OH, LUIGI

We've suffered a terrible tragedy here at Chez Spinster. I've been beside myself for two days now, and it is only in these last few moments that I have been able to wrap my head around it.

My coffee maker died.

Yes. You read that correctly.

My coffee maker died.

Now before you harumph your way to the delete key, may I just tell my side of the story?

Luigi was perfect for me. He was the grandson of my beloved Luigi One, whom I discovered on an airplane somewhere over Raleigh, North Carolina circa 1997. I remember it as though it were yesterday....I was daydreaming and looking at the puffy white clouds out the window when the SkyMall catalogue fell out of the seat pocket in front of me and landed open on the floor in front of me. My seatmates gawped in horror as I clutched the photo to my breast and whispered "Eureka! I have found you, my love. Now we can begin our lives together." Luigi One and I were together almost five years before I discovered his son, Luigi Two. The year was 2002, and I had just completed construction on Chez Spinster. And although I loved Luigi One, he was white and didn't blend properly with the new kitchen decor. Fortunately for us, though, Luigi Two fit perfectly.

Luigi Two lived with me for almost four years before I gifted him to Aunt Chrissy. She had just moved into her own little nest a few doors away, and the though of her waking up without the company of a Luigi was just too much for me to bear. So along came Luigi Three to live here with yours truly and her little dog too.

What can I say about Luigi that hasn't already been explained in the owner's manual? Could I wax rhapsodic over the fact that he had the capability to grind the beans fresh daily, filter the water perfectly, and then brew to my exact specifications without incident? Should I talk about how easy he was to live with...never fussy or tempermental. Wonderful to clean (only occasionally, I might add), and so so stylish on the counter as I groggily pushed his little ON button in the wee dark hours of the morning.

Luigi gave me exactly what I needed exactly when I wanted it. A cup of robust, hot, perfect coffee that only Dr. Starbucks himself was ever able to duplicate. A way to start my day that invariably meant that all would be right with the world no matter the weather, economic forecast, or social upheaval going on all around me. I had my damn good cup of coffee and I could conquer the world.

So you can only imagine how upset I've been that for two days I've not had my Luigi to take the chill off of the cold hard light of reality in the morning. It has, to put it mildly, been hell on earth.

Rest in peace, my little buddy. I will never forget you.

Once the shock of the situation had washed over me, I went out to he garage and fished through the Extra Supplies and Equipment Closet to find this...the most horrible piece of high maintenance, overpriced, wanna be crap I've ever charged to an AMEX card: Actually, I don't think I charged this. If memory serves me correctly, I was able to get this thing using points of some kind. Or perhaps it was a coupon. God forbid it was actually a gift from somebody that reads this here blog because I wouldn't want to appear ungrateful, but this machine just isn't doing it for me. True, it does have that nice stainless steel carafe that keeps the coffee hot for a few hours into the day, but why keep it hot if it isn't very damn good in the first place?

This machine insists that I measure beans. It also is very unforgiving when it comes to the strength or weakness of the end product. The worst part, though, is that it requires a complete and thorough cleaning of all of its varied and sundry parts every single time I use it. Totally a PITA, if you ask me.

Luigi didn't need anything other than a little pat on the head each morning. I could load him up with beans once or twice a week and he would know exactly how many to grind for whatever size pot I made. He also gave me the options of strength and temperature of my coffee, and he never failed me when it came to his little brew basket staying perfectly in place for the duration of the brew cycle. A gentle swish of the pot after dinner, some fresh water in the reservoir, and I was all set for the next day.

I am going to try to tough it out a few more days with the new thing, whom I've dubbed Miss Nibs because of her fussiness, but methinks I will be hitting the Capresso web site sooner rather than later. I just don't think I can take too many more days of bad coffee.

(Funny thing, that. I am the most laid back person on the planet and am usually very easy to get along with. But if there's one thing that just peeves me to no end, it's a bad cup of coffee. If I am traveling or out at a restaurant and order my morning joe and it sucks, it just ruins my whole entire life right there on the spot. I'm a simple girl. Just give me a damn good cup of coffee and life can be quite swell.)

Progress continues on O Birdy despite the tragedy. At the rate I'm going, I might even see another Happy Dance before the weekend!

I hope that wherever you are is exactly where you want to be and that your cup runneth over with damn good coffee today.

I'm off to vote!