Feb 2, 2012


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in the laundry room having an argument with the fancypants clothes dryer.

The fancypants clothes dryer is winning.

MO-THER: Listen here, you stupid machine. I want you to re-run the drying cycle so that I can have another cup of coffee and finish the Sudoku without feeling guilty.

FANCYPANTS CLOTHES DRYER: First of all, there's no reason for name calling. For the record, I am a Whirlpool Duet Clothes Drying System and I have more sophisticated parts than the space shuttle. Secondly, the load of clothes that you want me to re-dry has been languishing here in my perfectly calibrated drying system containment facility for a week and a half. It's dry already. Trust me.

MO-THER: But if you don't re-dry them I have to fold them and put them away and then move the load of wet towels from the washing machine over to you and I'm just not prepared to do that at this time. I. Want. To. Have. Another. Cup. Of. Coffee.

FCD (silently sending a text message to the fancypants coffee machine): I see. Well, before you decide to take the lazy way out and fake your way through a day of homekeeping, might I suggest that you take a moment to re-consider? Take these clothes out of me, fold them, and THEN have your cup of coffee.

MO-THER: No. You're a clothes dryer and you can't make me.

FCD: Oh yeah? Well, go ahead and try to re-set me, lady. We'll see who's smarter in THIS little scenario.

(The spinster tries to program the fancypants clothes dryer for a "normal/casual" setting, knowing that it will take 45 minutes. This, she predicts, will be plenty of time to have the coffee and finish the puzzle.)

(The fancypants clothes dryer tumbles the clothes for a minute and seventeen seconds, and then buzzes loudly to indicate that the clothes are perfectly dry and have been perfectly dry for the week and a half that said clothes have been in said fancypants clothes dryer.)

(Exasperated, the spinster stomps out of the laundry room and heads for the kitchen. She readies her coffee cup under the fancypants coffee machine, pushes the "brew" button, and waits.)

(Instead of brewing coffee, the fancypants coffee machine flashes a message. "Fold clothes. Apologize to dryer. Transfer towels.")

The spinster decides to have tea instead.

I'd love to tell you that the needles were flying last night, but the truth of the matter is that Mo-ther put about seven stitches into L'Hiver and then chucked it all to watch Mistresses. We were doing just fine with this until the "Season Finale next Wednesday" message appeared. Season Finale? After four episodes? Really? Methinks it's time for me to organize another letter writing campaign to the BBC America.

That's it for a gloomy Thursday, folks. I'll keep you updated on Days of Our Laundry. I suspect that it's going to end with a large household appliance sitting on the curb for the trash man tomorrow. Stay tuned!

With love from your pal,


  1. LMAO!!! Dryer won. OMG!! I know right, BBC needs to STOP making such short series'!!! I'm still waiting on Doc Martin, Midsommer Murders and Inspector Lewis for crying out loud! And THEN to cancel Kingdom on me...ugh! (did I just rant?!?!...nahhhh) :)

  2. You never fail to make me laugh!! Have a great day!

  3. Shhhhhh....Coni, I know a way to trick the dryer. Take just ONE of the wet towels out of the washer and throw it in with the already dry things. Not only will it trick the dryer, it will add a little moisture to the dry mix and aid in wrinkle removal of the...ahem...already dry clothes that you want to dry. :-D I don't tell the dryer that I'm trying to trick it, I call it a work around to aid in housework. (grin) @Michele - I found netflix and have now seen almost all of Doc Martin, Midsommer Murders, all of Inspector Lewis and added Inspector Lynley and Touch of Frost. woohoo
    Pamela (Tucson, AZ where the sun is shining, the sky blue and the temp will be 70 today)

  4. Coni, I am about to give you my secret to happy laundering...find a bar with laundry facilities, screw the coffee have a margarita and enjoy the spin cycle, it's what I do.

  5. Did you ever watch that movie Maximum Overdrive where all the electronics/cars have a mind of their own? Having large appliances that are smarter than the rest of us is one step towards this disaster! Why won't science listen to Emilio Estevez? WHY?

    (to this day I've never been able to be around an electric knife. Thank you, Stephen King.)

  6. Hi Coni,

    I think I just discovered your blog for the first time. You really made me chuckle. We don't have a wayward dryer thankfully so no rude messages from the coffee machine...lol.

  7. HAHAHAHA! I SO needed to read that today! Oh, but do I sympathize. Housework blows. Let's just put it right out there.

  8. Clothes Dryer, don't tell me about the the evil so and so's. This week's weather forecast was for Torrential/flooding rain in our area of N.S.W. which has been happening for the last three days.
    What happened, the %#**@#! clothes dryer died, with an aroma of smoke emitting from it's rear end.
    No, i-t w-i-l-l n-o-t be going to heaven!!
    But don't tell the kettle.
    Enjoy your tea, we all know that the evil appliances are out to get us!!

  9. Okay, I'll buy that Stewie talks to you, but the dryer??????? Oh my dear, dear Spinster Stitcher friend, methinks you need to go curl up with Jeffery Dean (whoops, I mean curl up with the DVR OF Jeffery Dean...and your stitching and just drink the flippin' coffee! (My rule of thumb is: NEVER let the appliances win!) :) Seriously, today the dryer wins, then the refrigerator will want to be cleaned out and then before you know it, the darned old vacuum will want to be emptied. Nip this in the bud right now, I say!!! Show those plug-mongers who's boss!!!!! LOL

  10. Love it! Glad to see that I'm not the only one that so wishes that the spin cycle or dryer would take just a minute or two longer so that I can finish blogging or stitching without feeling guilty! Which reminds me I have undies sitting in the machine that are now yelling at me to hang them up!!

    Isn't "Mistresses" a fabulous series!


  11. I have the same washer/dryer. I at times have considered the dryer might have an unusual mind. Of course, it may be working with the washer. It is just wearing the tin foil hat all day gets boring and hot. OTOH, the electricity storm really does abate with the appropriate head gear.

  12. Coin,

    I am guilty of letting dry clothes sit in the dryer. It's just not the same to fold cold clothes. They should have a "warming" setting on these fancy pants dryers.

    Thanks for making me laugh. Have a great weekend.

  13. I'm still smiling..you make me laugh! Thanks for sharing.