May 23, 2018

IN WHICH WE HAVE A REVELATION ON THE JOURNEY OF LIFE...

I'm old, I'm slow, and apparently I like to hit things.
---Spinster Stitcher

In the last several days I have played pickleball and golf.

(Pause for reaction.)

The pickleball experiment was a whim/challenge that Happened last Saturday evening when Mister Spinster made a crack about me and my propensity for sitting in my Happy Chair all day. I picked up that gauntlet and before I knew it, I was at the Walmarts looking for the sporting good section.

I don't want to imply that I'm an actual athlete or anything remotely close to such, but...

I AM THE WORLD'S GREATEST PICKLEBALL PLAYER.  EVER.

Mister Spinster was stunned, suitably humbled, and picking pickleball remnants out of his teeth for the rest of the evening.

The next morning, just as I was settling in with my paper, book, and stitching for the day...he did it again.

This time, the gauntlet was in the form of a golf ball. I suspect that Mister Spinster chose this particular sport because he remembered that a) I haven't played the game in almost 20 years, and b) I am so bad at the game that no less than six pros have given me my money back after trying (unsuccessfully) to teach me how hit the ball.

So I dusted off my clubs (literally), shoved my feet into my 30 year old golf shoes (which fit...remarkably), and decided that, if nothing else, it was a pretty day for a ride in a cart.

We went over to campus and paid our twenty bucks (nineteen for me as an alumna!) and after much fussing to find a glove, a ball, and a tee...headed out.

Mister S teed off first and hit it a thousand miles, as usual. He tried, he really did, but I swear I saw a smug little smirk on his face as we headed to the ladies' tees.

I was terrified.

I immediately looked around to see who else would share in my humiliation, said a little prayer to my folks in heaven, took a deep breath, and then...crushed it straight down the center of the fairway.

I AM THE WORLD'S GREATEST GOLFER. EVER.

As God is my witness, Dearies, I have no earthly idea where the heck this came from. I'm not completely without a modicum of coordination (I do, after all, have the ability to use a laying tool!), but me play sports? Adequately?

I wouldn't bet the ranch on that one.

No idea at all what the difference is, but I suspect that age and wisdom are both playing a part, as well as the fact that I'm so darn tired that I don't have the energy to overthink anything, let alone a swing or proper stance or ball placement, etc.  All I do know is that I enjoyed myself immensely and with every THWACK of the ball I felt my troubles just melt away.

(Hmmmmmm.  I need to remember to discuss this with Dr. Melfi. I do hope that it's not some manifestation of inner rage or something.  Wouldn't that be interesting? Mild-mannered spinster by day...fire-breathing demon hitting things at night!)

Chair time is upon me, so I suppose I better go. I am physically a bit wiped out, so methinks I might just settle in with a movie or two today.

Happy Futzingday to all! Do something fun and come tell me all about it!

14 comments:

  1. I can relate to the experience of having golf pros refund my money. I have much experience at driving a ball into the rough. Decided my sport should be walking, which I mostly do adequately.

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  2. What a great story! Coni, I think you’re reinventing yourself!

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  3. The same thing happened to me over twenty years ago, only it was basketball. Never had a lesson, but sure sunk those shots. And, I'm only 5'3", so it's not a height thing--probably a mental thing. Not something I'd take up as a regular activity, but it sure was a surprise.

    With age comes prespective. If it doesn't matter, the pressure is off, and you can just enjoy yourself.

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  4. I so enjoyed reading this! Exercise is supposed to make us feel better..supposedly...they say...I hear...maybe...

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  5. WOW! I am so impressed! Good for you. :D Love, hugs & prayers, Cathryn ♥♥♥

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  6. You had it all the time, dear one... Perhaps the JB challenge was what you needed to make you triumph. No
    humiliation there. Now that you know you have it, wear Mr. Spinster out.....

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  7. Way to go, Coni! Hope today's chair time goes smoothly.

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  8. Woohoo!!! I am not a golfer but I do enjoy golfing once and awhile. Glad you are out enjoying yourself!

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  9. Wow, kudos to your sperting bad swlf!!I too can hit a ball and put it fairly close to where I want it. I went out to the practice range with my ex one, I was better than he was. He wouldn;t take me again. Notice I said 'ex'?
    I can also shoot with amazing preision. I was taught by my dad, who was a WWII sniper. I love the gun range...shooting paper targets is good therapy!
    Hope you didn't tire yourself out too badly...happy stitchy time! xo

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    Replies
    1. That should be 'sporting', not 'sperting'...and 'self' not swlf'....geeze. I guess typing is not one of my talents!!

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  10. Coni dear you ROCK! Just what in heavens name pickle ball?
    I used to play mini golf does that count? I prefer taking a Glock out to the range & shooting. Now that's something I can do well.
    Had my 6 wk check on my knee replacement & don't have to go back for a year. Dr said I'm doing great. YAY me!
    Blessings y'all
    Baa

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  11. Every year my in-laws held a New Year's Eve games day for friends and family. Friends were fellow golfers from their club. I used to dread that day because the attitude of one friend and his family was the sheer competitiveness - disgraceful. Now one of the games was putting with a little gadget that trapped the golf ball if you aimed it to perfection. Well this man walked up and down the 12ft of carpet bending, kneeling (I waited for him to lick his finger to see if there were any draughts coming down the chimney - sorely disappointed because he didn't) and then took several putts to get it in the "hole". Now I was at the time a field hockey player. I held the iron, looked at the target and patted the ball. It went in first time! Hah! I have never been so smug! I am just not a competitive person and I really didn't care if it went in or not - but this time it was BOOYAHHHHHHH! Isn't it wonderful when something you least expect just happens in your favour!

    Really pleased you had a jolly good session. Rock on girlie!

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  12. what is pickle?

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