My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's in the laundry room having an argument with the fancypants clothes dryer.
The fancypants clothes dryer is winning.
MO-THER: Listen here, you stupid machine. I want you to re-run the drying cycle so that I can have another cup of coffee and finish the Sudoku without feeling guilty.
FANCYPANTS CLOTHES DRYER: First of all, there's no reason for name calling. For the record, I am a Whirlpool Duet Clothes Drying System and I have more sophisticated parts than the space shuttle. Secondly, the load of clothes that you want me to re-dry has been languishing here in my perfectly calibrated drying system containment facility for a week and a half. It's dry already. Trust me.
MO-THER: But if you don't re-dry them I have to fold them and put them away and then move the load of wet towels from the washing machine over to you and I'm just not prepared to do that at this time. I. Want. To. Have. Another. Cup. Of. Coffee.
FCD (silently sending a text message to the fancypants coffee machine): I see. Well, before you decide to take the lazy way out and fake your way through a day of homekeeping, might I suggest that you take a moment to re-consider? Take these clothes out of me, fold them, and THEN have your cup of coffee.
MO-THER: No. You're a clothes dryer and you can't make me.
FCD: Oh yeah? Well, go ahead and try to re-set me, lady. We'll see who's smarter in THIS little scenario.
(The spinster tries to program the fancypants clothes dryer for a "normal/casual" setting, knowing that it will take 45 minutes. This, she predicts, will be plenty of time to have the coffee and finish the puzzle.)
(The fancypants clothes dryer tumbles the clothes for a minute and seventeen seconds, and then buzzes loudly to indicate that the clothes are perfectly dry and have been perfectly dry for the week and a half that said clothes have been in said fancypants clothes dryer.)
(Exasperated, the spinster stomps out of the laundry room and heads for the kitchen. She readies her coffee cup under the fancypants coffee machine, pushes the "brew" button, and waits.)
(Instead of brewing coffee, the fancypants coffee machine flashes a message. "Fold clothes. Apologize to dryer. Transfer towels.")
The spinster decides to have tea instead.
I'd love to tell you that the needles were flying last night, but the truth of the matter is that Mo-ther put about seven stitches into L'Hiver and then chucked it all to watch Mistresses. We were doing just fine with this until the "Season Finale next Wednesday" message appeared. Season Finale? After four episodes? Really? Methinks it's time for me to organize another letter writing campaign to the BBC America.
That's it for a gloomy Thursday, folks. I'll keep you updated on Days of Our Laundry. I suspect that it's going to end with a large household appliance sitting on the curb for the trash man tomorrow. Stay tuned!
With love from your pal,