Dec 15, 2010


My mom can't come to the blog right now. She's lounging in the office with a book and a cup of tea. TEA! AND A BOOK! ON DECEMBER 15TH!

This little tidbit wouldn't be so alarming were it not for the fact that not one present has been wrapped, not one gift for Stewey has been purchased, and not one Italian cookie has been baked. I swear, this woman takes procrastination to a whole other level.

As I type this, I reflect on the "goals" that she set for herself this year. Let's review, shall we?

1. Lose 10 pounds a month and exercise at least 10 minutes a day.
Well, I'm pretty sure that she didn't come anywhere near that particular goal, since she seems to be fitting very nicely into her hugely butted sweatpants, and the last time she did any kind of exercise for more than thirty seconds, she had to go take a four hour nap.

2. Open a Christmas account and deposit $100 per month. Open a stitching account and deposit $100 per month.
She opened an account all right, but near as I can tell every single penny went to stitching and not one thin dime to anything remotely Christmasy related. (See lack of gifts for yours truly above.)

3. Finish 10 projects in the house, like caulking in front of the tub, fixing the water cooler, replacing the kitchen faucet, and getting a better system for storing crap in the bathroom.
Nope, nope, and nope.

4. Get 10 finished stitchy pieces framed, finish stitching 10 WIP's, make 10 Christmas ornaments, and do 5 LJP flower collages. Make 1 BAP, 5 painted canvases, 10 counted canvases, and finally organize the studio in a way that doesn't involve a GPS system and a very complicated road map.
Are you kidding? Yes, I guess the old lady did a fair amount of stitching this year, and yes, I guess she reached a few milestones and became a little less "uptight" about how she goes about stuff, but I don't think she even LOOKED at this list, let alone tried to achieve anything on it.

I have to say, I am thoroughly disgusted. Every year, it's the same damn thing. "Stewey", she says, "This is the year that Mommie Dearest is going to ....." and then we get the pad of paper out and lists are made and promises promised and goals set until I leave the room in sheer disbelief. Who the heck does she think she's kidding with all of this? You? Me? Certainly not that even possible at this late stage in the game?

As for me, I am perfectly content to use the same list from year to year:

1. Look adorable.
2. Water the drapes regularly.
3. Exasperate my Aunt Chrissy.
4. Growl at my pesky cousin whenever he comes within eight feet of me.
5. Eat turkey bacon with impunity.

See? THAT'S how you write a list. Five things that I can do standing on my head, and five things matter how many times I do them, never get old.

So it would seem that we are headed into these last few weeks of the year armed with the same things we had coming in....apathy, incompetence, ennui, and a complete lack of urgency that would prompt the old lady to get off of her considerable heiney and empty the damn dishwasher already.

(Sigh) I could have thrived with a smarter owner.

I hope that you are enjoying your Wednesday, 12/15, and that YOUR lists are as long or short as you would like them.

With love from your pal,


  1. Stewey, of course you do the first item on your list the best!!!

  2. Note to self:
    -fashion my lists like Stewey

  3. Oh hush up, Stewey. Your Mo-ther takes EXCELLENT care of you, and we all know it!

    Now as for the rest of the things on her lists...we ALL make them; they are called RESOLUTIONS, and we ALL break them within the first two weeks of the New Year!

    Mo-ther has made wonderful progress on her stitching and I, for one, LOVE following that progress by reading this blog every day, following the escapades of both of you in Northern Indiana!

  4. oh, I think you need a good tummy rub and some turkey bacon! You are a sweet little boy!

  5. Stewey, MY mother isn't much better on MY list at the moment. We, we, I tell you got our Christmas package today from OUR secret Santa on OUR dog forum, and who won't let ME open it?? That's right, MY mother. It is addressed to BOTH of us. Drat, the lack of opposable thumbs so I could open it myself. Your pal, Lily

  6. Deborah says:

    Hmmm....Stewey...didn't I read a blog awhile back about how nicely Mo-ther re-org'd the bathroom closet? I do believe that counts toward "getting a better system for storing crap in the bathroom".

    As for the resolutions, well, that's a human thing. (I still haven't opened a Google account like I said I would in a comment I left a few days ago.)

    Consider yourself lucky...there are starving dogs in India that don't have dog biscuits or a pot to pee on, let alone Italian cookies and drapes.

    Have a wonderful evening!

  7. Stewey, I just finished my first ornie of the year today, 12/15. I'm telling ya, litle guy, December just sneaks up on us and then flies by. Sometimes a stitchy girl's gotta step away from the Happy Chair with a good book and a nice cup of tea to recharge the batteries. Remember, your mother did pull together a fab decorating theme this year! So don't worry, there'll be gifties for you and Italian Cookies lined up by Christmas Eve. There's still plenty of time!!!

  8. Stewey, you are a star!!

    Do you think your mo-ther will get new drapes this year? Let us hope so. You go water them, Stewey. Serves her right for not thinking of gifts for you...

  9. Stewey, lists are made to be ignored. They are just a way to clear out the cobwebs in our head. After all, when things get written down our brains can just forget about them, thanks very much.

  10. Stewey, you are the best. Love it. LMBO! Cathryn :D