BLEEPITY BLEEPITY BLEEP

My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's out trying to find a big fat bunch of sage to use to cleanse the house. (She saw that on a TeeVee show once and figured that anything was worth a try to get rid of whatever bad karma is floating around the place these last few days.)

We thought that this week would get off to a better start than the last one did, but alas, it was not to be. At approximately 6:30 this morning, I tapped her on the shoulder and then projectile-upchucked all over the freshly laundered sheets. I felt really bad about it, but I have to say that the old lady was a real trooper and didn't yell or get upset or swat my heiney or anything like that. She just jumped out of bed, stripped off the sheets, and then ran them into the washing room and popped them into the new machine.

(I didn't want to say anything, but my upset tummy is entirely HER fault. She was having a Jeffrey Dean Morgan movie marathon yesterday, and every time I tried to interrupt her for something, she said "Here, have a cookie and go be quiet for a little bit longer." Then, when she took a lunch break, she decided to give me a tiny little piece of the fancypants buffalo chicken deli meat that she and my Aunt Chrissy are addicted to, and then once the movie-watching started again, she went back to the cookies.)

For the record....I AM A DOG and will eat cookies until I get sick to my tummy, which is exactly what I did.

So that was how we started the day.

After things had settled down a little, Mom decided to go out to the garden to see what she could do about fixing the tomato plants. We had a storm yesterday, and the combination of wind and rain did a real number out there. So, armed with some perle cotton and her best intentions, out she went to start propping stuff up. Let's just say that it did not go well, and I saw vines and leaves and tomatoes flying through the air, along with some very salty language.

Gardening is definitely NOT on the old lady's color wheel.

We did manage to get the house tidied up, but not before I pointed out that the water machine in the kitchen had peed all over the floor again. (It did this on Thursday, and the resulting mopping and grunting and sweating and cursing that ensued trying to rectify the situation were almost more than I could bear.) This time, Mom just stood there with a defeated look on her face and then she headed to the closet for her cleaning outfit that consists of eighteen year old bike shorts and a Notre Dame t-shirt that she fished out of the rag bin.

It took every ounce of strength I had to make sure that the blinds were closed and that she didn't wander out to the driveway where the neighbors would see her. (We've got enough trouble with these people thinking she's an idiot without adding any fuel to THIS particular fire. Trust me.)

I almost don't have the heart to tell Mom that it looks like the cable box is broken. I decided to watch a little TeeVee a few minutes ago, but I can't seem to get it to turn on properly. I just keep getting an error message and then when I try to call the Comcast the line rings busy.

Maybe she'll decide to read instead and won't notice.

I do have a little stitchy progress to show. Here's Beekeeper's Cottage by Shepherd's Bush:

That's all the news from Lake Woebespinster today. I hope that things in your world are considerably peachier!

With love from your pal,
Stewey