Jul 8, 2017


I had a lovely time with my guild buddies and then a good lunch at the Applebees.  Somewhere in there, I decided to pull my socks up and stop at the house to water the plants and grab a few items.

Like my tweezers.

And the sewing machine.

In case I forgot to tell you, going back over to the house is something that I have been studiously trying to avoid because the resulting emotional meltdown, dehydration from so much tear loss, and hangover  headache are just too much for this poor old broken down spinster to bear.

But today I decided to be a big girl and I went in, did a quick check of each room, watered the plants, grabbed the items, and got out of there with nary a sniffle.  I made mental notes of all of the work that needs to be done, lists of who I need to call to come do this or that, and plans for what might go where once I get to the point when I'm able to finally tackle getting it cleaned out and the door closed for the last time.

I got "home" to CS2, carted the crap up the steps, and was just thinking "Gee, that was very adult of me to stop and do that little chore" when the meltdown came at me fast and furious.

So I sat down with my tweezers and the sewing machine and my purse, right in the middle of the living room floor, and sobbed myself right into a full blown sniveling mess that got all over the front of my old lady big top.

I normally eat an ice cream cone after these meltdowns, but today I washed my face, put my pajamas on, and crawled into bed with Stewey's baby blanket and hiccupped myself to sleep for a four hour nap.

What we've got here, folks, is a perfect storm of physical, mental, and emotional upheaval.  And when you consider the face that I wasn't exactly smart, strong, or sane to begin with, it's no wonder we need a bigger boat.  I think my thyroid and hormone levels are all jacked up, I know my kidneys are limping, and to top it off I think I am finally moving from the vestibule to to anteroom of menopausal hell.  All I need are boils and locusts and the tableau will be complete.

The windows are open and there is a lovely breeze, and I am in the Happy Chair listening to the children in the pool below playing.  There seems to be a little girl hollering for somebody to be her champion, but the two little boys she's hollering at want to be ninja xmen super turtles or something instead.

Keep hollering, honey.  Life is one big fat quest to find yourself a champion.

TeeVee and stitching tonight and then much the same tomorrow.  If I can, I'm going to try to finish the studio, but if it doesn't get done until next week that's OK too.

Here's hoping that your weekend is turning out swell and that there are no meltdowns in sight!


  1. Coni, no matter what you are loved... by so many. No matter the meltdowns, hormones or what have you. If we could all come over to be with you, there wouldn't be a venue large enough to hold us all nor our love and prayers for you. Keep on, keepin on. Baby steps.... baby steps. Love, hugs & prayers, Cathryn ♥

  2. Adulting is such a b(&)* sometimes. Please, please, please, at least have a chat with your primary care doc. There are meds out there that can do some double duty for you - handle the blues and moderate the menopausal meltdown issues too. Trust me, as someone who does not know where her mind is most of the time (when it shows up, it does so for a mere 5 seconds and runs away screaming in fear). A happy pill, a nice chat with a therapist - not a cure, as you still have to work through all this stuff, but there is help and there is a path.
    And how was my day? I got the urge to purge so I tackled my main walk-in closet. Apparently I wasn't purging enough - lower rack collapse. You know that means there was one heck of a lot of stuff hanging there. It all had to be removed along with lots of other clothing items. Oy, what fun tomorrow will be as I try to get everything that isn't being purged, back in the closet in some order. Can you picture the bed piled high, I do mean high, with stacks of clothing, as I shuffle things trying to achieve an acceptable result? Yes, the rack repair is complete as I write this, but it is too late to obscure the bed with all that clothing into the wee small hours of the morning. One success - shoe closet done. And, I only kept 4 pairs of high heels, the ones my knees will not tolerate at all anymore, but I need a nice black heel just in case, and there is one pair I will never part with, and , and....
    prayers continue, my dear.

  3. Prayers follow you everywhere. Hope tomorrow brings some smiles, less menopausal h*ll, Happy Chair time + NO hangover headache from your meltdown. I understand that completely as I have sinus and allergy issues galore. Crying is simply NOT an option unless I want a beast of a headache.😑
    Sometimes I cannot stop the waterworks and, well there it is.
    Thinking of you, praying for you, sending hugs to you. Tomorrow will be a better day!😚

  4. Coni, I second Ginger's recommendation. Talk to your doc about some medication. I too have been stressed with what life wings at us. I too lost my precious furrball and thought I would never be happy again. The medicine helped with anxiety, sadness, allowed me to stop and think about what I needed to do and put things in perspective, allowed me to function. It also helped with sleep and a big thing: MENOPAUSE!!!! Reading your post, one thing was noticable. You went out today and then to CS1, you held together till you got back home instead of melt-down at CS1 which is what you usually experience, that there shows you are getting stronger. We your online buds would really be worried about you if what you have gone through and going through and didn't have meltdowns. Keep your chin up and needles flashing.

  5. Coni-all things considered you are handling things pretty well. Miss Ellie looks to have sprained a muscle in one of her hind legs. She will be off to the vet Monday morning as they couldn't get her in today. It is not easy to get an active playful lab to rest. Take care and you have lots of people cheering you on.

    Jennifer and Miss Ellie

  6. "Smile, they said, things could be worse. So I smiled, and sure enough, things got worse." You shouldn't have mentioned boils and locusts . . . !
    I agree with Jennifer that you are handling things well. The "meltdowns" are painful because you are dealing with a lot of pain.

    Susan (aka Anonymous)

  7. Most of us don't have half the he** you're dealing with right now and we have meltdowns anyway, so I'd say you're doing as well as can be expected - but - like others, I agree your doc needs to know about how you're feeling. Big girl panties sometimes means letting someone else in on your secrets, and your doc is someone who needs to know that you're on such a rollercoaster. So please give it some thought, ok?

    OK, enough soapbox oratory. Lots of hugs and prayers. My outdoor thermometer sat at 112 all day, then we got a brief duststorm and some rain. AZ summer at its finest ;) -ox-p.

  8. Baby steps. You will get there. It may not be pretty but that's okay. Just remember to take care of you.

  9. "When you consider the fact I was not exactly smart, strong or sane to begin with...." WHAT??? Give yourself
    a dose of reality for me...What else have you been demonstrating all this time but the three ess's plus? Get
    thee to the doc for some alignment pills...nothing major,
    just a jump start to reawaken your verve and self belief..
    we all see it in you... you will see it all in yourself again soon.... Bet you loved the pool conversation...next
    time, don your Ms America suit and join them poolside with
    some good-natured hollering of your own...they'll understand... Won't mention CS1... you did good.. and
    will do even better next time. Enjoy the tee-vee and stitching... I just bid farewell to visiting Children and
    Grands after a week ... wish I could curl up and stitch
    with you....I'm gerplunkt...LOL

  10. Coni, You know that we are all so sympathetic with your situation just now, honestly, we are, but I think you need to take some practical steps to help you clear yourself of this immense burden you are carrying that is dragging you down day after day.

    So go back to your doctor and get some medication because you need it.

    Then, when you feel better, do what you need to do to finish with your old house. I don't know what's happening there, but you need to be free of it, it is drawing you back and stopping you from settling into your new home. Every visit there upsets you, so let it go.

    Also I feel you need some bereavement therapy to help you with dear Stewy's parting. Here in the UK we have pet bereavement specialists and I am sure you have there too. So ring them, talk to them, cry to them but then gird your loins and live your life.

    There is a lot of life to live.

    Much love and affection as ever. Irene xxx

  11. Everybody deserves a good cry occasionally. And ice cream. (Don't forget that part.) Hugs from Chilly Hollow. You are coping rather well considering.

  12. Coni, you are loved. Good for you on getting to library guild and lunch at Applebees yesterday! Remember to take each day as it comes and if you need help, assistance or support, ask. Thinking of you!

  13. I am sure we all would have had the exact same meltdown. Big hugs!

  14. You seem to be grieving over so many things, Coni, perhaps seeing someone in your area who has both the ability to help you through the grief of your many losses as well as the stress of preparing for a transplant. I continue to send prayers and hugs ♥️

  15. These comments sound like an intervention.....what do you think? Whatever, we all love and support you. Everyone has their own schedule for grieving.

    1. Of course we all love and support, but as for myself, this includes offering up ideas that may help and perhaps were not thought of...also part of the grieving process and I agree everyone has their own schedule for grieving...as I know from personal loss experience, that I sure do...but I also know that I appreciate honesty more than sugar coating.
      What is not needed is an assessment of anyone who takes the time to show care and concern,
      and opens up their heart in the same way you do, gentle friend...I will close with that.

  16. I think you can count it as progress that meltdown waited until you got C2. Baby steps.

  17. Menopause put me into an emotional tailspin, I was all over the place and wanted to shoot everyone including myself one minute and cried myself into a pile of mush another. Get help for this especially as you are dealing with so much at the moment. You are not alone, we are here for you.

  18. Grieving is a process, done at a person's own pace. It can't be rushed and certainly shouldn't be stuffed. You've had some life-changing events and it seems to me like you're handling things really well. Many hugs -

  19. From your photos, Coni, CS2 looks lovely. You're to be commended for making it into such a cozy home in a short period of time, despite your troubles. I think you need to stop going over to CS1. Do what you have to do to retrieve what you want from your belongings that are still there, then leave the rest, lock the door behind you, and don't go back. Just let the bank take it and they will deal with the rest of the contents.

  20. I'm a new reader of your blog. Is it possible for you to adopt another dog? I'm a firm believer in the power of furry love.


  21. Baby steps. You will get there. It may not be pretty but that's okay. Just remember to take care of you.