Sep 14, 2012

NURSE STEWEY, PAGING NURSE STEWEY.

You know that scene in You've Got Mail in which Tom Hanks shows up at Meg Ryan's apartment when he hears she's sick, and she answers the door looking adorable in menswear pajamas and a trench coat with just the right amount of hair tossle-ness to indicate that she's under the weather?  And how she sneezes into the intercom and says "I have a TEMPature!"

(The wads of tissues stuffed into her pockets and a few well-hidden soup bowls also add to effect, but you know what I mean, right?)

Well I'm here to tell you that this, most definitely, ain't it.

I awoke Monday with what I presumed to be the flu, but alas, I am (she says while throwing her forearm across her forehead in dramatic fashion) at death's door with bronchitis.

(OK.  Not the door, really.  More like the vestibule.)

But I am sickety, sick, sick and can't remember when I have ever felt so lousy.  I keep waiting for my mom to come in and put a fresh sheet on the couch, set up the TeeVee tray with ginger ale and saltine crackers, and then smooth my hair from my fevered brow with her cool soft hands.

(Considering the fact that she's been gone for 25 years, this would be quite feat.)

So I'm stuck with one very patient, yet exasperated sister and a dog that insists on wearing a nurses' cap, stethoscope, and Easy Comfort white Career Collection Casuals instead.  If he doesn't stop bitching about the fact that there's no official nursing cape for him to sling over his shoulder with his customary flair, I'm going to open the front door and hope that he decides to finally run away from home.

Fear not, sweet friends, for I shall repair shortly.  Thanks to some industrial-strength pharmaceuticals (*) and enough Sobe Life Water to float a barge, methinks I just might live to tell the tale, after all.


(*) I'm sorry to report that one of these meds is Prednisone.  Although not in the same doses at the Great Prednisone Caper of 2002, they are, nonetheless high enough to invoke the "I Shall Not Write Things, Say Things, Or Have Any Public Interaction With Nice People While Under The Influence Of This Stuff" pledge as was signed, sealed, and delivered circa 2004.

(I will, however, be sure to write something in my private journals each day, and if the proper authorities determine that there is anything is comic value there, we'll publish in the interest of not losing all of my loyal and devoted fans.)

(See?  The crazy delusional nutball version of me is coming out already.)

Woo Hoo!

28 comments:

  1. First time I ever heard of Prednisone making someone like that hmmm. I hope you feel better quick and have needle in hand.

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  2. Get better! I hope you don't have what my dad has -- he's been in the vestibule of death's door for 2 weeks now :( Again ..... get better.

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  3. LOL @ Death's Vestibule! I'll have to remember that one :) Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and hope that you're feeling much better soon!!! At least before Stewey decides to make his own unofficial nursy cape out of the living room curtains ;)

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  4. Know the horrors of prednisone and the aftermath personally. You should certainly look up the "Prednisone Song" by Carla Ulbrich. My mom makes me listen to that every time I taper off of it...one of the few things that will put me in a better mood (stitching being another).

    Convalesce well and quickly!

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  5. I'll bet you could give Meg Ryan a run for her money ... you overly shy matron you! hERE'S HOPING YOU ARE ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY!
    rUTH
    dARN CAPS!

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  6. Feel better - I selfishly say as I have missed your daily updates - stitching and otherwise. Judy

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  7. oh, how miserable.... Keep pushing liquids, can't wait for the journal review!
    Amy from Oklahoma

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  8. Get well soon. But watch your stitching. I once vomited on a piece I was working on when I had bronchitis. Coughed so hard I just threw up! Hope you're back among the living soon.

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  9. Hope you're feeling better soon. And tell Stewey to be nice to mummy. That nursing cape would really look only silly on a boy anyway (he would probably look great with it, but telling him he would look silly might shut him up for a bit)

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  10. I am so very sorry you are ill. My mom used to do something very similar for me when I was growing up. I now do it for myself when I am ill...even if I'm at death's door, or in its vestibule. My mom has been gone seven years. I find it very comforting to reenact this ritual. I go get graham crackers, soda crackers, ginger ale, and soup, even if I have to drag myself to the store and infect masses. Tough noogies on 'em. I'm sick and I need comfort!! :-) I do hope Aunt Chrissy and Stewie are able to help you feel better. Hurry and mend. We miss you greatly when you don't post and then we start to worry about you. Just a word or two from you will reassure your fans that you are still (mostly) alive.
    Hugs and well wishes from Tucson, AZ,
    Pamela

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  11. I hope you are well soon, glad to see your sense of humor still shines through; if you only knew how much you make me laugh!!!

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  12. I hope you are well soon, glad to see your sense of humor still shines through; if you only knew how much you make me laugh!!!

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  13. Prednisone turns me into a maniac! When the kids were still at home we'd have a little ceremony before I took the first dose. "Mommy's taking the crazy medicine, now, but she'll be better in a week or so!" It also gives me the appetite of the entire Third Regiment. That itty bitty can of Campbell's soup isn't gonna put a dent in that appetite.

    Hope you feel better and are soon back to your old self.
    Tina S

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  14. Sorry you are ill, hope you feel better soon.

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  15. I hate getting bronchitis and know how you feel, hope you get better soon.

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  16. Oh Coni, I am so sorry to hear you are not well. Sending hugs and prayers and green tea via Stewey! Tell him to take good care of you or I shall resign my membership in the Stewey fan club. Be well. Sending prayers. Cathryn

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  17. My goodness, it sounds just awful! Hope you get to feeling better soon. :)

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  18. It used to be warm 7-Up and saltines when I was sick as a child. Stewey, I hate to tell you this, but nursing caps and capes are out and have been for some time. Coni, feel better soon. Miss you.

    Debra in Madison, WI

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  19. I'm sorry to learn you are sick, and I hope you feel better very soon! To aid in your recovery, I have asked Jeffrey Dean Morgan to stop by, to assist Stewey and Aunt Chrissy. Be well! We miss you.

    Robin in Maryland

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  20. So sorry you are sick! This is my first visit to your blog, and I can tell that I will love it, and you! I, too, am a somewhat portly married lady with a dumb blonde male Labrador retriever, and an adorable black mixed breed female puppy dog. I ADORE them both! I don't much think Chester (the Lab) would wear a cravat...he's more of a denim overalls kind of dog. Please feel better soon!

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  21. Hope you are feeling better soon Coni! Kisses for (nurse) Stewey and Bosco!

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  22. Hi Coni,
    I DO hope that you are on the mend soon, and back to prompting me to strap on a Huggie so that I don't soil myself while reading your always entertaining musings!

    My regards to Nurse Ratchet. Er, I mean Stewey!

    -Sherry-

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  23. My dear, it's been a while since your post and I'm starting to get worried. Please let us know you are on the mend and that Stewy and Aunt Chrissy have been taking good care of you.
    Pamela (Tucson, AZ)

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  24. We are all missing your presence--
    please let us know that you're okay!

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  25. We miss you, and hope you are well.
    Colleen in Canada

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  26. Coni...paging Miss Coni...are you ok???

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