THE MONDAY RAVINGS OF ONE VERY PEEVED LUNATIC SPINSTER

*****WARNING*****: The following post contains a level of profanity heretofore not seen on this here blog. This post has NOT been edited for children and/or people who are offended by the use of some pretty salty language. If this type of thing offends you in ANY way, please do not read further, but return to our regularly scheduled programming once I've gotten this out of my system and my blood pressure has returned to normal. I repeat: Don't go any further if you don't like bad words. There are a lot of them to come and I am not going to apologize for them tomorrow.

*****************************

Dear Dickhead.

Yes, I mean you. You were the idiot who decided to climb behind the wheel of a small plane last night and then fly it over Mishawaka (specifically, our neighborhoods), to terrorize and generally scare the living beJesus out of the hundreds of people standing in their driveways wondering when they would get to experience death by plane. And not death by flying IN a plane, but rather death by a fiery crash OF a plane flown by some jackass who thought that joyriding at night over a city would be fun.

If and when they find you, please know that I will be standing in the courtroom directly behind you, hoping that you will wake the F up and decide that you will never ever do something like that again.

Was it fun for you up there swooping around in the sky? Did you laugh as you heard us screaming that you must have been having some type of medical problem or that you must have lost an engine or something? Was it a thrill to come that close to the power lines on either side of Day Road?

What about the hospital that was less than a block away from you and your stupidity? Did you wonder how many people would have died had you crashed that plane into the side of it? What about all of the people sitting in the waiting rooms or the Emergency Room wondering if their loved one would get better, or survive that surgery, or would remember them after their stroke?

Hospitals no big deal for you? How about the eleven churches that were within yards of where you were? And how about the hundreds (if not thousands of people who were sitting in those churches attending Sunday evening services?)

Did you know that Main Street and Grape Road are the most heavily concentrated areas of retail and restaurants in the entire northern half of the state of Indiana, and that your timing was just right to take out thousands of people as they left work/dinner/errands/shopping/or the grocery store for the evening?

OK. So maybe that doesn't get you. How about neighborhoods? You know, neighborhoods where people live their lives and raise their families and eat their food and watch their TeeVees and pay their taxes and dream their dreams and love their loved ones? You picked a pretty good spot if you wanted to crash into a neighborhood. I mean, after all, you had Winding Brook, Savannah Pass, and The Forest all right there to choose from. Did you wave to us as you careened over our rooftops? Was it funny? Did it give you some twisted thrill?

You think you got away with it, you son of a bitch. You think that you swooped and flew and killed the engine and then buzzed the rooftops for forty-five minutes and then just straightened your wings and flew off into the dark night toward Michigan.

But we'll find you. Somebody saw your tail number. And somebody else will be able to give a pretty good description of your plane to the people who are looking for you. And they will. I promise you that. Because I spent MY morning making sure of it. I spent MY morning calling every single police agency and government department that I could find so that when they knock on your door they will know that there is a citizenry behind them that wants to see you prosecuted and then punished to within an inch of your miserable stupid little life.

Yeah, I know. I'm nobody, and I probably looked and sounded pretty silly when I talked to the 9-1-1 dispatcher telling her what was going on. I might even have sounded a little bit nuts when I called the Department of Homeland Security to tell them what had happened, or when I wondered aloud how this area would have reacted to (God forbid) a plane flying into the Golden Dome over there at Notre Dame.

But you know what? I don't care. What I care about is that you thought you would act the fool last night and take not just YOUR life into your hands, but the lives of thousands of people below you. And for that I'm willing to look like the world's biggest jackass.

They'll find you. I know they will. In the meantime, you can go straight to Hell and burn there for being a stupid selfish prick.

**************************************

Dear local media:

The reason we will always be a backwater hayseed nothing of a place is because you think that Twitter is a good way to gather news. Just so you know....not everybody in your viewing audience is in the 18-24 year old demographic. Given the fact that this plane few DIRECTLY OVER YOUR BRAND NEW STATE OF THE ART MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR TELEVISION STUDIO, I would think that you would have thought to mention it on the 11 o'clock news. A simple "This happened, but we're all OK now" would have sufficed. Soooo, until you can get your heads out of your twelve year old asses and get off the damn internet, I'm going to assume that I would be better off watching CNN and reading The New York Times.

***************************************

That concludes our rant for today. Thank you for allowing me to vent all of that out. Needless to say, standing outside at 7:30 at night watching an airplane swoop over you is rather unsettling, and I don't ever want to have that feeling again. I was terrified, as were all of the neighbors gathered in the street over at Aunt Chrissy's house (which is where Stewey and I happened to be for a Sunday evening visit). I am beyond grateful that the whole thing ended without a bang or a whimper, but I'm a little weary of the fact that one selfish bastard can really screw it all up for the rest of us.

I'll be back to normal tomorrow, I promise. In the meantime, I hope YOUR Sunday night was a LOT more peaceful than ours was!