I'M READY FOR THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN

I know, I know, it's only August 27th, but I'm headed out to the pumpkin patch to wait for Fall to arrive. I'm so ready it's not even funny.

It's not that the summer was awful or that anything made it seem like it lasted forever (but it sure did), but I'm ready to walk outside and smell fireplaces burning and then come in with cold cheeks and a runny nose. I want to watch Notre Dame football on the TeeVee and eat hard pretzels with cheese and then put something good in the crock pot. And, most importantly, I'm ready to wear clothes that don't make me wonder how the hell I manage to shrink everything in the dryer. Let's face it kids.....there comes a point in every Spinster's life when you just want to COVER THAT MESS UP.

So in the spirit of wanting it to be September for at least eighteen months a year, I put together my Fall Spinster Stitching basket. Yup. All ready to go with NEW STUFF that I haven't stitched yet, and some oldie but goodies that I have. Woo Hoo! (I swear, as God is my witness (you have to say that while shaking your hand at the sky like Scarlett O'Hara Her Very Self), I will NOT stitch "springy" again!) Well, OK, at least not for a little while anyways.

My plan is to work on this basket until November 1st, at which point I will bitch and moan and complain that I'm sooooo over Fall and that I'm ready for Christmas. Then I'll haul out the Christmas Spinster Stitcher basket and all will be merry and bright. (O Come, All Ye Faithful and all that good stuff.)

So what's in the freakin' basket, you ask? (You didn't actually think I would let you sit there yelling at the computer TOO long now, did ya'?) :

1) Birds of a Feather: "Bohemian Paisley" painted needlepoint canvas
2) LHN: "Peace" (I started this and got the word "Peace" finished)
3) Lizzie Kate: "Hocus Pocus"
4) La-D-Da: "Daisy Daisy Kit"
5) Shepherd's Bush: "Into the Night"
6) Shepherd's Bush: "Autumn Blessing"
7) Full Circle Designs: "Punkin Patches"
8) Bent Creek: "Autumn Snapperland" (I've almost got the border/outline finished)
9) Raise the Roof: "Witchy Wash" (I've got the dress and bloomers finished)
10) Julia Lucas: "Autumn Mosaic Pillow" hardanger (Y'all saw this one a few days ago)
11) LJP: "Indian Summer"
12) LJP: "Equilibrium"
13) LJP: "Falling Leaves" (This just has the outer border left to go!)
14) Kimberly: "Wandering" (I've finished two of the blocks..seven to go)
15) The Drawn Thread: "Sampler Game Board" (Four houses down, a gagillion to go)

Hmmm. So out of the 15 projects listed above, I've got a pretty decent start on 7 of them. If I was the type of person to get all statistical and such, I would say that I've got over half of them started and less than half of them brand spankin' new. Guess which half I'm most likely to start with tonight!

Man, it's a good thing that I didn't have kids. I'd be like that Mrs. Duggar down there in Arkansas that has 17 of 'em and just keeps on going! I suppose that it's the idea that starting something new is exciting and wonderful and you've got at least fifteen and a half minutes before you manage to screw it all up.

Which reminds me of a story.....when I lived in Atlantic City, I had to take a cab to Arkansas and the Boardwalk to meet some people for dinner. So I get in and politely say to the driver "Hello, kind sir, may I please be driven to Arkansaw and the Boardwalk, please?" At which point the driver turns around and says "Lady, there's no such thing. We don't have a street called Arkansaw. Do you mean Arkansas?" (He said it like Ar-KAN-sas.) I'm not kidding. It is pronounced ar-KAN-sas. Not AR-kan-saw.

Needless to say, it was a long six years for this stupid Hooiser. At least I kept the locals guessing what nutty thing was going to come outta' my mouth next.

Gotta' run. I promised Stewey that we'd watch "The Devil Wears Prada" again if he helped me fold the laundry. Ever since I bought him Martha Stewart's "Homekeeping" book he insists on supervising the folding of the linens and such. I swear I'm gonna' slap a tutu on that dog and call it a day.

EDITED BY MASTER STEWEY ANGUS WILLOWSWAMP HIS VERY SELF: OK, I've had it with the old lady and her derogatory comments about me and my likes and dislikes on this here damn blog. I like Martha Stewart and I like my linens folded properly. I also like the fashion montage' in "Devil/Prada" and I'm not ashamed to admit it. A tutu. The nerve. I blame all of you and your awards and your comments and your "Oh, Spinster Stitcher, you're so funny and brilliant". Humph. YOU don't have to live with her, people! Don't encourage her, OK? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my little silk smoking jacket out of the dryer and apply my night cream before tucking myself into bed.