Spinster awakens and tiptoes to the bathroom so as not to disturb Your Highness, who happens to be sleeping smack dab in the middle of the big girl sleigh bed.
5:15am
Spinster returns to the bedroom after sitting in the dry bathtub reading the latest issue of Needlepoint Now. (The lighting is good and won't disturb you-know-who.)
5:30am
Spinster decides to listen to NPR at a volume level low enough to give her a migraine from straining to hear it so as not to awaken...you get the idea.
6:01am
Spinster decides to take herself and a book out to the Happy Chair.
6:02am
Spinster hits the "ON" button on the coffee pot and then immediately has a heart attack when she realizes that the grinder will surely awaken (insert spoiled little selfish dog name here), and she will have hell to pay all day long.
6:05am
Spinster settles into the Happy Chair with hot coffee, a book, and the realization that she will be able to enjoy some peace and quiet all to her very self for the first time in five and a half blissful years of living with Little Lord Fauntleroy.
6:06am
Caterwauling begins from deep under the covers of the big girl sleigh bed as an indication that the King is not amused. Spinster sprints to the side of the bed so that he will not be traumatized for life that he was forced to awaken without the soft cooing of Mommie Dearest and a tummy rub.
6:16am
Spinster mutters to herself in the freezing sleeting pi**ing rain/sleet/snow mixture as Mister FussBudget decides which particular blade of grass he'd like to pee on. After several minutes of careful consideration he pees on the side of the house instead.
6:18am
Spinster stands and gawps in amazement as the freakin brat of a miserable little son of a #*$^@^ stands in the doorway to the bedroom and stomps his feet and declares that it's too early for him to be awake and that he would like his morning Greenie and cookies in the bed, thank you very much, and oh, by the way, it's Thursday today and that means he also wants French press coffee and waffles with syrup and a tiny little pat of butter to be on his breakfast tray, along with the Wall Street Journal and USA Today.
6:20am
Spinster goes to garage to sit in the car.
6:21am
Dog pees on drapes, turns himself around a few times, and promptly falls asleep in the happy chair.
Ha! You two certainly started the day early!! Thanks for my morning laugh.
ReplyDeleteLOL.....what a way to start the day. I didn't read this to my girls. Lucy, our little Jill Russel would only get wrong ideas and Ashley is deaf.
ReplyDeleteBut then you spoiled it anyway with the picture of little Stewew. That little cutie couldn't do such things. Look into those eyes!!! He's mummy's little angel. (Lucy fools me everytime with these looks too somehow)
I got up at 4 a.m. when Watson the puppy cried to go out then spent the night sleeping on the floor next to his dog bed so he would go back to sleep. He got a belly rub, too.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
Do you think cats are less trouble?
Give the little bugger an extra hug and thank him for driving you nuts. I lost my terrier companion of 16 years earlier this week and miss those little feet on the side of the bed telling me he wanted to go outside at 4 am.
ReplyDeleteI am adopting Stewey vicariously - he's my kind of dog!
Wow -- you are an early riser...I didn't even know there was a 4:00 in the morning, only in the afternoon! At least it's been that way since my offspring slept through the night (about 40 years ago) oops, did I say that number outloud?
ReplyDeleteHave fun stitching today!
lol In reply to The Chilly Hollow Needlepoint Adventure...no, cats are not less trouble. Lestat, my indoor cat, wakes me at 3.30am to have his breakfast. I feed him to get more sleep. Otherwise he jumps all over me and howls like his throat has been cut until he is fed.
ReplyDeleteHee hee! Oh, that was a good one.
ReplyDeleteWell, after all he is The King Of The House!!!
All hail Stewey!
ReplyDeleteOMG! I spit my coffee out. I found a kitten that was blind and almost dead. She is now nine months and SPOILED! Saturday I told her I was putting her on Craig's List. Maybe we should talk.
ReplyDeleteToo funny!
ReplyDeleteHow could you resist a face like that? I tiptoe around in the morning too because if my girl wakes up there is no peace until a nice long walk has been had.
ReplyDeleteOK, I've read this twice now and I'm still tring to figure out what is wrong with your start to the day. Unless of course you are leaving out the part where you live to serve only ONE primadonna puppy and not four. ;-)
ReplyDeleteYour post gave me a good laugh (which I needed). I looked at your last post and I'm a Maggie & Co. fan also!
ReplyDeleteYou have truly outdone yourself with this post!!! I was laughing throughout the whole thing. I especially liked "the King was not amused." Bwahhhaaaaaaa. Your blog is my favorite, by far. But I know what you mean about not disturbing the delicate genius. I find myself tiptoeing around the house in the morning, because if I wake the two dogs, then I have to let them out, and feed them, and you get the idea. And great pic, Stewey! You now reside on my desktop.
ReplyDeleteThat is so my reality it's not even funny...well...actually it is quite funny HAHAHA
ReplyDeleteMy story:
1:30 AM shy Melody stinks and walks into the living room to poo but I chase after her and take her out just in time
3:30 AM I get a lick on the cheek and a stench in my nose to take shy girl out again ..which means the others want out again
6:30 AM I get out of bed and they stay there resting...it had been a long night
6:35 AM I find a little dog barf on the carpet
I've shortened this but let me tell you the in between times were just as crazy. I have 6 dogs, an insomniac teen, and a husband who is out of it at night.
Nice to visit your blog.
LOL!!! I just found your blog. I will be coming often, for sure!! You have some lovely stitched pieces.
ReplyDeleteThe Earth Says "Hello!"
ReplyDelete....and your "point" IS? Hello, Stewey! Thanks for a wonderful start to my day, as usual, Conni
Barb in Syracuse
really? does he really pee on the drapes and in the house as much as you say? is there nothing that can be done about that? and 4:00 am??? really? OMG Coni, give him the cell phone and let him call Aunt Chrissy and let her take care of him since he seems to adore her so much...
ReplyDeleteI'm so relieved I only have four human children! LOL!
ReplyDeleteMy Chloe needs to meet your Stewey. Chloe's little brother, Buster, once awake, is jumping up and down to go outside. Just for the sheer pleasure of peeing all over everything he can find. Not that he really had to go. He's just a young boy! Chloe often looks at him with her head askew and one eye open, saying "You gotta be kidding me... shut this kid up, I'm still working on my beauty rest!"
ReplyDeleteI often have to nudge her out of bed in the morning before I go to work...and then I wish I could stay home and nap with her.
Thanks for the laugh!
LauraB
ROFLMBO!!!! Thanks for the great laugh :o) I can relate. We had a mini Dachshund that was spoiled. She loved to sleep in the bed, deep under the covers. And SNORE! LOL!
ReplyDeleteNot early in the morning here, but I have a 15 year old cocker spaniel and she has decided to go outside 2 times within the last 10 minutes. Cold her waiting on her... Bladder problems come with age.. She is spoiled rotten. She acts like she can't hear me call her , but let me try to open a chip bag.. She can hear that a mile away... lol
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff! My cats are wondering why I am laughing like a fool.
ReplyDeleteDear Connie,
ReplyDeleteI really hope, for your sake, that Stewey really doesn't pee on your curtains as you've mentioned other times before... that would certainly need remedial action!
I enjoy your posts; since i discovered your blog... it's my happy place to go to especially when things are not so OK. I think you should write a book about anything, I will buy it! Hugs,
Coni,I was concerned about you sitting in a dry bath for so long, might be a good idea to keep a cushion in it, just in case. I think Stewie looks like butter wouldn't melt.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am off to bed with a smile on my face(nearly midnight here in Aussie land). Can't wait for the next update. :)
Stewie, Miss Molly is tucked up in her little bed, dreaming of you I'm sure.
Oh my gosh... what a great way to start the day (for me at least). I laughed myself silly. Thank you. Cathryn
ReplyDeleteLOL! Hi kind of looks like my Leo, who is almost 13. Leo, like Stewey, will pee in the house, and I know it when I come home. He'll have that guilty look on his face and when he goes out he won't pee. BUSTED!! He is getting better though, he doesn't like getting his little nose rubbed in it...or getting yelled at by mama. I still love him though. He only does it now when he's mad at me because he thinks he should go with me when I leave the house. I'm glad I found you and Stewey! Check out my March entries - you'll find Leo and his mama and daddy. http://crochetinmotorcyclegranny.blogspot.com/2010_03_01_archive.html Cya! Kat xoxo
ReplyDeleteROTFL....Coni,you and Stewey make my day. When hubby hears me laughing while on the comp, he just say..."Stewey?" He knows nothing makes me laugh like your blog!
ReplyDelete((((hugs)))
Kisses to Stewey...
mj
This is how our mornings start..
ReplyDeleteDaisy dog tends to wake me up around 3am with a laser nose or rather large paw so that she can go out for early morning pit stop.... but she blames the cats because they wake her up with their noisy purring! So once we all settle back down again the sun peeks it nose over the parapet at 4.30am which means that Oscar and Felix think it is breakfast time and that's when the cupboard love starts.... and hey, then the alarm goes off at 5am, so hubby says what the heck might as well get up and feed everyone and go to work! No such thing as a sleep-in in our house - not even on a day off!
But I wouldn't be without them!
Stewey, you really must learn not to pee on the drapes!
Thank you for my early morning giggle!
http://firefliescatsinthegarden.blogspot.com/
This funny post reminds me of our dog. His named is Jack. He used to sleep in our kids' bed during afternoon nap time. Jack loves to pee on carpets too. I'm trying to train him not to, but his stubbornness is getting that far. He left huge piles of poop in our living room carpet once, that we were forced to call an office of carpet cleaners. Indianapolis, IN is home to dependable carpet cleaners so it wasn't a difficult task for us. I'm just grateful that the carpet cleaning (Indianapolis) tasks has been completed before our little girl crawls on the carpet again.
ReplyDelete