Jun 25, 2012


My mom can't come to the blog right now.  She's in the master closet practicing her elocution while looking for a decent bra to wear to the mailbox.

Yes, you read that correctly.  There has been an absolute FLURRY of change and activity around here lately. Methinks we are finally on the proper course into the old lady's twilight years, in which I hope that she will be suitably attired and will stop saying things like "Hoosierville and this here".  (One can only hope that it will also mean the retirement of the eighteen year old sweatpants that she's apparently had surgically adhered to her ample backside, but I suspect that she's pacing herself and we should celebrate whatever small victories come our way.)

I have no complaints whatsoever about these recent developments, particularly since I have been pushing for said changes for several years now.  I am equally as thrilled that my stupid mo-ther has wed herself to such an admirable course of self improvement, but I'm not holding my breath that it will be a lasting endeavor.

The best place to begin would be at the salon, where Mo-ther gamely announced to one and all "I'm here to kill the squirrel".  While this would have been a somewhat startling thing for most people to say, this is MY mo-ther we're talking about.  So I would imagine that the hostesses there led her to the shampoo bowl with nary a thought as to the crazy spinster with the twenty two pound sweaty mess of brunette ponytail on her head that was just crying out for a nice cream rinse and a firm yet authoritative touch with the scissors.

Eighteen inches later, I'm happy to report that Mo-ther's hairstyle now resembles something you might have seen within the last twenty years or so and NOT one that grandchildren are known to snicker at while perusing old high school yearbooks. (She's still, alas, quite attached to her Snookie bangs, but I am hopeful that a little gentle persuading from Aunt Chrissy will encourage her to stop freeze framing them into a crispy-curlled mess atop her forehead once and for all.)

Speaking of Aunt Chrissy, I have her to thank for the next dramatic improvement to the old lady's image.  As you might know from reading this blog, my Aunt Chrissy has developed a rather Elton Johnesque addiction to boutique eyewear.  (This, of course, is my way of saying that my Aunt Chrissy sports glasses on her face that cost more than my mo-ther paid for her car.)  She's acquired an amazing wardrobe of some of the most exclusive and beautiful pieces available, and when she comes to visit me I can hardly wait to see what new style has been added to the collection.

During a recent trip to the fancypants eyeglasses boutique, Aunt Chrissy decided that it was about time for Mo-ther to update her look, so she generously gifted a pair of fabulous new frames.  I must say that it's obvious that Mo-ther never would have selected these for herself, because they actually look fantastic on her.  Had she been left to her own devices, I'm fairly certain that she'd still be standing in the midst of a Target clearance aisle trying to figure out how to put prescription lenses into 99 cent sunglasses.

In keeping with the theme of self improvement, Mo-ther sat down with her Laura J. Perin's Stained Glass Windows project to determine what it was about the colors that was throwing her so much.  It was, in fact, the brightness of the hot pink ribbon floss, so a quick trip upstairs to the studio fixed the problem once and for all.  Fortunately, we had the perfect shade of Fyre Werks in the stash, so it was replaced and stitching continued on without further angst:

London 2012 is definitely calling, so Mo-ther decided to start assembling her Olympic projects.  First up is a counted canvas piece from AmyBear called Seasons.  As you can see from the photo,  the theme has been switched to USA and the colors adjusted accordingly.  (Please forgive the rather untidy nature of these photos.  The battery in the camera is close to expiry, and I was rushing to snaps these off before having to plug it in for a re-charge.)

In the category of Olympic cross stitching is One Nation by ByGone Stitches.  Miss Linda at House of Stitches selected the perfect 28ct. natural cashel linen for this one.

Last night's stitching was Alphabets by The Drawn Thread.  I think that a lot more would have been accomplished had Mo-ther not been trying to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey at the same time she was supposed to be concentrating on this.  I'm hoping that she'll make more of an effort to pay attention to the chart when her fanny hits the Happy Chair later today.

Well, my dear and devoted friends.  That's the report for today.  I'll leave you with a glimpse of my view from my little bed in front of the patio window. In addition to my annual Aunt Chrissy daisy, I am also closely monitoring the progress of my very first strawberry plant.  Aren't the little tiny berries delightful?
Wherever you are is where I hope you want to be today!  Please enjoy yourselves fully and do come again soon! 

With much love from your pal,


  1. Stewey, I have two strawberry plants in my yard and the berries are just the most sweet delightful things! I am sure you will love them. Great projects Mother has pulled out to work on. Your daisy looks wonderful!

  2. Stewey - Hope your strawberry plants being you much happiness. Push Mo-ther to work on One Nation - it's a fabulous project. And help her on the USA themed needlepoint!

  3. Wow, a new hairdo as well as new glasses!!! Are we going to recognize you?? Love the USA colors on "Seasons" (actually better than the original colors. Keep cool the next few days and keep us posted on your stitchy progress.

    Charlene E.

  4. You really need to post before and after pictures of the haircut and glasses.

    You are really amazing at doing color conversions. I love the red, white, and blue of Seasons. I can't wait to see this come together. (And love the making scissors peaking out at the corner.)

  5. As always, Stewey, I thoroughly enjoyed your post... you are quite a fine writer!! I do have a question for you.... forgive me if it has been explained in a previous post. I'm fairly new around here, and although I have read many back posts, I may have missed this one..... Why do you refer to your Mother as Mo-ther?? Is there a story behind that? I'm guessing there must be....
    Please convey my congrats to your Mo-ther for both updating her do and her specs... change is not always easy, and I applaud her efforts!
    Love the latest stitcheries picked for the Olympics, and the great selection of colors. Looking forward to seeing the finished projects!
    Enjoy your daisy and strawberry plant! They look fabulous out your window!

    1. Thank you for your inquiry, Miss Penny! I call my mo-ther "Mo-ther" because of my accent. Imagine the voice of Elmo combined with the vocabulary of an English professor, and you can see how my exasperation over my mo-ther's antics comes out when I reference her. She is most definitely not a "mommy", thus she is a "mo-ther". If you practice saying it with hands on hips and a protracted and heavy sigh, you'll surely get the picture. Cheers!

    2. Ah, yes! I get it!! I wasn't thinking "accent," but that definitely explains things. I suppose, Stewey, that a smoking-jacket-wearer such as yourself would most definitely speak with an accent, and would lose patience quite quickly with the silly antics of one's family. It all makes sense to me now..... Thanks for clearing that up!

  6. Love all the stitchy pieces. They are and will be gorgeous because you are a fabulous stitcher, Coni. Stewey, I love your rendition today. You are always the perfect gentleman and love your garden. :) thanks for sharing 'a day in the life of' :) Cathryn

  7. Stewey - please request a before and after picture from your Mo-ther. We would love to see!

  8. Great stitchy projects. Congrats on the daisy and strawberries. My daisies are not doing too well. :(

  9. Stewey--today's post was a treasure! I really had to laugh about your Mo-ther trying to fit prescription lenses into a 99 cent Target sunglasses. I have had those lapses of judgment also. Just last week, in fact. I bought a pair of Target white cooking spoons. (well, because they were less than 3 bucks). Brought them home and quickly discovered that they were heat resistant to 200 degrees. Don't ask me how I found this out!

  10. Stewwy- you are so precious! Thanks for making me spew my morning double expresso all over the desk! I am so glad to have a lovely tween and rescue dog to fetch the mail and save me the worries of finding a suitable bra!

    Like the others, would love to see the new 'do and spectacles. I am in the market for some new ones myself and would love to see what Aunt Chrissy recommends.

    Stitching looks wonderful - as always. Thanks for making me laugh out loud today!