As God is my witness, Dearies, I have absolutely no idea what happened to me yesterday.
I was sitting in the good fountain chair and minding my business when a feeling of rage started to bubble up inside me. It's like everything was a complete bother all of a sudden and the noise and the pain and the discomfort and...everything...sent me over the proverbial edge.
Rather than look at the puffy clouds on the drive home I ranted at the traffic and punched the radio off.
I stopped for my cold brew treat and didn't engage in my usual pleasant banter with my barista friend. I just said thank you and drove on and then cursed myself for indulging on a Wednesday.
By the time I stomped up the steps I knew something was decidedly wrong and wondered if I was having a stroke. Five minutes of conversing with my beloved JB sent me into a full-on raging Incredible Hulk imitation, so I decided to take drastic action and put myself to bed.
That didn't really work either, because I couldn't get myself to sleep, so I threw off the magic nap blanket and stomped around the apartment while poor JB fled to the balcony for safety and a cigar.
Leftover bar-b-que ribs for dinner....some more stomping....and then I seemed to hit some kind of wall of exhaustion, so I went to bed at 9:00 and stayed there until moments ago.
I seriously have no earthly idea what the heck that was, but it has left me tired and completely fuzzy headed this morning/afternoon. It was a fritz-out of the first degree, I think, and not something I am keen to repeat any time soon. The thought that I could have that much "ick" buried inside my pitiful little soul when I have such a good life makes me very...ashamed.
But something needed to come out. That's for sure.
Today there is absolutely nothing on the agenda except stitching and quiet. JB has gone to play the golfing, and I am going to enjoy the peace and quiet of a happy Thursday.
I hope your day is exactly as wonderful as you want it to be! Come tell me all about it!
Coni, we all have days like that. I think with everything you are dealing with a lot health-wise and then what the world around us is throwing at us, I can't say that I am surprised. And don't be ashamed; it is healthy to release it. Thinking of you today!
ReplyDeleteThe errands have been run here and I am staying inside with the A/C running as it is hot and humid out there.
Sometimes you have to let that "something" out. Not necessarily understand it, but just let it out. We all have those days. Its good you let it out. and DON'T be ashamed or beat yourself up. You can apologize to the barista and JB later
ReplyDeleteIt was something in the air. I was like that as well yesterday, together with a couple of weepy fits over my oldest dog, who is not doing well. Hugs to you!
ReplyDelete.ist og,hs,have been there at one time or another. My incarnation of your Dr melfi gavesv me this little 'mantra to recite when the unexplainable times come along. Ih thas,helped me.
ReplyDelete1.may I be kind to me self.
2. May I do d peace and healing.
3. I am doing the best I can4l
4.may I accept and find ease with things
as they are.
A few rounds of this and usually I can let go of the bad,mood and go on with my day/evening.
Hope this day is better😊
2. Should be may I find peace and healing
ReplyDeleteIf you did not feel that way B4 entering the fountain area, there may have still be some dark bubbles about the social worker waiting to be released...You, like so many, may have been holding down the tension created by the nuts of the world being let out of their shells and doing what comes naturally to them minus the salt... these are tense times and
ReplyDeleteadded to your ongoing routine and concerns, it is understandable that you had to defuse. Remember observe not
absorb? And don't be angry with yourself for relieving the
pressure..... the steam makes the little engine go..... Just keep loving and forgiving in the eternal scheme of things...
I would guess that the feeling of helplessness became overwhelming. I mean, you lost your little companion, you had to move, you have to go several times a week for a difficult medical procedure, the world is falling apart...and there's not a darn thing you can do about any of it except rage against the unfairness of it all. Not being able to be in your normal, "safe" chair must have been the last straw. That's okay. People have meltdowns over far less. Take care.
ReplyDeleteIf that event is a real rarity, it's to be regarded as all the above friends have suggested. If it starts happening every other day, maybe you'd have to check into it. But, again, there are plenty of valid reasons you coulda "busted out," so forgive yourself and enjoy the good stuff!
ReplyDeleteWoah. Glad you got that out! Your life is hard sometimes, and it's important to acknowledge that. Just because others may seem to have greater pain and suffering doesn't mean that yours is not just as important to you. Now, you just have to work on letting it out before you blow. We are all made up of All the Emotions, and that's a Good Thing. Take care, Spinster!
ReplyDeleteGee I'm sorry Coni. I'm sending you a strong, big bear cyber hug
ReplyDeleteI would think that episode with the non-privacy issues of your pod mates tipped the balance. May be hormonal - I became a real rant and raver and Mrs Negativity or Mrs Angry in those days. Little things were kept inside and then another little thing and another until you can't stand it any longer and out came that other me that I hated and hating yourself afterwards isn't good either - certainly not bottling things up! That's when the patchwork kicked in big time - it was a great comfort - still is. Other than that, get some paper and pencil and scribble and scribble, write down the things that annoy you. And then rip it into little shreds. Ripping is very satisfying too - well, not seam ripping, I mean the paper! LOL!
ReplyDeleteIn regard to the pod-mates privacy & social worker issue: when in a calm, rational mood, ask to speak to one of the supervisors on staff... either in the Social Work Dept. Or in the D-word unit. Let that person know your feelings about the conversations you overhear. You probably aren't the only one who is made uncomfortable by the conversations. And the patients who are having the convos with the Social worker (is there more than one "guilty party"?) Would most likely be embarrassed - if not mortified- that their privacy was being violated in this way. It is most likely done unintentionally, and quite innocently, but if the issue is not pointed out to
ReplyDeletehospital administration they won't know about the problem. And it sounds as tho this happens fairly routinely. Say something! You'll feel better for having done so, and you'll help your pod-mates at the same time.
You have so much going on it is a wonder you don't have more days like that and I for one wouldn't blame you one bit! It sucks that you have to go through all this :(
ReplyDelete