That should have been my first clue...
Spinster Nation, I need a little help, please. If you think about it tomorrow at 9am EST, could you send a little happy thought my way that I don't have a full-on Tony Soprano panic attack right there in the machine in front of God, the radiologist, and everybody? Or that I don't have a heart attack or stroke from the stress of it all? And that, for the love of Mike they'll give me a gown that will actually cover all of my wobbly bits and not make me feel like an elephant wearing a postage stamp?
I'm terrified.
And I'm nervous and sad and frustrated and overwhelmed and tired and worried and just plain old worn out from trying to be Polly Cheerful and live like I'm made entirely of rainbows, unicorns, cross stitch, and glitter.
But...and this is something I know to be true...if I can just close my eyes and think about all you out there in cyberland squeezing my hand and saying "You've got this, girl" I might actually survive it all and make it to the actual transplant in a few months (God willing).
Geeze, Louise...why in the heck did I pick today to have my nervous breakdown?!
The tissue typing vials are on their way to Indy, I've got my little instruction sheet all ready to go for the morning, and Bosco has finally decded to stop pooping on the rug to see if I'm paying atention. Poor little guy has tummy issues, so we're trying to practice calmness and deep breathing together to see if we can put things to rights once again.
I know, I know, this too shall pass. I just need to remember to channel my inner Big Girl and get on with things. But do there have to be so darn many of them all at once? Health, money, house, family, chores, global warming, war, strife, laundry...eye yai yai! It's enough to make even a sane and competent person a little nuts.
Onward. There's a ham sandwich calling me, some stitching to be done, and lots if bad TeeVee to view. I'll be back tomorrrow with a full report...I hope!
Happy Wednesday!
You got this girl. There are bazillions of stitchers (and their little cats and dogs too) in your corner today, tomorrow, and all throughout the journey.
ReplyDeleteYou got this girl! Your stitching family and all the little fur babies are in your corner. Remember that it is OK to be nervous and scared. I would worry if you were not those things. Do remember that you've got this and we have you. HUGS!!
ReplyDeleteWe are all here for you. I suggest that you think of us all in a group pic wearing postage stamps and have a good laugh at 9 tomorrow. Seriously know that I have set an alarm on my phone to think of you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou will make it through...we'll be here waiting for you. Nothing is ever as bad as we imagine. We can survive most anything you know. YOU'VE GOT THIS, CONI!
ReplyDeletePraying for you.
I'll start right now! Thinking only good thoughts and prayers for you...close your eyes and see all of us in your corner...so many that we are a squished mess...but lovin' it because we are part of your support group! It's ok to be anxious, tearful and have a full on crying jag! We all do it from time to time. But remember there are a ton of us who will be waiting to hear how well you do...setting my alarm for exactly 9am but praying right now!!!
ReplyDeleteWe got you! (I had rotator cuff surgery - if they had a gown to fit my fat a**, they can cover you...hee hee) So happy you have Bosco with you.
ReplyDeleteYesterday I spent the day crying because I was so so tired of pretending that everything in my life was so wonderful and it isn't . From now until 9:00 tommorow morning I will be pausing and saying a prayer for you every chance I get. At 9:00 I will be holding your hand.
ReplyDeleteYou have got this, Coni! Your support system here in cyber land are with you every step of the way. Be sure to let us know how we looked in your mental picture tomorrow morning; bet we'll be a hoot!
ReplyDeleteWill be praying and thinking lots of good and happy thoughts for you. I'm asking for calm and peace to cover you throughout this process!
ReplyDeleteYouve got this, Coni! And you've got all of us sending prayers, good vibes and special wishes to our favorite Spinster stitcher!
ReplyDeleteWishing you strength and success!
ReplyDeleteYou've got this, Coni!
ReplyDeleteYou've got this, Coni!
YOU'VE GOT THIS, CONI!
We're all with you! <3
Aw girl we got ya, & together we gonna get through this all wearing postage stamps in unity
ReplyDeleteI'll be there with the rest of the gang @ 9am just don't laugh too hard at our wobbly bits that aren't covered by the ps. Well form a screen around you so no one can peek
Blessings always Baa
One big step at a time, Coni! Think of how far you've gotten already, and all you've handled up to this point.
ReplyDeleteAnd if the gown doesn't fit, wear 2, one open in the back and one open in the front over it like a robe.
Fellow Domer praying for you! That said, you do have this girl!
ReplyDeleteYou got this, Coni! You can do this. You will do this. And when you're done, buy some new stitchy stuff.
ReplyDeleteIt's in the diary here in the U.K. You'll be great, the robe will be fine, the nursing and radiology guys have seen it all before and they expect you to be stressed, bonkers, teary or whatever else you decide to go for...they probably don't expect poised, elegant and sparkling conversation - but on past form you can certainly do the latter! Of course you are worried - a transplant is a bit thing and it is going to be months before you emerge from this, but we're backing you all the way. Love from Godalming. Alison xxx
ReplyDeleteYou got this, Coni! You GO, girl!
ReplyDeleteConi, you have been walking down the path of life for this big day. You have had your bumps etc, but you have been successful! Tomorrow, you will meet some people who will continue to walk with you. Embrace them, they know the walk you have made. We have been behind you, wathching, praying and observing the beauty you create while walking this path! God Bless You and I agree with everyone else, You got this!!
ReplyDeleteSending you love, peace, and prayers...I'll be "holding your hand" tomorrow! I'm not big on leaving comments, but I've been following your journey, and your stitching, for a bit. You are a very brave and strong woman...you will be successful!
ReplyDeleteBusy Hands...Happy Heart
Patricia
Sending happy thoughts from Wales xxxx
ReplyDeleteIt's a big thing that you're facing so I don't wonder you're worried, frightened, upset and a myriad of other things. But hey, I think you're a brave little soldier, as my grandpa used to say and you WILL come through this. Just think how much better life will be when you're "better"!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs from France xx
Oh Coni - - this is where I get to be REALLY boring and tedious - - - we will al be thinking of you and sending positive energy so you'll have lots of moral support heading your way. But my dear, this is the beginning of you becoming your very own expert on you - so think of it like a preliminary 'Study Day' where you are going to be amazed at a world that you have never seen before - and that you have to learn to know very well. You are also going to find that all the people there are just the same as you - with all the same worries and fears - but "This" will be 'their area' so they will be in their comfort zone - and so they'll be able to care for you, answer any question you may ask while they're doing 'their stuff'.
ReplyDeleteI think that you will do really well - and you will also be very reassured once all the investigations get going and they start to teach you about what they are doing.
- and remember - no medals for bravery here - if you get really scared, just tell the staff that you are petrified and they will help you out.
So, think of it as Day 1, Post Graduate Studies!
- and if you can't sleep tonight don't worry - you have a lot to think about - just put something on the tele and think 'stitching' - - you'll catch up on your sleep another day.
Oh, Coni, I feel ya ! Been there recently, and yet, today, just walking around my home, suddenly out of nowhere, there was this beautiful peace and, dare I say, happiness? You'll get there,....and you don't have to pretend a thing. One breath at a time....and yep, we're holding your hand.
ReplyDeleteYou've got this! You are going to do amazing tomorrow. Prayers going out to you. Will be saying prayers in the morning as well.
ReplyDeletePrayers going up for you Sweet Spinster Stitcher. I am an old nurse and I still have panic attacks just thinking about tests etc so I understand. Praying all goes well and you will soon have a new functioning kidney!!
ReplyDeleteNot only will we be holding your hand...expect a loving
ReplyDeleteembrace; the biggest group hug imaginable. In that group
tomorrow will be an Angel who knows exactly how you feel
and who will be a source of comfort and assurance to you..
You are loved, dear one, and prayers for good health and
well being are surrounding you throughout. If you hear a
bell ring at 9:00 tomorrow, you will know we finally got
our prayer wings. Relax and rest in the loving thoughts.
From the other side of the pond, I send hugs, best wishes and all the support I can give. You have gone through a helluva year, which would have reduced anyone with functioning kidneys tipo a gibberish wreck - so the fact you can still smile, however wryly, about what's going on is an absolute wonder. No problem at all - you got this, girl, and we've got your back.
ReplyDeleteJust one foot in front of the other, breathe deeply and remember that stitching after it's over will be positively delicious. We're all here for you, too bad we can't party van you to the appt. ourselves! All things worth doing are difficult, and you will be brand new at the end of the tunnel. Prayers and hugs, Robyn
ReplyDeleteYou bet we'll all be there cheering you on and holding your hand tomorrow. Take a deep breath and know that we've got your back.
ReplyDeleteThe Blog is right beside you. You've got this. I had to laugh about Bosco. Bailey, emperor of everything he sees aka minature poodle does the same thing.
ReplyDeleteWe are all rooting for you!! Prayers and positive thoughts for a stress-free day of tests tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteCarolyn
You've got this girl. I'll be thinking good thoughts and healing healthy vibes for you.
ReplyDeleteWe got your back, Spinster. Make sure the doctors understand you have lots of dear friends who own many sharp pointy things, and we'll all be headed their way if they don't treat our Spinster right.
ReplyDeleteYou have so got this girl! If those drs give you any trouble we will rally the masses and show up to set them straight.
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone ... WE ARE GROOT!!!
ReplyDeleteWe are all with you!!!! Major surgery is no small thing. You will come through like the stitching champ we know that you are!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou've got it! I will start sending you good thoughts right now and not stop until I've heard that you are back in your cozy chair, stitching and watching bad (great!) tv! You can do it, Spinster Stitcher!
ReplyDeleteGood luck Coni. I hope the test results are on the money and just what the doc wants to see. It has to be scary, and we will all be with you tomorrow morning. Maybe you will hear us softly chanting your name.
ReplyDeleteConi, We have got you covered!! Every last one of us! In fact, we may be sending you so many vibes the machines will be picking them up!
ReplyDeleteBut you ARE made of rainbows, cross stitch and glitter ... aren't you? ;) Will be thinking of you tomorrow morning and be doing the cyber hand-holding thing.
ReplyDeleteYou Can Do This!
Maybe you can think you your fluffy little fur ball in your arms. Stewey would tell you, "Mo-ther, you got this!" Okay, add the accent, smoking jacket, and baby shampoo.
ReplyDeleteYou've often talked about wanting to be at the cool girls table. Have you ever realized you are the cool girl, cheerleader, head majorette, valedictorian, and most likely to succeed girl of Bloggerville? Everyone, and I mean everyone, in this here community is cheering you on, holding your hand, and giving you a hug.
Please come back here tomorrow and tell us how wonderful your new 'friends' are. And tell them you are nervous. They can help with that. It is never as bad as you imagine. Never!
You've got this! Big girl panties and all! And yes, they have bigger gowns...they have them to fit me...they will swamp you!
Hang in there! You've got this and we are all standing behind you. Sending you good thoughts and prayers. Hold onto that gown!
ReplyDeleteConi,
ReplyDeleteTomorrow just visualize your Spinster Nation standing beside you.Think of us all in different shapes and sizes,some pleasingly plump,some tall drinks of water, some with graying hair,some in different shades of Clairol, some in fancy frocks, some still in their jammies,some beautifully made up, some with dark circles under their eyes,some having coffee,some tea, an occasional Pepsi drinker, all rallying around you to give you all we have to offer...our love and support. You have and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sandra from Texas
Well, it goes without saying that we will all be with you in spirit cheering you on, but I will say, we will all be with you cheering you on! You must remember, when you are stressed beyond belief, scared, anxious, hyperventilating and ready to burst, there is always a bright side, the proverbial cloud with silver lining.....Betty will not be with you!
ReplyDeleteWe have all had our meltdowns for these things and understand completely. It will be fine, we are all holding your hand, keeping you calm. Hugs to you
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts and hugs.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh Coni, my dear sweet soul. You are wonderful. All will be well and I definitely will be sending Hugs & Prayers at 9am tomorrow morning. I hope you will get the 'up close and personal' support that you so richly deserve. ♥ Hugs & Prayers, Cathryn
ReplyDeleteAsk for two gowns. One front and one on your backside. :)
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of YOU at 6:00AM Ca. time!
YOU GOT THIS!
Ruth in Oxnard CA
You got this girl! I'll be praying at 9 AM sharp!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Rose
Yes, we're all squeezing your hand and saying "You've got this, girl"! GROUP HUG TIME, EVERYONE!!!
ReplyDeleteWill be thinking warm, caring thoughts tomorrow at the appropriate time EDT.
-- Lynn in southern NJ
Definitely go with the 2 gown look.... being afraid & nervous is normal but just remember to take deep breaths & know that we all have your back. Prayers & positive vibes coming your way. Hugs, sweetie. Kathie in PA
ReplyDeleteConi.....sending prayers and only good thoughts to you!
ReplyDeleteGerryN
Ms.Coni, a nurse here who had to have surgery where I work. I to am a large and in charge spinster. My OR nurse was my former manager and recovery nurse was my friends husband. Went fine and I had people looking out for me. Plus the drugs help. LOL We medical folks have seen it all and most people these days carry a little extra. Just keep your eye on the prize (a new kidney) and how much better you will feel. Keep the faith. You Can Do It!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteConi, sending you a hug and a squeeze of the hand. Will be thinking and praying tomorrow; this sisterhood of ours has your back and got you covered. And yes, tell them that you are nervous; you don't have to do this alone.
ReplyDeleteI will be there my dear never-met friend. Me and so many more than you could ever imagine. Right girls? Right!
ReplyDeletePraying all goes well tomorrow with lot's of good news for future transplant.
ReplyDeletePrayers have been said. Though your body will be in an unpleasant place, your mind in free. Visualize you are at the beach or at the mountains. I also like to emotionally detach under severe stress. God Bless You. Donna
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed so very hard to be brave sometimes when you don't feel brave, smile when you want to dissolve in a blubbery mess, but you know you are made of stronger stuff. You always were strong and you will continue so. A moment of doubt will not change you. We will always be there, your loyal friends. But, you will be fine, I know this. Sure as the sun comes up. ��
ReplyDeleteGood Luck. Why don't you take your own bathrobe? Mine is like wearing a cuddle.
ReplyDeleteConi, you might be all wobbly right now, but tomorrow morning you will be fine. We will all be with you. The hand of God will be on your shoulder, giving you comfort and strength, but also on the shoulders of your entire medical team guiding them as well.
ReplyDeleteI like Karen's suggestion as well....take your own bathrobe. It's too bad you can't take Bosco with you. He would surely take your mind off things.
Blessings!
I wake up at 6:00 every morning so I'll have you on my mind. I'm holding your cyber hand and sending positive, brave girl thoughts to you starting now. Keep your focus on the outcome and how good you're going to feel with your new kidney. By the way, I think you're very brave, and from what I know of you from reading your blog, you'll rally and sail through tomorrow like a champ.
ReplyDeleteConi, So much good energy will be zooming your way tomorrow at 9 am ET that you'll be glowing! My thoughts, prayers and virtual hugs are with you. Know that you are so very loved and cherished, and all of the personal stuff will work out. It will, it will. Kathleen
ReplyDeleteYou got this girl!!! Whenever I have to do something I dread or just plain don't want to do I skip over thinking about that day and focus on the day after on which I have planned a wonderful treat. Do something really special the day after tomorrow OK? Treat yourself and in the meantime I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou totally have got this! Sending you good vibes tonight, tomorrow, and more to have some spare. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for! One foot in front of the other, step by step... My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteConi, add me to the list of well wishers, positive thinkers and cyber hand holders! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteYou got this, girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteConi, You have thousands of supporters holding your hands, patting your back, and carrying you on our shoulders. We are with you. It is tough to face these hurdles alone, but we are really there. Feel our spirits lifting you and praying for you each step of the way. You've got this.
ReplyDeleteI am still praying for you. I have my best hand cream ready so my old hand will be nice and soft when it is holding yours in the morning.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, know you will have tons of people supporting you through this.
ReplyDeleteYou have my support. It's okay to be nervous. But afterwards you'll feel better. Treat yourself on a delicious meal.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending lots of hugs x
ReplyDeletePositive thoughts and a virtual(((hug)))coming to you from this neck of the woods.
ReplyDeleteWell, just look at how many people care. Me too, I am holding your hand as tight as I can, it's a bit of stretch from over the pond, but I can feel your strength even here. All will be well. Xxx
ReplyDeleteIt will all be ok, Coni.
ReplyDeleteWe're all holding your hand. :)
I hope Bosco feels better soon too.
Marilyn
We're sending you strength, dear Coni. You are very brave and it will be ok. Do the 'deep breathing' thing and go to your 'happy place'(that's what I do at the dentists). xx
ReplyDeleteIf He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteWow. Im so sorry about this. I wish I lived closer to help you my stitchie friend. Just know that I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. Don't be afraid to let the nurse know how your feeling, they are very understanding. Take good care. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteIt's just after 7am here in NC. Just wanted to let you know that I'm sending positive thoughts your way and waving the embroidery floss pompoms for you.
ReplyDeleteYou got this! And so does God. Keep believing, I'll keep praying.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you right now!! Sending every good thought and all my love. You can do this and it is ok to just have a little fit every now and then. xo
ReplyDeleteI'm reading your post at 9:11 on Thursday . You are probably sitting in the waiting room while staff is getting ready to see you. Everyone will be very nice and understand your apprehension, even full blown panic. A hundred cyberhugs are great, but I hope you have a real live person with you to hold your hand. This is a big deal! Just think about how better you will fell when this is all over. Another cyber hug for you ((( ))).
ReplyDeletePrayers for you! I know you will do just fine!!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, if I was trying to handle a kidney transplant for myself, I'D be the one pooping on the rug!!... so you're just normal, Sweetie. "You've got this" (holding hand), Let Go and Let God, and you're not alone. We love you.
ReplyDeleteJane from Pennsylvania here. You can do this!! Be brave. Just breathe!! Take one step at a time. Is that enough Hallmark stuff?? Okay. That's all we can do.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you. The hospital is lucky to be in your presence today!
ReplyDeleteThough I read this around lunch time, at the appointed time I was in church and prayed for you. SO I know it will be fine. If you come to Indy for the transplant, I can be there for you.
ReplyDeletejackie
You got this sweetie. Sending huge amounts of love and strength from SoCal. Luv,
ReplyDeleteMaryO1230
Well CONI, mine is the 90th comment so I think we've got this covered ! All best wishes from across the pond.
ReplyDeleteWell CONI, mine is the 90th comment so I think we've got this covered ! All best wishes from across the pond.
ReplyDeleteConnie, of course you are terrified. Anyone would be. Don't worry or feel bad or apologize for it, it's normal. And strong doesn't mean that you are shouldn't be terrified...it means you do it anyway. Maybe that is courageous. I am not sure but you are both and you will go through this with optimism, fear, anxiety, tears, laughter. Maybe with you scariest parts showing. But you will do it. Good luck to you, we are all thinking and praying for you. And I will stitch in your honor and watch some bad tee-vee until I hear you are on the other side.
ReplyDeleteCindy here, a faithful follower of you my dear for many, many years. You've got this girl! Hugs from Pittsburgh!
ReplyDeleteSo many prayers going up for you girl. Just walk thru. God has got you and so do we!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you!! You don't me but we are family!! The needlework family--the stitching family-the family that creates and weaves and paints memories in every stitch we take. We are all there with you. You will be wonderful and whole again and feel better than you thought possible--promise. Take you're strength from all of us!! Hugs, Barbi Sherman
ReplyDeleteYou really have got this Coni xx sending big hugs and positive thinking xx we are all there with you holding your hand and checking the gown for over exposure x
ReplyDeleteSending big hugs, from my heart to yours.. no advice from me, just lots of love...
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you Coni and sending good vibes your way. I hope you are back on your feet in no time. Let me know if you need anything or if I can help in any way.
ReplyDelete