Jul 16, 2010


Hello, my dear friends. It has been quite some time since you've heard from me, and although my stupid mo-ther would have you believe that it was HER decision to keep me away from the computer and Blogville, please know that this is most definitely not the case. I've been a busy pup, and although she thinks that I've been entrenched in my fort, I've managed to slip away for some very high-level meetings in some very high-level places.

If and when all of my recent plans come to fruition, you will be the first to know. I can't reveal too much at this moment, but let's just say that Harry Potter won't be the only one with his own theme park , and I intend to create a worldwide phenomenon that will rival ANYTHING having to do with vampires. Stay tuned, won't you?

So yesterday was another "interesting" day with the old lady and her stitching. As you might know from recent posts, she's been happily stitching away on a delightful canvas from Maggie, and despite my strongest objections to getting all "up in her head" about it, she officially went right over the edge at about 11:42 last night.

We hit the Happy Chair at about three in the afternoon and Mommie Dearest decided that she was going to tackle the beading on the first flower. (You know...the one with the chenille center.) Anywhoose, she got the beads out, fished through the kit for the very special beading needle and the beads, and got to it.

Seven and a half hours later, the canvas went flying across the room and a string of expletives spewed forth from her mouth that had me running for cover. I didn't hear every single word, but I got the gist of it based upon how red and sweaty her face was and how furiously she was looking for her seam ripper.

Turns out that my stupid mom doesn't like the particular shade of green that's on that flower. At all. As a matter of fact, I think she said something about not liking that particular shade of green the very day that she GOT the canvas, so why she decided to spend seven and a half hours putting beads on that area (that are sadly the same particular shade of green that she doesn't care for), is beyond me.

All I know is that after a fitful night's sleep, I heard her on the phone leaving a message for the girls at Beadecked and Beadazzled. I think it went something like this...

"Hello, darlings! (My mo-ther thinks she's Barbara Streisand sometimes.) (Trust me. She's not). This is Coni out here in Indiana and I've got a stitchy 9-1-1. I just can't live with the green on my canvas, so I need you to send me Splendor, Boucle, floss, and beads that will match Fuzzy Stuff F32. So is you could just mail those off toot sweet, that would be FABulous."

She tried to sound all chipper and breezy, but even I could tell that she was on the very tippy edge of a nervous breakdown. The thought of having to remove a ga-jillion and a half beads from this canvas has sent her straight to the big girl sleigh bed with a bad case of the vapours.


I suppose that now would be a very bad time to point out that the bird is stitched in the wrong color. Do you think I should tell her, or save it for AFTER she's had a proper lunch of Merlot and Wheat Thins?

So that's the report from Lake Woebespinster today. All in all a pretty normal day. I'm doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it and mo-ther is stumbling around in a freakin' daze. I have NOT, I'll have you know, watered the drapes yet, so I suppose that progress is being made on at least one front around here.

Stay cool, kids! It's gonna' be a scorcher, so make sure to hydrate!

With love from your pal,


  1. Stewey, so nice to see you posting again! It was much too long in between your posts. I understand Mother's frustration. Merlot sounds in order and THEN tell Mother about the bird being stitched in the wrong color. It is a hot one here in Maryland, 95!!!! And humid as all get out. I look forward to hearing of your future plans when you are ready to tell all of us. Have a good weekend!

  2. I can't stop laughing! Good to have you back Stewey!!!

  3. Stewey, lovely to hear from you again, but it's not the first time I've had to remind you - be nice to the old girl, you need her even though you think you're such a hot shot! Well done for not peeing you know where too!

  4. I just love Steweys posts more than Mom's because he makes me laugh. So come on Stewey write more regularly but we need stitchy pictures too from your Mommy Dearest!
    Lots of Love
    Auntie Patti xxx

    P.S. Dear Mom- I really love your posts too but wanted to make Stewey feel real good as he has been to so many important meetings lately.

  5. Oh, Stewey, I am entirely behind your desire to upend the vampire phenomenon. I can hardly wait to learn more. In more world there is only one vampire and his name is Barnabas...

    And Lake Woebespinster! Are there cabins? Can anyone book a visit?

  6. Oh Stewey....once again you have me spilling out of my chair with laughter as a little trickle of happy tear runs down my face!!! SO good to see you back and in rare form no less....

    Glad you have laid off the drapes and do be kind to mo-ther dearest. I would hate to see her launch herself into yet another hissy fit over something as simple as little green beads or the such........I am sure her 9-1-1 phone call will satisfy her dilema and yet again, peace in Hoiserville..........

  7. oooh. I'd definitely keep my head down Stewey! And how about just a tetch of sympathy for your mo-ther? Welcome back to posting, I missed you.

  8. Stewey,you and your mo-ther crack me up. Wish I had been at Bedecked & Beadazzled to hear the frazzled message. I'll bet it was a hoot. Happy ripping and stitching, Coni. You have more stamina than me -- I could not bring myself to rip out that many beads. Are you absolutely sure that you can't live with them?

  9. Welcome back Stew-meister!

    Keep cool in all this heat.

  10. Welcome back, I just love your posts.

  11. Hey Stewey,

    I see that your mom finished the Contemporary Bargello piece from Needlepoint Now. A small group of us in Memphis are preparing to stitch it. Ask her if she has any tips for us. There have been a few counting issues. Thanks to much.

  12. Hi Stewey - Mom should have her threads and beads tomorrow. All should be fine, now we know she doesn't like that shade of green and will try not to send it again.

    Hugs, ruth
    Bedecked and Beadazzled

  13. Good Gravy, what's been going on there at Lake Woebespinster? Lawsuits and fluffy tufts and vampires, oh, my!

    Have pity on your poor mom, Stewey...she TRIED to overlook that particular shade of green, but in the end, she just couldn't live with it. She has other qualities. Such as the patience and perseverance to frog and re-stitch/re-bead the offending area of canvas with a more personally acceptable hue. Tell her stock up on the Merlot and keep going!!! It's really going to be great in the end!

    And I think Bosco should help market your upcoming business venture...after all, he has the paparazzi's attention now!

  14. Stewey, you're just as naughty as I remember. Be a good boy and get your mom a fresh glass of wine.

  15. Stewey, I have missed you. Snacks and hard ice tea always help my Mom. Your friend Sammi