WITH ALL DUE APOLOGIES TO THE NICE PEOPLE AT GE CAPITAL BANK

Somewhere in the Midwestern Unites States, a telephone rings.

SPINSTER: Hello?

GE CAPITAL BANK:  Is this Stanley Wapshot?

SPINSTER; No, I'm sorry.  There's nobody here by that name.  As I've explained to several of your colleagues that have called before you, the number you have been given for Mr. Wapshot is not correct.

GE CAPITAL BANK:  This is not Stanley Wapshot?

SPINSTER: No, I'm afraid that it isn't.

GE CAPITAL BANK:  Well then, who am I speaking to?

SPINSTER:  You first.  Who am I speaking to?

GE CAPITAL BANK:  This is Antwan.  I'm a debt collector with GE Capital Bank.

SPINSTER: Yes, well, hello Antwan.  Stanley Wapshot doesn't live here.  Stanley Wapshot has never lived here, and I don't expect that Stanley Wapshot will live here in the future.  I don't know anybody by that name and I'm not sure why you have my number affixed to his file, but I've had this particular telephone number for most of my adult life, and I can assure you that I do not now nor have I ever known anybody named Stanley Wapshot.

GE CAPITAL BANK:  So this isn't his number?

SPINSTER:  Nope.  Not his number.

GE CAPITAL BANK: Do you know how I can get a hold of him?

SPINSTER: (wondering when she started speaking Greek instead of English, and what would happen if she suddenly confessed to actually knowing Stanley Wapshot, but revealing the truth that she had bound and gagged him before stuffing him into a steamer trunk in the attic)

GE CAPITAL BANK:  Mrs. Wapshot?

SPINSTER:  You can reach Stanley Wapshot at 867-5309, Antwan.  Good luck.

GE CAPITAL BANK:  867-5309?

SPINSTER:  Yup.  Ask for Jenny.  She'll point you in the right direction.

GE CAPITAL BANK:  Thank you, Mrs. Wapshot.  Have a good day.

SPINSTER:  You too, Antwan.  And I hope that you and all of the fine folks there at GE Capital Bank have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.