Nov 14, 2011


I awoke Saturday morning to the grim realization that the pod of elves I'd hired to restore order around here had apparently gotten lost and was probably sipping Appletinis in a cozy bar someplace.

(Do elves even come in a pod? What do you call a group of elves. A gaggle? A herd?)

(Note to self: must look up the proper word for situations in which more than one elf is required.)

There is absolutely no plausible explanation for the mess that I can create as one single solitary spinster, so I am thoroughly convinced that a large party of frat boys comes into my house every night and has at it while I'm asleep.

(Spinsters and elves and frat boys...oh my!)

Anywhoose....I spent the better part of Saturday cleaning the garage to within an inch of its life, and yesterday got some crazypants idea that I could do the same thing inside.

Today I can't life my arms.

This, of course, is the explanation of why I didn't finish a ton of stitching over the weekend, but I'm thinking that this cold and rainy Monday will be the perfect opportunity to do so. I did manage to get all of the border finished on Friday night while Stewey and I were hanging out with Aunt Chrissy at her place.

(Which, by the way, always looks spectacular and never requires any elves at all.)

So here is the progress thus far on Prairie Schooler's Thanksgiving Comes Again:

I've received a ton of questions about my reactions and opinions regarding the outfits that the Notre Dame football team sported on Saturday evening. While most of the things that I have to say aren't fit for prime time TeeVee, I did want to say this to all of the Maryland fans who think that their outfits are hideous: Hello, dear Maryland fans who think your football outfits are hideous! Do you know what the best part of Saturday's game was? Well, it was the fact the you've finally managed to find an opponent whose outfits were more hideous than yours.

You're welcome.

Finally, can I just say this about the whole "Notre Dame is going to hell in a handbasket" thing? It's not about the helmets. Really. It's not. The helmets are just a simple (and tacky -- let's not forget tacky) representation of the decline of a place that I loved from the time that I was in utero. It's kinda like watching an aging movie star slap on too much bad cologne and a leisure suit and then go out and troll the bars for a twenty-something year old bombshell that has no intention of being seen with a smelly old dinosaur that once was somebody special.

I'll get over my heartbreak eventually, but in the meantime the ring stays off.

Now if we could just do something about that leprechaun tattoo....


  1. Frat boys, elves, AND a leprechaun tattoo....???? Well, there certainly IS more than corn in Indiana!!!!

    Stitching looks great!

    (Do I get a prize for being first comment??? I've never been first comment before!)

  2. Coni:

    I totally agree with your description of the ND helmets....they look like they belong on a drag queen in the Mardi Gras parade! The description "hideous" is, by far, way too kind! When looking at (being blinded by) those prism-tape baubles that look cheaper than a strumpet, I'm embarrassed for the players, for the school, and especially for YOU! Whoever approved the new "look" for the uniforms needs a good talkin' to and we know just the perfect alum to do so, don't we? A-hem!

  3. Periwinkle Ink, no self-respecting drag queen in Mardi Gras would wear such a thing!

    Coni, I feel for you. While I didn't go to ND I grew up watching them play ball with my dad who had played football for St. Edward's in Austin in the late 30s. ND, of course, was the 'big brother' school (and St. Ed's where ND send errant players during to off-season to straighten 'em out).

    And I know, it's not really about the uniforms. The uniforms are the only thing that can be talked about without tears.

    OK, time to grab a rosary and say another decade for ND!

  4. A group of elves is called Eleven, of course.

  5. I don't know about elves, but I'm pretty certain a group of frat boys is called a "fool."

    My condolences on your ND team trauma. May your beautiful stitching help the tackiness fad from your mind.

  6. I think a group of elves should just be called scary, but that's just me. I can take them one at a time alright, but just thinking about a swarm of them, talking in their high pitched little voices, with me tripping over all those curly toed shoes setting off a constant jingling of those little bells attached to them is too much for me...unless they want to clean my house or something, then I could learn to deal.

  7. Coni dear,

    Thank goodness it (the helmets, etc) is all you "Domers" have to obscess about. Just think of those poor folks in Happy Valley, PA.

    Thanksgiving looks terrific.

  8. I'll take either the elves or the frat boys if you find them. ;)

  9. On Saturday night I texted DS, ND class of '91 and said - doesn't Kelly know that the green uniforms are a bad omen??? He texted back that the hex would be broken because it was Maryland and how could the Irish lose? It was good to laugh about green uniforms after the Happy Valley mess - he has a M.S. and PhD from Penn State - but his heart has always been in South Bend. Don't think he has a tat though.

    Coni - your blog always makes me smile and wish I had a wonderul pal like Stewey in my life.