Sep 7, 2018


So here I am, doing my thing on a Friday, and I just realized I am the only patient in my pod today. Normally there are nine of us beeping and snoozing and dialyzing away, but today everybody is either away, in hospital, or playing hooky.

(You can play hooky, but I personally try not to because it's dangerous and I would rather do this for a few hours than end up in intensive care.)

(I'm pretty sure my insurance company feels the same way.)

Last night I went to the Hooters with my Jersey Boy and some friends of his from out of town. This was my first time meeting them, and I was a sweaty, chattery, nervous, awkward mess all week anticipating their arrival. (More sweaty, chattery, nervous, and awkward than usual thankyouverymuch.)

I guess it has something to do with being so very down on myself lately. Now before you say "Oh, Spinster don't have to be down on yourself...words that I so appreciate and love you for, by the way), I think I am just processing.

In other words...the Spinster Stitcher is in her thinking spot.

Change and chaos and I do not play well together.  Never have, never will. I map and map and plan and plan and then the universe laughs its ass off and sends me in an entirely different direction...leaving me standing there with my little day planner clutched tightly in my hand...sputtering nonsense about being in control of my own destiny, etc etc etc.

So then my eleventy billion years of Catholic schooling kicks in, and a voice says to me "Dumb bunny. It has nothing to do with you. Your purpose here is to be kind, do the best you can, look out for others, and have a little faith."

And then I feel a little better and I accept my many many foibles, and I hitch up my socks and hold on a little tighter as this rickety facockta rollercoaster clickety clacks its way up the next nineteen story hill.

Tomorrow I am going to put on a green t-shirt and attempt to go over to campus for the Notre Dame vs. Ball State game. I don't have a clue how I'm going to get from the parking lot in East Jabip to the stadium, or if I am going to be able to make it through the whole thing, but I can guarantee you that I am going to give it my very best try.

(I am also going to take my stitchy project in the event that I have to "just stay in the car and rest" rather than attempt the walk. Between us chickens, I kinda hope it goes that way, since I think I could get an awful lot of stitching done sitting in a camp chair listening to the roar of the crowd from a respectable distance, but that's just the agoraphobic socially paralyzed introvert in me talking.)

If all goes well, I might try to stitch today. I brought RVC with me, but the needles are a bit tender today and I'm not sure how easy it will be to hold things adequately. I made some good progress yesterday morning and am still enjoying it immensely, so all is well in that dept:
Sorry for the wonky pic, but I had to use a combo of my forehead, my right arm in the blood pressure cuff, and the tip of my nose to take the picture.

Not to be outdone...Buzzy decided to say hi, because he wants to prove that he really is working hard today, and not just acting like his usual troublesome little self:

Speaking of troublesome little selves...Stewey made his usual appearance in my dreams last night. He must have a way of knowing when I need him, because I always wake up after "seeing" him feeling a bit better about things.

My goodness...will you listen to me ramble! I must have had a lot to say on this here blog today! I am normally passed out in the chair by now, so thank you, Dearies, for keeping me company today!

I might not be able to visit again until Sunday. Tomorrow promises to be a very long day and night, and I suspect that I will make it back to CS2 and a pillow and that's about it.

TGIF, Happy Saturday, and I hope you have a perfectly swell Sunday! You know the something fun...blah blah blah!


  1. >>and then the universe laughs its ass off and sends me in an entirely different direction<<
    ROTFL! There's a song by VanSant, that has the line "and if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans". Sounds like both of us.
    Lynn in southern NJ

  2. Just when I think I have things and myself figured out and on the right path ---- the cotton picking path takes a hard left and I am lost and have begin again. Oh well, it keeps me off the streets and out of the pool halls, as my late and nuch lamented father used to say. It is more difficult when a person is tired!

  3. Look at it this way...dining out last night...D treatment today and attempting to make a ball game (under cover of
    stitching away) tomorrow is activity-driven, indeed... Welcome the pillow and tonight's recovery and have a great
    time over the weekend enjoying the facockta rollercoaster ride.

  4. I hope you have a lovely weekend! I don't plan to do too much this weekend other than watch some bad tv and stitch my little heart out :)

  5. GO IRISH! Have a lovely weekend and never, ever over-think it!

  6. I so admire your spunk, humor and courage. Thank you for inspiring your readers to face our health challenges with a determination to continue to focus on the things that make our lives worth living (stitching being only one passion). I truly enjoy your posts and I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. ENJOY the weekend!

  7. Oh, how well I relate to the universe"laughing it's ass off". I'm not near the planner I once was for that very reason. But anxiety can still be huge at times like that! Be careful tomorrow.

  8. I will be in town tomorrow (Saturday) canvassing for my Congresssional Senate candidate. I hope I can manuver without too much traffic. I'e never been in South Bend on game day before. Can I come sit with you in the parking lot? Just kidding, I'm kind of nervous about all those thousands of people.

  9. Oh Coni, I can empathize with you in every way!! My list of medical conditions is as long as my arm...and I have very long arms! With all the rain lately here in West Texas, my feet have been really playing me up and I have been hobbling around in more pain than usual. I think health issues can cause a lot of anxiety...your having to have dialysis is a huge thing, and is no doubt causing some of your jitters. Being a natural hermit, like yourself, makes it hard to go out in public, I understand. Last night I had a mini meltdown because in addition to the other bajillion things I have, my vertigo came back last night. I was reduced to some pillow throwing and gnashing of teeth, thinking, "it just isn't fair!!" Then I realised of course it isn't fair, but nobody ever said life was, and there are people a lot worse off than I, so I better just get on with it.

    I also have a wee doggie that visits my dreams just when I am feeling low, a Min Pin named Rusty. I hold her tight to me and stick my nose down to smell her own special smell until she wriggles and washes my face. Makes me feel better every time....
    I hope you enjoyed your game day, no matter how close to it you get. It sounds lovely to be stitching under a tree in the fall...hope the weather is good! xxoo Mj

  10. You inspire me and make me smile.