I think I implied that my pod mate got tired of dialysis and made a decision to end her life. It was quite the opposite, actually. This woman was a long time fighter and very compliant about treatment. She missed a treatment occasionally, but for the most part always showed up for the next. Last week, she missed two treatments and felt fine, but on the day of her third missed treatment she went into cardiac arrest and could not be revived. It happened very fast. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that her decision was to stop fighting...she didn't. She just thought she could take a break from treatment.
Thank you for your prayers, Friends. My d-buddies were all very touched that so many good wishes were coming their way from all over the world. I guess I sometimes forget how truly blessed I am to have such a huge and widespread family.
Stitchers really are the very best.
I'm in the d-chair doing my thing, but struggling. When I arrived this morning, the desk nurse informed me that one of my pod mates passed away, and I have been sitting here thinking about her. She was always so lovely and funny and encouraging, and even after she suffered a fall and had to wear a "turtle shell" back brace, she made the most of it and carried on with good humor, grit, and determination.
But she got tired.
They told us that last week she announced that she needed a break from all of this, and the assumption was that she just needed to skip a day. But she missed more than that, and it was just too much. She passed away on Wednesday.
It's odd, really, to be feeling so strongly about a woman that I only knew by first name, but I suppose this whole d-thing makes us fast friends and fellow warriors in a way. To know that one of us just couldn't do it anymore reminds me that this is a big hard thing that might get the better of me too some day, but for now I need to be vigilant about treatment more than ever.
I try my very best not to miss dialysis, but there have been a few times that a Crohn's flare or a bad tummy have kept me home. Looking back...I probably could have pushed myself harder and gotten here, but I convinced myself that the day off would be better for me mentally and that I'd be just fine "skipping just this time".
No more of that.
If you would, please say a prayer for my friend, and maybe an extra one for everybody trying to do big hard things today.
I know I will.