(And I don't mean the popular word puzzle that tests my itty bitty brains every morning.)
So, bear with me while I just let it all spill out.
(Hang in there, Betty. The list of stuff you will have to eventually complain about is growing exponentially, my dear.)
HEALTH: I promise that I will keep you updated as well as I can. Right now I am finishing all of my tests and preparing for more meetings with the transplant team at IU. One of two things will come to pass, though, in the next few months: Path A is that things can be resolved and worked out for a pre-emptive transplant from my sister. (I'm very sorry that I cannot be any more specific than that. Just know that minds far brighter than mine are on it and I am going to hold onto hope.) Path B will be dialysis and going on the list for a cadaver kidney.
Dearies, I am prepared for and at peace with either path.
(Besides, a stitchy sister sent me an article about bionic kidneys that are supposed to be going into clinical trials this year and I already called my nephrologist's office to tell them I want to learn more about this. Can you imagine it? Me! Bionic?!)
HOME: I am going to be leaving Chez Spinster. And as of yesterday afternoon I am finally at peace with this decision as well. I have found a new Chez Spinster, and when the door opened to it and the agent pointed out the little alcove with the beautiful light streaming in and said "This might be a nice place for your stitching things" I burst into the ugly cry right there in front of God and everybody and said "This is my new home." It is a one bedroom apartment (with the little alcove), it has lovely light and wonderful views, and it sits in an area full of people coming and going. I will still be two or three minutes away from nephrology and the hospital and I will be able to walk to the grocery store or to see Miss Brandi to get my hair cut twice a year. There is a patio, a place for my mom's needlepoint, Jasper cabinet, and tea cart, and even enough room for the big girl sleigh bed. Once I put Stewey's little box there it will be complete.
You know how much I've loved this little house of mine. I've lived here longer than any other place on Earth. But it's time. It's time for me to close this chapter and send this place on to its next person. I will leave it with many happy memories, a few sad ones, and lots and lots of love.
BOSCO: We've had a wonderful time together, he and I, but now it's time for him to go back to his Mommie. I will take him to her tomorrow afternoon, but have promised to stop for Starbucks and cheeseburgers along the way. (Back in the old days I would have a Wednesday play day with Bosco and we would go to the Starbucks drive thru and then on to McDonalds for Happy Meals. He would get a little lick of whipped cream off the top of my Frappacino, and then a little piece of cheeseburger from the Happy Meal. We did this every Wednesday for quite some time until the vet said that Bosco needed to lose a few pounds and my internist said that I needed to lose a few hundred. It was our little secret until one day my sister and I were driving with the boys and she decided to pull into the Starbucks drive thru and the barista hollered "Hi, Bosco!" and handed my sister a little cup of whipped cream and a dog biscuit.)
(Thank goodness she didn't want to go to McDonalds or I'm pretty sure Stewey and I would have had to walk home.)
I will miss him, but am happier that he will be with his mommie...as he should. We had a very very long talk and snuggle, and he promised to send up the bat signal if he ever needs me again, and I promised to not be sad anymore. And I kissed him on his nose and thanked him for visiting with me, and it hit me right between the eyes that the bat signal wasn't meant for me to save him...it was for him to save me.
STEWEY: You have all been so lovely to mourn his loss with me, and I agree that he is so very happy to know that somebody is looking out for his Mo-ther. I chuckle at the thought that he probably has a smug little grin on his face over the necessity of having to be replaced by thousands of persons, when one tiny little nine pound bundle of love managed the job very nicely for eleven years, four months, and eight days on his own. There's no doubt that he was a special little guy, and I am comforted by the fact that he joins all of your spcial lovies that went before him. I'm sure he's up there trying to be the boss of everybody, but there is the faint hope that a committee will be put in place to keep his ego and tendencies for world domination (and civilization) in check.
SPINSTER NATION: Here's where it gets even more interesting. When Miss Susan Her Very Self wrote to me and asked if she could establish a fund for me, I thougt it might be a little "pin money" type thing that would allow me to get a few pretty threads or a couple of new charts. At first I thought "Oh, no, Miss Susan, I couldn't possibly. But then I decided to break a bad habit of mine and I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and said to myself "When somebody gives you a compliment or does something nice for you, just look them in the eye and say "thank you very kindly" from your heart and mean it. Don't deflect, don't refuse, don't belittle the gesture. Just let the gift of that love wash over you."
But this? This is a tidal wave of epic proportions.
This is a blessing that has completely overwhelmed me, and I have had some pretty amazing blessings in my life! I'm terrified, because I don't know how to navigate it properly and I will be crushed if one person (probably Betty) thinks ill of me for simply standing in the wave with my face in the sun and love pouring out of my heart and letting this wash over me completely.
So in addition to the thank you that comes from my heart, I make to you this promise...that all of this money will be used responsibly, and with very great care, and that every single penny of it that I am able will be passed on in a meaningful way so that others may know this feeling.
(And if there's anybody out there that has had this happen and can gut check me to make sure I'm doing this right...much obliged, dear. Much obliged!)
That's it for now, my friends. I have some things to accomplish today and then it's back to the Happy Chair with needle and thread. I hope that your day is exactly what you hope it to be! Do something wonderful and come tell me all about it!