I'm at the Starbucks that is but a stone's throw from CS2...killing a bit of time. I have one of those perfect mugs of damn good (Thanksgiving blend...very nice indeed), a blueberry scone, my newspaper, and all of you to keep me company. The sun is streaming through the windows, there are handsome men in business suits sitting here and there talking of important things, and soon all of the Real Housewives of Granger will come in from their fitness class for a soy milk concoction that I cannot pronounce.
Life is beautiful for sure.
Yesterday was my annual physical with my family physician, and she was delighted by my weight loss progress, but even more excited by my recent life change. Rich being here is better than any medicine she could prescribe, but she does think it's time to consider starting dialysis. This final decision will be made on Friday when I see the nephrologist, but I suspect that she will agree.
Many of you have written to ask me why I postpned this as long as I have, and the truth is that I was hoping for the miracle of a pre-emptive transplant from my sister. But, as soon as I laid out MY time frame for doing so, God laughed and had other plans.
The transplant will happen eventually (I have to believe that in my heart to be true), but it will be on a schedule that is not within my control. So, rather than toughing it out amd banging my head against the proverbial wall, I have decided to take a different fork in the road and just get on with it.
One of the advantages of being the Spinster Stitcher and not a real person is that I have had the option of not having to work full time or try to care for a family while hanging in there these last many months. There were sacrifices to be sure (like losing the house and living with huge financial stress), (*) but my path was kind of chosen for me by life circumstances and getting sick when I did. I think that this was both good and bad, because most kidney patients will opt for dialysis much sooner so that they can live their lives more fully.
Turns out, I'm just not that brave.
But somewhere in me is the fierce desire to feel better and to get off of the mat. I'm wanting to go places and do things and start a new life with a new person, and this is going to require more than 7% kidney function to do so.
Now because this is me, I will probably change my mind and chicken out at least a dozen and a half times between now and Friday...but on this particular Tuesday morning at this particular Starbucks...I am committed.
In other news, guess who stitched for three hours last night?!?! We watched a few episodes of shows we like and then I climbed into my Happy Chair cockpit, pulled out Red Velvel Cale, and went to town. I don't have a progress pic for you, and probably didn't put enough stitches in to warrant one, but boy 'o boy did it feel good to get that needle back in my hand again!
Today will be filled with tests and errands and then a nap with my face in the sun, salmon and broccoli rabe for dinner, and then more stitching. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a day to stay in the jams and play in the studio, but...we'll see. Life is going to happen whether I want it to or not, so I might as well just enjoy the here and now and stop fretting over the when and if.
So that's the report for a November Tuesday in Hoosierville, Dearies. I hope that you are well and warm and safe and dry and doing something that makes your heart full. Come tell me all about it...
(*) One of the questions that Betty had for me...repeatedly...was "WTF did you do with all of the money that was given to you in the You Caring fund?!" I thought I had answered that question, but it turns out...I never did. A small portion of it funded my move to CS2. The balance of it went to my transplant fund to cover some of the costs that will follow the surgery. Medications and nursing care will run in the tens of thousands, housing will be considerable for at least a month, and there will be other costs that will be my responsibility as well. So, dear friends (and Betty), when I tell you that you all literally saved my life..I mean it to be true.