what the doctor ordered to get me through a beastly weekend full of mishaps? But 'twas, and I'm itching to get back in the Happy Chair today to sink back down into this perfect little puddle of bliss. In case you missed it, this is Daisychain ABC's by Miss Alicia Paulson, Her Very PosieGetsCosy Self.
Saturday was not a good day to be a Rich Sister. We headed out early, with our errands list in hand, but we were met with nothing but delays and bad luck. First there was the horrifying fact that Aunt Chrissy's birdfood place was out of birdfood! Out! Of birdfood! For most people, this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but Aunt Chrissy has turned herself right into the Birwoman of Alcatraz over here in Hoosierville, and she dutifully fills four feeders every day. We've been buying 40lb. bags of black oil sunflower seeds at a local nursery, but....well...(see above for the reason why we'll now have to go to the Targets tonight for a little bag to tide her over).
We left the birdfood place and were headed to the Target pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions, when KA-BLAM! ...a really bad car accident right in front of us! I was waiting to turn left across a HUGE intersection, and before we knew what was happening, two cars crashed violently right there in the middle of it all. Aunt Chrissy grabbed her cell phone and was out of the car in a flash to run to the victims, and I was right behind her..."running" as fast as my flip flops and big fat jiggly butt could make it. The smoke from the airbags was still in the air when I reached the passenger side of car #1, and I heard Aunt Chrissy telling 9-1-1 to send ambulances. It was then that I realized that the victims were probably more shocked by a big fat sweaty woman hollering "You're OK! Just stay right there and be calm! We've called for help! They're on their way! You're OK! Don't worry!" than they were by the imapct of metal and glass and car fluids flying through the air at split-second speeds.
Here's a visual aid for you: (images not to scale)
(Just as I was leaning down to comfort the little boy in car #1, my left boob decided to make a run for it and pop out from beneath my big girl sports bra that I only wear for running errands on Saturday afternoons. Needless to say, the sight of me trying to discreetly fix the problem was probably not something that should have been done in the middle of a big ass intersection, but what are you going to do?)
Everybody was OK. Very shaken up and more than a little amused by the two crazy spinsters wondering how to direct traffic in an intersection comprised of two major four-lane roads, but the fire trucks and ambulances and policemen were there in a flash, so we were able to leave it to the professionals and get out of the way.
The funniest part is that when they arrived with lights and sirens blazing, they immediately ran up to Aunt Chrissy and I, thinking that WE were the ones that had just been in the accident. (Guess it's time to re-think my "look", since it apparently screams "Help me!").
After all of the excitement was over, I had to "jog" back over to my car to get it out of the way, and all I could do was pray that the several million people watching all of this said to themselves "Oh, those two women must be medical professionals the way they jumped out and ran over to help. Why else would the big one have attempted to move that fast without proper undergarments in place?".
(Oh, and by the way. I'm pretty sure that statistics would dictate that out of the several thousand people witnessing that accident, there had to be at least seven or eight REAL medical professionals, so shame on all of you for NOT getting out of your cars to make sure we didn't screw it all up and for just sitting there laughing at the big fat sweaty girl trying to wrestle her boob back into her bra.)
Needless to say, we were both pretty wiped out after that, but we did manage to make it to the grocery store so that we could breathlessly tell everybody within earshot about our heroics.
I was so stiff and sore yesterday that you would have thought that I was actually in one of those cars, and despite my very best attempts, not one thing was accomplished. Somewhere around 2:30 or so KA-BLUEY! the power went out, so I headed over to Aunt Chrissy's house for a shower and some air conditioning.
(We had Taco Bell and TeeVee watching instead.)
Today dawned bright and early and I was all set to do a few things around the house when Hoosierville was hit with a thunderstorm of epic proportions. And it came out of nowhere! It's been reported that we had an 80 mile and hour gust of wind, which I believe because I kissed Stewey goodbye and headed under the bed. The power was out for a few hours (again with the KA-BLUEY!), but I'm happy to report that we seem to be back to normal now.
(Well. As normal as one could expect when I'm involved.)
So that's the Monday report from Chez Spinster. We've had an eventful few days, so it looks like I might need a nap or two. Either that or a dietCoke the size of my head.
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Posted by Coni